Rurouni Ranma
by DarkFyre99
Summary: Ranma gets fed up with Genma's actions, renounces his name, and hits the road. This is not primarily a Rurouni Kenshin crossover.
1. Chapter 1

Rurouni Ranma

by Darkfyre99

disclaimer: Ranma ½ and related characters and situations are the property of their creator, the divine Takahashi Rumiko. Let us bow down in homage to her 133+ writing skillz. Any other characters from other anime or manga, that make an appearance in this fanfic, are also the property of their respective creators. This fanfic was written purely for entertainment purposes, and not for profit.

Despite the name, this is not a Rurouni Kenshin crossover or fusion... though I reserve the right to have some of their descendants do a cameo.

Nihongo warning: This fanfic uses a smattering of common Japanese words and phrases. If you're unfamiliar any of them, you should be able to find them at japanese dot about dot com slash blvocaburary dot htm.

I would also like to thank the folks at fukufics dot com for their input and help.

- + -

Chapter One: "I've had all I can stands..."

"Team Ni, this is team Ichi. The Baka has gotten on bus #179, heading south. Repeat, The Baka has gotten on bus #179, heading south. And I mean ON it, as in on top of it. Prepare for intercept."

"Roger."

Tendo Nabiki, listening to her associates attempt the rather difficult task of tailing Saotome Ranma, idly wondered why she had agreed to do this ... for free. Then she remembered. In the last two weeks, Akane had gotten increasingly shrill about how Nabiki had helped ruin _her _wedding. Akane had also gotten more vocal, following the attempted wedding, about how she was _sure _Ranma was cheating on her with his other two fiancées, rather than dumping them like their fathers had ordered him to... and the child simply had to let _everyone_ know it. It had been an extremely pleasant two weeks at the Tendo Dojo.

Nabiki privately considered her little sister a fool. Ranma had been giving his other fiancées the cold shoulder ever since the aborted wedding. Ranma had refused free food, _free food_, for the sake of the kami, which should've told Akane just what he thought of the actions of her rivals for his affection. Unfortunately, her little sister was proving to be as delusional as most of the other martial artists in Nerima.

Ranma had also been more polite to Akane since the wedding disaster. In Akane's mind, though, that meant he was feeling guilty about cheating on her. The idea that he might actually be attempting to make their relationship work obviously never occurred to her. Of course, he wasn't flattering her either, but his... observations... had become less like insults and more like genuine criticism. Apparently, not agreeing that Akane was brilliantly skilled at everything she put her hand to was a grave insult in and of itself. To add injury to insult, Ranma refused to eat anything Akane cooked, unless she tasted it first before serving it to him. On a positive note, at least Akane had stopped wasting good food a week ago.

"Team Roku, this is team Ni. The Baka has left the bus, and is proceeding southeast across the rooftops. He should reach your position shortly."

"Roger."

Since the wedding, Nabiki had also been confronted with a rather unpleasant truth. Ranma had apparently been well aware of her picture taking, and had allowed it to continue. For the past two weeks, however, nearly every single attempt to take a covert and risqué picture of Ranma's female form had met with failure. Just about every single time, what she had gotten would be Ranma smiling strait towards her, the fingers of Ranma's right hand making a 'V,' and the left hand ensuring that nothing salable was really visible.

Her nighttime attempts had been less than successful as well, and a lot more embarrassing. She didn't know how the guy did it, but every single time she'd slipped into Ranma's room, he'd be awake and looking right at her... usually with a suggestive comment on his lips and a grin on his face. She didn't know which was worse, Kasumi's scolding about betraying her younger sister, or Nodoka's comments that she'd approve of her as a "concubine" _only,_ or that she should _really_ give men a second chance.

She had finally succeeded in taking a few covert pictures when she tried a telescopic lens from 500 meters away. The first two were Ranma in all her buxom glory. The third was Ranma looking in Nabiki's general direction, her hands coming up to cover herself. The fourth was Ranma looking right at Nabiki. The fifth was the 'V' salute. And the sixth... shudder ... Ranma had somehow made a ki illusion of a naked Genma, posing seductively. That had given her enough nightmares for her to abandon her most profitable venture to date. Ranma had taken her father's demon head technique to new and horrific levels.

Nodoka going on about how manly her husband was, and another of Kasumi's lectures, didn't help matters either.

'_I guess he finally learned that I really wasn't helping out to support the family. Took him long enough. I wonder if he had figured it out himself, if he had asked Kasumi, or she had told him about it. Oh, well.'_ Nabiki thumbed on her headset's microphone as she glanced at her map. "Team Go, team Ku, this is the Chief. Shift positions to grid F-3 and G-2. Team Shichi double-time it to grid H-2. Don't let the net unravel."

What all this ultimately meant was that Nabiki was relatively certain that if Ranma didn't want to be followed, he couldn't be... at least by someone whose skills weren't on par with his. Which meant that Ranma didn't mind Nabiki and her people trying to follow him. The guy probably viewed it as fun, and good training. Which also meant that Akane's fear of another woman was unfounded. Which in turn meant that the thousands of yen Nabiki was spending to follow Ranma's movements weren't necessary. Not to mention all the hours she was wasting. She would've just asked Ranma where he was going... if Akane had not forbidden Nabiki from 'clueing in' Ranma that he was being followed.

"Chief, this is team Ku. The Baka has gone to ground. Repeat, The Baka has gone to ground. His location is in grid G-3. Repeat, his loca... er make that _her_ location is in grid G-3."

"Roger. Don't let The Baka fly the coop. The Chief is in route."

Ranma had been slowly changing. He no longer always carelessly insulted someone... though he was still quite proficient at the deliberate insult. He was, if anything, starting to grow up... or at least grow out of Genma's bad influence. He was even starting to pay attention at school. Ranma was no longer the predictable, easily manipulated sap he once was. Nabiki wanted to know why.

- + -

Half an hour later, Nabiki found herself watching a Buddhist temple. Ranma, in girl form, was in one of the gardens, sitting at the feet of an elderly nun, with a look on her face usually reserved for learning a new martial arts technique. She listened to the old woman who was speaking animatedly, and apparently at great length. Periodically, Ranma would speak, no doubt asking questions, judging by the puzzled look on her face. After a while, the two began meditating. From what Nabiki could see, Ranma wasn't very good at it. The girl kept fidgeting and opening one of her eyes briefly, before returning to a more tranquil state.

"This cannot be good," Nabiki mused quietly. Ranma had found religion, and that wasn't necessarily a good thing in her books. Religion tended to change a person, and not always for the better... although she doubted that Ranma was easy prey for religion's dark-side. Ranma may have a very skewed view of honor, thanks to being raised by Genma, but there was no doubt that unlike his father he took it seriously. Ranma especially looked upon his "martial artist's duty" as sacred.

Nabiki herself didn't have much use for religion. She figured that if the gods wanted something from her, they could contact her themselves. You could never know if some priest was truly speaking for the gods, or was some confidence man. She had been an atheist before, but Ranma's arrival, and the magic, curses, ghosts, monsters, and fantastic martial arts techniques that trailed in his wake, had opened her eyes to a whole new world. Only someone delusional denied what was right before her, and she did not consider herself delusional... that honor belonged to her father and little sister.

Nabiki turned away from the temple, and absently walked to the corner, where her associates had assembled. She paid them what she'd promised, and collected the radio headsets they'd used to coordinate their efforts. She'd carefully taken them out of their packaging when she bought them, and she hoped that she'd be able to return them. This wild-goose chase had wasted enough of her money. Before she left, she gave them one last set of instructions.

"OK people, I'm interested in anything you can learn about this temple. It's probably harmless, but I'd like assurances that Ranma hasn't gotten himself involved in some doomsday cult or something. Though with Ranma's luck, he's probably involved with some refugees from a magical kingdom bent on world domination..."

- + -

At a shrine in Azabu-Juuban, a blonde girl and her four friends all sneezed.

"Heh... I guess someone's talking about us."

- + -

On her way home to inform her beloved little sister what she'd found, she considered what would be the best way pass on her findings. Common sense told her to keep it simple, and not irritate her volatile sister. But after the day she'd had, and the money she'd effectively wasted, she wasn't in the mood for common sense... or charity She smiled as a way to approach her little sister occurred to her. She reviewed what she'd said, her sister's probable responses, and her replies. She suddenly felt a lot better.

Akane met her at the door to their home. "Well? Where's that baka disappearing to?"

Nabiki privately agreed with Ranma. Akane could be very cute, if not downright radiant, when she smiled, but when she was angry, she was very uncute. It was a pity that she wore the latter expression more often than the former. If Akane could let go of her anger and her distrust of all things young and male, Ranma and Akane would've been married by now. She'd be enjoying that fine body of Ranma's (or both bodies, if Akane was so inclined) rather than being constantly out of sorts.

"You were right, sis. Ranma is indeed seeing another woman."

"Why that pervert! I'll kill him!"

"If Ranma does have a fetish for eighty-year old Buddhist nuns, then he would indeed be a pervert. How clever of you to figure it out. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got things to do."

"Grr... just wait until he gets back..." Akane blinked a couple times, before hurrying after her sister. "What did you say?"

"I've got things to do?"

"No, before that."

"The part about the eighty-year old Buddhist nun?"

"Yeah, that."

"Ranma's been spending his time at a Buddhist temple down in Akasaka. I guess he's trying to attain enlightenment. Either that, or she wants to catch up with her beauty sleep. Ja ne."

As Nabiki climbed the stairs to go to her bedroom, she heard her sister mutter, "What is that baka up to?"

- + -

Two hours later, Nabiki had successfully repackaged her radios. Only careful examination would show that they had been opened. Tomorrow, she'd return them to the stores she had gotten them from. She let out a dramatic sigh. The lengths she went to in order to help out her little sister. Heading downstairs, she made her way towards the bathroom. She definitely needed a long, hot soak in the furo.

"Are we agreed, Saotome-san?"

Nabiki paused, frowning at the voice of Kuno Kodachi. _'What's she doing here? And why do I get the feeling that Genma was about to do something stupid again, and bring even more trouble upon his son's head, our family... and my potential profit margins?'_ Kodachi becoming another fiancée would make the situation even more volatile, and Nabiki was finding it harder to manage events to her benefit the more chaotic things became. Things had reached the point where it was to her advantage to get Akane and Ranma to settle down, no matter how amusing it may be to watch their antics.

"Of course, Kodachi-chan. And please, call me Auntie... at least for the moment."

Nabiki frowned some more. _'Nodoka? This could be trouble. Nodoka is a lot smarter than Genma, though she's so honor bound that she'd never pull the same kind of multiple engagement scam Genma did. I wonder what she's up to.'_ Nabiki sensed a presence behind her, and looked over her shoulder to find her older sister, Kasumi. The woman, wearing her usual apron, was frowning slightly in the direction of the family room. Of course, with Kasumi's ability to keep her equilibrium, a slight frown was the equivalent of a scowl on the young not-quite-a-housewife.

"Of course, Auntie, though I'd much rather call you Mother. I am, however, surprised that you'd take me up on my offer so quickly."

"Your offer is very generous, and I'm sure my son is manly enough to satisfy three concubines, in addition to his husbandly duties." Nodoka's tone of voice changed from steely to almost child-like. "Oh! Think of the grandchildren! You'll make a wonderful concubine for my son, along with that lovely Ukyou and that exotic Shampoo."

'Definitely not good...' 

"Thank you Auntie. I'm sure your son will be quite satisfied with me."

Nabiki heard one of the shoji panels slide open on the opposite side of the living room. "Just what is goin' on here... Mother?"

Nabiki frowned at the coldness in Ranma's voice. _'Shit... meet fan.'_

"I'm tellin' myself that you couldn't possibly be arrangin' another engagement for me. I'm tellin' myself that my mother surely wouldn't be dishonorable enough to duplicate Pop's actions. I'm tellin' myself that unlike my bastard of a father, my own mother wouldn't prostitute her own flesh-and-blood..."

"Now Ranma, I'm just doing my duty to ensure your future will be secure..."

"How much?"

"I'm sorry?"

"How much have you sold me for this time? How much is my honor worth to you? Dare I hope it's worth more than a bowl of rice and two pickles?"

"Ranma, I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice."

"How much?"

"Kodachi-chan's offer was very generous; five million yen, and some oceanfront property in Manatsura. She isn't even asking for marriage, just to be one of your concubines."

"I see. Kodachi, take your money and go home. I'm not for sale."

"But, Ranma-sama..."

"I'd rather spend a week locked in an apartment with the old freak than have you in my household... let alone my bed."

"Ranma, its not very manly to speak that way... especially about such a lovely young woman."

"You know, Mother, I'm gettin' sick and tired of your threats... especially when your definition of 'manly' is nothin' more than an perverted adolescent with little self-control. By your definition, the old letch is the manliest man I know... and that alone is a sickenin' thought."

"Ranma, I am your mother. You will give me the respect I deserve."

"Of course, mother. If you'll excuse me..." Nabiki heard the shogi panel sliding shut before Nodoka could answer.

"Ranma-sama..."

Kodachi and Nodoka both jumped when the shoji panel behind them slid open. Nodoka turned and looked at the frowning faces of the two Tendo sisters.

"I gotta admit, Auntie, that when you sell out your son, you don't sell him cheaply."

"That wasn't very nice."

"I agree, Kasumi-chan. Nabiki-chan, I expect an apology."

"I wasn't talking about my sister's comment, Auntie."

"Then I will have my son apologize when he returns for his behavior."

"I wasn't talking about Ranma-kun's behavior either. Considering the disharmony your husband has brought to this house through such actions, I expected better from you."

"I will not be talked to in that tone of voice!"

"YOU are a guest in my home, Saotome-san. You have brought this... this person here that would disrupt the fragile strings of trust that exist between my sister and Ranma-kun."

Kodachi stared at Kasumi's finger, which pointed accusingly in her direction. Kasumi continued, "I expect her to be gone from my home shortly." Kasumi turned around, her skirt swirling violently about her calves, then returned to her kitchen.

"Congratulations, Auntie. The last person to get such a reaction from my sister was your husband, Genma. Considering some of the bone-headed stunts he's pulled, that's saying something. Quite frankly, you couldn't have chosen a better time to demonstrate why a woman like you could be married to a man like Genma. I hope it was worth it. Kodachi, the door is this way."

"Kodachi-chan is my guest."

"But she isn't welcome in our home, Saotome-san. I thought my sister made that quite clear."

"We will see what your father has to say about the behavior of his daughters, Nabiki-chan."

- + -

Dinnertime had come to the Tendo household, and, as promised, Nodoka had addressed the issue with Soun... with predictable results.

The demon-headed family patriarch glared down at his future son-in-law. "Ranma! How dare you cheat on my little girl?"

"I knew it! I knew that you were with one of your hussies, you pervert!"

"Oh, my ungrateful son! How could you do this to your father?"

Ranma pointed at his mother with his chopsticks. "Ain't you all yellin' at the wrong person?"

"Ranma. It is not good manners to point with your chopsticks."

"You're right, mother." In short order, Ranma had let out the hot air in the demon head with one chopstick, knocked out his father with the other, and, having rises to his feet, stared down at the fuming Akane. "There are better uses for chopsticks than pointin' with them. If you'll excuse me, I've lost my appetite." Ranma left, heading towards the dojo.

"Come back here, you pervert!" Akane stomped off after her fiancé.

"Oh dear, I'd better save something for Ranma once he gets his appetite back." Kasumi took most of the dishes from the table and left for the kitchen.

"Well, this should be interesting." Nabiki picked up her dish and headed off after the young "couple." Besides, since hers was the sole remaining sustenance on the table, she didn't want to be around Genma when he woke up

Nodoka glared at the empty place that had once held her half-eaten supper. Soun looked at his equally empty place before he started weeping. "My baby girl is mad at me!" It had become pretty clear where the real power in this house lay, and in Nodoka's mind there was only room for one lady of the house. The fact that it wasn't her house didn't even cross her mind.

- + -

Nabiki watched from the door to the walkway as Ranma did his best imitation of an angry Akane, by abusing the training dummy he had set up. It wasn't hard, since a genuinely angry Akane was right there, trying her best to abuse Ranma. Unfortunately, her best failed to even get the attention of the pig-tailed martial artist, which only served to get the girl angrier.

"Stop ignoring me and take me seriously." She made a wild swing at her fiancé, followed by an equally wild kick.

"You ain't ready for me to take you seriously." Ranma unleashed a powerful looking combination at the training dummy, even as he danced around Akane's own attacks.

"Yes I am!" She attempted to sweep Ranma's leg. "I'm a martial artist too!" She thrust her fist at Ranma's abdomen. "Now stop dodging and attack me!"

"As you wish." Much to Nabiki's amazement, Akane was soon hard pressed by Ranma's assault. Punches and kicks, plus the occasional knee and elbow, were blocked or dodged by the shorthaired girl, who was beginning to sweat and breath heavily. Nabiki blinked as she noticed a pattern to Ranma's attacks and evasions. _'Now, if I remember correctly, that series of attacks and defenses was one of the last things Daddy taught me, right before I quit the Art. It uses a combination of judo and kempo to maneuver the opponent to their own defeat, and is one of the first more complex maneuvers learned in Anything Goes. There are three places where you can break the sequence without getting hit even harder. Akane already wasted one by trying to punch Ranma through the roof...'_

Nabiki watched the next series of exchanges, wincing when Akane failed to make the modified leg sweep on cue. _'I can barely follow the action, but it looks like Akane's totally ignoring what Daddy taught us about this sequence. Granted, the leg sweep is useless to win the fight, but at least it would break up Ranma's momentum. Good grief, Akane, you saw Ranma use this exact same sequence during his first fight with Ryouga. And there you go... you blew it girl.'_

Nabiki winced as Akane found herself on her knees, her face planted on the floor of the dojo. One of her arms was pulled between the girl's legs, while Ranma sat, unconcerned, on her back. He looked at the girl beneath him. "You do know you made a rookie mistake just now, don't you Akane? What exactly did you do wrong?"

"Dammit! Let me go, you pervert!"

"Not until you tell me what you did wrong."

"I hate you, you jerk!" Akane did her best to try knocking Ranma off her back with her free hand. Though she didn't connect, she did succeed in freeing herself from Ranma's grip. "I hope I never see you again!" the shorthaired girl screamed as she ran out of the dojo in tears.

Nabiki got out her book, to see if anyone had bet on Ranma taking Akane seriously in the martial arts tonight, which resulted in Akane running off in tears as a result. She was pleased to note that nobody had, which meant the 12,000-yen pool defaulted to her. Even as she paged through her book, she silently counted down from ten.

"I knew it was a mistake to take her seriously as a martial artist," Ranma said, looking at his hands, as he ticked off the seconds from ten on his fingers.

"You got that right, Ranma-kun." _'Five.'_

"Should be any second now," he said, folding all but two fingers of his right hand in.

"Yep." _'One.'_

On cue, the giant demon-head burst asunder two of the newly repaired shoji panels. "RANMA! HOW DARE YOU HIT MY LITTLE GIRL!"

'So much for the repairs...' 

An unfazed Ranma stood before the giant head. "I didn't hit her. I used a pin that pop taught me when I was eight; one that he told me was part of the core of our school. As her sensei, you really need to work on her technique."

"HOW DARE YOU TELL ME HOW TO TRAIN MY DAUGHTER! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HER TECHNIQUE!"

Ranma shook his head. "Why am I not surprised? Oyasumi, Tendo-san." With a wave, Ranma turned his back to the raging Tendo patriarch and walked out of the dojo.

Nabiki looked at the dumbfounded demon-head. "You really are an idiot, aren't you Daddy?"

The head disappeared, to be replaced with Soun's wails. "My baby girl thinks I'm an idiot!"

- + -

Kasumi lifted her head from the book she was reading at the sound of a quiet knock at her bedroom window. _'And just when things were becoming juicy.'_ Making sure she was decently attired, Kasumi opened her drapes to reveal Ranma behind them. Throwing open the window, Kasumi was just about to welcome Ranma into her room when his finger, applied to her lips, silenced her.

"Kasumi, I was wonderin' if you could help me with somethin'," he whispered, his words easily reaching her ears due to his close proximity. She felt herself blushing from his nearness, her thoughts becoming ecchi thanks to the romance novel she had been reading.

Those thoughts were soon malleted by the chibi-Akane in her head. _'Spoilsport.'_ Keeping her voice equally quiet, Kasumi asked, "What is it, Ranma-kun?"

Turning around, he pointed to the back of his head. "Could you even this out?"

She couldn't quite keep down her surprised "Oh My!" when she saw that he had hacked off his pigtail. In a softer voice, she asked, "Ranma-kun? Why did you do that?" She fingered his shorn hair that now barely reached his shoulders.

Ranma blushed a bit as she continued to examine his hair. "I can't take it anymore, Kasumi. I had hoped that my mother would help me unravel the knot of honor my father had created, but for all her talk about honor, she's as much a poser as he is. I'm sick and tired of livin' under a death threat unless I meet her standards of 'manliness.' And I'm sorry, Kasumi, but for all you father's talk about 'Unitin' the Schools,' all your father wants is an heir to take over his dojo without takin' the effort or responsibility of trainin' his own. I'm tired, Kasumi. I want out."

Kasumi paled a bit at that. "What do you mean?"

"The honorable thing to do would be seppuku," Kasumi gasped at this, "But quite frankly I think it's stupid to kill myself because of what Pop did. So I'm going ronin instead. That takes care of all the fiancés except for Shampoo, and Cologne recently made me an offer on that front as well, that will at least allow Shampoo to go home without bein' executed for another failure to obey their laws. I'm just not sure if it's a trap or not, and I need time to consider it. I figure that without my pigtail, and if I avoid my favorite style of clothing, I might be a little harder to find. Will you help me?"

"Of course, Ranma." She sat him down on her bed, and then retrieved her scissors and a comb. She grabbed a towel from her drawer, and draped it around his shoulders. Kneeling on the bed behind him, she asked, "Do you want something that will look good on your girl side as well?"

"Sure."

Quickly and efficiently, Kasumi went to work on Ranma's hair. "What offer did Cologne make?"

"She said that the council would let Shampoo come home if she's bearin' my child. I guess that when I killed Saffron, gettin' my blood into the tribe became more important to the tribal elders than weakenin' Cologne's position through her inadvertent exile while Shampoo tries to marry me. That's why Cologne was able to give me this 'out.' "

Finishing with the back, Kasumi knelt before Ranma so she could style the front. "Oh? Will you do it, Ranma?"

"That's the problem. I don't think I can trust them not to view it as consumin' the marriage." Ranma reddened a bit when he looked down at her, before closing his eyes. Just to keep the hair out of his eyes, of course. It had absolutely nothing to do with the scenery.

"Consummating the marriage, Ranma." Kasumi corrected as she trimmed his wild bangs.

Ranma flushed in embarrassment. "Yeah, that."

"There. All done." Kasumi rose to her feet, pulling Ranma off the bed as she did so. Guiding him over to her mirror, Kasumi turned Ranma's head this way and that. "What do you think?"

Ranma looked at his neatly trimmed hair, which framed his face and brushed his shoulders. He frowned, not wanting to offend Kasumi, but not wanting to lie to her either. "It's a bit too bishounen for my tastes."

Turning him to face her, she grinned and raised her finger to his lips. "That's the whole point."

Ranma looked puzzled briefly, before grinning as well. "Good point." He then looked down at his feet, looking a bit embarrassed. Um, Kasumi?"

"Yes?"

"I'd like you ta keep this." He pressed his severed pigtail, the ends of which had been woven together to form a ring, into her hands. The blush on his face deepened. "You've been the best thing in my life for the last year, and I wanted to leave you somethin' t' remember me by."

"Ranma!" She held the ring of his hair to her breast, looking at the young man before her, a bit teary eyed. She then looked down and began to blush as well. "Ranma...

"What is it Kasumi?"

"Before you disown your parents, could you do me a favor?"

"What is it?"

"Both Akane and Nabiki had their chances to be your fiancée, but I never got a chance to be yours. Before you go, could I... could I be your fiancée, just for a while?"

Puzzled, Ranma stammered a bit before answering, "Ah... um... sure!"

Kasumi smiled, before gently embracing the younger man. He stiffened up for a moment, before embracing her back. With a sigh, she rested her head on his shoulder. "This is nice." A tiny part of her objected to this kind of behavior, but she managed to ignore it.

"Yeah." Ranma's arms tightened their hold on her, and her own echoed the sentiment.

Kasumi permitted herself a contended smile. "I think it would be a pity if my fiancé left without kissing me, at least once."

Ranma turned his head to look at her, is face puzzled. Kasumi shifted her head slightly, her lips meeting his. Their kiss became more passionate as they pressed their bodies together.

With a mutual sigh, they ended their kiss. Kasumi's smile changed from contended to naughty. "You know, Ranma, your mother believes that fiancées can do all sorts of things together..."

In the back of her mind, chibi-Kasumi gave her the thumbs up from where she sat on an unconscious chibi-Akane, an oversized mallet of her own resting on her shoulder.

- + -

In her room, Nabiki turned up the volume of her headphones.

"I shouldn't have introduced Kasumi to American romance novels," she mused. "Every single time she gets to a 'juicy part,' she just has too... We've GOT to get her a boyfriend."

As much as she loved her sister, there were some things she just didn't want to know about her surrogate mother figure. This was one of them.

Hoping that the headphones would eliminate the ecchi sounds coming from her sister's bedroom, she attempted to lose herself in the erotic yuri adventures of the Sailor Senshi doujinshi she was reading. "Seiko-chan and Kako-chan make such a cute couple, fire and water are such a good combination." She turned the page, then grinned. "Uh oh! Looks like the artist couldn't resist adding some tentacles into the plot..."

- + -

Akane threw her pillow over her head, trying to drown out the sounds coming from her sister's bedroom so she could get some rest. Tonight, Nabiki was louder than usual. "Nabiki is such a pervert!"

- + -

Next chapter teaser:

"Hi there! Kasumi here. Ranma's heading off for parts unknown, and Nerima will never be the same. See Nabiki turn this to her profit. Watch Kuno get bucket duty. And I get to be the center of attention for a change! Tune in next time for 'Aftermath,' the next exciting chapter of Rurouni Ranma!"


	2. Chapter 2

Rurouni Ranma

by Darkfyre99

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and related characters and situations are the property of their creator, the divine Takahashi Rumiko. Any other characters from other anime or manga, that make an appearance in this fanfic, are also the property of their respective creators. This fanfic was written purely for entertainment purposes, and not for profit.

Chapter Two: "Aftermath"

Nabiki stretched languidly, enjoying the sensation of her nightshirt sliding against bare flesh. Despite having had her sister keep her up for over an hour, she felt well rested and ready to face the day. She loved erotic doujinshi, and her "Mr. Happy" had gotten quite the workout last night.

Absently humming, she tamed her bed hair and put on her school uniform. It was nice to be in a good mood in the morning for a change. The last month had been far too intense to enjoy. Between Ranma running off to China, Akane getting kidnapped, the whole wedding fiasco, and its aftermath, "tense" had been her middle name. Gathering together her school things, and checking her books for any other pools that may have ended yesterday, she left her room.

Checking herself out in the mirror, she smirked and said, "I've really got to borrow that book from Kasumi when she's done with it. It sounded like it had the mother of all 'juicy scenes.' "

The sight of a disheveled, scowling, and sleepy-eyed Akane greeted her when she opened her door. Her little sister gave her a glare, before growling out, "You are such a pervert, Nabiki."

"Oh?" Nabiki bent towards Akane, a wide smile on her face. "Try it. You might like it. Or better yet, get that hunky fiancé of yours to help you." She gave Akane a friendly pat on the cheek. "I don't expect you to go all the way, but a little 'A' or 'B' might sweeten that disposition of yours." Nabiki started down the hall.

"I'm not like you, Nabiki! And I don't want that pervert touching me!"

"Please... even Kasumi does it every once in a while."

"Oneechan isn't a pervert, Nabiki!"

"Want me to show you where she keeps HER 'Mr. Happy,' Akane? Mmmm?" She almost skipped down the stairs when she saw the shocked expression on Akane's face. Today was just too good a morning to be spoiled by her irritable, perversion-obsessed little sister.

Reaching the kitchen, she sung out, "Good Morning, beloved big sister!"

Kasumi beamed a dazzling smile as she chorused out her own, "Good Morning, beloved little sister!" The older girl then turned back to her cooking, humming a little tune merrily.

'_That must've been some book... she's practically glowing.'_ "Say, Kasumi? Can I borrow that book once you're done with it?"

"Which book would that be?"

"You know... the one you were reading last night." She elbowed her older sister playfully. "Eh? Eh?"

Nabiki grinned as she watched her sister go into a full-body blush. "Oh my! You... you heard that last night?"

"Don't worry about it sis... we all get needs once in a while."

"Aaaa! I'm surrounded by perverts!"

Nabiki was treated to watching her sister rush out the kitchen. "Of course, some of us know better than to let those needs build up before we become complete bitches. So, can I borrow that book? Usually, those 'juicy parts' aren't longer than half an hour."

"Of... of course, Nabiki-chan. You'd best sit down. Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes."

"Sure." Nabiki walked a few steps, then thought of something. She turned around, and whispered in Kasumi's ear. "By the way... you might want to be a little more... discreet about your fantasies. I don't blame you, Ranma is quite the hunk, but if Daddy had heard you, let alone Akane or the Saotomes..."

Nabiki smiled as Kasumi blushed an even brighter red. "I'll... keep that in mind, Nabiki."

The middle Tendo daughter made her way to the family room, where most of the household was assembled for breakfast. Akane was at her usual place; a sickly glow emanating from the bad mood she was in. If she had been taught the Shi-Shi-Hokodan, she probably would've leveled the house by now. Nabiki _was_ rather surprised to see Genma sitting beside Nodoka, rather than sparring with Ranma out in the yard, while they waited for Kasumi to announce that breakfast was ready. She took her place at the table, beside Kasumi's empty seat.

"Nabiki, have you seen that ungrateful son of mine?" Nabiki frowned. Usually, that line would've come from Genma.

"I haven't seen Ranma since last night, Auntie."

"The pervert probably spent last night with one of his hussies!"

'_Yeah... right sis.' _Nabiki looked at her sister, thinking, _'There goes stooge number one.'_

"Ranma! How dare you cheat on your fiancée!"

Sighing at her father's antics, she thought, _'And there's stooge number two...'_

"Ranma! You shame your father!"

'_And stooge number three chimes in right on cue.'_

"Oh! My son is so manly!"

'_I guess I'm going to have to start calling her stooge number four. I guess that would make her Shemp. Heh.'_ Nabiki allowed herself a smile.

Kasumi walked in, carrying a large tray with breakfast. As was her custom, she called out, "Breakfast is ready everyone."

"Oneechan? Are you okay? You look a little stiff."

Kasumi turned her dazzling smile at her sister as she handed the girl her rice. "I'm fine, Akane-chan." Nabiki noticed that Kasumi had served her father, herself, and Akane before her sister served herself and began eating.

_'So...Oneechan is still upset with Nodoka. Anyone who thinks Kasumi is mild mannered and always nice is fooling themselves. She just doesn't announce it to the world with a bullhorn like Akane. She's just very subtle.'_

With a covert glare at Kasumi, Nodoka served her husband and herself before frowning at the empty spot beside Akane. "Where's my son? It's not like him to miss a meal."

"Who cares where that baka is?"

"Last night, Ranma-chan renounced his family name, repudiated the engagements his former parents made on his behalf, and said he was going to China to look for a cure. Would you like some more rice, Father?"

Nabiki boggled at Kasumi's announcement, said in the same tone of voice she would use to announce that she had sent Ranma out to pick up some groceries. _'You certainly know how to drop a bombshell, Oneechan,'_ Nabiki thought, her hair poinging out in all directions.

Silence reigned for about a minute, while the eldest Tendo daughter calmly ate her breakfast, her perky smile from this morning unchanged. The woman even had the audacity to hum merrily. Then chaos erupted around the breakfast table.

"Why that ungrateful brat! How dare he defy me?"

"Waah! Ranma's gone ronin! Now the two schools will never be joined!"

"How could he abandon his poor father in his old age?"

'_Where's the fourth stooge?'_ Nabiki looked at her younger sister, who had gone completely pale, her chopsticks frozen halfway to her mouth. To Nabiki's amazement, tears were forming in Akane's eyes, and she began shaking her head in denial as the chopsticks fell from her hands. With a sob, Akane ran out of the family room. _'Was she... crying? I can't believe she actually cared about him... Akane, you are an idiot. If you'd just given him your trust, you would've had him a long time ago.'_

Nabiki suddenly thought of something, a thought that drove all concerns about her little sister out of her mind. If Ranma had renounced his family name last night, then she might owe somebody a lot of money. The pool was at 27,000 yen if she remembered correctly, and since nobody was willing to take bets on Ranma totally abandoning his honor, she had had to lay out five to one odds. Even then, people only started laying bets when they could take three-day blocks. Someone had taken the block ending last night at midnight. She believed it had been Akane's friend Yuka that had made that bet. In fact, she had made it after the wedding.

As casually as she could, Nabiki asked, "So... when exactly did Ranma renounce his family name, Oneechan?" She took another bite of her rice.

Tapping her lips with her chopsticks, Kasumi said reflectively, "Let's see... Ranma mentioned his intention to renounce his name a little after 11:00 last night..."

'_Kuso! I owe Yuka about 135,000 yen!'_ Nabiki looked mournfully at the imaginary bags of yen flying away into the distance as she absently nibbled on some pickled vegetables.

"But I suppose he didn't officially do so until about 12:30 or so."

'_Yes!'_ Nabiki's bags of yen flew triumphantly back into her wallet. Continuing to eat breakfast while watching the raging parental units blame each other for Ranma's departure, she thought, _'Why would Ranma tell Kasumi at eleven, but not "officially" renounce his name until 12:30? Wait a second... wasn't that about the same time that Kasumi stopped...'_ Nabiki began choking on the rice it her mouth.

After a forceful swat on the back by her older sister, a shocked Nabiki croaked out, "Thanks, sis." After gulping down some warm tea provided by the ever-helpful Kasumi, she gave the older girl a look. "We've got to talk."

"Of course." Finishing her breakfast, Kasumi rose and made her way to the kitchen, Nabiki following in her wake.

"Alright, Oneechan... let me see if I've got this straight. Last night, Ranma came to your room, told you he was renouncing his family name, somehow seduced you, and then fucked your brains out for over an hour before leaving?"

Kasumi blushed. "Nabiki-chan, you really shouldn't use such language! Besides, that's not what happened. Don't be silly."

Nabiki sighed in relief. _'At least it wasn't what I thought it was. I can't believe that I thought that Ranma and Kasumi would...'_

"Ranma-chan came to my room, told me he was renouncing his family name, and I told him it wasn't fair that I didn't get to be his fiancée when my two sisters did. He transferred the engagement to me, we made love, and then I sent him on his way." Kasumi's eyes became dreamy as her hand caressed her cheek. "It was so romantic! Like one of those American romance novels you gave me!"

Nabiki stared at her sister, shocked once again into a state of dishevelment. After absently smoothing her hair and straitening her school uniform, she proved that she was indeed Soun's daughter. "Waah! I've corrupted my saintly big sister!" She soon found herself in Kasumi's embrace, the older woman's hand rubbing her back.

"There, there, little sister. You didn't corrupt me. Everything will be all right."

"Sniff But what if you get pregnant?" Unlike her volatile father and little sister, Nabiki usually regained her equilibrium quickly, those few times she actually lost it.

"Don't be silly... we used condoms."

Nabiki narrowed her eyes. "I find it hard to believe that either you or Ranma would have condoms, let alone know how to use them properly." _'But then, I never figured either one of you would be the type for a one-night stand, either... especially with each other.'_

Kasumi blushed. "Well, I figured that eventually Ranma and Akane's relationship would become physical, and I knew neither one was mature enough to think about things like contraceptives, nor would they want to have children so soon, so I figured I'd better be prepared." Kasumi's look became stern. "Now, you'd better get going to school if you don't want to be late. I still need to call your school to tell them that Akane won't be coming in, then I need to check up our little sister, to make sure she's alright."

"Nice try, Oneechan... but I don't distract that easily. What happened to, 'I don't think it's right at all,' when Ranma snuck into Akane's bedroom three weeks after he moved in with us?" Nabiki did her best Kasumi imitation, complete with her hand on her cheek and her eyes opened wide.

"They had only known each other a few weeks, and it was quite obvious that they weren't ready for a physical relationship," Kasumi said primly. "It was equally obvious that Akane didn't want Ranma there."

"What about, 'Oh! I hope he's older than me. Younger men are so boring.' " Nabiki sent her best "annoyed Kasumi" glare at her sister.

"It wasn't as if Ranma or I were planning on marrying, Nabiki. Besides, I'm sure you've noticed that Ranma may be many things, but boring isn't one of them."

A smile ghosted across Nabiki's face for a second. "And what happened to, 'Shampoo, I think we should have a little talk about men and baths?' " Nabiki turned her best "disappointed Kasumi" expression towards an imaginary Shampoo.

"Nabiki, I wish you would quit 'quoting' me."

"Just answer the question, Oneechan."

"It just isn't appropriate for a woman to barge in on a man while he's bathing... and especially the other way around. If she wants to join him, she should ask permission first, and it was quite obvious that poor Ranma didn't want her there. You really should get to school, little sister."

"Hai, hai. I'm going, I'm going." Running out the door, Nabiki thought, shaking her head, _'You think you know someone...'_

- + -

_'What to do... what to do... what to do...' _

Nabiki found herself in a quandary. On the one hand, she had valuable information, very valuable information to certain parties she could name. If she acted quickly, she could make a killing. On the other hand, it would in poor taste to take advantage of those same parties, but telling them for free would effectively tell everyone for free, which was bad for her bottom line...

Ignoring the Blue Blunder of Furinkan High, who waited by the customary tree for Nabiki's little sister and the pig-tailed girl to come rushing into his arms, and to deliver "Heaven's Vengeance" upon the black sorcerer Saotome, Nabiki came to a conclusion. 'Well... I guess there's only one thing to do.'

Making her way to room 2-F, Akane, Ranma, and Ukyou's current classroom, Nabiki was greeted by the anguished cry, "WHY Ranchan! Why did you leave me behind?"

_'So much for that idea...' _

Finding the distraught Ukyou, Nabiki put on her best sympathetic expression. "I'm guessing Ranma visited you last night and told you he'd renounced his family name."

Yuka and Sayuri, who had their arms around Ukyou's shoulders, nodded together. "How's Akane taking it?"

"Since Kasumi was the only one he told at home, and she decided to let everyone else know at the breakfast table, Akane's taking it pretty hard." Nabiki thought to herself, _'I hope Ranma knows what he's doing. Without a family name, he's going to find it hard to survive in our society, and I doubt many clans would be willing to adopt a genuine ronin. Of course, he's also very skilled in the martial arts, and that counts for something, so...'_

Ukyou's head dropped to her desk. "He didn't even give me one good fuck for the road. I barely got a good kiss out of him, the jerk." Ukyou turned her head to glare at Nabiki. "What exactly set him off? What did Akane do to him?"

'_Well... I'll give Ranma credit for not rushing from one woman's bed to another...' _Nabiki's hand automatically shot out. "Five thousand yen." Nabiki's expression didn't change when Ukyou's glare turned into a glower. Eventually, the chef gave up and paid Nabiki the requested sum. "It wasn't Akane," she said as the money disappeared, "His ex-mother, in her infinite wisdom, accepted a substantial sum of money from Kodachi so she could be one of his 'concubines.' Needless to say, he didn't take it very well." Nabiki noticed that most of the boys were nodding in agreement to the wise course of Ranma's actions. The rest, primarily those who were once part of the 'Hentai Horde,' looked disgusted at Ranma's displeasure about having Kodachi as a concubine.

The wall to the adjoining classroom chose that moment to crumble into fragments. Framed by the gaping hole was the ever buxom, quite bouncy, and frequently well-armed Amazon warrior, Shampoo. "Nihao! Ranma take Shampoo on date, yes?" It took the purple-haired warrior a few seconds to realize that Ranma wasn't there.

Not really wanting to deal with the perky Chinese girl, not to mention getting a little bit of revenge, Nabiki said, "Sorry, Shampoo, but Ranma isn't here. He's renounced his family name, and has run off to China in search of a cure."

"Aiya! Shampoo so happy! Ranma chose be Shampoo husband!" After a couple happy bounces, much to the enjoyment of most of the males in the room, and several of the females, Shampoo jumped off the second-floor balcony. A few moments later, the distant chime of a bell drifted back to them on the wind.

Nabiki looked at the shocked Ukyou, and said wryly, "I wonder how long it's going to take for her to figure out that he left her behind as well. Well, if you'll excuse me..." With a wave, Nabiki rushed off to her own room, making it just before the tardy bell.

A few minutes later, the homeroom teacher from class 2-D peered through the gaping hole at the equally incredulous Hinako-sensei. "Well... there goes another wall."

Hinako nodded. "That delinquent!"

- + -

Kuno Tatewaki really, really, really hated bucket duty.

- + -

Kasumi knocked on her youngest sister's door. "Akane, can I come in?" Getting no reply, Kasumi gently opened the door and went inside.

Inside, Kasumi found Akane curled up on her bed, crying, with her pet P-chan held tightly to her chest. Kasumi noticed that, as always, the pig looked slightly freaked out, being held by Akane in that fashion. The look of anger wasn't quite so common, but not so unusual either, but the bug-eyes and blue hue to his face was definitely a new look for the miniature black pig.

"Akane, I don't think P-chan can breathe, the way you're holding him."

Akane slowly sat up, setting P-chan down on the bed beside her. "He didn't even say goodbye."

Kasumi joined Akane on the bed, gently pushing P-chan to the side. "I think it was because he would've stayed if you asked him to."

"Really?"

Kasumi draped her arm over her sister's shoulders, bringing her into a loose embrace. "He said that for months now, you were the only thing keeping him here." _'That and me, but I don't want you to know that.'_ "He really was trying to make things work out between you two. He just didn't know how to do that, thanks to his father." Kasumi noticed that P-chan looked curiously dubious at that statement.

"Really?"

"Yes. He was trying to find a way to break the engagements between Ukyou and Shampoo, without either of them losing their honor, or he his. He didn't want them as either wives or lovers..."

"Lovers? Why that pervert! I knew he was cheating on me!" Kasumi saw P-chan nodding from his place by her knee.

"Akane... would you listen for once?"

"What?" Akane was startled to see a frown on Kasumi's face.

"Akane, I just said that Ranma did NOT want either Shampoo or Ukyou as lovers. He did, however, want YOU as a lover. Right after the wedding, he had believed that you wanted him as well."

Akane paled at that. "He wanted to..."

Kasumi's frown deepened. "Akane... what do you think would've happened if you and Ranma had successfully gotten married, and Ranma had assumed, correctly, that you finally wanted to be intimate with him?" Seeing the expression on her younger sister's face, Kasumi sighed. "That's what I thought. Akane, I don't know where you got your ideas about what 'perversion' is... but that is what married people _do_. You must've known that. Why on earth did you agree to marry Ranma if you weren't ready to do _that_ with him?"

Akane looked down, blushing furiously.

"Akane," Kasumi stood up. "If you won't admit it to me, then at least admit it to yourself. You know where to find me when you're ready to talk."

Kasumi's sister was still staring at the floor when she closed the door behind her.

- + -

Tendo Nabiki was eating her lunch when a bundle of five-hundred yen bills was tossed onto her desk. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, she picked it up. Looking up at the individual who had done the tossing, she asked, "Is this a present, Kuno-chan? My thanks."

"It is not, Tendo Nabiki. I have heard a most glorious rumor, and I want to learn the truth of it."

"Which is?"

"That the foul demon Saotome has, at last, shown his cowardice, and fled my righteousness."

"Well, Kuno-chan, I have to say that the rumor is false." She absently counted the ten bills before putting them away.

"And what _is_ the truth?"

"The going rate is 10,000 yen." After receiving her payment, she looked at Kuno Tatewaki. "The truth is that after your sister offered his mother a substantial sum of money to be one of his concubines, which she accepted, Ranma finally got tired of being the son of such dishonorable parents. He chose to become ronin rather than remain in that family."

"So! The scoundrel has finally been revealed to be the rogue that he is! He has at last released his hold on the fair Tendo Akane and the pig-tailed girl! I must go at once to prepare to welcome them into my embrace! Fair educator! I must depart!" Oblivious to the incredulous stares around him, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High imperiously marched out of the classroom.

Katsu-sensei, having just arrived from lunch, shook her head as she absently reached out for the class list. "Kuno Tatewaki... leaving early once again."

- + -

Tendo Nabiki made her way back home, after a rather tiring, but still profitable, day at school. Tiring because she had to keep confirming what had happened the night before. Profitable because everyone just had to hear it from the proverbial horse's mouth, which meant that they had to pay her for the truth. She absently stepped over a dazed Kuno, who was muttering, "I fight on." She raised her eyebrow at that. That wasn't Kuno's usual line after being knocked into the stratosphere by Akane.

As she approached the Tendo Dojo, she noticed two men standing on either side of the gate. Both were in their mid to late twenties, dressed in a gi and a keikogi/hakama combination respectively, and possessed the build of martial artists. Not surprisingly, the one wearing the hakama had a bokken leaning against his shoulder.

"So how long do you think the Kuno boy's going to be this time?" The kendoist said to his companion.

"I give it another fifteen minutes. The idiot simply doesn't realize he's in over his head. You mind if I thrash him this time? I'm not particularly fond of bullies who won't take 'no' for an answer."

"Sure. Don't forget you get extra points for distance."

As she approached, the quite handsome swordsman bowed, and opened the gate for her. "Welcome home, Tendo-san. Kasumi-dono has requested that you join her in the living room as soon as you returned from school." She managed to place a name to the face: Myoujin Akira, one of the top twenty young kendoists in Tokyo.

'_Kasumi-dono?'_ Taking a moment to gather her wits about her, she said, "Ah... thank you, Myoujin-san." Resisting the urge to ask, "What the hell's going on here?" she made her way to the family room. There she found her sisters. Her father, from what she could hear, was still crying over Ranma's departure in his bedroom. Her littlest sister looked out of sorts, as if she couldn't decide whether to rage or weep, with good old P-chan in her lap. Kasumi, however, looked positively serene. "Hey, sis. What's up? Where are Auntie and Uncle Saotome?"

"The Saotomes aren't here, Nabiki. They aren't a part of this family, and with Ranma-kun's departure, they never will be, so I have asked them to leave. Myoujin-san and his friends are here to ensure that they don't return."

In his bedroom in the next room, Nabiki's father broke out into a fresh round of sobs. "My baby girl doesn't like my best friend!"

"Okay... so you finally decided to get rid of the freeloaders, sis?"

"In part. This morning, I informed Yamada-san..."

"The ladle-lady?"

"That's right. I informed Yamada-san that I was finally willing to see the suitors she'd been collecting on my behalf. I also informed her that I might need help in removing the Saotomes from our home. Fortunately, the young men Yamada-san knew were quite eager to help me out."

"My baby-girl is going to get married!"

The Tendo sisters ignored their father's outbursts in the next room. Akane frowned at her older sister. "Why now, Kasumi?"

"Because I was hoping that you and Ranma would work out your differences, and carry on the Dojo. Unfortunately, it didn't work out, so I must be the one to secure part of our family's legacy."

Nabiki stared out at the back yard, where a pair of young men in their mid to late twenty's, patrolled the property wall. "Which explains all the young martial artists around the place."

Kasumi smiled. "All these men were interested in my hand before today, Nabiki. I had always intended to be a martial artist's wife. I was simply waiting for Akane to marry Ranma, before I would secure my own future."

"I don't get it, Sis. What's the rush?"

Kasumi's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Let's just say I think it's in everyone's best interest to not to have the Saotomes here to influence Father anymore."

"You've noticed that too, huh?" Nabiki shook her head. "It's amazing that Ranma turned out so well... with parents like those."

Akane gave her older sister a dubious look. " 'Ranma turned out so well?' Seems to me the apple didn't fall far from the tree."

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Give me a break, Akane. Ranma was relatively honorable, especially when compared to his father. He was rough around the edges, sure, but look at who raised him. Ranma was also a virgin when he lived under this roof... which is surprising given that Shampoo, Kodachi, and even Ukyou were willing to give themselves to him if he asked. Not to mention many of the girls at school, and some from nearby schools, also would've loved to have a fling with him... especially when they found out he turned into a girl. It seems quite a few girls think that's an advantage." Nabiki shook her head. "Believe me, Akane, if Ranma had wanted to, he could've gotten laid on a daily basis, with a different girl each night. Or with several girls..."

"But..."

Kasumi shook her head as well. "Ranma isn't like his parents, Akane. That's why he's forsaken his family name."

Akane frowned. "So... now what are we supposed to do?"

"Get on with our lives, Akane. Speaking of which... I think it's time for you to take P-chan there to the vet and have him fixed." Nabiki saw the pig's eyes bug out, and with a squeal, he began trying, unsuccessfully, to struggle out of Akane's grip. "I know you don't want to do this, but since Ranma is no longer here, there isn't a man in this house willing to keep P-chan from misbehaving anymore."

"My daughter doesn't consider me a man!"

Watching the pig struggle helplessly in Akane's grip, Kasumi added. "If you don't want to have P-chan fixed, then you'll have to give him away. I'm sure Akari-chan would be interested in giving P-chan a home.

"As for me... I have two-dozen young men I need to get to know better before Father and I can decide upon on husband for me." Kasumi smiled impishly. "It should be fun."

"You're gonna string along two-dozen men?" Akane stared in shock.

"No, Akane. I'm going to get to know two-dozen men. They are all aware that is what we'll be doing, and that in the end I'll choose only one of them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for my date with Kamiya-san. I wonder what he has planned..." Kasumi absently rose to her feet and headed towards the stairs.

Nabiki looked at her still shocked little sister. "Kind of feels like you woke up in a parallel universe this morning, doesn't it, sis?" At Akane's faint nod, she smirked. _'If only you knew the truth, Sis. If only you knew.'_

- + -

"Obaasan... I have a letter for you."

Cologne, ever mindful of her dignity as one of her tribe's Elders, resisted the urge to shout out to the uncaring gods, "What have I done to deserve this?" Besides... they might just answer, and she didn't feel like getting a list of the many such offenses she'd accumulated through her century-long life.

The extremely trying day had begun when her great-granddaughter had begun yet another ill-conceived campaign to get Ranma to "date" her. With the exception of a brief visit to pick up her pack, Shampoo hadn't returned yet. Cologne couldn't believe that Shampoo was so... delusional. She simply couldn't believe that her primary candidate for an heir to her position and her Art was that deficient. She didn't even want to dwell on the fact that as far as the local martial artists were concerned, Shampoo was on weaker side of "average," and she only managed that achievement because Ukyou didn't have time to train properly between school and her restaurant, and the Tendo girl simply didn't take the Art seriously.

On top of her problems with Shampoo, the Nerima rumor mill was working overtime today. If the rumors were true, and Ranma had completely forsaken his honor by renouncing his family name, then he wasn't likely to care about what happened to her great-granddaughter anymore. If the rumors were true, as she suspected them to be from her great-granddaughter's rushed explanation of "Ranma go China to marry Shampoo. Leave stupid panda man," as she ran upstairs for her pack, then she wasn't likely to salvage anything out of the last nine months for her family, her village, or the Amazon tribe in general. The rumor that the eldest Tendo girl was suddenly seeing suitors, _martial artist _suitors, also lent a bit of credibility to the rumors about Ranma's departure.

The restaurant had also been uncharacteristically busy, and without Shampoo to take the pressure off, Cologne hadn't been able to investigate the rumors herself. It was days like this that really made Cologne regret opening the restaurant as a cover for her operations in Japan. Unfortunately, the Ministry of Immigration didn't have a box on their forms for "seeking husband won in battle."

"Thank you dear." She accepted the letter from the child, giving her a hundred yen note in exchange. She had to smile at the girl's profuse thanks as she ran out of the Nekohanten. Opening the letter, Cologne had to say, "Somehow I doubt this will be good news."

"_Hiya old ghoul!"_ Cologne read.

The old woman sighed, "Oh great, it's from Ranma. I knew it wasn't good news."

_"I'm sure by now you've heard that I've renounced my family name. It's true. Genma pretty much insured that I couldn't honorably marry anybody, and Nodoka seems to be determined to add to the problem. But don't worry, just because I've abandoned my family name doesn't mean I've abandoned my obligations to you..."_ For the first time since this morning, Cologne felt the first stirrings of hope. _"...even if those obligations are caused by laws that are barbaric and I am under no obligation to recognize those laws, as far as my honor, such as it is, is concerned. After all, you've taught me a lot, and though I can't forget that Shampoo tried to kill me because of your sore loser law..."_ Cologne blinked. She had heard the "Kiss of Death" described as many things, but the "sore loser law" was a first. She really didn't like the implications of that observation. 

"_...but I kind of like Shampoo, and I'd hate to see her suffer because of a bit of stupidity on my part. Now, as much fun Shampoo would've been in bed ..."_

Cologne found her estimation of Ranma rising. She had assumed that Ranma's resistance to Shampoo's advances stemmed from something other than sheer will power.

"..._I just can't seem to trust you not to view that as consummating..."_

Cologne smirked. She could practically hear Ranma carefully spelling out that word.

"_...the marriage, so I can't. Instead, I've left you a donation at the Nerima Fertility Clinic. Now I'm sure Shampoo will be disappointed about being knocked up without enjoying many long hours of hot, passionate sex with yours truly," _the letter smirked.

Cologne paused. _'Smirked?' _The matriarch reread that passage again. _'Yes, the letter literally smirked. That boy's a marvel, I wonder if he is even aware of the level of ki manipulation necessary to do something like that in a letter, especially one written with modern paper and ink.'_

She continued reading. _"But that's the way things have to be between us. Now, how you use this donation is up to you. The doctors say that using artificial insemination, Shampoo could probably bear two or three of my children, and even more if you use other techniques. Since the deal was for one child, I guess you're getting the more than you wanted..."_

In a way she was. Cologne had hoped that the boy would indeed impregnate Shampoo the old fashioned way, which _would_ have consummated the marriage in the eyes of the Communist government back home, allowing Cologne to bring political pressure to bear. Unfortunately, Cologne had figured that _someone_ would tell him about how a girl could get pregnant without having to have sex with her.

The outright gift of Ranma's seed, rather than simply using that seed to get Shampoo pregnant, was a bonus in Cologne's eyes. Amazon fertility techniques would increase the odds dramatically, meaning that Cologne could trade some of Ranma's seed to the benefit of her clan and her village. She knew that many other Elders wanted Ranma's seed in their bloodlines, given the requests she'd had to arrange a marriage for Shampoo's children by Ranma.

She read on. _"... so I consider my end of the deal to be more than fulfilled. From this point on, we're on even ground. Whether you wish to build a new relationship is up to you. I would like to learn more from you, Sensei..."_

Cologne was surprised sense the respect coming from that word in the letter.

"_...but I'd rather not have anything to do with your laws and your customs._

"_Finally, I thought you'd like to know that while I was at that clinic today, I made several 'deposits.' The docs told me that quite a few families had expressed interest in my seed, if I ever decided to go this route, and I must admit that their offer was tempting enough to be worthwhile. Lots are being auctioned off two weeks from today to the highest bidder, and I get fifty percent of the sales. I'm sure a smart woman like you will know whether it's in your best interests to attend._

_"Until next we meet again, your student, Ranma."_

Cologne exhaled. She would definitely attend the auction, if only out of curiosity for how valuable Ranma's seed was in the eyes of his fellow Japanese. Given how easily Genma's engagement schemes had worked, she suspected something was up within the close-knit community of practitioners of the traditional Arts. She wanted to know what that was.

"Great-grandmother, I home!" Cologne could hear the frustration in her great-granddaughter's voice. It wasn't too surprising, since she was sure that Shampoo had come to the erroneous conclusion that because Ranma had renounced his family name, and thus the engagements to Akane and Ukyou made by his father, that he had decided to marry her.

Grabbing her staff from where it leaned against the counter, she pogoed over to her not quite so perky descendant. "Good news, Shampoo!"

Shampoo got perky quite quickly. "Ranma here to marry Shampoo?" The bounciness to her manner, one of the attractions of their restaurant, returned.

"Not quite, Shampoo. Ranma has agreed to our offer..."

"Aiyaa! Ranma waiting upstairs to ravage Shampoo long time?" The girl giggled in anticipation, no doubt imagining said 'ravaging.'

The inevitable outburst from Mousse came from the kitchen. "Saotome! You cad!"

With a long-suffering sigh, Cologne bopped Shampoo on the head with her staff. Having gotten the girl's attention, Cologne continued. "Unfortunately, he's taken the less obvious route for impregnating you. Fortunately, he chose to simply give us his seed, rather than simply give you a child, so you have some choices to make, starting with whether you want to bear Ranma's child, and ending with how many you want to bear. While you're thinking about your options, I need to make a long overdue visit to the Tendo compound. Oh... since you've been gone the whole day, make sure you clean up the restaurant."

As Cologne exited her restaurant, she heard Shampoo venting her frustration, following Mousse's ill-timed advance. It was a pity that Mousse was so obsessed with her great-granddaughter. Given "duck-boy's" potential, she would've liked to marry him off to one of Shampoo's many second cousins, despite his handicap. After all, that handicap is easily overcome by wearing glasses, contacts, or through surgery. That kind of strength in the martial arts, especially a more esoteric martial art such as Hidden Weapons, needed to be preserved for the good of their tribe.

- + -

"No sign of the panda and his wife, Soun sobbing about some silly thing or another, several young martial artists of considerable strength and skill here at the dojo, and young Tendo Kasumi dressed to the nine's... something tells me the rumors I've heard are true."

The three Tendo daughters turned to face Kasumi's window, where the Amazon matriarch was perched. "Oh, hello grandmother Cologne," Kasumi said, smiling. "I suppose it depends upon the rumors."

"That Ranma has abandoned his family name, and has left for parts unknown. That your family has kicked out the Saotomes," She nodded in Kasumi's direction, "And that young miss Tendo here has become Tokyo's most desirable bachelorette, at least within the martial artist community. Am I wrong so far?"

Nabiki grinned. "Nope. Although Ranma's last reported destination was China."

"Given Ranma's recent display of maturity, I doubt the lad is heading to China." The elderly martial artist stared at Kasumi. "I also think I have Miss Tendo to thank for repairing the damage done by my great-granddaughter and Akane here. I thought that his acceptance letter of my offer was a bit out of character for him."

Akane frowned. "What damage? What offer? And why are you blushing, oneechan?"

"The damage, young Tendo, was that between Shampoo's overly aggressive and clumsy attempts at seduction, and your reaction to anything resembling affection between himself and any female, yourself included, was Ranma's fear of physical intimacy. The offer was for Ranma to impregnate Shampoo." Cologne bopped Akane on the top of her head with her staff before the girl could interrupt. "Unfortunately, his acceptance of the offer was through the use of artificial insemination, rather than the more traditional manner, which would've resulted in consummating the marriage between him and Shampoo. Kasumi's blush means that I've noticed her tampering in these two areas... though I hold her no ill will for either case, for it opens a much greater opportunity for both myself and my tribe, as opposed to trapping Ranma into marriage. I doubt that Shampoo feels the same way, unfortunately." The old woman smiled. "Now that I've confirmed my own thoughts about what's happened recently, I will take my leave of you. Have fun on your date, Kasumi."

"What exactly did Kasumi do?" Akane asked, rubbing her head.

"I will." Kasumi winked.

"Just try not to have too much fun." Cologne winked back.

"Don't worry. I happen to believe that kind of thing comes after you get to know someone well."

"Good night." Cologne hopped out of the window to the yard below, and pogoed her staff over the property wall.

"Nabiki, I think I prefer a lighter shade of lipstick..."

"Come on, Kasumi. What did you do? Kasumi?"

- + -

Next Chapter Teaser:

"Yo, Ranma here. Looks like I finally get to make another appearance in what's supposed to be MY story. The changes to my life are only beginning, and I get in way over my head in trouble. Guest stars abound in the next exciting chapter of Rurouni Ranma: 'Demons and Wizards and Warriors... oh my!' "

- + -

Three months later:

Tendo Nabiki sat with her sisters and Kasumi's fiancé of two weeks. Across the table sat her father and the Saotomes. Somehow, she knew she wouldn't like what was coming next. Her father had that "Unite the Schools" look in his eye, which was never a good sign.

"Now then, daughters. Saotome and I, through great hardship and hard work," Soun ignored the skeptical looks from the young people on the other side of the table, "have managed to obtain a sperm sample of Ranma's. If one of you girls..."

"Oh my, Saotome-san. Wasn't that expensive? Where did you get the money?"

Her father, looking embarrassed, said, "Well, Kasumi... Saotome and I took a loan against our homes..."

"Then I expect you to repay every yen you borrowed, Father, before you can return home. And I expect Saotome-san to agree to pay you back every yen you contributed before we even discuss the matter further. After all, it was his responsibility to provide a son to continue our family."

Crying, the Tendo family patriarch said, "But... Kasumi..."

"That's final, Father."

"Then I guess we'll have to find a job, eh, Saotome?" The older man forced a laughed.

"Of course, Tendo, of course." The fatter man also faked a laugh.

Nabiki leaned over to Kasumi, and whispered, "Don't expect to see that money any time soon, Sis."

"Anyway, if one of you girls were willing to bear Ranma's child, it would unite our schools, and our family honor would be restored. Now, Kasumi..." Soun's voice trailed off as he saw the expression on his daughter's fiancé's face.

Kamiya Kenji was one of the best swordsmen in Japan, despite being only twenty-four years old. He had also inherited the Kamiya family's legendary temperament. They were all very friendly and easy going, but you simply didn't want to get on their bad side. Right now, the young man was giving Soun a glare that promised to burn his body into ash.

"Okay, maybe not. Nabiki..."

"The going rate for my womb is ten million yen."

Her father began to weep again. "Nabiki!"

"I will be willing to give you a discount on the impregnation charge if I actually get to have hot, passionate sex with Ranma at least once. What's the point of getting pregnant if you don't get to have fun getting that way? Don't you agree, Kasumi?" Nabiki smirked at her sister's blush.

"Aka..."

"Don't... even... think it."

"But..."

"Don't worry, Father. I've got a solution."

"Kasumi! I knew you wouldn't let your father down!" Tears of joy streamed down Soun's face.

Ignoring her fiancé's incredulous look, she handed her father a cardboard box. Soun stared at the plain cardboard box, wondering how this could possibly be a solution. "What's this?"

Kasumi smiled sweetly at her father. "Instant Nyanniichuan powder, waterproof soap, and a sixteen-centimeter aging mushroom. If you want to have Ranma's child, I'm afraid you'll have to do it yourself."


	3. Chapter 3

Rurouni Ranma

by DarkFyre99

Disclaimer: I don't any of the characters appearing in this chapter... except Rat-san. He's mine! All mine! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh... Gekido's mine as well. Not that it matters...

I'd like to once again thank the folks at fukufics dot com for their assistance. In particular, I'd like to thank J. St.C. Patrick for his help with the archaic speech, and McClown for pointing out a potential problem. Domo Arigato!

Chapter Three: "Demons and Wizards and Warriors... oh my!"

A hundred kilometers west of Tokyo, Ranma finally figured that he was far enough from potential pursuit to make some definite long-range plans. As the train he was riding on began to slow, he hopped off, allowing his legs to absorb the momentum he'd gained from the speeding train. The area he was in was mountainous, and he figured that there would be plenty of areas for training and quiet contemplation. He desperately needed the latter after the last couple of days.

A couple of hours before sunset found her deep in the mountains ten kilometers north of Kofu. With a sigh, she slung her pack off her shoulders, and stretched languidly as she took in the view. To the north and west stretched forest-covered mountains, far (relatively speaking, this WAS Japan after all) from "civilization," with plenty of places to train and lose the inevitable pursuit of assorted ex-fiancées, Amazon brides, rivals, freaks, aged perverts, and general nuisances. Far in the distance to the south, the familiar shape of Mount Fuji could be seen.

It wasn't, apparently, far enough to escape being a water-magnet. After setting up camp and setting a kettle of water on the fire, Ranma carefully removed the items she'd "retrieved" from her father from where they were hidden on her person. Four scrolls detailing martial arts and ki manipulation techniques, and a rune-covered piece of jewelry, of a design she'd never seen before, represented some of the dowries her father had collected over the years... at least the more serious ones. She didn't consider the price of a meal to be a serious dowry. Of course, she couldn't do anything about any money her father may have taken for her hand in marriage, but she'd do her best to repair what problems she could.

Ranma absently reached out and grabbed the kettle, allowing just enough water to pour onto her head to trigger the change. He then set the kettle to finish boiling. He picked up the weird piece of jewelry, he decided to call it a bracelet, since it seemed to be designed to fit primarily around the wrist, from the ground and examined it for any identifying marks. _'Let's see. There's writing on here, but it doesn't look like any kanji I know. Of course, up until a month ago, I didn't consider schooling to be worthwhile, but I'm pretty sure I'd recognize the writing if it was Japanese, English, Chinese, or Korean...'_

Ranma had just set aside the bracelet, and was reaching for one of the scrolls, when he finally noticed the unnatural stillness of the forest around him. Sighing, he returned the various items back into their hiding places, tossed dirt onto his fire to extinguish it, and searched the immediate area with eyes, ears, and ki.

Higher up in the mountains, shouts, and more disturbing, roars, could be heard. Already the light was failing as the sun dropped behind the mountains, and Ranma figured that he'd better check out the commotion before the light gave out completely. After digging into his pack for one of his blankets, he slipped into the discipline of the Umi-sen-ken, and slid into the shadows.

- + -

Ten minutes later found Ranma a good distance from his camp, overlooking a small clearing on the wooded mountain. His ki still cloaked by the Umi-sen-ken, Ranma took a few seconds to get a feel for the situation before charging headlong into it. In the clearing a girl, he figured she was about thirteen, was doing battle with what Ranma could only describe as a monster.

The girl fended off the monster with a long spear, of a type that Ranma couldn't readily identify. The outfit she was wearing was totally unsuited for combat, especially the too-short skirt that showed off the girl's legs. On the far side of the girl to the demon, though much closer to Ranma and slightly to his right, a similarly dressed girl about his age, with the oddest hairstyle Ranma had ever seen, lay crumpled on the ground.

The only reason why Ranma didn't go charging to the rescue was because the "unconscious" girl was apparently only faking it. Her shapely legs were arranged in a manner that would easily allow her to regain them. A strange-looking sword was on the ground nearby, and Ranma could tell that it would be back into the girl's hand within seconds. Ranma smiled when he noticed the way the girl was laying gave him an excellent view of the girl's magnificent profile. He made a mental note to watch where he put his eyes when the girl was on her feet; the girl's Chinese style dress was slashed across the yin-yang symbol on the girl's chest, exposing part of the girl's left breast. He was sure it would pop out when her body was vertical, especially if she made any vigorous movements.

Still hiding within the shadows, he returned his attention to the fight, though he kept his ki cloaked by the Umi-sen-ken. Ranma could tell that the older girl was allowing the younger one to get some practice, so he suppressed the urge to rush to the rescue, and respected the girls' right to fight their own fights... up to a point, of course.

The girl was at a disadvantage in this fight. The monster towered at least a meter over young girl, who Ranma judged to be a few centimeters shorter than his girl form. Though skeletal looking, Ranma figured that it easily outweighed her by over fifty kilos. Though the girl was easily faster than it, she was hampered both by protecting her "fallen" companion, and by the fact that her weapon wasn't exactly designed for close, one-on-one combat.

_'She'll need to be a little more aggressive if she hopes to win this fight on her own. Being on the defensive like that, needing to block its attempts to go around her, it will be easy to maneuver her into a bad position. Just like that...'_

When the monster made its move, the girl was already in an unfavorable situation. Her attention was split between the monster and her friend, so she missed seeing a protruding rock by her left foot. Her stumble was small, barely perceptible, but it was enough to give the creature the opening it needed. Its right hand grabbed the girl's spear, pulling the girl further off balance, while its left hand drew back to slash the unbalanced girl open. Furthermore, the spear's tip...

Ranma was already in motion as the older girl, in one smooth movement, rolled to her feet, her sword leaping into her hand, and charged the monster. Ranma's blanket swept up some convenient debris, before he sent it sailing at the beast's left hand. He wouldn't be able to save the girl from being hit, but he could save her from being slashed by the beast's claws. His top priority was to save the other girl from impaling herself upon the tip of her comrade's spear.

The thrown cloth, along with the debris it carried, struck first, wrapping around the monster's left hand. The hand struck the smaller girl's side, throwing her bodily to the edge of the clearing. His body impacted that of the taller girl, deflecting her body away from the spear tip the creature had placed in her path. Their combined momentum, however, wasn't enough for Ranma to get clear on time. The long edge of the spear's tip sliced open his left bicep, leaving a long, shallow cut on his upper arm.

Much to Ranma's amazement, the girl landed on her feet beside him. Even as her body assumed a ready stance, both hands grasping the hilt of her sword, her attention was elsewhere. Looking over her shoulder at her fallen friend, she cried out, "Azusa!"

"Eyes front," Ranma growled to the distracted girl beside him. "That monster was just playing with the two of you. We take care of it first, then make sure your friend is alright." He flexed his injured arm, noting with pleasure that the damage wouldn't hinder his performance too much. Fortunately, he was wearing a muscle shirt, so the only damage was a little blood. He figured that would easily wash out.

The girl nodded. "Right. We punish this fiend for hurting Azusa-chan first."

"I'm Ranma by the way."

"Yohko."

The creature looked at the two of them, mocking them with its laughter. "So... it looks like the two rookies had some backup. Guess you're not complete incompetents after all." It shook its fist to disentangle itself from the blanket Ranma had thrown. "Interesting technique, boy. I'm glad you saved the little one. I'll get a lot more pleasure out of her this way, after I kill the two of you."

"Try to keep a level head. He's just trying to make you lose your cool," Ranma warned quietly as he sensed the flicker of angry ki. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yohko take a deep, calming breath. _'The girl seems to have been trained pretty well, though she seems a bit inexperienced.'_ In a quieter voice, Ranma whispered, "When he attacks, let me distract him. You check on your friend." The girl nodded.

"Heh. Not taking the bait, are we?" The creature tossed the spear negligently in his right hand. "We've been waiting a long time for the crossing, and there's nothing you can do to stop us."

Yohko struck a pose, pointing her sword at the monster. "We will stop you, fiend, or die trying. I am the 108th generation Devil Hunter, Mano Yohko. No evil shall escape my blade."

Ranma smirked. "And I am Ranma... of no fancy title and no speeches either."

"I am Gekido, and we shall see about that, children! Prepare to die!" Gekido rushed forward, six-inch claws jutting from the ends of its fingers. Yohko dodged to the side, her sword held defensively before her. Ranma, however, held his ground until the last second. Even then, he evaded the slashing claws by a hair's width.

"Whoa! Careful with those things." Slash. "You call that an attack? I've seen piglets with more skill." Gouge. "Whoa, you almost got me with that one. No, wait, you didn't." Flail. "That some new kinda dance you're practicin'?" Thrust. "You tryin' to shake my hand?" Swish. "I guess they don't make..." Swing. "Monsters like they used to." Whiff. "I knew you were all talk!"

"SHUT UP AND DIE!"

"Fine, but can I get in..." Claw. "A few last words, first?"

Gekido made yet another ineffective attack. "Like what?"

"Hiryuu Shouten Ha!"

- + -

Yohko gently turned Azusa over, her eyes wandering over her friend's body. She couldn't see any injuries beyond the developing bruise on the side of the girl's face, but Yohko used her devil-hunters' healing powers anyways. It was difficult, since that young man, Ranma, was fighting for his life on the far side of the clearing, distracting Gekido for Azusa's sake. Each near miss tore at Yohko's heart. She vowed that she wouldn't let another handsome young man get away before she had a chance to win his heart.

"Yohko-san?"

"Azusa-chan! Are you alright?"

"I think so... who's that?"

Yohko turned her attention back to the fight. "His name's Ranma. He saved us both from getting killed by that monster, Gekido. I don't know much more beyond that... but he does seem to be pretty good..."

At that moment, the far end of the clearing exploded.

Yohko felt her heart sink as she stared at the tornado that had consumed that cute boy. "Dammit... not another... what?" She looked closer, and saw Ranma standing at the center of the tornado, his fist still extended into the air. Looking up, she saw Gekido being carried aloft, buffeted by the wind and debris.

"He's... he's a ki adept."

"A ki adept?"

"Yeah. Grandma told me about them. They're martial artists who have the skill, and talent, to go beyond using their ki to simply enhance their strength and reflexes. They can do all sorts of amazing things. In this day and age, they're rare, since martial arts aren't much more than a hobby for most people, and many families have abandoned the old ways. Guess Ranma's an exception..."

Within the tornado, Ranma began summoning a glowing blue sphere.

"Kuso... I just thought of something... RANMA!"

Thanks to the roar of the tornado, Yohko could barely make out Ranma's "What?"

Yohko ran forward, shouting to be heard over the wind, "Don't use ki attacks. That kind of monster can absorb life energy, like ki. You need the right kind of magic to hurt it."

Ranma looked back at the red-clad girl. "That spear of Azusa's is magic, right?"

"Yes!"

Ranma gave her a charming smile, and then stepped into the tornado's winds himself. "I'll be right back." Yohko could only watch, shocked, as Ranma was carried aloft by his own attack.

- + -

Deep within the winds of the Hiryuu Shouten Ha, Ranma looked for the proverbial needle in a haystack. He expertly maneuvered through the winds, evading the worst of the debris within. Despite his skill, the exposed skin of his face, hands, and arms were cut, and his pants and muscle-shirt were torn.

_'Thank the kami I've had some experience at this kind of thing... There it is.'_

As Ranma twisted his body so that his path would intersect with the tumbling spear, he noted that Gekido was helpless in the face of the "ascending dragon's" fury. Its feeble attempts to guide its flight only worsened the monster's out of control tumbling.

"Got it!" Resisting the urge to take the fight to Gekido immediately, he maneuvered to the edge of the tornado, and allowed the winds to throw him clear.

- + -

On the ground, Yohko and Azusa gasped as Ranma was thrown out of the tornado, hundreds of feet above the ground. In his right hand, Ranma carried Azusa's soul spear. In his left, Ranma was again gathering a ki attack.

Yohko cupped her hands around her mouth, and shouted. "Ranma! I told you! Ki attacks can only... oh, I see. Using a ki attack like that to cushion your fall is quite clever."

Yohko and Azusa ran toward the place where Ranma had landed, smoke and dust still in the air from his attack. Yohko took in Ranma's battered and disheveled state. "Ranma, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. The Hiryuu Shouten Ha will exhaust itself in a few moments. In the meantime... here." Ranma presented Yohko a safety pin.

"What's this for?"

"I figured you might want to fix your outfit."

"What's wrong with it? Aaaah!" Blushing, Yohko turned around and began fumbling with her clothing.

Ranma turned to the younger girl. "Azusa-chan, wasn't it?"

The shorter girl nodded.

Ranma held up the girl's spear. "Do you mind if I borrow this?"

"Not at all!"

The two of them ignored Yohko's muttering as she dealt with her malfunctioning wardrobe. "How embarrassing. I meet a hunk, one who can actually keep up with me, and I'm running around with my left tit hanging out." A little louder, she added, "There. I guess that'll do."

"Good, because our rest period is over."

Unnoticed by Yohko, the winds of the tornado had begun to die down. No longer being fed by Ranma's ki, it slowly broke up, allowing Gekido, high above their heads, to plummet back to the Earth. Ranma stared at the falling speck, then began summoning up another ki attack. Seeing Yohko's opening mouth, Ranma winked and said, "Don't worry, I know what I'm doin'." The trio followed the blast's path as it clipped Gekido's shoulder.

"Well, that was pointless..."

"Not really. I just needed to altered how Gekido's tumbling a bit."

With a crash, Gekido smashed into the ground, head first.

"That had to have hurt."

Ranma gave Yohko a smile that almost turned her knees to water. "Let's go finish it off."

Yohko gave Ranma a smile of her own. "Right!"

Azusa waved as the pair raced forward. "Good luck!"

As the two of the ran, Yohko asked, "How do you want to handle this?"

"You've got more experience at this kind of stuff than I do, I'll follow your lead."

"Alright... Here's the plan. We both keep moving, and don't let ourselves remain grounded. You distract him with Azusa's spear. I'll go for the kill."

The pair bounced around Gekido. When the creature attacked Yohko, she'd leap out of the way as Ranma attempted to trip him with the haft of the spear, or drive the point into his back. If Gekido went after Ranma, he'd find himself having to avoid impaling himself on the spear's tip. If he tried to get within Ranma's reach, he'd find himself chasing after the martial artist, as Yohko slashed at his heels or the back of his knees. Slowly, they wore him down. Limping and bleeding, Gekido made a fatal mistake that allowed Ranma to skewer him in the side. Before he could free himself, Yohko removed his head from his body.

Ranma and Yohko watched, attempting to catch their breath, as Gekido's body disintegrated into dust. They were soon joined by Azusa, who looked at the Ranma with adoring eyes. "Sugoi! You're good!"

"Yohko's the one that deserves the most credit, Azusa-chan. And you, for letting me borrow your spear." With a bow, Ranma returned the spear to its owner. "Do you two have a camp near..."

At that instant, a panicked looking Chinese man, carrying an eight-year old girl under his arm, came crashing through the clearing, chanting some kind of mantra. Ranma and Yohko looked at each other, then towards the direction the Chinese man had run off too, his chant now only faintly heard.

Ranma cocked his head to the side as he considered the rather odd scene. "Does anybody know what 'badu dei' means?"

Seconds later, an enormous Japanese man, apparently a sumo, ran by them. He was carrying an elderly Chinese man over his shoulder, who was shouting something in English.

Yohko was oblivious to the scene, much more interested in the cute boy that had saved her life. "No. Do you, Azusa?"

Azusa was much more interested in where the others had come from. "Um... maybe it mean's he's having a bad day?"

Yohko looked towards the shorter girl. "Why do you say that?"

The girl pointed at the scene behind them. "Because we're about to have one too!"

Yohko and Ranma took one look at the horde of creatures charging at them, and decided that that guy had the right idea. "Run!"

"Azusa! We need to grab our packs!" Yohko started bearing to the right.

Ranma followed. "I'll grab your pack, Azusa. You concentrate on running."

"Thanks, Ranma-san!"

Yohko, Ranma on her heels, broke out into another clearing, where two frame-packs were leaning against a tree. Yohko grabbed one, slipping the straps over her shoulders in mid-stride. Ranma grabbed the other, a bit surprised at the weight. "Hidden weapons style, right?" He asked as the two ran, adjusting the straps so that they didn't dig quite so much into his armpits.

"Never heard of it. There's a couple of magical techniques that allow Azusa and I to fit a lot into a small space."

"Same difference, only you use ki rather than magic. There are the others... and the monsters seem to be keeping pace." Azusa had caught up with the Sumo, while the old man was firing at the monsters with a glowing puffer-fish, of all things. "I think he's a chi wizard. You don't see many of them these days."

"We don't see ki-adepts much these days either."

"You mean me? I'm a martial artist."

"Not according to grandma, you're not. Ki blasts and that tornado thing you did means you've gone beyond simple martial arts."

"If you say so." The pair had caught up with Azusa and the sumo. "Yohko, chi-wizardry isn't that much different from what I do." He turned to the sumo and the wizard slung over his shoulder. "Excuse me, do you guys speak Japanese?"

"Some," the sumo said, puffing a bit. "Are we... in Japan?"

The two young people looked at each other dubiously. "Yes..."

The old man shouted something.

The two teens looked at each other again. "I'm afraid my English isn't very good, though I have the feeling that what he said wasn't good news," Ranma said as they ran.

The sumo ran on. "He said the demons are getting closer."

Ranma and Yohko looked over their shoulders. "Some of them are, at least. What do you say, Ranma?"

"I think that I'll need to borrow Azusa-chan's spear again."

"Right. Azusa-chan? Remember that old shrine Grandma mentioned? Do you know where it is?"

"Yes, Yohko-san!"

"Lead them there." Seeing Ranma's puzzled look, Yohko hastily explained, "It's old enough that it might have real wards active. If not, it's at least a defensible spot, and we can put up our own wards to give us an edge."

Azusa tossed her spear to Ranma. "You guys follow me."

The sumo nodded. "Right." He shouted something in English to the man in the lead.

The other man looked over his shoulder, and started running to intercept the others. Ranma and Yohko slowed their pace slightly, allowing the others to increase their lead. "Ready, Yohko?"

"Ready, Ranma. Let's do this."

- + -

As one, the pair leapt, using trees to reverse their momentum and hurl themselves at the six demons closest to them. Yohko's first pass left two of the demons writhing and bleeding on the ground. Ranma used the spear like a staff, the elongated spear point nearly as effective as a sword in Ranma's hands. He neatly tripped one demon while gutting a second. He kicked backwards, knocking a third demon into a tree while stabbing the first in the chest just as it got up. Yohko sliced the head off her third demon, and then turned to find the last demon had impaled itself on Ranma's reversed spear.

As the advance wave dissolved into dust, Ranma turned to look at the rest of the horde. "I think it's time to run again."

Yohko, meanwhile, was standing still, her eyes closed. "Just give me a second..." She held her left hand before her face. On her hand, a ring glowed, a glow that was matched by her hair ornaments.

"Okay... let's see if this works. Bakusai Tenketsu revised... Chi-nami-ken!" Kneeling, he slammed his palm into the ground, causing a wave of earth to burst forth, rushing towards the advancing demons. Unfortunately, the wave was only five centimeters high. It did disrupt the ground enough to cause the front ranks to stumble, tripping the ranks behind. "Kuso. Well, at least it slowed them down..."

Red lightning jumped between Yohko's ring and hair ornaments. "Good enough. Ha!" Yohko punched forward, throwing the lightning at the demons. Half way between them, it split apart, creating a web of reddish energy between the two teens and the horde. "Yatta! It worked! Let's go!"

The pair hurried after the others. "At least yours worked," Ranma grumbled.

"You were trying something new, right?"

"So were you."

"Not really. It's just that that attack usually wraps up a single demon. I aimed it at a whole bunch of trees this time, so it never had a chance to collapse. I've seen that happen before... it's just that I was trying to pin a demon down at the time. This time I did it on purpose. I'm sure if you practice, it'll be what you want it to be."

"I hope so. I still remember my first attempts at a ki-blast..." Ranma shook his head. "Where's this shrine of yours?"

Yohko pointed down into the valley. "Down there." The girl stole a quick glance over her shoulder. "Uh, oh."

"What?" Ranma also looked back, where the demons were running around Yohko's web. He looked at the blushing Yohko, and said, "I'm sure if you practice, you'll be able to make it a lot bigger."

"I can't believe I thought that puny thing would slow them down..."

"Maybe it'll spread them out some more, and give us a chance to take a few more down."

"It's at least two kilometers to the shrine... we'll exhaust ourselves if we turn and fight the whole way. Let's hope we bought Azusa-chan enough time to... Kuso."

"What?"

"Azusa's wards are in her backpack."

"So?"

"You're carrying it."

"Kuso."

- + -

A tired pair of teens ran through the deepening gloom towards the mountain lake, and shrine it sheltered. The horde of monsters was not far behind them. Three times they had had to stop and delay the monsters pursuing them. Three times, the measures they'd used had bought the others, at best, an additional minute.

"Yohko-san!" The younger devil-hunter waved from the gates in the walled compound on the shore. Ranma thought it looked more like ruined castle than any shrine he'd seen. "The others are already in the shrine proper." Passing through the gates, Ranma saw that the main shrine actually was built in the middle of the lake. A decrepit-looking bridge linked the shrine to the enclosed yard and living quarters on the shore. "The wards on the wall seem to be weak, but still intact."

"Let's hurry to the main shrine. The demons are right behind us!"

"Hai." The three of them ran from the gates towards the bridge. Seconds later, the sounds of lightning and screams of pain erupted from behind them. Looking back, the teenagers saw the leading edge of the horde at the gate, energy streaming through them. After a couple of minutes, they withdrew, glaring at the humans beyond their reach.

Ranma smirked. "I guess the wards do work."

Yohko, on the other hand, looked at the display with concern. "Unfortunately, they won't last for long against a determined assault. We'd better hurry if we want to live through the night."

Ranma looked at the bridge, and the dark waters below. "At least the actual shrine will be easy to defend."

- + -

At the shrine on the lake, a strategy meeting was taking place. Or would be if it weren't for a teeny-tiny problem: communication.

The elderly Chinese man, called "Uncle" by his companions, shouted at his apprentice, the former sumo, Touru. /What did she say/

Touru answered/She said that our first concern should be setting up physical barriers and traps to slow the demons down./

The old man wagged his finger at Yohko. /Silly girl! Traps not important. Magic must defeat magic/

Yohko turned to Touru, asking, "What did Uncle say?"

"Sensei said that your strategy would not be effective, since only magic can harm the demons."

Ranma whispered to Azusa, "My English may not be that good, but I don't think that's what Uncle said." The girl nodded, giggling.

"Touru, tell Uncle that while the traps may not harm the demons, they will give them trouble, which will allow Ranma and I to be more effective when we attack."

/What did she say/

/Yohko said that the point of the traps isn't to harm them, but to hinder them. That would allow Ranma and Yohko to.../

/Children not important! Magic must defeat magic. It is up to Uncle to save the day/

/Actually, Sensei.../

"What did he say?"

"Just a moment." /Sensei, Yohko said that your magic would not be effective, and that their weapons.../

/Nonsense! Weapons not important, and magic is always effective. Tell silly girl she don't know what she talking about/

Touru looked from the angry Uncle to the frowning Yohko, who may not have understood the whole message, but definitely understood the tone. /Um... Sensei.../

The youngest member of their group, Jade, leaned towards Azusa and whispered, This is SO not going well. On the other side of Jade, the last member of their group, Jackie, lowered his head in embarrassment.

"Enough!" Azusa jumped onto her feet and walked over to her backpack. She rummaged through her backpack for a bit, before holding up a large black box with her right hand. "I've got the answer right here!"

Ranma leaned towards Yohko. "Did I just hear some kind of fanfare?" Yohko nodded.

/Touru! What does box say/

/It says, "Devil hunter's starter kit," Sensei./

"Now let's see..." Azusa opened the lid and started tossing the contents over her shoulder, "Nope, nope, not this... so that's where I put that, maybe... no, nuh-uh... a grilled cheese sandwich? No... Hmm, maybe if we were trapped in another dimension..."

Yohko rested her head on Ranma's shoulder. "I have got to find out where she got that thing..." She wrapped an arm around his waist. Ranma returned the favor.

"I've got it!" She held up a small silver ball, attached to a claw-shaped pedestal of obsidian. The ball flared orange for a brief instant. "The orb of Veran Tang! Anyone that touches the orb will be able to understand anyone else who touched the orb, at least until the next sunset! Ranma-san? Yohko-san?" The pair touched the orb, which again flared orange. "Jackie-san?" The girl presented the orb to the older man.

He picked it up and looked it over. "Hmm... it looks like it might have been made during the third Han dynasty..."

Ranma smiled. "Hey! I understood you!"

"I guess it works. Here, Uncle."

The old man picked it up. "Aiyaa! This is the orb of Veran Tang! Anyone that touches the orb..."

Yohko gave the older man a nasty grin. "We know all this, Uncle. Ow!"

"Don't interrupt Uncle!"

Jade grabbed the orb next. "Can you guys understand me?" At the chorused "Yes" coming from the Japanese natives, she grinned and said, "Cool. And last but not least, Touru."

Touru accepted the Orb. "But I already speak Japanese."

Ranma smiled. "Yeah, but now you speak it a lot better, big-guy!"

The enormous sumo blushed. "Oh."

Uncle spoke up. "Now where were we? Oh, yes. You! Silly girl! Weapons not important! Magic must defeat magic!"

"Uncle Jackie? Why does Uncle still have his accent?"

"Jade... hush."

Ranma carefully edged away from a fuming Yohko. "Silly girl? Now you listen here, old man! What kind of wizard are you?"

"Hmph. A chi-wizard!"

"And what type of monsters are those?" She pointed out the open door at the two-dozen or so monsters pushing against the wards' barrier.

"Monster not important. Magic must defeat magic!"

"The type of monster IS important, as is the type of magic you use. Why do you think Ranma's using Azusa-chan's spear? Because they would absorb his ki attacks... just like they would absorb the chi contained by your magic!"

Uncle rose to his feet. "Nonsense! There is only one type of magic! One more thing..."

Yohko jumped to her feet as well, right into Uncle's face. "Oh, you're one of those types, are you?" The girl held up her ring. "The magic contained within mine and Azusa-chan's devil-hunter talismans are what's going to see us through this. It's what gives my sword and Azusa's spear their powers. Magical powers."

"Okay, that's enough!" Ranma stepped between the young woman and the old man, separating the two. "The enemy is out there, remember?" Ranma hastily removed his hand from Yohko's breast before asking her, "That reminds me. Where did all these demons come from anyway?"

"Two weeks ago, somebody stole the Mirror of Tsukiyomi from its hidden cave. The mirror is supposed to seal a portal to the netherworld. Azusa-chan and I were supposed to put up temporary wards at the portal site, and guard it to make sure nothing gets through, but obviously that's..."

"Cool! Where can I get one of those?"

"Auntie Madoka got it for me, Jade."

"Okay you two, keep quiet, this is important."

"Alright, Uncle Jackie."

Ranma stared at the metal glove on Azusa's left hand. He walked over and knelt where Azusa and Jade were sitting. "Azusa-chan, can I take a close look at that?"

"Sure."

Yohko wandered over to where Ranma was kneeling before Azusa, holding her hand as he looked at the talisman. "You know, you look like you're proposing to Azusa-chan." She smiled at the flustered reaction from the pair.

Ranma stood up. "You know, I do believe I have one of those things." He retrieved the bracelet from where he'd hidden it, and showed it to Yohko.

"It does look like one of ours. Kinda."

Ranma smiled. "Great, so now we've got three of these things. That should improve the odds." He slipped it on, and frowned when nothing happened.

"Um... Ranma? Those things only work for girls."

"Oh."

Jade jumped up, waving her hand. "I'm a girl!"

"And both of you already have one."

"Yo! Girl right here!"

Yohko nodded. "Mmmhmm. Makes me wish my best-friend Chi had tagged along this time."

"Hey! One hundred percent genuine girl right here! And I'm Chinese, so I won't look out of place in a Chinese dress!"

"No Jade," Jackie objected, "You are too young."

"Aw, man!"

Ranma winced. "Well, there's a simple solution. Do you guys have a canteen?"

Yohko gave Ranma an odd look, before retrieving her canteen from her backpack. "Here you go. What's your solution?"

"This." He dumped the contents onto his head, changing him into a girl. The redheaded girl looked up at the staring Yohko, before glancing down at the bracelet on her left wrist. "Nothing seems to be happening..."

"You turned into a girl! How did you..."

"Aiyaa! You fall in Cursed Springs of Jusenkyou! Now whenever you splashed by cold water, you are cursed to turn into girl, and hot water turns you back into boy." Uncle whapped the busty redhead on the back of the head. "What you do stupid thing like that for?"

Ranma smiled at Yohko as she rubbed the back of her head. "Any other questions?"

Azusa leaned over to Jade and whispered, "I can't believe he got all that out in one breathe."

Jade whispered back, "I can't believe he still has his accent."

"It's probably because you both can speak the same language..."

"His accent's in _Chinese_."

"Oh."

Ranma frowned at the bracelet again. "There still doesn't seem to be anything happening..."

Yohko turned a puzzled gaze to the bracelet as well. "Well... Oh! I know. Azusa-chan didn't change until she held my Soul Sword. Here." She offered the sword, hilt first, to Ranma, who accepted it, holding it before her eyes. She then grinned. "Of course, the first time it's activated, you've got to be a virgin as well..."

Ranma looked at the bracelet, "I don't think I qualify..." Her eyes went wide as the bracelet began to glow. The glow intensified, before floating off Ranma's wrist to float in midair, forming a perfect sphere. With an audible pop, the sphere disappeared, revealing a...

The glow intensified, before floating off Ranma's wrist to float in midair, forming a perfect sphere. With an audible pop, the sphere disappeared, revealing a...

"Konichiwa!"

Yohko spoke up helpfully, "Technically, it's evening, Rat-san."

The right eyebrow of the not-so-cute "Cute Animal Companion (TM)" began to twitch.

Ranma looked at the creature. "I don't think it's a rat."

"It sure looks like a rat," Jade disagreed.

"It has wings," Azusa pointed out.

"So it's a winged rat," Jade said, shrugging. "I've seen weirder."

A vein popped out on the forehead of the guardian beast with the unfortunate physiognomy. So he looked vaguely like a member of the order _Rodentia_. It was no reason to be insulting.

Uncle added his two-yen into the conversation. "Wings not important..."

"Um, Sensei, now's not the time, " Touru said placatingly.

"Maybe it's a kami, and it only looks like a rat to throw people off balance," Azusa added helpfully.

The winged rat, the vein throbbing in its forehead, put an end to all the speculation. "Silence! I am The Guardian Beast of the Bracelet of Kuan-Yin," the rat said, striking a pompus pose, "the Grey Beauty of the Temple, Tenno Nezumi..."

"Doesn't that also mean 'Rat of Heaven?'" Azusa asked.

The rat glared at the younger devil hunter.

"Don't interrupt, Azusa. Please continue, Rat-san."

The rat turned his glare at Yohko.

"Tenno Nezumi-sama," the older girl said, meekly.

"Hmph. For generations, I have been used to awaken powers that have been lost." The not-quite angelic vermin turned to Ranma, "And you are, miss?"

"Ranma."

The ra... ahem, guardian beast hovered before Ranma, staring her in the eye. "Hmm... Nyanniichuan, right?"

"Hai."

"Well, you technically qualify, since the powers that created me weren't too specific about being a female." The flying rat continued to stare at Ranma for another minute. "I suppose you technically qualify as a virgin as well..."

"I do?"

"Well, since at the time of my creation, virginity meant a woman who hadn't had sex with a man, you qualify."

"Oh."

"Now then, let's see what powers you qualify for, shall we?"

Yohko looked confused. "Um, Ra... er... Tenno-sama... you mean you're not a Devil Hunter talisman?"

"No. I do have the potential to be used as one, but that isn't my primary function. Now let's see... oh, my!"

Ranma asked, "What?"

The rat grinned. "There are so many powers to choose from! Now let's see..." Tenno Nezumi snapped his fingers and...

"You have got to be kidding..."

"That's a very pretty wedding dress, Ranma-san," Azusa said with a strait face.

Jade wasn't quite so restrained. "Giggle Yeah, but can you fight in it?"

"Not to your liking? Then how about this?" The rat snapped his finger again...

"Great. I'm Ranma, bondage queen..."

"Uncle Jackie?" The youngest girl asked, looking concerned. "Your nose is bleeding."

"For the record, I refuse to fight in stilettos."

"Alright..." There was yet another snap, and...

Yohko nodded in approval. "That doesn't look too bad. Though the skirt is kind of short."

Ranma wasn't quite so receptive. "It has a giant bow at the back..."

Yohko giggled. "What do you expect? This is obviously a bracelet to awaken... magical girls!"

Ranma pinched the bridge of her nose. "Great... just great. At least these heels aren't too high..."

The archeologist Jackie Chan looked at part of Ranma's clothing. "I do believe those runes look Nordic."

Ranma, meanwhile, tried to covertly rearrange part of her clothing. "Argh... this thong is riding up my..."

"Please watch your language," Jackie said, "There are children present."

After checking herself out, she turned to the rat and said, "This is a possibility, but I want to see if there anything less... um..."

Tenno Nezumi looked disappointed. "Alright, but I really wanted to get one up on Hermod for a change..."

One change later found Ranma glaring at the others as they writhed on the floor with laughter. "Absolutely not!"

"Okay..."

There was yet another wardrobe change. "I think I preferred the wedding dress... I refuse to fight in anything resembling a bikini... unless I absolutely have to."

"That's a cool looking gun, though." Azusa looked enraptured by the fire-arm. "Big too."

The rat sighed before snapping his fingers. "How about this?"

Yohko giggled. "That outfit will have the boys crawling all over you, Ranma."

"Yuck... the last outfit covered me more. Next!"

"Uncle Jackie, your nose is bleeding again," Jade helpfully pointed out.

"Wait! I think I've got the perfect one. And it's about time she saw the light of day again!" Tenno-sama snapped his fingers, and...

"Now THIS is what I'm talking about."

The others stared at Ranma. She was dressed in a tight-fitting, silvery breastplate embossed with a blue ivy pattern across the chest, with a large emerald embedded in the middle of the pattern. A leather skirt dyed dark green, with silver studs around the edge, protected her hips and upper legs. Dark green boots covered her lower legs, while silvery bracers, embossed with green ivy near the elbow, protected her forearms. A dark-green cloak, also edged in silver, flowed from her shoulders, reaching nearly to her ankles. A European broadsword was held in her hand, while the scabbard hung from her belt. A gold diadem, with another emerald embedded in the middle, was half hidden by her hair.

Yohko smiled. "I think I'm jealous. That looks a lot more practical than what I've got to fight in."

Azusa nodded. "Yeah... that looks cool!"

Jade added her approval. "Two thumbs up."

Jackie stared at Ranma, rubbing his chin. "You know, none of the individual components of the armor match, historically speaking, or the sword for that matter..."

"Too bad the sword isn't a katana..." Ranma blinked in surprise as the sword morphed into a katana. "Excellent."

"The magic does have some give to it, to allow for personal preferences in weapons."

"But the armor is definitely European!" Jackie objected. "The katana is totally..."

"Uncle Jackie," Jade interrupted. "You're talking about a magical girl here."

"Good point."

The flying rat hovered in front of the new magical girl. "Is this acceptable to you, Ranma?"

"Yes."

"Excellent. Good luck!" Tenno Nezumi began to glow, once again taking the form of a glowing orb. The orb morphed back into a bracelet, which fell to the floor of the abandoned shrine.

Ranma looked at herself, and her new katana. "Um... what exactly am I supposed to do with all this?"

Yohko placed her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Train, I guess. But in the meantime, we've still got to survive the night."

"Right. So I guess you, Azusa, and I, as the trained martial artists, are gonna to take out that horde?"

"Right. We should have an advantage, fighting on sacred ground like this. There also the kami in the lake, and some sprites as well, so we won't have to worry about the demons swimming to the actual shrine. They'll have to use the bridge."

"Hey! Uncle Jackie's a martial artist too!"

Yohko looked at the young girl's uncle. "You any good?"

"Uncle Jackie's the best!"

The man scratched the back of his head. "Well... I do pretty well..."

"Azusa-chan, will you let this man use your spear?"

"Yes, Yohko-san."

"Okay, the three of us will take on the horde. Uncle, you use your magic to provide us with cover fire. It won't hurt them, but it will slow them down to give us an opening, or a chance to recover."

"My apprentice and I will be ready!"

"Yes, Sensei."

"Azusa, you'll be helping Uncle and Touru protect our backs."

"Yes, Yohko-san."

"Hey! What about me?"

Jackie turned to his niece and said, "You will stay inside the shrine where it's safe."

"Oh, man!"

"I don't know how much time we have, so we'd better prepare our defenses as much as possible. Uncle, do you think you can whip up something to hide what we're doing from the demons?"

"Just leave it to Uncle!"

Ranma rested her katana against her shoulder. "Unless there are any objections, I need to get a feel for all this. I don't usually fight in armor, or with weapons. And I'm sure this outfit comes with magical powers..."

"Right. Okay, everyone, let's get to work!"

- + -

Standing upon the balcony at the rear of the shrine, Ranma closed her eyes, feeling the power within her. She summoned it between her outstretched hands, a blue-green ball of energy. As the magic built up, she opened her eyes and released the attack. The attack streaked forward, blasting into the waters of the lake.

"Thou art performing it wrongly."

Ranma jumped at the sound of an unfamiliar female voice behind her. She turned around, looking for the source of the voice.

"Thou art imbuing too much of thy life energy into thine attack. The power thou dost seek is based upon the elements about thee, not upon thy life force. Thou must gather thy power from thine environment, not from within. The twisted kami that dost assault my shrine would feast upon thy life force, but are most sensitive to thine elemental powers."

Ranma finally found the speaker: a ten centimeter tall woman. Though tiny, she wore an exquisitely embroidered kimono, the pattern reflecting the beauty of the mountain lake they were on.

"Furthermore, I must request of thee that thou shouldst not use my lake for target practice. Though my sprites do find great sport in dodging thy blows, I find the sensation most disquieting. If thou needest to practice, direct thy power upon those boulders upon the far shore."

"Oh... sorry about that."

"It is customary to introduce thyself, and to inquire of thy host's identity as well."

"Sorry. I'm Ranma, formerly of the Saotome clan. And you are... my lady?" She'd just figured out that the miniature woman was probably the kami to whom the shrine was dedicated.

"I am Amakoi no Mizukami. I do regret that mine powers have atrophied to such a degree that I cannot assist thee more. It has been many centuries since thy people were last here, and I am weak from the lack of the love and affection of the people I once protected. Though my sprites are a lively bunch, they are not human."

"Oh... that's alright I guess. Short help is better than no help at all, right?"

The miniature kami giggled. "Thou art quite amusing. But if thou art to be ready for the struggle ahead, thou must focus thine attention to the matter at hand. Thou canst not draw upon the power of my lake directly, but if thou wouldst allow it to nurture thine own power, like the rain nurtures the flower, thou shouldst be most successful.'

Ranma closed her eyes again, allowing the power of the lake to flow into her.

"Thou must allow the power of the water to nurture thine own. Thy cannot draw upon the water directly." The red-haired girl struggled to comply with the woman's advice. "Relax. Struggle not against the power. There. Thou should find it easier upon the shore, where thou can stand upon thy element." Ranma opened her eyes, looking at the emerald sphere between her hands. Focusing upon the far shore, she released her attack. The energy caused the boulder it struck to break apart.

"Yatta!" Ranma turned her back on the lake, and bowed to her host. "Thanks for the help, lady."

"My pleasure. Thy transformation shouldst include some instinctive techniques, so follow thine instinct in battle." The kami looked at her shrine in sadness. "Promise me, however, that thou wouldst seek to restorest my shrine to its proper state. Especially since thy battle with the twisted kami is sure to do much damage to it."

"Sure."

- + -

Ranma walked over to where Yohko kept watch at the far end of the bridge, absently placing an arm around her waist. "The demons still haven't broken through yet?" Several floating spheres of yellowish light that Uncle and Touru had created, as well as the flickering white light of the wards that kept the demons out, lit the courtyard beyond.

"No, and it's been two hours. At least Grandma was right about the kami of the lake, so we won't have to worry about being attacked from that direction. These things are actually youma, not demons. The kami hate youma even more than they hate demons. They are corrupted kami, after all. We've set what barriers we could, but there wasn't a lot of material to work with. We've added some new wards, and Uncle and Touru whipped up some magical traps, which should give us an edge."

"Of course, we still need to seal off the portal, not to mention find this mirror thingy."

"Jackie-san has the mirror."

Ranma blinked for a second, before looking at Yohko. "He's the thief?"

"No, he retrieved it from the thief, and he came here to replace the mirror. Unfortunately, that horde came through before he could get to the cave."

"Oh. So all we have to do is fight off these demons, fight our way to the portal, and use the mirror to seal it again. Piece of cake."

"According to Grandma, the portal will need to recharge before any more demons can come through."

"That means that every minute we wait, the portal is that much closer to reopening."

"That's the problem. The longer it takes them to break through those wards, the weaker the demons will be. Unfortunately, they might also get reinforcements. I tried contacting Grandma on my cell phone, but I couldn't get a signal. If I don't contact her by tomorrow morning, she'll send help, but..."

"But by that time, it'll be too late."

"Right. How did the training go?"

"I think I'm as ready as I can be at this stage of the game. I don't want to tire myself out, and it's been a long day already."

"Hmm... another reason we shouldn't wait. It's nearly midnight..."

"Gotcha. Can you drop the wards?"

"No, but we can destroy them, so we'll only get one chance at this."

"We'll just have to add it to the list of things that need to be repaired." Seeing Yohko's puzzled expression, Ranma explained, "Amakoi no Mizukami asked for our help in restoring her shrine to working order."

"I should've thought of that myself. The kami actually talked to you, personally?

"Yeah. I needed some pointers, and I was disturbing her lake in the process." Ranma glanced at the gates, where one of the larger youma was slowly working its way through the barrier. "It looks like it's time to get this started."

"Right. Everyone! We're going to let the monsters in. We can't wait for them to break through, because we need to seal the portal before it reopens, so we'll have to do this the hard way. Is everyone ready?"

The "Good Guys," as Jade had dubbed their assembled team, all nodded.

"Jade. The shrine. Now."

"But Uncle Jackie..."

"Now."

"It's not fair." The girl stomped into the shrine.

"Alright, let's do this. Uncle? Touru? Wait till we get into position." The three fighters hurried across the bridge, positioning themselves in the courtyard, halfway to the shrine's gate.

"Touru, prepare to remove wards!" The sumo and the old man began chanting as they held glowing fish in their hands.

In the middle of the outer courtyard, Yohko, Ranma, and Jackie spread out and readied their weapons. The two girls also summoned balls of light into their left hands, Yohko's red, Ranma's green. Yohko glanced at Ranma. "You're a fast learner."

"It's the same idea as the Moko Takabishi. Only I'm using magic to fuel it, rather than my ki."

"Ah."

Jackie looked at the two magical girls on either side of him, and muttered, "I really wish I had brought the talismans..."

Yohko raised her sword above her head, and then swung it down to point at the gate. At that signal, yellow bolts of energy flew over their shoulders, striking the wards on the outer wall. After two of the wards were destroyed, the energy keeping the youma from passing through the gate or climbing over the wall weakened, and the horde began to pour over and through.

Half way to the assembled warriors, yellow beams shot up from the ground, freezing five of the monstrous vanguard in their tracks. Several more stumbled as they dodged, leaving only half a dozen to complete their charge at the humans between them and their goal.

Yohko hurled her magical attack at one of the youma, killing it. She ducked under the wild swing of the second, before disemboweling it with one, clean swipe. Both youma disintegrated into smoke and dust.

Ranma's released her attack as well, just as an idea popped into her head. As the glowing sphere obliterated one youma, the girl switched her sword to her left hand, her right pointing to the sky. "Verudanto Biimu!" She brought her hand down to point at another of the approaching monsters. A bright green beam of light ran the creature straight through. The attack blasted through the youma and struck one of the beasts climbing over the wall, killing it as well. The last one fared no better, as she sliced it in half with a left-handed slash.

Jackie used Azusa's spear like a staff, tripping the remaining youma, removing its leg in the process. He quickly impaled it before it could recover, and braced himself for the second wave.

Red and yellow blasts of energy knocked half the advancing wave off their feet, while Yohko's attack and Ranma's Verdant Beam destroyed several more. There was enough left over to require Ranma and the others to retreat towards the shrine. After about ten meters, many of the youma found their feet falling into hidden holes filled with downward pointing stakes, giving the trio a chance to destroy a few more. Magical blasts from Azusa and the pair of chi wizards hurled a few of the youma off their feet, giving the fighters the necessary openings to kill the rest. The dozen or so monsters that remained withdrew to regroup at the outer wall. Ranma, Yohko, and Azusa used this opportunity to blast a few more of them into dust.

At the outer wall, the rest of the youma had finished assembling. With a ferocious roar, they scrambled towards the humans that had dared to resist them.

Yohko, who anchored the defensive line on the left, gaped in horror. "There must be at least fifty of them!"

In the middle, Jackie Chan was chanting, "Bad day, bad day, bad day," as the horde advanced.

At the right, Ranma took a few steps forward, muttering, "Let's hope this works this time." She switched her sword to her off hand again, before driving her palm into the ground with a cry: "Earthen Wave!" A tsunami of dirt and stone burst forth from around her hand, rushing towards the advancing horde. It smashed into the front ranks, crushing them. The rest didn't fare well either, as they were battered by stones or buried by the avalanche. Ranma looked to her left at the two staring at him. "What?"

"Um, Ranma? Is that what you expected to happen the first time?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh." Yohko stared at the few youma that were regaining their feet as the rest began digging themselves out. With a grim smile, she gripped her sword tighter. "Alright! Let's go!"

- + -

Yohko and Ranma watched as Jackie Chan carefully remounted the mirror in the cave's wall, opposite the swirling disk of faintly glowing smoke. As the last clamp clicked shut, a beam of light emerged from the mirror, striking the heart of the disk. With a flash, the portal collapsed, leaving the cavern in darkness.

The light returned when Ranma summoned a blue-white sphere of ki. "Well, that was anti-climatic."

Yohko stared at Ranma in shock. "Would you prefer having to fight off another horde of demons? I think we've had enough for one tonight."

"I was referring to the mirror." She looked at the tiny mirror on the wall. "I expected something larger."

"And fancier," added Azusa.

Yohko nodded. "And prettier."

"Looks not important," Uncle chimed in."The Mirror of Tsukiyomi is an ancient..."

Yohko stretched, yawning. "Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm ready to hit the hay."

"Same here," Azusa agreed.

Jackie yawned. "I know I'm tired."

"Likewise. My camp ain't far from here, so I'll go get my stuff and meet you back at the shrine." Ranma started walking out of the cave.

Yohko hurried after her. "I'll help you, Ranma."

Azusa watched as the two began to leave. "Um, Ranma-san? Aren't you going to change back?"

"Huh? You know...I don't think I know how to change back."

"Just will yourself to change back," Yohko said."That always seems to work for Azusa-chan and I."

"Stop ignoring Uncle!"

Ranma's form wavered for a brief moment before her original clothing reappeared on her. "That's better." She glanced at her hand, which held the sheathed katana.

"At least your clothing came back," Yohko said. "Our transformations destroy ours."

"That sucks. So I guess you're stuck in that outfit, Yohko?"

"No, we've got an extra change of clothes back at the shrine, with the rest of our stuff. We just go through a lot of clothes."

"Ah. Let's go then."

- + -

"Kuso."

Ranma and Yohko stared at the trashed camp. Ranma's backpack had been torn apart, and its contents had thrown all over the clearing. Ranma knelt and picked up a shirt, looking at the long tears and missing sleeve.

"My stuff..."

"Oh, Ranma..."

"This was everything I owned..."

Yohko embraced the smaller girl from behind. "It'll be okay. I'm sure Grandma will be willing to replace what you lost, since you did help us and all."

"Yeah. The truly irreplaceable stuff I keep on me. But still..."

"I understand. Let's go back to the shrine."

- + -

"Well, I just called Grandma and let her know what happened. She'll arrange for a proper shrine to be built at the cave, to ensure that this won't happen again. She'll also contact the Imperial ministry responsible for tending to historical shrines, they'll help with the restoration of this shrine. I also let her know that you'll be coming home with us, Ranma. She sounded excited about getting an opportunity to train you."

"Thanks, Yohko."

"Not a problem." Smiling, she slipped her arm around Ranma's. "Shall we turn in?"

"Sure. Goodnight, everyone!"

"Goodnight!" As Yohko and Ranma passed Azusa, the taller girl gave her a wink and a "V" sign.

Next Chapter Teaser:

"Hi! Mano Yohko here. I finally get the hunk! At long last, my lonely days of virginity are behind me! 'V'!

"...

"What do you mean I'm supposed to talk about the next chapter? It's bad enough I'm not getting any on-screen action, you know. It's not like I have any objection to doing lemons, especially with someone like...

"Oh, all right, all right. Let's see... Ranma learns a bit more about magic and swordsmanship, and has to deal with the consequences of... I don't like the sound of that...

"Kuso...

"Excuse me, everyone..."

- + -

Meanwhile...

The Entity hovered over the dying world, reveling in the death and destruction below. It was without pity, without remorse, as it played with the lives of lesser beings for its own amusement, and to satisfy its endless desires.

Suddenly, the Entity's attention was drawn elsewhere, as it sensed a threat to its carefully laid plans. Something had changed, and it must deal with, for it threatened to undo eons of careful work. Leaving behind billions to weep and rail against the cruelty of the gods, it swiftly made its way across the Universe to a tiny, insignificant planet, known as Earth.


	4. Chapter 4

Rurouni Ranma

by DarkFyre99

Disclaimer: Neither Ranma ½ nor Devil Hunter Yohko belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for a while. Ranma ½ is the creation of Takahashi Rumiko. Devil Hunter Yohko is the creation of looks it up Gaku Miyao.

Exposition warning: This chapter contains a lot of long, stimulating explanations, as a dramatic and exciting change of pace to the previous chapters. You have been warned. :p

(These chapters keep getting longer and longer, don't they? )

As always, I'd like to thank the folks at fukufics dot com for their help.

Chapter Four: "Consequences"

Yohko sent her Soul Sword back into subspace, now that the minor crisis had passed.

Ranma, meanwhile, was once again rewrapping up his own sword. "You know, that ability really comes in handy. I still haven't figured out why this thing won't work with Hidden Weapons Style. I'm _really_ getting tired of lugging it around all the time." He tied the chord around each end of the bundle, re-creating the improvised strap. He slung the whole bundle across his back.

"I'll trade you. I'd rather not have a transformation that tears off my clothes, and a sword I can use without having to transform."

"Good point."

"Ranma-san, you didn't even transform. Again."

"There was only one of them, Azusa-chan, and by the time I got this thing unwrapped, you and Yohko had pretty much taken care of it. The sword itself is magical enough that I can use it effectively untransformed. Which is fortunate, since I still haven't figured out how to transform."

"Oh. I'm sure Grandma can figure that part out. Shall we get going?"

Ranma offered Yohko his arm, which she took with a grin.

"Is it just me, or are people _not_ staring at the two of you in those getups?"

"You noticed. After a year of this devil hunting stuff, the whole neighborhood seems to know about Azusa-chan and I." Yohko grinned impishly. "The fact that Chi put up fliers advertising my services probably has something to do with it. Here we are, home sweet home." She pushed open the door to the house, and called out, "Mom! Grandmother! We're home!"

"Welcome home, Yohko-chan." A short old woman appeared, a wide grin on her face. "Ah, so it is you, Ranma-kun. Nice to see you again." A woman in her mid thirties followed behind the old woman and gave Yohko a wink.

"Um... have we met?"

The elderly woman frowned. "Don't tell me you've forgotten your old granny Madoka, have you, Ranma?"

Yohko and Ranma both grew pale, as they slowly turned towards each other. They stared at each other for a moment, before screaming in unison, "Aaah! I've had sex with my cousin!"

Yohko continued on melodramatically, "Oh the tragedy! I finally found a hunk with whom to share my life, and he's my own cousin. Will I ever know true love, or must Ranma and I run off to the southern United States, where such incestuous relationships are permitted?"

"I highly doubt you actually had sex," Madoka chuckled, "but don't worry, you two. I'm not actually your grandmother, Ranma, that's just what you called me when you and your father were training near here about twelve years ago. Given your reactions, I'm sure I have welcome news."

Ranma pinched the bridge of his nose. "Don't tell me... you and Pop arranged a marriage between Yohko and I."

"You've got it!"

Yohko collapsed to her knees, tears streaming down her face, "No! That's even worse! It's not fair! It's not fair!"

"I don't understand. I thought you'd be happy..."

"Auntie Madoka, on the way here, Ranma explained that he'd renounced his family name because of all the marriages his father had arranged for him." Azusa looked at Yohko in concern. "He couldn't really marry the one fiancée he wanted to without dishonoring the others. Because it wouldn't be fair to the one he wanted to marry, he won't marry any other fiancée his father had arranged for him. And... well... given what happened last night..." The younger girl blushed.

Madoka frowned. "I still find it hard to believe that you two actually had sex."

Yohko began to blush as well. "Well, you see... the demons had destroyed Ranma's camp and all his stuff ... and Mom didn't sneak any condoms into my pack like she usually does, the ONE time I really needed them too, so..." She looked down and mumbled something.

Yohko's mother looked puzzled for a second, then said. "Oh! Wasn't that a bit painful, dear?"

"Huh?" The girl looked at her mother for a few seconds, an equally puzzled expression on her face. Suddenly, she jumped up, her hands covering her butt. "Ew! Mother, that's gross!"

"Besides, if Yohko-chan had done it that way, she wouldn't be able to transform either..."

Ranma glanced from Yohko and her grandmother. "I'm obviously missin' somethin'..."

Madoka turned to Ranma. "You see, her devil hunter's transformation requires a girl to remain pure in both body and spirit, so that means no sex, of ANY kind, with men." The old woman glared at Yohko, who blushed and looked down again. "As she should know damn well by now."

"Oh. I see. If you'll excuse me..." Ranma turned and walked out the front door.

"Ranma?"

Madoka shook her head. "I'm guessing from the expression on his face that you didn't tell him about that little detail."

"It wasn't any of his business."

"I'd say he disagrees. So... what, exactly, did the two of you do? Your reactions are a little extreme for heavy petting."

After one last mournful look at the closed door, Yohko began blushing and stammered out, "Well... we kinda had sex... as girls..."

Madoka looked at her granddaughter, blinking. "What does that mean?"

Azusa spoke up. "It means that Ranma-san has a curse that turns him into a girl."

"Ah. Hmm... interesting. I wonder if his father still has your dowry. Since he can turn into a girl, it might be interesting to see what the Bracelet of Kuan-Yin can make of him."

"That bracelet was yours, Grandma?"

"Yes. A friend was kind enough to give it to me after your mother... well, needless to say it didn't work as I'd hoped. I take it he used it?"

"Yes... but will you excuse me, Grandma? I want to change, then go look for Ranma."

"Not so fast dear. Give him a chance to cool off first. I want to know exactly what's been happening since you left a week ago..."

- + -

Ranma sat on the Mano family's roof, watching the sun go down. He had heard Yohko jump up there as well, but he wanted her to make the first move.

"Ranma?"

He didn't look at her as she sat down beside him.

"Ranma? I know you're mad at me..."

"I'm not mad at you, Yohko. I'm disgusted with myself. I almost did something horrible last night..."

Yohko had a hurt expression on her face. "Having sex with me would've been 'horrible?'"

"Not at all, but the consequences would've been. You've been given a gift Yohko, one I almost destroyed out of ignorance. If it hadn't been for a simple accident..."

"It's my choice, Ranma."

"Yeah, but last time I checked, it takes two. I had a right to know that there were consequences beyond the usual ones..."

"Don't worry about it. I'm getting stronger every day. The transformation only makes it easier to use my powers; it isn't the source of them. Otherwise Grandma wouldn't been able to use the devil hunter's ring at her age."

"But if you lose the transformation, you lose that edge. What you're doing is too important to put that at risk for a few hours of pleasure."

"Oh."

"Don't look like that. There's always my girl side..."

"Um... Ranma? No offense, but..."

"But you're not interested in girl on girl action."

"I'm sorry." Yohko looked down at her swinging feet. "It wasn't that it was unpleasant..."

"Just didn't curl your toes, huh?"

"Sorry."

"Not your fault. I know I'd feel the same way if our positions were reversed, and you were a girl who turned into a boy, and you wanted to have sex while you were a boy..."

"Ew..."

"... so you wouldn't get pregnant. Why the 'ew?' I know why I'd not want to do it, but..."

"Because I walked in on this boy I kinda liked with another boy, and they were..."

Ranma thought about it before a mental image appeared. "Ew... At least you were willing to try..."

"Only because you didn't want to stick something in some place where it didn't belong." Yohko grinned. "Besides, I've always been kinda curious, and you were really a boy, a very cute boy, so..."

Yohko's mother called out from below. "Ranma! Yohko! Dinner's ready."

Ranma turned to Yohko and offered a tentative smiled. "So, whadda ya say? Wanna be friends?"

Yohko returned his smile. "We already are. Race you to the dinner table!" She jumped off the roof, followed closely by Ranma.

- + -

Ranma looked nervous as she entered the old woman's study. "So, Granny..."

"No need to be nervous, Ranma. After all, I can hardly blame you for Genma's actions. Besides, Yohko is far too young, not to mention inexperienced, to marry quite yet. Since I understand you've decided to be friends, rather than lovers, there's nothing for you to worry about. Except for learning about your own powers. Let's step into my office."

"Huh? Isn't this your... yow!" Ranma started in surprise as the floor slowly began lowering beneath her. A good ten meters below the house, the hidden lift stopped. About her was a large room that resembled a cross between a dojo, a shrine, and a traditional healer's office. Unusual looking artifacts peeked out between the books and scrolls on the shelves that lined two of the walls. Yohko, seated on a stool in a corner, waved at her.

Madoka switched on her computer. "OK, first things first, we'll take some pictures of your sword, and put them on the devil hunters' network. Hopefully, someone there might recognize it, or the writing on it, and give us some information. In the meantime, let's see if we can invoke an implanted memory, or something like that."

After she had finished taking pictures, the old woman pulled out a stool, and planted herself upon it. "Now, Ranma. I want you to pick up your katana," she paused for a moment as the young woman complied with her instructions. "Alright, draw the sword and hold it, pointing towards the sky, above your head. Very good. Now, repeat after me, _'Bai sha pawaa ofu gureisukuru!'_"

Ranma blinked momentarily, then complied. She wasn't surprised when nothing happened.

The short old woman hopped down from her stool, to stare into Ranma's eyes. Nodding to herself, she said, "That didn't seem to work. Try this one... _'Shundaa, shundaa, shundaa... shundaa katsu hou!'_"

After yet another unsuccessful attempt at a henshin phrase, Madoka jotted down something on a notebook by her computer, then turned back to Ranma. "Okay, that didn't work. But I think I'm narrowing things down... where's my reference book? Ah, there it is."

"Um... Grandma? I don't think that's your reference book. That's your 'American Anime of the Eighty's' magazine."

Madoka stared at the object in her hand. "So it is. Silly me. Ah, here it is." Putting away the glossy magazine, she pulled out a huge, ancient looking tome and dropped on the table. The elderly Mano coughed a bit from the huge cloud of dust billowed out from it. "Now, then... henshin phrases... henshin phrases... Ah, here we are... let's see..."

The computer beside the elderly devil hunter chimed, before calling out, "You've got mail."

"That was fast... I'll be just a moment, dears." The elderly Mano scooted her stool over and opened her new e-mail message. "Hmm... Yohko-chan, did you know that they sell cream to increase your bust size?"

"Grandma!"

"Alright... alright. We probably won't see any results for at least a week. First things first, Ranma-kun, we'll have to get you enrolled in school." Madoka waited for the inevitable complaint... which didn't come. "Then, we'll start your training in swordsmanship..."

Yohko felt a sweatdrop forming. She was long accustomed to her Grandmother's shark-like grin whenever the subject of training came up. This was the first time she'd seen that grin answered. It did not bode well for her currently unbruised state...

- + -

Ogawa Chikako spotted her best friend as she stepped out into the schoolyard. As always, Yohko was seated underneath their customary tree, no doubt having leapt from her classroom's window on the second floor. She had no idea where she'd gotten that habit from, not to mention how Yohko could possibly do that without flashing anyone in the process.

Chi dropped to the ground beside Yohko, carefully opening her lunch as she looked at the cheerful devil-hunter. "You're in a good mood. I take it you heard about the new guy in 2-D."

The hoop-haired girl grinned as she daintily put a piece of chicken into her mouth. "Yep. Quite the hottie. Mysterious, too."

"Indeed. Rumor has it that he's a _genuine_ ronin," Chi gave her friend a sideways glance. "Have you heard the weirdest rumor on this guy yet?"

An unfamiliar red-haired girl in an oversized boy's uniform sat down on the other side Yohko. She placed a long, narrow duffle bag beside her as she opened up her bento. "Hey, Yohko."

Yohko absently handed the girl a thermos. "Here you go." She ignored Chi's wide-eyed stare as the redhead poured the contents of the thermos over her head, becoming a very handsome boy in the process. "Ranma, I'd like you to meet my best friend Ogawa Chikako. Chi, this is Ranma, formally of the Saotome clan." The hoop-haired girl grinned at her gaping friend. "According to Grandma, we've been engaged since we were children." She gave her friend a victory salute. "Lucky!"

"What's the catch?"

"Catch?"

"Yeah. I know you, Yohko. There's got to be some kind of catch. You just don't have that kind of luck with boys." Chikako began ticking off points with her fingers. "If the guy isn't taken already, then he's about to become the victim of some demon, or actually_ is_ a demon in disguise, or he turns out to be gay, or he's actually a _she_ and happens to be a cross-dresser, like that motocross racer you were hung up on for a while, or..."

Chi blinked, then turned towards Ranma and asked, "You are a guy, right?"

Giving the girl a glare, Ranma growled out, "Yes."

"So what's the catch?"

Yohko lost the happy expression on her face. "You remember that Ranma's ronin, right?"

Chikako blinked. "That rumor's true?"

"Yes. His father apparently engaged him to a lot of girls, and he couldn't marry the girl he wanted to without dishonoring all the others, so..."

"So?"

"He won't marry anyone his father engaged him to. Including me. And with that whole 'lose my transformation if I have sex with a boy' thing, it means we'll have to be 'just friends.' Damn the luck!" Yohko pouted a bit before returning to her meal.

Chi glanced at Ranma, "What about his girl-side?"

Ranma answered, "She tried it, but didn't like it."

"Oh," Chi muttered, before adding, "I'll put the word out that Ranma's off-limits."

"Why should Ranma suffer because of my damn luck?"

"That's alright, Yohko. I prefer to be off the market anyways. I need to focus on my training, remember? You're a big enough distraction as it is." Ranma winked, causing the oddly coifed girl to blush. "Speaking of training, you did bring those flashcards, right?"

"Oh, right." She reached up the sleeve of her school uniform, pulling out a deck of apparently blank flashcards. She held one up to Ranma.

"Spirit."

"Right. This one?"

"Life."

"Nope, Ran-chan. Try again."

"Oh... it's divine energy, not life."

"Right. We're human, so it's easy to get the two confused. Which is what makes fighting youma a lot of fun at times, since unlike demons, they can more easily disguise themselves as human. Thankfully, they tend to revert to their true forms when they attack. And this one?"

Chikako glanced from Yohko to Ranma and back. "Um... guys? There's nothing written on them."

"That's because these have auras imbedded in them. Ranma needs to learn how to identify the various types of magical energies. Using the wrong type of energy can be worse than useless. It could actually heal an opponent, or give them a power boost."

"You really had to learn all this, Yohko-chan?"

"Not initially, since I AM a devil-hunter, and my earliest foes were devils, demons, and other assorted infernal nasties. But I can encounter other beings, such as the things we fought last week, so learning this stuff important. Especially since Ranma's powers are based on elemental energy, and not divine energy like mine. Not to mention he was originally trained as a ki-user."

"Oh." Chikako turned back to her lunch as Yohko held up the next blank flash card. "You know, Ranma, that was quite clever of you."

"What was?"

"Declaring yourself ronin. The laws that protected self-declared ronin were repealed with the Meiji restoration, after all, so legally you're still a Saotome. Your parents are under no obligation to recognize your status as one. They still have every right to make major decisions in your name until you reach your majority. That includes resisting your adoption into another family. If they do that, traditional families would recognize that they are completely without honor, and you ignoring your parents' wishes won't reflect badly on your own honor. If they do respect your status as a ronin, then they can't take advantage of you anymore. It's a lose-lose situation for them. As I said, quite of clever."

"Of course it was." Ranma began chuckling nervously.

Yohko looked at her male friend suspiciously. "You had absolutely no clue about any of that, did you?"

Ranma blushed. "No," he admitted ruefully.

"Thought so. Oh, that reminds me. Chi, are you doing anything this weekend?"

"No, why?"

- + -

Ogawa Chikako placed her hands on the small of her back, stretching backwards with a groan. "Note to self... home repair sucks." She glanced at her companion in the restoration of the shrine's roof. Grinning, she pressed the stop button on her stopwatch. "Nine minutes... a new personal record, Ranma."

"Huh?"

"You managed to go nine minutes this time without looking at Yohko. You've both got it bad for each other. Why on earth are you doing this to each other?"

Ranma glanced at the bridge, where Yohko was arguing over the restoration of the main compound's wards with Uncle, and one of the miko the Imperial Ministry of Historical Sites had sent, as they walked towards the shrine. "I can't marry her, Chi. I'd love to, but then I'd love to marry Kasumi, or even Akane if things had gone differently. It isn't fair for anyone involved, but that's the way it has be. That's why we agreed to be friends. To be anything else would be leading her on, which isn't fair to her."

"Haven't you ever heard of 'best friends with benefits'?"

"Huh?"

"You know..." Chi looked at Ranma's blank expression. "No, I guess you don't. Look, sometimes friends can get physical _without_ it expecting it to lead to marriage. You're both attracted to each other, and you both are involved in a rather dangerous profession. Why not just enjoy the moment and each other?"

"There's also her devil hunter's transformation..."

"So stick to 'A' or 'B.' I just hate watching the two of you be miserable together over something so stupid." Chikako blinked as a stream of water struck Ranma in the back of his head, changing him into a girl. A rather peculiar sounding laughter and several splashes soon followed.

Ranma grabbed a nearby towel and dried her hair. "Stupid sprites."

Yohko accidentally startled Chikako when her friend leapt to the roof, a kettle in her hand. "Here you go, Ranma!" After changing Ranma back, the hoop-haired girl knelt behind him, hugging him from behind. "You ready to take a break yet?" She asked huskily, whispering in his ear.

"I told you before, I'm not interested, Ayoko!"

"Hmph! I don't see why not. You weren't engaged to _me_, after all."

Mano Madoka's voice shouted out from inside the shrine. "Ayoko! If you ever want to get the Bracelet of Kuan-Yin, you'll get back in here and leave Ranma alone!"

"Fine!" Ayoko strutted to the edge of the roof, turned to look over her shoulder, and tossed Ranma a saucy wink. "See you later, Ranma-kun!"

Chi blinked when Ayoko stepped off the roof, grabbing the edge to swing onto the balcony below. "Ranma, how on earth can you tell the two of them apart? Especially since she keeps dressing like Yohko."

"It's simple," Ranma said as he dried his hair again. "Ayoko has a lot more ki than Yohko does. Without access to her devil hunter heritage, Ayoko seems like any other well-trained martial artist to my ki senses." Ranma grimaced, "Not to mention I have far too much experience with girls making passes at me simply to 'win' me from another girl. The only reason Ayoko's interested in me is because it'll piss off Yohko." He shrugged before grabbing another shingle. "At least it's good training in reading the difference between life and divine energy."

"Ah."

A stream of water struck Ranma in the back of his head, triggering the transformation. "Stupid sprites."

From her seat on a pile of rocks close by, Amakoi no Mizukami laughed merrily. It was so much fun to have humans here again.

- + -

Ranma, Yohko, and her family were wishing the Chan's and Touru goodbye when an angry Ayoko, dressed in a fluorescent green version of Yohko's devil hunter's outfit, stormed up to them. "What the hell is the meaning of this?" Ayoko shouted, pointing at the 'this' in question.

"It's no picnic for me either," Tenno Nezumi grumbled, the hue of his fur having been changed to the same eye-bleeding color. The winged rat was clearly not pleased with his new ward's attitude, or his appearance either.

Yohko giggled. "That color looks good on you, cousin."

"Don't get me started on the color," the new magical girl and her scruffy guardian beast growled simultaneously.

Ayoko glared at Yohko and Madoka. "I should've known you guys would get me a defective devil hunter's talisman!"

- + -

"You got somethin' for me, Granny?" Ranma asked as the lift carried her and Yohko down into Madoka's office.

"Yes. We finally got a response on the writing on your katana's blade. It's very ancient, but it's apparently from one of the pre-Cataclysm civilizations. I'm amazed that there is anyone out there that recognizes it, even if they can't read it."

"Pre-Cataclysm?" Yohko and Ranma chorused out together.

"Yes. In the earliest days, gods, demons, youma, and various spirits haunted our world. Our universe is formed from the intersection of the Five Realms, so it was an all-you-can eat buffet for anyone who could breach the dimensional barriers and enter our world. Of course, the inhabitants of our world suffered from their predations, and were caught in their inevitable conflicts. Fortunately, this was before intelligence evolved.

"In time, intelligent beings did evolve, mankind. And it just so happens that on every world in our universe that evolves life and intelligence, there arose champions against the outsiders that would exploit it. Beings gifted with the powers to hold back the darkness and protect all life. Sometimes the power was gifted to a bloodline, the power being passed from mother to daughter..."

Ranma looked startled. "Mother to daughter?"

"Yes. Although a paternal lineage would've been more appropriate for warriors, continuity was deemed far more important. A man could impregnate a woman and never know he was a father. A woman will always know she's a mother. That's why the world-spirit chose women as its champions. The Mano family, by the way, is descended from one such bloodline, leading back over 2000 years to the time our ancestor traveled to Japan from China.

"As I was saying, sometimes the power was gifted to a particular bloodline, like the Mano family. Sometimes, the power was gifted to a spiritual line. And sometimes, the power was imbued in a particular artifact of great power, and was given to mankind, not an individual person, to be wielded. In time, the champions banished most of those that did not belong here.

"With most of the 'first ones' banished, humanity was free to prosper. Around the champions, tribes gathered, and eventually settled down. Thus, our earliest civilizations were based on magic, rather than technology. Our planet produces a tremendous amount of elemental energy, which the knowledgeable can tap into, and the long war with the 'first ones' had generated a lot of practical knowledge.

"The champions represented only a small portion of the magical energy available for use, and as time went on, the various civilizations tapped more and more into the world's power. It didn't take long before all the world's power was being used, and as more people were born, there was less power available for everyone. In time, some people became greedy, and began gathering more and more power for their own, exclusive, use.

"These people modeled themselves after the champions. Some tied their powers to their bloodlines, but the general bloodline, not the maternal one. Some tied it directly to their souls, but not a spiritual line. Some bound it into artifacts, then greedily horded these artifacts. In time, the freely available magic of our world became so weak, that the average person wasn't able to tap into it anymore.

"That was when some people realized that if OUR world had all this magic, then the moon, our sister world, must also have its own magic. Moon-based magic had been around for generations, but it was tied to the waxing and waning of the moon. Some highly intelligent individual realized that if they could actually travel to the moon, then they could tap into all that energy directly. Thus, the Silver Millennium was born.

"It was the greatest civilization the world would never see, for it was based on the Moon, humanity's first colony, not on Earth. This civilization would eventually reach each world of our solar system. Great care was taken not to repeat the mistakes of Earth. Like the Champions of old, each world's power was bound to a single, matriarchal bloodline, as well as being bound to a spiritual line as a backup. There would be no lost bloodlines this time, nor would they become diluted, simply because some men can't keep their pants up.

"They bonded each world's power to artifacts as well, to ensure that each world's power would be portioned out fairly, and to create habitats in which humans could prosper. It was almost a utopian society, ruled by a benevolent matriarch, which was protected by the primary guardian of each world. But each utopia has its dark side. The Silver Millennium needed those with both magical talent and intelligence to grow, and naturally attracted the best and brightest of the Earth. This troubled the kings and queens of Earth, whose own civilizations waned as a result.

"In addition, not everyone was accepted. The Queens of the Moon wanted certain traits, for each world could only support so many, and they turned away those who wouldn't fit into their great society. Those rejected became bitter and jealous. As the Silver Millennium grew and prospered, the Earth waned. The Rejected had the power, drive, and intelligence the Silver Millennium needed, but they lacked the character traits, such as compassion, honor, and self-sacrifice, which were desired. I'm sure you can see where this is heading.

"The War was devastating. The Earth, solely because it is the cradle of life, survived, but the Silver Millennium did not. All that power locked, unwisely, into bloodlines was lost. All the artifacts that had been created over millennia were lost. The greatest human civilization, which had stood for over a thousand years, was utterly destroyed. All of the Earth's civilizations were wiped out. It would take millennia before civilization would return to the Earth.

"That was the Cataclysm... the loss of access to most of the world's elemental power."

Silence reigned for a few minutes, before Yohko breathed out a reverent, "Wow."

"Yeah," Ranma echoed. "Granny, no offense, but I've seen a lot of magic. It doesn't seem that uncommon."

"Many of the Champions' lines survived, of course. The world-spirit established those as a barrier against those who would exploit our world, and it set things up so that their powers wouldn't be easily lost, though lost they can be. Nor did all the created bloodlines perish in the Cataclysm, and those that survived saw their powers increased. But never again would magical talent be so ubiquitous that even the smallest village had several inhabitants with magical powers of some kind or another. When was the first time you saw any kind of magic, Ranma?"

"Jusenkyou."

"Magic tends to attract magic, so it's your own Jusenkyou curse that increases the odds of you encountering more magic. Plus you must remember that while the Cataclysm cost us access to much of the world's magical powers, that loss was of the world's most useful power, elemental. Ki, a form of life energy, is still fairly ubiquitous. Most serious martial artists can tap into their ki to a greater or lesser extend. It's a form of magic, but most people don't see it that way.

"Spiritual power is still around, and people still dedicate their lives to the Kami, or summon demons, but elemental power remains rare... primarily because there are so many human beings around. There's probably as many mages today as there were back in the Silver Millennium... but there's a thousand times a many human beings as there were back then. And most of those people probably don't even know that they carry the potential to wield that form of magic, let alone are trained in its use.

"But enough history. Let's get back to your own magical powers, Ranma-chan. As I said, my source identified the katana's symbols as pre-Cataclysm. Given that the Bracelet of Kuan-Yin is designed to awaken the powers of so-called 'magical girls,' as well as being a devil hunter's talisman, it means that you are either possess a Champion's bloodline or are the reincarnation of a previous Champion."

"Grandmother, Rat-san must've had Ran-chan try out ten different magical girl outfits before she found one she liked the looks of."

"Yes, but the Champions tended to have much more practical outfits than those of most 'magical girls.' The Champions were created by the World-Spirit, which is a very pragmatic entity. Most didn't have any kind of transformation, and most of those that did were clad in armor and weapons, not attractive, and sometimes revealing, costumes of 'magical girls' created by human beings. You are the 108th Devil Hunter, Yohko, because our line had to be reawakened after the main line was lost during the Cataclysm... and the kami who did it for us was a bit of a pervert."

"Pervert?"

"Most magical girls get a get a 'twirly-naked light show,' while yours lacks the light show, giving everyone a free peek." Mano Madoka grinned impishly, "Also, why do you think He doesn't want you sleeping with men, but has no problem with you sleeping with women? Rumor has it He likes to watch."

Yohko's answer was to blush deeply.

"But to get back to the subject on hand, since it seems you are a reawakened Champion, your transformation is probably relatively simple. My contact said to try grasping the hilt of the katana, picture yourself clad in your armor, and will yourself into it."

"Alright..." Ranma grasped the hilt of her katana firmly, closed her eyes, picturing herself wearing the armor and cloak she had worn back in the mountain shrine. She then 'pushed' herself into image she had created. She didn't even need to open her eyes to realize that she had been successful. "What? No twirly-naked light show?"

"No, no naked twirly light show," Yohko said grumpily. "That outfit just appeared."

Ranma walked over to the full-length mirror in Madoka's office, and gave herself the once over. It was the first time she'd really scene the outfit in its entirety. The breastplate was made from a silvery-white metal, which fight snugly over her torso leaving no doubt that she was female. It fit her curves too well to do otherwise. Across her chest, centered just above her breasts, was a pattern of blue-embossed ivory, forming a pair of crescents, their open ends facing each other. The arms of the crescents nearly touched the large emerald in the center of the pattern; so whole pattern resembled an infinity symbol.

The same silvery-white metal was used on the bracers on her forearms. A similar ivy pattern, this time in dark green, decorated the end closest to her elbow. The only protection given to her upper arms were the shoulder guards, but given how lightweight the breastplate and bracers were, she wasn't too worried. The armor had to have been enhanced with magic. The gauntlets of her armor were leather, though tightly woven mail protected the backs of her hand and fingers.

A dark-green, heavy leather skirt, accented by silver studs around the lower edge, protected her hips and upper legs, while matching soft-soled leather boots protected her feet and lower legs. A strip of leather, of the same dark green color, protected her throat. Peeking out from under her bangs was a golden diadem, with an emerald in its center. She noted wryly that her hair, which brushed her shoulders, seemed a little more styled than she tended to keep it. A dark green cloak, edged in silver like the skirt, completed the outfit, flowing from her shoulders down to her calves.

She bowed her head and touched the sapphire on her chest, willing the return of her normal outfit. The jeans and t-shirt she'd been wearing returned an instant later. She grasped the hilt of her katana, and willed the change again, this time with her eyes open. The armor returned just as quickly. This time she just touched the sapphire, pleased that nothing happened. Returning to her civilian clothing, she began an iaido kata, willing the transformation just as she drew the katana. She was pleased to note that while the transformation required her to be just touching the hilt of the katana, reverting back required a bit more effort.

Yohko's grumpy voice interrupted her experimentation. "Ranma, if you keep that up, I'm going to get jealous."

"Yohko! That's enough of that. It's not Ranma's fault that he has access to an unmodified Champion transformation."

"Sorry, Grandma, but I AM jealous. No perverted transformation. No ecchi outfit. No silly transformation phrases, no melodramatic posing. It's not fair."

"Yohko, you've never said anything about this before."

"That's because every single magical girl I ever met has the same problem! Sure I've got a perverted transformation, but the outfit is actually tame compared to some of the others I've seen. Ranma doesn't have that problem. The only problem she has is that she can't store her sword in stuff-space. Big deal."

"It is a big-deal, Yohko-chan. Without this sword, I can't transform. Right, Granny?"

"That is correct. Just like your devil hunter's talisman is the key to your powers, Ranma's katana is the key to hers. And unlike your ring, it is rather substantial. However, while you can't store it in 'stuff space,' I'm informed that with a little practice, you might be able to summon the blade if it's nearby. Not quite as secure as 'stuff space,' but better than having to carry it around all the time."

"Cool."

- + -

"I got it! I got it!" Mano Madoka's joyous shouts echoed up the shaft in her study, to Yohko's bedroom, where Ranma and Yohko were currently studying for an exam. The pair looked at each other, before rushing to the old woman's study.

"What ya got, Granny?" Ranma shouted down to the Mano family's underground vault.

"Come down here, and I'll show you."

A minute later, the two were stepping off the lift and walking towards where the older devil hunter sat before her computer. Ranma glanced at the screen, and asked, "So what do ya got, Granny?"

"The latest copy of the Saotome family codex. On CD-rom, no less."

The two looked at each other, then asked, "Codex?"

"It's sort of like your family tree, but includes a lot more details... including magical affinities. For over a thousand years, most of the greater families have been trying to strengthen their bloodlines through careful breeding, and so have families like ours. The devil hunter clans have always been perilously close to extinction. Right now, only Yohko and Ayoko remain to carry on our clan's legacy, and my branch of the family almost fucked things up... literally."

"Grandma, I'm sorry about..."

"Yohko, you and your mother have got your grandfather's family's sex drive. That was my father's mistake, falling prey to the lure of the Saotome blood."

Ranma stared in surprise. "We are related after all?"

"Distantly. Yohko and your mother are third cousins. But then again, most of the traditional families are distantly related by blood. Unfortunately, with the modernization following the Meiji restoration, some of the traditional bloodlines have been waning, lured by Western ways."

Yohko looked puzzled. "What did you mean by 'the lure of the Saotome blood?' What's so special about Ran-chan's family?"

"Obviously, the Saotome clan is one of the strongest 'ki' bloodlines that exist. The Kamiya clan is just as strong, but the Saotomes are notorious for something that is irresistible to many of our clans: their flexibility. The Saotomes have always been fast learners, and possessed the willingness to employ unorthodox techniques in their Art. Both traits are highly valuable, even to the non-traditional families. Unfortunately, that unorthodoxy tended to spill over to other areas, which makes them a bit... unstable.

"A relatively stable Saotome has always been considered valuable addition to a family, and during my grandfather's generation, the Aino clan seemed to have lucked out with adding Saotome blood to their line. Granted, they had a strong sex drive, but as long as you don't let it overcome your common sense, that's not too much of a problem. It's even an asset if you happen to be married to one." The old woman gave the pair a lusty grin that made the two teens cringe.

"Unfortunately, the next generation turned out to lack that common sense. There were a number of scandals among the children of my husband's older siblings, but your grandfather, Ranma, was actually pretty stable compared to his cousins. Your aunt and uncle are almost normal, though your mother is quite squirrelly when it comes to sexuality. Compared to her cousins, though, she's practically discreet. While I understand your cousin Minako is a bit of a free spirit, she's not nearly as boy crazy as Yohko is. You yourself seem to be rather restrained, considering your mother's side of your family.

"Yohko's mother was sexually active before she was fourteen, and pregnant and married by sixteen. And divorced by eighteen. She never had a chance to awaken to our clan's power. Yohko came very close to following in her mother's footsteps. If that had happened, our branch of the Mano family would've lost access to our devil hunter powers. I would've been too old to train Yohko's daughter properly, so the only option left would've been to train Ayoko, and she's been poisoned by my sister's bitterness and jealousy over not being the heir of our family.

"The main branch of the Saotome clan isn't known for their honor or ethics. If it weren't for the fact that they are such powerful martial artists, and the fact that they have ties to so many other clans, they probably would've been wiped out by a blood feud. Of course, most clans are aware of the Saotome clan's reputation, but the lure of the Saotome blood is still attractive. Ranma's older cousins seem to be quite stable, and when Genma started selling his son's hand in marriage, the heads of many families thought it would be worth the gamble. Including myself. We weren't planning on pursuing the marriage until _after _we found out what kind of man you grew up to be, of course."

Madoka grinned evilly. "You do know you've just become one of Japan's most desirable bachelor in the eyes of quite a few families, don't you Ranma?" She laughed when Ranma paled. "A Saotome going ronin like you did is like waving a sign that says 'We've got a good one here.' I image that there are quite a few parents and grandparents telling girls close to your age to seek you out to wed you." She laughed as Ranma began pounding his head against the table.

"By the way, I got my report from the private detective I hired to investigate your father. It's not good news."

"Huh?"

"I figured you might want to know what your father has done in your name, so I hired a private detective." Madoka tossed a folder across the table to Ranma. "Take a look yourself."

Ranma leafed through the report, Yohko reading over his shoulder. "What the hell?"

"Besides the fiancée scheme your father had going, he's also accumulated a rather massive amount of debt in your name. It's a good thing you didn't marry into the Tendo family. It would've cost them their home and dojo, unless you could scrape up about ten million yen from somewhere. With you declaring yourself ronin, your status is kind of in limbo right now. Most collection agencies will go after your father, respecting tradition over the letter of the law, but not all of them will do that. It's fortunate you're still a minor, so Genma is still legally responsible if it ever came to court. But if you want the money from that auction of yours, you'd better get it soon."

- + -

Ranma nervously stepped off the train, his eyes nervously scanning the area behind his shades as he cast his ki around the area. Sensing no threat, he walked briskly towards his destination, hoping that his errand would be finished without incident.

Cloaked in a ki-shield, the Watcher saw the formerly pig-tailed young man step into the Nerima Fertility Clinic. The vigil had been long and frustrating, but finally the Watcher's patience had been rewarded. Soon, the hunt would resume.

- + -

"Hey, Yohko! You doin' anything tonight?" Ranma said upon returning to the Mano residence, seeing Yohko watching TV in the living room.

"No, Ran-chan. Why?"

"I just retrieved my money from the auction at the fertility clinic, and I figured I'd take you out to dinner and a movie to celebrate. Maybe even dancing later."

"Sounds like a date."

"Hey, if you can't date your best friend, who can you date? Just don't expect anything fancy. I wanna save most of my money, even if I did get a lot more for my 'deposit' than I expected. Especially since these two idiots came to the auction together, and started bidding against each other for the last lot. Practically doubled the price before they realized what they were doing." Ranma rolled his eyes, causing Yohko to giggle.

"Hey, their stupidity is your good fortune, right?"

- + -

In a bar in Nerima, Genma and Soun both sneezed.

- + -

Ranma and Yohko walked arm in arm down the city street. Ranma was sharply dressed in the suit that Yohko had helped him buy, while Yohko looked gorgeous in the Chinese-style mini-dress she was wearing. What he had originally intended to be a simple outing with a good friend had transformed into a Saturday night romantic type date. Which explained his nervousness. His "dates" (if you could even call them that) were rarely what people would call normal, and he didn't want it ruined by the kind of crap that intruded into his life. Especially given how expensive their outfits were.

Seeing no threats in the immediate vicinity, he returned his attention to Yohko. She seemed nervous as well, and was watching the crowded street more than she was watching him. She turned to meet his eye, and blushed. "Sorry. I keep expecting something to go wrong. I've never had a normal date. Something nasty always shows up to ruin things.

"Well, if something does show up, let me handle it. That dress looks too good on you to be destroyed by your transformation."

Smiling, Yohko leaned into him. "Such the gentleman. Just don't be too much of one once we get home."

"Yohko..."

"I know we shouldn't go all the way, but a little 'A' and 'B' would be nice."

"This beautiful woman wants me to 'molest' her," Ranma deadpanned, "I am so cursed..."

"Ranma! Prepare to die!"

Automatically sweeping Yohko into his arms, he jumped away from where they'd been standing. An impossibly massive umbrella passed through his former location, leaving a crater in the sidewalk where the couple had been walking. Ranma could see Ryouga through the dust his attack had kicked up.

He set Yohko on her feet, then glared at the bandanna wearing youth. "Yo! Ryouga! Do you think we can table this for once? I promised Yohko here a good time."

"Enemy of women! Because of what you did to Akane..."

"What? Broke off my engagement to her like she wanted me to?"

Ryouga continued to rant, "And for planning to molest yet another woman..."

"Um... I _asked_ him to 'molest' me," Yohko volunteered.

"Besides, unlike some pigs I can name, I've never _molested_ a woman," Ranma added.

"Don't get technical with me! Besides! Because of you, I've seen hell!"

"You were the one who followed me to China."

"I'm not talking about that! Because of you, I almost got castrated!"

The other two teens looked at each other, confused. "Um... Ranma's been living with my family for the last three weeks. How can that be his fault?"

"Because you left, Kasumi told Akane to have P-chan fixed if she wanted to keep him as a pet! I barely escaped the vet with my manhood intact!"

"What does that have to do with... wait a second. You followed Ranma to China. I bet you fell into one of the cursed springs!" Ranma stepped back as a blue-white aura erupted around Yohko. "You've been taking advantage of your curse to molest girls by posing as their pet! You pervert!"

Ryouga suddenly noticed that they had attracted a crowd, primarily one made up of angry young women... very angry young women. "Wait! It's not like that!"

"Hentai!"

"Molester!"

"Chikan!"

"Enemy of all women!"

"I bet you're the reason why my panties keep disappearing. I've been blaming it on my neighbor's cat, Choo-Choo-chan... I bet you are that cat! Child molester! She's only twelve!"

As the ring of righteous female fury closed upon Ryouga, the lost boy screamed out, "Ranma! This is all your fault!" Then the beatings began.

Ranma smirked. "Now that he had coming." Ranma took a second step back as the still furious Yohko, deprived of her victim, turned her glare at him.

"You knew about this?"

"Yeah. I promised Ryouga that I wouldn't tell anyone about his curse... he's so helpless in his cursed form, and I'd considered him a friend at the time. Then he went and became Akane's pet. I tried everything I could to clue her in without technically breaking that promise, but she never got the hint. Of course, it was only recently that I realized that I should've just told her outright, but I can be kinda dense at times. I sometimes wondered if she really knew and was using Ryouga to torment me, but if she actually knew, I doubt she'd try to do _that _to him."

Yohko's bright aura vanished. "Alright. But promise me you'll never put someone else's honor before your own."

"It's a promise. I won't ever make that mistake again."

"Good. At least we got the inevitable interruption out of the way early..."

- + -

Dinner had gone without any further complications, much to Ranma's surprise. The conversation had been pleasant, and the food delicious. Instead of the planned movie, Yohko and Ranma were attending a play. An American musical in fact, performed in English, which the pair could barely follow. The music was catchy, though, and much of the humor was physical, which helped keep things entertaining.

Unfortunately, the play was interrupted by a demon. Part of the scenery had been quietly leaching off the emotional energy of the audience, and as luck would have it, the demon within awoke while the two were enjoying their date. While the rest of the theatre panicked, doing more to endanger themselves than the demon was, the pair pinched the bridges of their noses.

"It was inevitable, I suppose," Yohko sighed.

"Yeah. I was kind of hoping that with Ryouga showin' up..."

"I know what you mean."

"Damn, that thing's ugly."

"And it has tentacles. I _hate _tentacles. I'm always afraid they'll do more than just get grabby."

"Shouldn't we be doing something by now?"

"Not much we can do until the crowd thins out a bit. Someone could get hurt if we start fighting now. At least the demon seems disoriented... he keeps attacking the scenery rather than going after people... probably because it was trapped in that fetish that some idiot decided to use as scenery."

"First rule of the theatre: check the scenery for demonic influences."

"At least a few people have common sense. Those two are heading for the fire exit."

"Looks like the most of the audience has left," Ranma said as he stood up. "Don't forget, let me handle this." He closed his eyes, summoning his katana. When his hand touched the hilt, he willed the transformation. The magic triggered his curse with a cold mist before transforming her into her Champion's armor.

Yohko stood up as well. "That thing's a demon, Ranma. Your attacks won't do much against it. They're the wrong type."

"But my defenses are strong against it. I need to test them, and this seems like a good opportunity." Ranma grinned, then batted her eyes and snuggled against the taller girl, much to her embarrassment. "Feel free to rescue me if I need it," Ranma cooed. "That way I can swoon over my savior, and maybe reward her with a kiss."

The unusually coiffed girl blushed. "Only _after_ you return to being a male. Get going and kill that thing."

Ranma nodded. "Right." She reviewed what she knew of her powers already. The offensive attacks would be useless, but she did have a few techniques she considered to be "aggressive defenses." She hopped onto the back of the seat before her, and began running towards the demon, using the back of the seats as a path to the stage. "Yo! Ugly!" As the demon turned towards her challenge, Ranma detached the cape from her armor and tossed it towards the monster, imbuing it with her magic so that it would be stiff enough to toss it like an oversized frisbee.

Just before it reached Ranma's foe, the cape's stiffness vanished, causing it to billow out enough to wrap itself around the demon's head. Flaring her battle aura, she launched herself at the creature, delivering a brutal blow to the head. Ranma grunted as pain ripped through her as her kick failed to do anything except sprain her knee and ankle.

'_Dammit! I forgot and used ki to enhance that kick instead of my magic. Granny wasn't kidding about aura incompatibility.'_ She ignored the pain in her left leg and leapt away from the demon, allowing her katana to drop in the process. She could always summon it back into her hand, after all. Her right hand reached behind her to draw out a weapon she'd noticed stored at the small of her back, back when she had been practicing her transformations.

The blue-dyed leather whip cracked out, the tip wrapping itself around the monster's leg. Instead of pulling it off balance, Ranma willed her magic into the whip, using it to siphon off its demonic energy. '_Can't do much with it right now than let it leech into the ground, but if I keep this up long enough, it won't have enough energy to fend off more physical attacks.' _Ranma gritted her teeth, as the demonic energy aggravated the damage to her leg. _'Okay, this isn't working as I'd expected...'_

Ranma saw Yohko, still untransformed, circling around behind the demon. The girl gave Ranma an inquiring look, clearly wondering if she should intervene. As much as she'd rather finish it off herself, she'd rather be on a date with Yohko. At her nod, Yohko invoked her transformation. Her dress ripped itself away from her body, revealing the girl's gorgeous body. A new Chinese dress, a bit more modest than what she'd been wearing originally, formed around her, and her soul sword appeared in her hand. Ranma was pleased to see that no speeches were made this time; unlike the last few times she'd seen her transform. Ranma fed more magic into the whip despite the pain, weakening the demon further.

Seconds later, Yohko's soul sword had run the demon through. The creature collapsed forward a few steps before disintegrating into dust, leaving only Ranma's slightly soiled cloak behind. Walking up and gathering up the cloak, Yohko said, "Are you alright? What happened?"

"I've been better." Ranma sank down onto one of the chairs on the stage, her left leg extended strait out. "Old habits die hard, I guess. I used my ki to fuel my kick, rather than my magic."

Yohko winced. "Ow. Here, let me heal it." Yohko placed her hand on Ranma's knee, willing her own magic into the limb. "If you keep using your ki, you'll just aggravate your injuries further, and using _your_ magic to heal this kind of damage can be tricky."

"Thanks." Ranma summoned her sword and its sheath, stowing it before she began coiling up her whip. She sighed as the pain began to fade. "That's a lot better."

"Where'd you get that thing, anyways?" She gave Ranma's knee a squeeze. "There, all better."

"It was underneath the cloak. I was experimenting with the cloak one day, and I noticed that there was a whip at the small of my back." Ranma stood up and returned the whip to its storage hook. She turned around to point where the whip was stored behind her.

"You know, Ranma... if that whip was a ribbon, you'd have a frilly bow back there."

Ranma's eyes narrowed. "Very funny," she growled as she reattached her cloak.

A female's voice interrupted them from the side of the stagenearest tothe fire exit. "Hold it right there!"

The two girls blinked, and then turned towards the new challenger, instantly on their guard. The newcomer wore a white leotard, long white gloves, and knee-high white boots. Short, puffy pink sleeves barely covered her shoulders and upper arms, and an extremely short yellow, red, and black miniskirt covered her hips. A pair of feathered white wings sprouted from the small of her back, and a miniature pair covered her chest. The girl's long blonde hair was styled in a pair of buns, each topping a ponytail that reached to her knees.

"For Love and Justice, I am the pretty soldier in a sailor suit, Sailor Moon!" The new girl struck a pose. "In the Name of the Moon, I will... hey! Where'd the monster go?"

The two magical girls on the stage looked at each other, and shrugged. "We killed it," they chorused out together.

"Oh." The new magical girl seemed at a loss for what to do for a moment, before she gasped. "Oh! I got to go back to my date! Nice meeting you!" With a quick wave, the girl rushed back out the fire exit, pausing only long enough to turn sideways, since the wings of her costume were too wide to fit through narrow door. The caped man clad in a tuxedo, top hat, and a mask failed to sneak out of another fire exit on the theatre's balcony.

"Yohko?"

"Yeah, Ranma?"

"You're right. Your costume is a lot more practical compared to other magical girls."

"I'd still prefer yours."

Ranma touched her hand to her chest, becoming a girl in an oversized suit. "I guess that's it for tonight."

"Yeah, but I still expect my reward for saving you... and you'd better be a boy when you give it to me."

- + -

Mano Madoka looked at her two pupils, who were kneeling before her in the dojo, with attentive looks on their faces. She was proud that Yohko was finally taking her education as a devil hunter seriously, and in the six weeks Ranma had been here, he had proved to be joy to teach. As expected, the boy had an intuitive sense of tactics, and absorbed new techniques like a sponge. The fact that he had caught up with Yohko amazed her, but then you don't reach Ranma's level of ki mastery without a healthy amount of talent and drive.

Yohko had progressed in her skills as well, with a constant sparring partner like Ranma. The boy seemed to be able to judge a person's skill level quite accurately, and usually fought at just above her level. She was also glad that he wasn't going to teach at a dojo. The Art came easily to Ranma, and he lacked the necessary tact and patience to teach the basics effectively.

"Okay, children, listen up. Up until now, you've been learning about the main types of magical energy, their relationships with each other, and how to take advantage of your own innate magic. Today, you'll be doing more than just figuring out the best counter to a particular type of magic. You won't always have access to the appropriate type of magic. In fact you will, more often than not, face an opponent using just your natural powers.

"Theoretically, anyone can use any type of energy, but as you've noticed, people tend to be strong in one type of energy. Ranma's clan has long arranged marriages to ensure their bloodline is strong in ki, while our line has always had access to a lot of divine energy thanks to our legacy. However, if you're faced with an opponent that draws strength from your aura, or even worse dominates it, that strength will do you little good.

"With practice, you can transform your energy into another form, or use it to manipulate ambient energy. Ranma-kun does this already with the Hiryuu Shouten Ha technique. He uses his ki to manipulate ambient spiritual energy, resulting in what Ranma calls 'hot' ki and the 'soul of ice,' which in turn invokes the tornado: which is primarily an elemental attack. As the youma you fought are particularly vulnerable to elemental energy, that tornado probably hurt it quite a bit."

"It did? You mean I could've used it again? Kuso... I was worried about those things absorbin' the ki from that attack."

Yohko blushed. "Sorry, Ranma."

"It's not either of your faults. This is what experience brings... assuming you survive to get it. There are four factors that will determine the outcome of any conflict you may find yourselves in: skill, power, the type of energies involved, and any elemental affinity. That last is especially important for you, Ranma-kun, since unlike your ki abilities and Yohko's devil hunter powers, your magical powers, besides being elemental based, also have an elemental affinity. You have a strong affinity for Earth magic, and a minor affinity for Wood. What does this tell you?"

Ranma thought for a few seconds, imagining the circled star pattern in his mind. "I'm particularly vulnerable to metal-based magic, particularly strong against water-based magic, and when faced by fire-based magic, the struggle would be rather... intriguing..."

"Very good. And since you have access to both ki, which is primarily life energy, as well as elemental energy, what does _that_ tell you?"

The pause was longer this time. "I may not be particularly vulnerable to any magical power, but I don't have very much strength against demonic powers." He winced. "I just have to make sure I'm using the right energy at the right time. That's what went wrong with that demon at the theatre."

"Correct. And Yohko? Your powers are primarily based on divine energy. What does that mean for you?"

"I'm strong against demonic power, and weak against spiritual power. On the other hand, I'm vulnerable to elemental power, but somewhat impervious to ki energy." The girl didn't have to think. Madoka had been drumming this into her head for over a year now.

"Excellent. Azusa-chan? You can come in now."

The girl was grinning as she carried to short staffs into the dojo. "Hi Ranma-san, Yohko-san! Ready for some training?"

The two teens glanced at each other, before returning their attention to their Sensei. Ranma asked the question that was on both their minds. "What're those things, Granny?"

"These are simple power staves. They've been in our clan for generations, in order to train some of the more esoteric aspects of our powers. These staves can project low powered blasts of different types of magical power. You both know how to enhance your resistance to damage through your powers, but that resistance can become useless if the wrong type of power is wielded against you. In this exercise, you'll be taking hits. A lot. Ranma-kun, remain untransformed, and flare your battle aura. Yohko-chan, please transform and do likewise."

It was only after she'd transformed that Yohko remembered the nature of her transformation. "You could've turned around, Ran-chan," she said teasingly.

The boy shrugged. "It's not that I don't know what you look like naked, Yohko-chan." He deliberately undressed Yohko with his eyes. "In fact, I'm intimately familiar with your body, remember?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, grinning as the girl blushed. "If you're really uncomfortable about it, just let me know. Though you've never been shy about it before."

"Not really. I'm still hoping to get you in the sack..." A blue-black bolt of energy struck Yohko's behind, knocking her face first onto the floor of the dojo. "Grandma!"

"Pay attention, children. Now, to begin the exercise, I'll be using spiritual energy against Ranma, while Azusa-chan will be attacking Yohko-chan with demonic energy, just so you can get a feel of what a power you're strong against feels like. Then we'll use ki and divine energy respectively... though I'm sure Ranma is already quite familiar with what ki does against ki." Ranma echoed Madoka's grin as the boy nodded his head.

"The next blasts will be demonic and elemental energy, the powers you are weakest against. After that, we'll be mixing things up. Remember, energy can be both transformed and controlled. The goal is to keep the damage done to you at a minimum, and trying to use our energy to your advantage. Also, you are not permitted to dodge, just take the hit. Are you ready?" Madoka looked at the two teens, who nodded.

The old woman grinned evilly, and Azusa echoed the grin, causing the pair at the other end of the dojo to sweatdrop. This was going to _hurt_.

- + -

Ranma had just finished rinsing off the soap when she heard the outer door to the furo open. "Yohko-chan, I'm in here right now."

Yohko's voice answered from behind the sliding panel to the furo proper. "I know, Ran-chan. I'm too sore to wait right now." The panel slid open, revealing a bruised, but naked, Yohko, a towel draped over her left forearm. She walked stiffly to the rinsing stool, and gingerly lowered herself onto the stool. Washing quickly, she rinsed off, wrapped herself in the towel, and lowered herself gratefully into the hot water. Only then did she take a close look at Ranma. "Aw... no fair!"

Ranma, a towel tied firmly around his waist, shrugged from where he sat in the furo. "I figured I'd better reduce the level of temptation. After all, you remember the rule about the furo..."

" 'If you have sex in the furo, clean up after yourselves?' "

"I meant your grandmother's rule."

"Oh. And here I wanted to cuddle..." Yohko pouted cutely, batting her eyes at Ranma. "I'm sure it would help me feel better."

"Nothin's stopping you. As long as it's just cuddling."

Yohko crossed to the opposite side, and wearily dropped her head on his shoulder, a content smile on her face. "I feel better already."

Her expression changed to alarm when the far wall of the furo cracked, then fell apart. Framed by the hole in the wall was a purple haired girl dressed in Chinese-style armor, a scimitar in her hands. Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she saw the pair in cuddling in the furo, before she growled, "Ranma."

Next chapter teaser:

"Hi, Ranma here again. I knew things were going too smoothly, and eventually _someone_ would catch up to me. It looks like I'm really in hot water..." whap "Ow."

"Just read the next chapter teaser, Ran-chan."

"..."

"I meant out loud."

"Take a look, Yohko-chan."

"... Hey! No fair!"

"Well, turn in next time for 'Vacation Days,' the next thrilling chapter of Rurouni Ranma!"

"I wanna talk to my agent!"

Omake:

"Ranma! Prepare to die!"

Despite being surprised by the high-pitched voice shouting Ryouga's traditional "challenge," Ranma scooped up Yohko and leapt out of the way. Moments later, something massive slammed into the area he had just vacated, kicking up an enormous cloud of dust.

Yohko stared at the dense cloud. "What the hell was that?"

"Don't know. If it wasn't for the feminine voice, I would've thought that Ryouga had finally showed up."

As the dust settled, Ranma boggled at the foe that had attacked them. It was an enormous pig, nearly two meters tall at the shoulder. On the pig's back was a pretty girl wearing a simple dress. Both were glaring at him.

"Um... hi, Akari. What's up?"

The girl pointed accusingly at him. "Ranma! Because of you, poor Ryouga's 'Mr. Wee-wee' got snipped!"

"Huh?"

"Akane took P-chan to the vet and had him fixed! Now Ryouga's half a man, and it's all your fault!" Akari's sumo pig squealed his agreement.

"Wait... you knew Ryouga was posing as Akane's pet?"

"Of course I did! That just proved that Ryouga was once as virile as a pig! He was so manly! Now he's nothing but a eunuch. For castrating Ryouga and ruining my 'Mr. Happy,' " Akari pronounced, pointing accusingly at Ranma, "I will punish you!"


	5. Chapter 5

Rurouni Ranma

by DarkFyre99

Disclaimer: Ranma and related characters were created by Takahashi Rumiko. Sailor Moon and related characters were created by Takeuchi Naoko. Devil Hunter Yohko and related characters were created by Gaku Miyao. I'm just playing with them.

Author's note: I decided to make Sailors Uranus and Neptune older than they are in the series. As I understand it, all the Senshi except Pluto, Saturn, and Chibi-Moon are the same age. The only reason why they're a grade ahead of the inners is that they were born before April, so they started school a year earlier. They seem a little more mature than a couple of months would indicate, so they've been born earlier than the others for the purposes of this story.

Once again, I'd like to thank the people at fukufics dot com for their assistance.

Chapter Five: "Vacation Days"

In the opinion of Tenou Haruka, one of the best things about college was that they could write their own schedules. With a little planning, that meant that she could spend some quality time with Kaiou Michiru, her lover and partner for the last three years, before their adopted daughter, Tomoe Hotaru, came home from Juuban Junior High. Of course, there was quality time, and then there was _quality_ time, which was why the pair was curled up on the sofa, a quilt draped over them, and watching a sappy romance on the TV. Every so often, Haruka handed Michiru a box of tissues so she could wipe her eyes. Hotaru-chan should come home soon, and the quilt would hide Haruka's wandering hands if she happened to surprise them.

The aqua-tressed woman playfully shifted Haruka's hand to somewhere less distracting. "Haruka, pay attention. You're the reason I missed this movie when it was in the theatre."

"I am." The shorthaired blonde kissed Michiru on the side of the neck. "Just not to the movie."

"You just don't get enough, do you?"

"Never." The sound of a door opening upstairs cut off Haruka's attempt to initiate another makeout session. "Sound's like Setsuna's back." The pair shifted their position slightly, making themselves more presentable, since they were no longer alone in the house. Michiru also discretely moved Haruka's left hand to someplace a little more appropriate for company.

Michiru listened as Setsuna made her way towards the kitchen. "Is it my imagination, or is Setsuna actually singing?"

Haruka grinned. "Maybe she got laid, too."

The pair looked at each other, then chorused out, "Nah."

As Meiou Setsuna made her way towards the living room, they were able to make what she was singing, over and over again:

Happy Happy Vacation Day!  
All my cares have gone away!  
That's just why I have to say!  
It's Happy Vacation Day!

Setsuna, still singing, walked into the living room wearing a fluffy robe and bunny slippers, carrying a cup of tea in her hand, with a novel tucked under her arm. She lowered herself into the recliner, and took a sip of her tea. As Michiru and Haruka continued to stare, the green haired woman turned to the pair on the couch and asked, "Is there something wrong?"

Michiru found her voice first. "Um... you're singing."

"So?"

Haruka added, "We've also never seen you in anything other than a suit before."

Setsuna kicked off her bunny slippers, wriggling her toes. "I'm on vacation."

The pair looked at each other, before Michiru asked the question they were both thinking. "Don't you have to guard the Gates of Time?"

"Not since two hours, five minutes, and seventeen seconds ago."

Haruka looked at Setsuna, and had to ask, "What happened two hours ago?"

"We entered a Nexus."

The pair glanced at each other again, before chorusing out, "What's a Nexus?"

"The time stream is somewhat malleable before it reaches a Nexus. Before a Nexus, the future can influence the past. After a Nexus, the past is fixed as it is. That's why it was so critical to lay the foundations of Crystal Tokyo before this Nexus arrived."

Haruka and Michiru shared another puzzled look, and then Michiru asked, "What's 'Crystal Tokyo'?"

"I didn't mention it? It's where Chibi-Usa comes from."

"Usagi's cousin?"

Setsuna smiled. "Chibi-Usa isn't Usagi's cousin. She's her daughter by Mamoru. As heir apparent to the Queen of the World, Small Lady doesn't get much of a chance to be regular child, so Neo-Queen Serenity sends her daughter into the past so she can have a relatively normal childhood. Not to mention avoid the inherent paradox in Chibi-Usa's role in the past." She opened her mystery novel and began reading.

The two shocked women stared at Setsuna for several minutes, until one of them found her voice. It was Haruka this time. "You're telling me Odango Atama is going to be the Queen of the World?"

Setsuna shrugged. "We all grow up some time." She then grinned impishly, "Some of us just take longer than others."

At that moment, Setsuna, barefoot and dressed in a sheer silk robe that barely reached mid-thigh, walked in from the kitchen, singing:

Happy Happy Vacation Day!  
Let's all go out to dance and play!

The Setsuna dressed in the fluffy robe joined in, singing in harmony:

'Cause there's no more work today!  
It's Happy Vacation Day!

Michiru and Haruka stared as the second Setsuna gracefully joined them on the couch, her long legs folded under her. They continued to stare as she pulled an electronic device from her sub-space pocket, and began playing, of all things, a video game. Michiru's gaze turned from one Setsuna to the other, before asking, "What the hell is going on here?"

The Setsuna on the couch explained, "I'm on vacation. Surely I've explained this to you already."

"But there's two of you!" Michiru then noticed that Haruka was still staring, specifically _what_ she was staring at, and elbowed her lover forcefully.

"Hey! I was staring at that game, not at her... Anyway, what is that?"

"It's a Play Station Portable."

Haruka shifted slightly so she could get a better look. "Don't tell me, it's from the future."

"How'd you ever guess?"

The Setsuna on the recliner said, "Haruka, the game is in her hands, not in the gap of her robe." She laughed when Michiru elbowed the blonde once again. "Setsuna, am I really going to miss you once you cease to exist."

"You're assuming that Usagi won't go my route, Setsuna. I personally think that Usagi and the others are too sweet natured to create your version of Crystal Tokyo, even though they've actually been there."

"One of us will see, won't we?"

"Yes we will."

The unreality of the situation increased when Haruka and Michiru were treated to "Happy Vacation Day" in three-part harmony. The latest Setsuna was dressed in sweats. She was carrying a large cardboard box. "Hey guys... anyone up for a Dr. Who marathon?"

The one on the recliner asked, "Isn't that a trifle cliché?"

"Would you three shut the hell up?" A fourth Setsuna walked down the main stairs of their house, dressed in one of her customary business suits.

The third Setsuna smiled at the fourth. "That's right... one of us isn't on vacation, is she?"

The second nodded, "Yes. I wonder who that could be?"

"I'll give you three guesses. And the first two don't count," smirked the first one.

"Laugh it up, you three. Don't forget, two of you will be out of my hair once the Nexus is past," the fourth Setsuna said grumpily.

"But laughing at your past self is so much fun!" Setsuna number three smiled at her counterpart.

"Not to mention how much fun it will be to watch you try to deal with the Nexus," the first Setsuna said, not looking up from her novel. "This time, I get to be the one to be laughing at my mistakes."

The Setsuna on the couch added, "Don't worry, I won't be laughing this time. I've got five years worth of games to play."

The other three blinked, then the well-dressed Setsuna, who appeared to be the actual one, asked, "The Nexus lasts ten years, though. What else are you planning on doing?"

The Setsuna in the silk robe shrugged. "I've also got ten-thousand years worth of sexual frustration to work through. Right after I finish Final Fantasy XIV. And no, Haruka, you can't help me with it."

Haruka hastily reassured her girlfriend. "I wasn't going to ask, Michiru. Honest. You are the only woman for me. I'll never touch another."

"I was talking about the game, Haruka. But since you're not interested in sex..."

Setsuna-prime groaned. "Was she like this during the virtual Nexus you two went through?"

The other two Setsunas shook their heads with a smile. "No, this is something new."

Hotaru chose that moment to walk through the front door. "Michiru-mama! Haruka-papa! Guess who's going to school with me?" Hotaru stopped and stared at the crowded living room. "Four Setsuna-mamas?"

The pink-haired Chibi-Usa, who had aged three years since they'd last seen her three months ago, waved at them from behind her friend. "Hi Michiru-san, Haruka-san. Hi, Puu!"

The four Setsunas stared at the girl, before three of them said in unison. "Hello, Small Lady." Two of them stared at the one in sweats, who had called her "Usagi-chan."

Setsuna-prime paled. "Another deviation?" The other two nodded.

"Small Lady, why are you here?" The one in the recliner asked the now thirteen-year-old girl.

The girl smiled. "Puu said I needed to be here during the Nexus, since I'm from the future like you all are. She said it had something about hopefully preserving the time stream from paradox."

Seeing the expression on her future counterparts' faces, Setsuna asked, "I take it none of you had anything to do with this?" All three shook their heads. "Are we absolutely sure we're in the real Nexus and not another virtual one?" All three nodded. "Great..."

Setsuna number one took another sip of her tea. "You two seem to be the anomalies, while I've been here every single time. I'll miss you two, but it looks like I'll be the one to carry on..." She saluted the others from her recliner.

Her voice trailed off as the phone in the genkan began ringing. Hotaru called out, "I'll get it," and went to answer the call. "Haruka-papa! It's for you!" The girl carried the portable phone over to her "father figure."

"This is Tenou Haruka... It's been a long time, Grandpa..." Haruka groaned. "Not another omiai, you know how I feel about that... Sorry, but I love Michiru, and you know how I feel about guys... I don't care about that... No, I'm not willing to share her, even if I thought she'd be interested in being his concubine. Yeah, I'm sure. She isn't interested in guys at all... I love you too." Haruka hung up and stared strait ahead, a puzzled look on her face.

Michiru gave Haruka a shake. "What was it, Haruka-chan?"

"Well, you see..." The phone interrupted Haruka as it began ringing again. "Hello? Tenou, Kaiou, Meiou, and Tomoe residence. Tenou Haruka speaking. Of course." Haruka handed the phone to Michiru. "It's for you."

"Hello? Kaiou Michiru speaking... Oh, hi mother... I see... Really? Really... Mother, we've talked about artificial insemination, and we've decided it wouldn't be fair to the child to deprive her of her biological father. We'd want him intimately involved in her life, which would involve us forming a very close relationship with him... I really doubt she'd go for that... Really... But... All right, I'll ask her. Bye." She hung up and said, "That was weird."

"What is it?"

"You first."

"No, you've got something to ask me, so you should go first."

"I only told Mother I'd ask you to get her off my back. I'll call her in a few days and tell her you said 'no.' "

Haruka smiled teasingly. "Michiru! Is that any way to talk in front of our daughter? What kind of example are you setting for Hotaru-chan? Ask me, _then_ I'll say 'no,' and you won't have to lie to your own mother."

Michiru blushed. "You're right, Haruka. Hotaru-chan, please forgive me for setting such a poor example."

"It's okay, Michiru-mama." Hotaru sat down at the family room's table, looking up at the two Senshi. "So what did you want to ask Haruka-papa?"

Chibi-Usa joined her friend, grinning, "Yeah. Inquiring minds want to know."

"Well, you see... one of my second cousins just declared himself ronin. I think there was some sort of scandal involving his parents..."

"His name wouldn't be Ranma, would it?"

"How'd you know?"

Setsuna-prime whirled on her counterparts. "You didn't tell me he was also Michiru's cousin!"

The Setsuna on the couch shrugged. "If Ranma was _just_ Michiru's cousin, there wouldn't be a problem. She and Haruka can handle themselves. Unfortunately, he's also Minako's cousin, and the two were rather close as children. Considering the kind of trouble the boy attracts, we wanted to keep him away from the Inner Senshi." She looked at her two alternates. "Did Ranma go ronin in either of your two timelines?" The pair shook their heads. "Another anomaly. The timing of this is... ominous. And we won't be able to fix this, either. Damn." She looked at the couple staring at her. "Sorry, please go on."

"Anyways, after going ronin, he decided to sell some sperm so he'd have some cash. Mother bought some, with the idea that since the two of us can't have children normally, my own cousin would be good surrogate for you to have 'my' child..."

"You know my feelings on that. It's tempting, especially since he's your cousin, but we would _have_ to tell him about us being Senshi. The funny thing is that that's what Grandpa called me about. He actually wanted to see if he could track the guy down and arrange an omiai, in order to bring him into our clan. If I were willing to agree to that, he'd be willing to bring you and Hotaru-chan in as well. After all, how can a man turn down two gorgeous babes like us?" Haruka rolled her eyes heavenward. "I'll have to tease Grandpa about how you're actually his cousin, so I doubt you'd be able to tempt him like that. So I guess you'll just have to tell her 'no'."

"Actually, that's not what I was supposed to ask you. She wants me to track him down and ask him to join our family. _And_ she wants me to sweeten the offer by asking you if you'd be willing to marry him, thus bringing you and Hotaru-chan into _my_ family." Michiru chuckled when Haruka rolled her eyes again. "I don't know why she'd think you'd even consider it, even if he _does_ have a curse which turns him into a girl..."

Haruka's curiously eager "Really?" was drowned out by four different versions of Setsuna rising to their feet and shouting, "WHAT?" The contemporary Setsuna took a step backwards when her three counterparts whirled on her, shouting, "When the hell did that happen?"

"About ten months ago, when Ranma was training in China." The occupants in the room turned to stare at the unfamiliar woman who had just entered through the kitchen, carrying a tray laden with cookies and tea. The brunette, wearing a pretty sundress, smiled as she bent down to place the tray on the table in the center of the living room, before sitting down with Hotaru and Chibi-Usa. "Is something wrong?"

Setsuna-prime stalked over to the new arrival. "Who are you, and what the hell are you doing in our home? Chibi-Usa, don't eat those! It could be a trap!"

Chibi-Usa looked up at the green-haired woman, taking a huge bite of her cookie. "Why not? Puu's chocolate chip cookies are the best!"

"You mean this isn't where all the Sailor Pluto's are supposed to meet?"

The various Setsuna's replies sort of blurred together. "Excuse me?" "What do you mean?" "Small Lady, did you just call her 'Puu'?" "Great, another deviation."

The stranger smiled sweetly up at the four Setsunas standing over her. "I am Sailor Pluto too," the woman said, holding up a very familiar henshin rod with the symbol of Pluto in it. "You three didn't honestly think you were the only ones in the past, arranging the future to your liking, did you?"

"Yeah, Mom. Get with the program already," a teenaged girl said as she walked through the front door. The redhead joined Chibi-Usa and Hotaru at table, and popped a cookie into her mouth. "You're right, Chibi-Usa. She is a good cook."

Chibi-Usa nodded. "Hi, Puu!"

The trio of alternate Meiou Setsunas looked worried as their contemporary counterpart began to laugh hysterically. They turned to each other and said, "So much for our vacations."

The brunette currently serving tea to the three teenagers heard their comments and smiled. "Or we all could let events play out for themselves, and trust in Usagi-chan and the others to do what's right." She ignored the incredulous look that three out of the four Setsunas were giving her as she sipped her tea. _'I hope Ranma-chan is enjoying the Bracelet of Kuan Yin. I went through a lot of trouble to make sure it fell into his hands.' _Meeting their gaze, the woman saluted them with her cup. _'Very well, then. Let the games begin!'_

Haruka's next question cause all four Setsuna's to stare at the tomboy in horror. "Michiru, you wouldn't happen to have a picture of Ranma's girl side, would you?"

- + -

Silence reigned in the Mano family's furo. In the hole in the wall stood the furious Amazon warrior. She had finally tracked down her husband, only to find him nearly naked in the bath with another woman! With his hand on her...

Shampoo's eyes narrowed in anger. First it had been the "Kitchen Destroyer." Then there was the "Spatula Girl." They had been insignificant, for her "husband" had clearly not found them attractive. She had hoped that a _real_ woman would be able to eventually catch his eye, but that woman was supposed to be _her!_

In a quiet, dangerous voice, she growled, "Ranma!" The obstacle had the look of a trained warrior, possessing none of the softness Akane and Ukyo had demonstrated. She was feminine too, unlike her two rivals. It had been bad enough that she was losing to a cross dressing girl and a... What did the Japanese call her? Oh yeah... a "tomboy." At least she hadn't lost to a _man_...

She shifted her stance slightly and lunged, intending to eliminate her rival right here and now. As expected, the pair separated, leaping out of the way. She quickly recovered from her lunge and whirled, intending to go after the bitch that had dared to steal _her_ husband. She was brought up short by the bared steel in the hands of the two towel clad teens in front of her. Where the hell had they been keeping those swords?

"I thought we had a deal, Shampoo. I give Cologne my seed, and in exchange you all were supposed to _leave me the hell alone. _I ain't your fiancé anymore. Go back home to China."

This was a different Ranma from the one she knew. He had never favored weapons before, nor had he ever been so cold to her. "You think you could shame Shampoo, mock Shampoo?"

"What the hell are you talkin' about, Shampoo?"

"This." Shampoo tossed a thin newspaper at Ranma. "Shampoo not even home, and sisters already make fun of Shampoo."

Ranma stared at the newspaper in shock. "This... this..." He looked up. "This is in Chinese!"

The new obstacle, standing far too close to Ranma for Shampoo's comfort, read over his shoulder. "Joketsuzoko Champion fails in marriage quest, by Mascara.

"Amazon News Services report that last year's champion of Joketsuzoko village, Shampoo, Great-Granddaughter of Elder Cologne, failed to secure her husband, Saotome Ranma, for the good of the Amazon People. In an unprecedented move, the Amazon Council invoked their ancient privilege, annulling the 'Kiss of Marriage' in exchange for the seed of the youth that had defeated the Lord of Phoenix Mountain, Saffron. Also unprecedented, the secondary reason for the annulment was cited as 'Lack of Consummation.'

"Childhood friends told this reporter that they were not surprised by this turn of events. 'Shampoo was always a bit frigid,' Pink told this reporter. 'So it's not surprising that she couldn't land a husband. Look at how she treats Mousse. Any Amazon warrior would love to have a devoted and powerful husband like him, despite his handicap. Instead, she plays with his affections. It's no wonder that a virile man like Ranma would rather cum in a cup than cum in her.'

" 'That's not to say she doesn't have her good side,' added Link. 'She is an excellent cook. I'm sure she'll make some man a fine husband some day. She's an especially skilled baster. Yep, no one can baste a bird like Shampoo. A true master baster if I ever saw one. Out of the whole of the Amazon Tribe, there is no master baster more skilled than Shampoo…' "

Shampoo ripped the newspaper out of Ranma's hands. Leveling her sword at the new girl, she growled out, "Ranma! You leave obstacle and come home with Shampoo. Shampoo love you long time, and you be proper husband." Shampoo smiled dangerously, "Or Shampoo eliminate obstacle."

The unknown girl glared at her, taking a step around Ranma. "Why you..."

Her husband put his hands on the outsider again, "Yohko, it ain't worth it. If you defeat her, she'll just give you the 'kiss of death,' and try to kill you."

"And she clearly intends for you to defend me, thus defeating her and starting up the whole 'kiss of marriage' thing again. Right?"

"Council no can cancel second kiss of marriage. Is against Amazon Law. You come home with Shampoo, and we make babies right way. Japanese girls is frigid ones. They no... NO!" She stared at Ranma, noticing the change to his aura. The heat of her anger fixed upon the girl that had succeeded in seducing her husband, succeeding in an area where she herself had failed. "Die!"

Her new rival deflected her second lunge, their blades ringing against each other. The girl's sword was unusual in the extreme. Part of the sword guard was more like a small axe, and the whole sword seemed to be a bit larger than necessary. The unusual sword didn't slow Yohko any, and the girl's riposte was faster than Shampoo had expected.

"Yohko, don't defeat her! It'll bring nothing but trouble!"

"Don't worry, Ran-chan, I'm going to put this bitch in her place!"

The fight had taken them outside the girl's home, where Shampoo could take advantage of her Amazon training. Unfortunately, the girl's style proved to be just as effective in the open as it was in the furo, if not more so. Like the Saotome and Amazon styles, the girl's school favored speed and agility over brute strength. _'Perfect.'_ She forced down her anger, and began leading the girl in a spiral.

As they neared the center, though, the girl abruptly reversed her movement, driving her sword into the ground. The hot and cold ki about them reacted with something _else_ in the spiral, causing the whole mess to _implode_. The obstacle was clearly expecting that reaction, and had braced herself for the implosion. Shampoo wasn't, and screamed in pain as the hot and cold ki, rushing into the void the girl had created, tore into her.

The outsider stood over Shampoo, as the purple-haired girl attempted to stand. "Did you think that Ranma wouldn't tell me about his training? We've been sparring partners for over a month now, and we've been going over various ways to modify his techniques... and to counter them. You should've seen what happened the first time I tried that... we missed three days of school. We had fun those three days, though." The girl smiled lecherously. "A lot of fun."

Shampoo glared at Ranma. "Ranma! You betray Amazons! Teach outsiders about our techniques!"

The man who was once her husband shrugged. "Cologne never asked me to keep them a secret. If she had wanted to keep them a secret, she shouldn't have taught them to me in the first place, or at least ask me not to teach them to others. They're a part of _my_ style now, so I'll teach them to whoever I want."

Shampoo had finally recovered enough to resume the attack. Since everyone was talking, she hoped to take advantage of the undeclared truce. Unfortunately, the girl had been waiting for her sneak attack. The outsider deflected her thrust, taking a step back, then followed up with a riposte of her own. Shampoo was barely able to deflect the attack in time. The outsider went on the offensive this time, and Shampoo was barely able to protect herself. Shampoo was beginning to tire, and for some reason her foe wasn't. If Shampoo didn't end it soon, the outsider would win. Shampoo saw an opening, and thrust for the girl's heart.

Going for the opening wasn't really Shampoo's mistake. The mistake was a small one, though. Shampoo's thrust was just a hair too forceful than it should've been, leaving the Amazon overextended. The outsider gracefully sidestepped her swing and brought her own sword into Shampoo's path. The Amazon warrior was unable to halt her momentum in time to keep her from impaling herself on her rival's sword.

As the ashen-faced Amazon stared at the steel imbedded in her chest, Yohko leaned forward and whispered, "I want you to get one thing straight. Ran-chan is not yours, nor is he mine. He's his own person, and because I respect that, we enjoy the relationship we have. If you ever come after me again; if you even think of using that 'kiss of death' crap; if you do anything to my family or friends, the next time this blade is in your chest, it _won't_ be immaterial. Go home." Shampoo shuddered as Yohko's blade withdrew from her chest. She fell to her knees, her shaking hand feeling the ragged hole in the armor between her breasts, and the untouched flesh beneath.

Wrapping the outsider in the towel that had come loose during the fight, her former husband led her back into the house. His only words to her as he walked away, were "Go back to China, Shampoo. If I ever see you again, it will be too soon."

- + -

From the roof of a building a couple of blocks away, Cologne watched as her defeated great-granddaughter abandoned her Amazon honor, and fled the field of battle. Cologne was surprised that she did that... she was beginning to think Shampoo had more pride than common sense. Maybe there was hope for the girl after all. Turning her to her companion, she asked in Chinese, "So, what do you think?"

The girl grinned ecstatically as she lowered her binoculars. "That was a really cool explosion!" The girl's eyes sparkled in excitement. She pulled her glasses from where they were hanging on the neck of cheongsam.

"It was interesting at least, but that's not what I was asking about."

The girl cleaned her glasses before putting them back on. "I think my great-grandmother was wise to leave your tribe."

Cologne sighed. This was definitely not going as she'd planned. "That wasn't what I was talking about, either."

"If Shampoo's your finest warrior, it doesn't bode well for the future of the Amazon people. Even I know better than to use ki attacks against a devil hunter."

"Not about that either."

The girl glanced at the bound and gagged duck at Cologne's feet. "Your treatment of my cousin isn't exactly persuasive?"

'_Must not bop the girl on the head. Must not bop the girl on the head,' _the elderly Amazon thought as she fought to keep her temper in check. "I didn't want the idiot to add fuel to an already volatile situation. I meant what do you think about my offer."

This was definitely wasn't going well. When the child's great-grandmother had left the tribe, they'd lost the best Artificer line of their tribe. The sister's line had produced only one strong Artificer. Unfortunately, Mousse had proven to be a disappointment. The child of the girl and Ranma would bring some badly needed blood back into her village. Unfortunately, the girl in twin pigtails was proving to be obstinate.

"No. Your price is too high. There's no way I'd turn any child of mine over to you."

"Very well. Would you agree to letting me train him or her, and to an engagement between the child and a child of one of my Great-Granddaughters?" Cologne wasn't surprised. This was the nature of bargaining. The girl _needed_ access to the accumulated knowledge of the Amazon tribe. It was only fair that she gave up something in return for those secrets. By taking such an extreme position, she hoped to get the deal she'd wanted.

The girl thought about it for a second. "No. Quite frankly, if I'm going to be pregnant, I'd rather enjoy getting that way."

Cologne winced internally. Children were far too independent these days. "Very well. What do you think about Ranma himself?"

The girl blushed. "He's certainly handsome... why do you ask?"

"If you were to 'enjoy getting pregnant'..."

The girl sighed. "Elder Cologne... I was kind of hoping for your help, but I'd rather not sell my flesh for it. I'll muddle through, somehow." The girl grinned. "That's half the fun: blowing stuff up," the girl said, a funny look in her eyes. Then she sighed. "If it wasn't so important..."

Cologne raised her hand. "Don't be so quick to refuse without hearing me out. We desperately need to add new blood to our tribe..."

"If you had treated my family like we were valuable in the first place, maybe we'd still be a part of your tribe!" The girl said with some heat. "For generations, we'd made your armor and weapons. For generations, we'd provided you the things you need to train and equip your warriors, and what did we get in return? Contempt." The girl's voice turned mocking. "Our Art wasn't 'martial' enough for you. Hell, even after we even invented Hidden Weapons Style, you were reluctant to grant us a place as an Elder on the Council.

"That's why your tribe is dying, Elder. You cling to ways that have been out of date for centuries. You've got a tribe of warriors trained to fight in wars that ceased to exist with the invention of the firearm. Your glory days are in the past. Everyone smart enough to realize this has left a long time ago."

"The old ways have some value, child. If they didn't, you wouldn't have come to me."

The girl's expression softened. "Yes, they do have some value. They should be preserved, because occasionally situations do arise where they're necessary. But what you're doing isn't preserving them. What you're doing is hording them." The girl turned and started walking towards the fire escape. "When you're ready to stop hording, let me know."

"Wait! Would you at least consider a... what do the Japanese call it, an omiai?"

"In exchange for the information I need? And do I have a say in whether or not I have to say 'yes'?"

"For just going on the omiai, I'll get you that sample of Jusendo water you want. If you actively pursue Ranma as a husband, I'll get you the information you requested." Cologne agreed, admitting defeat. _'You'd think the gods had something against me.'_

"And I won't be penalized if he says 'no'?"

'_It's not even close to what I wanted, but it'll have to do.' _"Very well. Bargained well and done."

- + -

Meiou Setsuna, also known as Sailor Pluto, was not having a good day. Of course, she wasn't expecting to have a good day. They had just entered the Nexus, which meant the help she had relied upon from her future counterpart(s) would vanish. While a Sailor Pluto from the future could exist, she would be largely powerless. There was only one Time Staff, and one Garnet Orb, after all, and they were the key to her power. Once the Nexus had arrived, her counterparts lost access to the majority of their powers.

Sure, they could transform, with the accompanying boost in strength, speed, and resistance to damage... but attacks like the Dead Scream were limited to herself, the _actual_ Sailor Pluto. The others were shadows of the future, variations on the future that _she_ had established for humanity, and they would vanish if the true timeline varied too much from her goal.

When she'd woken up this morning, she'd figured that her counterparts would be lounging around the house, making fun of her, and doing those things that she'd never had enough time (ironically enough) to do. It was, after all, what she would do in their place, faced by the probability of vanishing as if she'd never existed. Of course, given that _she_ was going through a _real_ Nexus, when it came time to go into the past to shape the future, she wouldn't have to worry about _that_ particular problem. It's just that they were going to be absolutely insufferable for the next ten years.

Things had started out exactly as she'd expected. She'd returned home to catch a quick nap, and was treated to a serenade, in three-part harmony, of _that_ song. One of these days, she'd love to find out where _that_ song had come from. Once she found out, she was sure she could arrange an appropriate punishment for writing that accursed song.

- + -

In the cabin at Camp Chippewa that he shared with his wife, Gary Granger felt a sudden chill. "Given how my last two productions turned out, maybe I should try something different."

Becky gave her husband an affectionate peck on the cheek. "Don't worry, honey, I'm sure your 'Salute to Thanksgiving' will be your best one yet! What happened during your 'Salute to Vacations' was just a fluke."

- + -

After that, things had started to go horribly, horribly wrong. It started with small anomalies in the behavior of her counterparts. Small divergences were to be expected, but not anything significant, like their nickname for the daughter of Tsukino Usagi and Chiba Mamoru. The mere fact that one of her counterparts thought of her as the familiar "Usagi-chan," rather than "Small Lady," meant that for her, Crystal Tokyo was no longer the revived Moon Kingdom. Even the presence of Chibi-Usa during the Nexus in the first place was an anomaly.

Then there was the shocking revelation about Minako and Michiru's cousin. She'd been monitoring him, occasionally tweaking things to insure that the trouble that he attracted wouldn't interfere with Usagi's destiny, and yet she'd somehow missed something major like a Nyanniichuan curse. How, she had no idea, but she'd missed itjust the same. The idea of Haruka acting like the inners over some boy was disturbing enough. The fact that, two hours into the Nexus, she'd _just _found out the timeline had diverged _that_ much meant that the Inner's "Brawl over Saotome Ranma," with Haruka thrown in for good measure, might make its reappearance. She fought off a shudder at the horror. And he'd gone ronin as well. Not good, not good at all.

On top of the other problems, two other individuals claiming to be Sailor Pluto had appeared. One was a complete stranger. The other claimed to be her future daughter, and looked enough like her at the age of fourteen, despite the red hair, to make her believe it. The fact that Chibi-Usa, improbably, knew them both, and called them by the child's nickname for _her_, "Puu," drove her dangerously close to the edge of madness.

Setsuna did the only thing she could think of: cry out to the uncaring gods, "What did I do to deserve this?"

"Are you okay, Puu?"

"You poor dear. Let me pour a cup of tea for you, and we'll talk about it. Make sure you have a cookie, too. They're still fresh out of the oven."

Michiru looked at her roommate with concern. "Setsuna?"

One of the Meious embraced her distraught counterpart. "There, there. It'll be alright, oh sister of mine. We're both still here, so maybe the timeline won't diverge after all."

Haruka whispered into Michiru's ear, "Where'd the third one go?"

A Meiou Setsuna paused at the top of the stairs, staring at surprise at the crowd below. "What's going on here?" She was dressed for the beach.

Seeing a new Setsuna number three, a plaintive wail came from Setsuna-prime. "Why is this happening to me?"

The brown-haired woman took a sip of her tea, "In my case, Usagi-chan found out what you've been up to at what was probably the worst possible moment, and stripped you of your power. You were too heavy handed for your own good, Setsuna-chan."

Setsuna number two glared at the stranger who had invited herself into their home. "Who the hell are you?"

The woman leaned forward. "That... is a secret!" She giggled when most of the room kissed the carpet. "I've always wanted to say that."

Setsuna number one, having recovered her dignity, looked suspiciously at the other Sailor Pluto, "And what do you want?"

"The same thing you all want: to help Usagi-chan to fulfill her destiny, and lead Humanity to a brighter future. Needless to say, my vision of that future is quite different from your vision. We are all here to ensure that _our_ future will become the real one. Let's not forget that there are many others out there who also have plans for the future, which aren't quite so bright. Is it really that important for _your_ vision of Crystal Tokyo to become reality? I would rather focus my efforts on ensuring that the plans of others don't come to fruition."

"How the hell did you get in here, anyways? We're in the Nexus, so you couldn't have teleported..."

The brunette seemed shocked. "Don't tell me that after 10,000 years, you still rely solely on the Orb and Staff for your power!"

The four Setsuna's looked embarrassed, "We've been busy."

The redheaded Sailor Pluto smirked. "Which is why President Tsukino demanded that you step down, Mom."

Michiru and Haruka looked at each other, and mouthed, "_President_ Tsukino?"

The original Setsuna wasn't about to get sidetracked. Again. "So how _did_ you teleport into our home? I thought I'd warded the house so that only someone with access to the Time Gates could teleport in... And you _need_ the Staff to access those."

The other woman smiled. "Who said I teleported in?"

"You broke in?"

"No, I walked in with Michiru-chan and Haruka-kun."

The couple on the couch glanced at each other, a peculiar look on their faces. "You know, she's right," Haruka said. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Michiru shrugged, "I thought if you didn't know who she was, you'd say something. Why didn't you?"

"I figured you knew who she was."

The lingerie clad Setsuna suddenly gasped. "I remember now. You were cooking in the kitchen when I came downstairs!"

The one in the fluffy robe started in surprise. "You're right. How the hell did you do that?"

"I used an SEP field."

The entire room, with the exception of Chibi-Usa and the teen-aged Sailor Pluto alternate, asked, "What's an 'SEP Field'?"

"Allow me to demonstrate." She winked at the redhead, and then turned to Chibi-Usa. "Allow me to top off your cup, Chibi-Usa-chan."

"Thanks Puu!"

Michiru turned her attention away from the table, and back to the movie. Whatever was going on obviously didn't concern her. The Setsunas would sort things out.

Haruka returned her attention to a far more interesting subject: Michiru. She was sure Setsuna could handle things. There _was_ four of her after all.

Setsuna sat back down in her recliner, and reopened the mystery novel. Let her contemporary self handle things. She was on vacation.

Setsuna returned her attention to her video game. Opportunities for a vacation seldom came, after all, so she intended to make the most of it. Her counterpart had things well in hand.

Setsuna looked at the scene below. What on earth had diverted her attention from going to the beach in the first place? She shook her head. Well, if it was anything important, Setsuna-prime was around to deal with it.

Setsuna returned her attention to tracking down and punishing the fool who had written _that_ song. Michiru and Haruka were quite reliable, after all... why on Earth was Chibi-Usa giggling like that? And why did Hotaru-chan look so confused?

The six adults not seated at the table jumped when they realized who else was in the room with them, causing Chibi-Usa and Hotaru fall over laughing. In one voice, they roared, "How the _hell_ did you do that?"

"It's an SEP field," the redhead explained. "It's a ki technique that ensures that everyone present regards the user as... wait for it... 'Somebody Else's Problem.' Dad always said the best way to be invisible was to hide in plain sight. Of course, if you know the technique, then it's relatively easy to counter. Plus you can exclude people if you want, and it doesn't work very well with people you're close to."

The brunette nodded. "The nice thing about this technique is that it alters behavior, rather than memory. Unless someone intentionally points out what happened, the effects last for quite some time. A dear friend taught me this technique when I became Sailor Pluto. It's quite similar to the so-called 'disguise field' we have when we're transformed."

Kamiya Kasumi leaned forward, a gentle smile on her face. "Now, Megumi-chan and I have agreed to cooperate with each other. We're from similar timelines, and it doesn't matter to _us_ who Usagi will choose when she learns of what you four have been up to... even so, we'd rather concentrate on something _other _than preventing your 'grand vision' of the future to come about. If you four agree not to manipulate Usagi into standing idly by rather than trying to stop the Great Freeze, we can _all_ relax, including the _real_ Setsuna, and let Usagi and the others build a future we all can be proud of."

- + -

"But why?" Yohko's plaintive wail summed up her feelings about the scene before her. Chikako engulfed her friend in yet another hug. The poor girl really needed it right now.

Ranma was leaving. He had already packed up the clothes he didn't intend to carry with him. Those were packed into cardboard boxes, and would be shipped to wherever Ranma would be staying next. His more rugged clothes, plus camping gear, were already in the high-tech frame pack her grandmother had bought for him. Just a few things remained.

"It's all starting again. You may have scared off Shampoo for the moment, but she'll be back. Wherever Shampoo goes, Mousse won't be far behind. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the others are on their way as well. What you're doing here is far too important to endanger it with the lunatics after my hide." He looked at Yohko's mother and Grandmother. "Sayoko-san, thank you for your hospitality. Granny, I wish I had the time to continue to learn from you..."

"I understand, Ranma. I figured this day would come sooner or later. You aren't as far along with the use of your powers as I'd like, but I'm sure you'll do fine. Where too next?"

"I'm headingsouthwest in search this school," he handed Madoka a scroll. "I can't do anything about most of the dowries my father scammed, but at least I can fix these."

Madoka read the header of the scroll. "Well, this school isn't too hard to find, and the master is supposed to be quite reasonable. Good luck, Ranma-kun." With a smile, Mano Madoka led her daughter and Chi out of the room, leaving the two teens alone.

Yohko look at the young man with sorrowful eyes. "Ranma... what about us?"

Ranma sighed, trying to figure out the best way to say this. "Yohko, there can be no _us_, not in the sense you mean. You're one of the fiancées my father arranged, remember? Regardless of what we feel for each other, I just can't marry you. It wouldn't be fair to the others.

"We're friends, _very_ close friends... but we can never be married. We can't even be lovers, because you'll lose your powers."

"Damn... damn it, damn it, damn it! It's not fair!"

Ranma smiled bitterly. "Who said life's fair? If life were fair, I wouldn't be here right now. I would be back in Nerima, engaged to a very special woman."

Ranma finished packing, and slipped the backpack into place. The duffle bag that held his sword easily attached to the custom-made hooks on the left side. Putting on his backpack, he embraced Yohko. "I don't have many genuine friends, Yohko, let alone ones 'with benefits,' even if they aren't the ones we prefer. " That earned a smile from Yohko. "Come on, the others are waiting. I've got a train to catch."

- + -

The Mano clan and Ogawa Chi watched as the two teens said goodbye to each other. Madoka, Azusa, and Sayoko weren't close enough to hear what the two said, but the pair touched frequently, and many hugs were involved. The two were creating quite the scene.

Finally, the intercom announced the last call for Ranma's train. With one last hug, and a tender kiss, the boy stepped onto the southbound train, the door closing behind him. He waved to Yohko as the train began to move.

Azusa smiled. "I bet that Yohko-san will do the whole 'run after the train' thing."

Chi laughed, "Of course she will, she has a highly developed sense for melodrama, after all. And there she goes."

They all watched as Yohko raced after train, waving at Ranma who waved back from the window as the train rapidly pulled away.

"Auntie Madoka?" Azusa whispered.

"Yes, Azusa-chan?" Madoka whispered back.

"Doesn't the fact that Yohko-san can summon her soul sword untransformed mean that she no longer needs her transformation?"

"You're right, dear," Madoka said, draping her arm over the young girl's shoulders. "I think we should keep that little detail between the two of us, don't you?"

- + -

Next Chapter Teaser:

"Mmmm!"

"Hey, Ranma here! I've once again hit the road, and who knows where the hell that road will lead?"

"Mmmph!"

"Anyways, don't expect any updates anytime soon. The author is still in the research and development phase on the next story arc, but don't worry, I've taken steps to hurry the process along."

"Mmmph! Mmm!"

"Ranma?"

"Yes, oh next fiancée of mine, whose name I can't say because I don't want to ruin the surprise?"

"The author can't eat all this yummy food I prepared with that gag on."

"It's an incentive to write faster. Anyways, keep an eye on this site for Chapter Six of Rurouni Ranma: 'No Need for Amateurs!' See ya!"

"Mmmph!"

- + -

Meanwhile:

The Entity raced through interstellar space, intent upon its destination. Its carefully crafted plan had been disrupted, and it _would_ correct the problem. It couldn't permit anything to upset the system it had created. Its desires left it no other choice.

It passed another planet, and took pleasure from the panic that arose as it streaked by. Things progressed there as they should, and it reveled in what its plan had done to that planet. It did good work, even if the inhabitants didn't appreciate it. Some people simply didn't understand art.

Just like the inhabitants of the planet called Earth.

- + -

Omake:

Setsuna felt a headache coming on. On top of the other problems, two other individuals claiming to be Sailor Pluto had appeared. One was a complete stranger. The other claimed to be her future daughter, and looked enough like her at the age of fourteen to make her believe it. The fact that Chibi-Usa, improbably, knew them both, and called them by the child's nickname for _her_, "Puu," drove her dangerously close to the edge of madness.

Setsuna did the only thing she could think of: cry out to the uncaring gods, "What did I do to deserve this?"

And was promptly floored as a large, leather-bound tome slamming into her head.

Haruka looked at the fallen Sailor Pluto. "Setsuna? Are you okay?"

Michiru, however, was more interested in the book. "The Many Sins, and other Offenses Against the Gods, of Meiou Setsuna. Volume 17, 1317- 982 BCE," she read aloud.

Opening the book at random, she read from the book. "Traveled back in time to establish the Chinese Amazons, setting back progress in Asia by at least 300 years. Also ensured that the most honored and heroic names of the Chinese Amazons would be homonyms for the English names of beauty products, precipitating a chain of events that would eventually lead to the overthrow of the Imperial government by Communist rebels."

"You know, you'd think by now we'd know better than to ask that question," Setsuna #2 observed from her place on the couch.

Painfully picking herself up from the floor, Setsuna-prime groaned. "Why is this happening to me?"

Seconds later, Volume 18 crashed into her head.

Omake #2:

Azusa smiled. "I bet that Yohko-san will do the whole 'run after the train' thing."

Chi laughed, "Of course she will, she has a highly developed sense for melodrama, after all. And there she goes."

The trio watched as Yohko raced after train, waving at Ranma who waved back from the window as the train rapidly pulled away. A few moments later, Sayoko winced, "That had to have hurt."

Madoka nodded. "It's a good thing the train was too far ahead. I don't think Yohko wanted Ranma's last memory of her to be her running face first into one of the station's concrete support pillars."

Omake #3:

Yohko stared in horror. First it had been the aged pervert. She still hadn't gotten all her bras back... including the one she'd been wearing when she'd _finally_ lost her virginity. Then Ryouga had turned up again, and in a fit of anger damaged the forest shrine where two powerful spirits dwelled. It had taken _forever _to get _them_ calmed down. Then this overly bishounen guy had shown up to 'punish' Ranma... as a part of his quest to get his name changed. And now, a tentacled horror and a six-armed demoness were locked in an epic destructive conflict... over a bunch of magnets.

"Ran-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"You were right. You really should've left when you had a chance."

Omake by Migele:

"And who are you?" The Setsunas asked the cloaked and dripping girl.

The cape was dropped to the ground and she took off her shirt to wring it out.

Haruka stared, as did most others.

Hotaru and Usa for once sighed. "Ranma, still no female modesty?"

Ranma-chan turned to them. "It's not like it's my real body."

Hotaru seemed to disagree. "I know that body is very real. Just like my other one is."

"Other one?" all the Setsunas and the two outers asked.

"I kept the one from Misstress 9, how else could I enjoy time with my Ranma?"

"Your Ranma?"

The Setsunas wondered when the timeline had diverged like that. Ranma-chan as Pluto?


	6. Chapter 6

Rurouni Ranma

by DarkFyre99

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ does not belong to mine. It is the creation of Takahashi Rumiko. Characters from other anime or manga, appearing in this fanfic, are also not mine. This includes, but is not limited to, Sailor Moon. This fanfic is not done for profit, but for fun.

Chapter Six: "No Need for Amateurs"

"I think I'm beginning to understand how Ryouga feels," Ranma grumbled as he stepped off the train, adjusting his backpack so that it sat more comfortably on his shoulders. This trip had had far too many detours already. First, he had taken the train to Yokohama. From there, he'd taken a ship to Okinawa. After staying a few days there with the family of yet another fiancée, he'd taken another ship to Kagoshima. Eventually, he'd arrived at Kyoto... by way of Hiroshima, Okayama, and Kobe. He was also down to the last of the clothing he'd brought: black jeans, a gi top, and a red undershirt that Ogawa Chikako had acquired for him: it was woven in such a way that it acted like a sports bra in his girl form without _looking_ like one in his guy form. Where Yohko's friend had learned about a tailor that specialized in clothing for the "variable gendered" was anyone's guess.

"Well, it looks like I'm finally here. Let's see if I can find this place where my fiancée is stayin'." At least Granny Madoka had been correct. The girl's grandfather had been very understanding about the whole mess. The old man had requested that he go to Kyoto to help with the girl's training. Given how the Panda had screwed over the girl's family, Ranma wasn't about to deny the old man's request. "Fortunately, I've got this." He looked at the address again, and went looking for a street map.

After a quick search, he stepped out of the terminal, and into the old Imperial capital. Hopefully, he'd get a chance to do some sightseeing while he was here. "Hmm... accordin' to this, I should take a right turn right about..." He blinked at the sight of a panicked crowd bearing down on him. "Shit... first day here, and there's already trouble."

He leapt onto one of the streetlights, out of the path of the crowd, and looked further up the street. Not seeing anything, he jumped from the streetlight to a nearby roof. An explosion a couple of blocks away was the biggest clue to where the trouble was. Running along the roofs and jumping across the narrow streets below, he headed for the sounds of screams, gunfire, and explosions.

"What the hell? Did I take a wrong turn at Tokyo Three or somethin'?" In the wide street below, a giant was bearing down upon several uniformed men. About six meters tall, the thing was an amalgam of metal and flesh, and it carried a huge axe. The giant, oily looking smoke coming from within its steel hood, seemed to ignore the gunfire from the policemen as it advanced. A swipe of the axe sent one of the parked cars at the police, crushing one of them into a bloody smear when he failed to dodge in time. "Shit."

Ranma hit the quick release on the straps of his backpack, allowing it to fall to the roof behind him. He summoned his katana, invoking his transformation as soon as it appeared in his hand. Cloak billowing behind her from the breeze coming off the lake, she raised her hand to point at the sky. Summoning her power, she swept her arm down and pointed at the armored behemoth, calling out, "Verdant Beam!"

The emerald beam of energy sprang towards the monster, stabbing it straight between its shoulder blades. The creature staggered forward a step, and then turned around to look up at Ranma. A spotlight on the armored hood swept up the side of the building, blinding Ranma briefly. Sensing an attack, she jumped down to the street moments before the roof exploded.

"Ah, crap!" A second giant stepped around the corner, leveling the _cannon_ it had recently fired in her general direction. Ranma detached her cloak, and tossed it one way, as she dodged the other. The damn thing tended to get in her way, and with a little luck and a bit of magic, it should distract the things briefly. She winced as a second explosion tore up the street behind her.

Readying herself for an iaido cut, she landed on the side of the building nearest the axe-wielding monster. A third jump sent her straight at the thing's left flank, taking the battle to the iron-clad giant. She drew the katana in a blindingly fast draw cut, and...

* * *

'_What's that old sayin' about pain?'_ Ranma thought as consciousness returned, _'Oh yeah, it let's ya know you're alive.'_

"Try not to move. You're lucky you're still alive," a woman's voice said.

"Ungh... did anyone get the name of the truck that hit me?" She opened her eyes, trying to sit up despite the pain.

The woman kneeling in the rubble was one of the prettiest girls Ranma had ever seen. Her long black hair was tied back into a ponytail with a big red bow. She wore a short pink jacket with long tails, trimmed in gold, over a white body suit. The end of a white scarf peeked out from the collar of the jacket, and a wide leather belt circled her slender waist. A sheathed katana lay beside her on her left. "It was a Wakiji that hit you." She tried to keep Ranma from sitting up. "Oh, do lie still. You're lucky to be alive."

"I'll be alright... it just caught me by surprise," Ranma assured the girl, groaning as she stood up. A pink colored mecha knelt beside them. The five-meter tall "robot" was vaguely humanoid, consisting of two arms and legs attached to its massive, barrel-shaped body. It had no head to speak of, though a camera and a spotlight we were mounted in two tracts in the middle of its body. Steam drifted out of the four exhaust pipes that extended from the massive structure on its back. The open hatch at the top of the mecha made it seem more like a walking tank than any mecha she'd seen in an anime. A massive sword was gripped in its fist.

Two similar mecha, colored violet and navy blue, engaged the two Wakiji. Any similarity to a walking tank vanished when seen in motion. The violet colored one had engaged the first giant, wielding a mecha-scaled naginata skillfully against the axe-wielder. Ranma was surprised by the massive battle aura the mecha produced. She really wasn't expecting to sense ki coming from it.

The second mecha was shooting at the second Wakiji with its own hand cannon. The giant staggered back as the first shot ripped its left arm off. Two more rounds tore into its head and chest, killing it. Like the first, it also emitted a massive battle aura. Ranma was also surprised by how its ki wrapped around the rounds it fired. She really didn't expect to see something like that outside of kyudo.

"Sakura, if the girl is alright, get back in your Koubu," another woman's voice boomed from dark blue machine. "The Commander reports that three more Wakiji are on their way."

"Right away, Maria!" Sakura shouted back. "Are you sure you're alright?" The girl started when Ranma's armor vanished, leaving her clad in a gi top over oversized black jeans and a red under shirt. Behind Sakura, the violet colored Koubu disemboweled the other Wakiji, leaving behind a mess of fluids, flesh, and iron.

"I'll be fine," Ranma said, tightening the belt of her gi. "I was just surprised to find out that some spirits are cloaked in flesh and steel." She flared her battle aura. Seeing Sakura staring at her, she smiled then shrugged. "Ya learn somethin' new every day, I guess. Go on. I'm fine."

The girl in the pink jacket nodded, and then climbed up to the Koubu's hatch. She waved as she dropped through, closing the hatch behind her. Another massive battle aura surrounded the pink Koubu, as Sakura's mecha rushed after the other two, skimming along the ground on jets of steam.

With a groan, Ranma sunk back to the ground, dropping the useless pyrotechnics in favor of healing her injuries. "So much for my big Kyoto debut."

* * *

Carrying only her sword, Ranma stopped at the address she had been given. Given the scaffolding, cranes, and busy construction workers, the place was obviously undergoing some kind of renovation. The large sign facing the street read, "Imperial Theatrical Troupe, Hanagumi... currently undergoing reconstruction." 

"The Flower Division, huh? I wonder what happened." She glanced at the piece of paper, and back at the building. "This seems to be the place." She smiled, walking down the path towards the main entrance to what was obviously a theatre. _'I wonder if my fiancée is an actress here.'_

Opening one of the doors, she looked around the lobby. Closing the door behind her, she called out, "Hello? Anyone here?"

"Excuse me? Miss? The theatre isn't ready to open yet. Can I help you?" A woman in her mid-twenties approached, wearing a modern-style kimono. The woman's brown hair was styled in a manner that reminded her very much of Tendo Kasumi's.

Ranma bowed to the woman. "Hi, I'm Ranma. Could you tell me if I'm at the right address?" The redhead handed her address to the brunette.

The woman didn't bother to glance at the address. "You are at the right place, Ranma. We've been expecting you... though I could've sworn I was told you were a boy..."

Ranma shrugged. "Ancient Chinese curse. Hot water'll change me back to a boy."

"Oh." She pulled out a small walkie-talkie out of a hidden pocket of her obi. "Tsubaki, would you go to the kitchen and bring some hot water to the lobby? Thanks." The woman bowed to Ranma. "I'm Fujii Kasumi. If you need anything during your stay here, feel free to ask me, Tsubaki, or Yuri."

"Nice to meet you..." Ranma trailed off as three women entered the lobby. One she recognized immediately. She doubted there was anyone else in the city with that particular pink jacket and white body suit. The other two women wore similar outfits, though their jackets were violet and navy blue rather than pink. Ranma was willing to bet that like Sakura, their jackets matched the Koubu they piloted. _'These girls have "sentai team" written all over them.'_

Sakura was the shortest of the three, despite being of average height. The girl in the pink jacket, upon seeing Ranma, smiled and waved. Her companions' reactions, however, killed Ranma's impulse to wave back.

The woman in the dark blue jacket was clearly not Japanese, though she had some Asian blood in her. The shorthaired blonde towered above the other two. The woman appraised her with a single, ice blue eye. Her other eye was hidden by the long bangs that covered most of the left side of her face.

The pilot of the violet Koubu, on the other hand, was Japanese. A tall and slender beauty about Ranma's age, the girl's short brown hair brushed her shoulders. She also had a small beauty mark under her left eye. The girl took one look at Ranma, and sneered, "What is _she_ doing here?"

An older man's voice spoke up behind Ranma. "Sumire, Sakura, Maria... I would like to introduce you to Ranma, formerly of the Saotome clan. Ranma, allow me to introduce you to Kanzaki Sumire, Shinguji Sakura, and Maria Tachibana, three of our Koubu pilots." Ranma turned to face the new speaker. The middle-aged man wore a rumpled business suit. "Ranma will be staying with us for a little while. As for myself, I am Yoneda Ikki, Commander of the Hanagumi."

Sakura smiled as she bowed, while the blonde, Maria, merely nodded. Sumire graced Ranma with a scathing look, "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

'_It's probably too late to make a good impression, but what the hell…'_ Ranma bowed. "It's a pleasure to meet you all..."

"Hey! You must be Ranma! Gramps told me all about ya."

Ranma turned towards the new voice, and looked up... and up... and for good measure looked up some more. "Woah... now that's what I call a lot of woman." _'Smooth, Ranma... real smooth. And I thought Maria was tall.'_ "I take it you're Kirishima Kanna?"

"Yeah," the redhead admitted, grinning. "Real kick in the teeth, ain't it? I saw Tsubaki getting a kettle of hot water in the kitchen, so I figured you'd arrived."

Sumire's sneer didn't leave her face. "I should've known that you'd know this _child_, Kanna. She certainly has your taste in clothes."

Two outraged voices said, "Hey! What's wrong with my clothes?" Ranma and Kanna looked at each other, and laughed. Kanna, who had clearly been working out, wore a gi top over a loose red undershirt and black, floral-patterned tights.

Sakura stepped forward, still smiling. "Is she a friend of yours, Kanna?"

Kanna gave an embarrassed laugh. "Friend nothin', he's my fiancé."

This earned an aristocratic laugh from Sumire. "Oh, Kanna. I've always said you'd make some lucky woman a fine husband someday... but I never expected for you to take me literally."

'_Wow, compared to Kodachi, that laugh almost sounded normal.' _Ranma smirked. "At least she has a fiancé. Do you, granny?"

"Granny?" Sumire whirled on the others, as if daring them to laugh.

"Good one, Ranma!" Ranma staggered forward a step from Kanna's pat on the back. "I could get to like ya, kid."

Smiling, Maria said, "Kanna, why didn't you tell me you were engaged? Especially to a girl?"

"Well, you see..."

A girl around the same age as Ranma, Sumire, and Sakura interrupted Kanna, wearing a laborer's traditional uniform and carrying a teakettle. "I've got the hot water, Kasumi."

"Thanks, Tsubaki," Kanna said, taking the kettle from the girl. "Mind if I do the honors, Ranma?"

"Go ahead." Ranma bowed her head as Kanna poured the hot water over her.

"What is she, a plant or... what the hell?" Sumire took a hasty step back.

Ranma heard a click behind him, and his danger sense went off the scale. Turning his slowly head, he saw that Maria had a pistol pointed right at his head.

"Kanna... I think you've got some explaining to do."

"Woah, Maria," Kanna said, stepping between Ranma and the tall blond. "It's cool. It's just a curse Ranma picked up in China."

"Very well." The statuesque foreigner returned her pistol to its place in her jacket. Ranma wasn't the only one to sigh in relief.

"Now that that's straightened out, perhaps we could continue this conversation in my office?" Commander Yoneda said. "I have some things I'd like to discuss with Ranma, as well as the Hanagumi."

As Ranma and the four women followed Commander Yoneda, Kasumi spoke up, "Um... Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"Where's your luggage?"

Ranma laughed sheepishly. "It kinda got blown up by a Wakiji after I got to Kyoto."

* * *

(AN: possible spoiler warning. I tried to keep this as neutral was possible, but if you don't want to risk having the Sakura Wars TV series being spoiled, skip the next eight paragraphs.) 

Ranma leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk. "Okay... let's see if I got this straight. About four hundred years ago, a demonic invasion of Kyoto was stopped, though it destroyed much of the city in the process. The souls of the people slain weren't able to rest, and became evil spirits themselves. Every so often, these spirits awaken and try to destroy Kyoto. Right?"

Ranma and the others were in the Commander's office. He sat with Sakura on chairs in front of the commander's desk. Maria chose to lean against a wall beside the door. Sumire sat on a couch beside one of the other members of the Flower Division, a cute twelve-year-old blonde-haired French girl named Iris Chateaubriand. The kid seemed very shy, and had the disconcerting habit of addressing her bear instead the others. Sub-Commander Fujeda Ayame, a striking woman in her mid thirties, stood behind the Commander's chair. Kanna sat on the other couch beside Captain Ohgami, a tall man with a military bearing who was the Hanagumi's field leader.

Commander Yoneda nodded. "That is correct, Ranma. Ten years ago, during the last Kouma war, one of my comrades became disillusioned with the efforts of the government towards the defense of Kyoto. After all, the anger of the spirits is actually directed towards the government they believed sacrificed their lives, not Kyoto itself, and they eventually realize that the target of their revenge isn't _here_. Stopping this evil here makes more sense than allowing it to reach Tokyo... especially given what they would do to the countryside in on the way."

The Commander paused, then flipped on the intercom on his desk. "Kasumi, is there any sign of Kohran?"

"No Commander. You know how she gets sometimes when she's working. I'll go get her, even if I have to drag her in by the ear."

"Thank you. Anyways, Yamazaki created a new plan for the defense of the Old Capitol: the Koubu. These mecha would amplify the spiritual energy of their pilots, making them that much more effective against the Kouma. The government didn't go for it initially. They felt that the Anti-Kouma Squad, made up of very skilled martial artists and talented spiritualists, was adequate for the defense of Kyoto. It wasn't until after Sakura's father sacrificed his life, by using holy talismans to stop a giant Kouma, that certain men of wealth and power outside the government decided something more had to be done.

"Last year, a new incarnation of the darkness arose. The Blank Sanctum Council, led by a man named Satani, attempted to awaken the demon that started it all. The Hanagumi managed to destroy the Council, but the conflict damaged much Kyoto... including our headquarters here. They also developed the Wakiji, abominations of metal and flesh animated by the spirits of those slain in the initial Kouma war.

"It's been four months since Satani was slain, and it seems that while the head of the snake was cut off, the body still lives.

(AN: okay, it's safe to read again.)

"This is the third such attack in the last month, and the largest by far. They're also getting more powerful. I understand that you're here to continue Kanna's training. I'm hoping that you'll willing to include Sakura, Sumire, and Ichiro as well."

Ranma opened his mouth, only to be interrupted by Sumire's outburst. "Commander! You've got to be kidding me! What on earth could this... this amateur possibly teach me?"

"Amateur?"

"Sumire, that's enough," Commander Yoneda said. "I've done some research on Ranma, and he is a highly skilled martial artist. He's one of the best in his generation."

"Yeah, right. I saw this... she-male get swatted out of the air like a fly. Even Sakura was able to go toe to toe with a Wakiji her first day here."

"That's probably because he was transformed at the time," a new girl said as she stepped through the door. "Sorry I'm late, everybody. I kinda lost track of the time." She bowed to Ranma. "Hi, I'm Li Kohran. Nice to meetcha!" The bespectacled girl smiled cheerily at Ranma. She was wearing green overalls, and had a streak of grease on one of her cheeks. Her purple hair was tied back in twin pigtails.

"Why would Ranma's transformation be important?" Sakura asked, puzzled.

Kanna looked puzzled as well. "Transformation?"

Sakura grinned impishly. "Ranma seems to be a magical girl as well."

"But Ranma's a boy, isn't that right, Jean-Paul?" Iris whispered to her bear.

"Woah! Cursed to turn into a girl, _and_ you've gotta be one of those silly magical girls too?" Kanna laughed sympathetically. "Boy, some people have rotten luck, don't they, Ranma?"

"So what do you mean, Kohran? Why would Ranma's transformation be important?" Sakura asked again.

Kohran flipped over the blank, freestanding chalkboard in Yoneda's office, revealing several complex diagrams. "Wakiji and Kouma are spirit creatures. Their powers are spiritual in nature. That's why martial artists, and those with strong spiritual powers, are so effective against them," Kohran explained, gesturing with a pointer at diagram resembling a circled star. "Ranma's 'magical girl' powers are elemental-based, which is easily affected by spiritual powers." She pointed at a second diagram, resembling a circled cross. "Ranma's element is also Earth, which is easily destroyed by Water... which the Wakiji and Kouma have an affinity for. So when transformed, Ranma is not only the wrong magical type to fight a Wakiji, but the wrong elemental type as well." Kohran nodded to herself, crossing her arms as she tapped her cheek with the pointer. "In other words, the Wakiji can easily squash magical-girl Ranma like a bug." Seeing a hand raised, Kohran pointed with her pointer. "Question, Ranma?"

"Yeah. I thought Earth was strong against Water, not weak."

"Ah, that's because you're familiar with the Eastern model of elemental energy," Kohran explained, flipping over the chalkboard to reveal several more diagrams. "The Eastern model is based five elements, related by generation and control. The Western model is based on four elements, related by opposition and destruction. The Kouma resemble the Western model far more than the Eastern one... because of their origins as the victims of a mass drowning."

Kohran flipped over the chalkboard a third time, revealing a diagram which of a Koubu, a pilot, and a Wakiji. "That's why the Koubu's power plant uses crystals saturated with elemental fire, and all of us Koubu pilots have strong affinities to air. The whole system is designed specifically to fight the Kouma." She laughed. "We'd probably be an all you can eat buffet for a youma, like the ones they see in Tokyo. Any questions? Yes, Sakura?"

"How do you know so much about Ranma?"

"I've done my homework, Sakura," Kohran said, nodding knowingly. "I've done my homework. Speaking of which, who's your fiancé, Ranma?"

Kanna waved. "That would be me."

"You have any interest in him, Kanna?"

"No, I already have a boyfriend..."

Several of the Hanagumi shouted out together, "What?"

Maria smiled. "Kanna, you and me are going to have a long talk. You've been keeping secrets from me. First a fiancé, and now a boyfriend?"

Kanna laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head. "Well, he's going to college in Tokyo right now, so I haven't seen him in months. Kohran would like him... he's a tech-head too. So, Kohran, why are you asking?"

The girl in green coveralls smiled. "Good. I wouldn't want to poach or anything." She began to walk towards Ranma, wearing an expression that he was far too familiar with. Unfortunately, the effect was weakened by her overall appearance. Bemused by Kohran's failed attempt at a seductive walk, he allowed her to seat herself on his lap, one arm around his shoulders as she traced the edge of his gi with her right hand. "So, Ranma," she said huskily, "Will you marry me? Please say no."

Ranma wasn't the only one to blink in confusion, as they attempted to parse what the Chinese girl had asked. Maria was the first to find her voice. "Ah, Kohran? I think you meant, 'Please say yes.' I know Japanese isn't your native language anymore than mine is, but it's been ages since you butchered a phrase that badly."

Kohran laughed nervously. "Oh, yeah... that's what I meant..."

"I would certainly hope so, child, because I would hate to think you're trying to sabotage our agreement." Kohran jumped at the elderly voice piping up behind her. The pointy end of the staff poking into her back, right between two of her ribs, may also had to have something to do with it. Captain Ohgami and Commander Yoneda winced as the girl plopped right back into Ranma's lap.

"E-elder Cologne..."

The shriveled old woman looked sympathetically at Ranma. "I think you might want to get out of poor Ranma's lap. He seems to be experiencing some discomfort."

"Oh! Sorry!" The purple-haired girl jumped up and grabbed the glass of water sitting on the Commander's desk, tossing it in Ranma's face. "Here! That better?"

The damp redhead continued to wince. "No. That just shifts the pain to parts I prefer not to know I have..."

Kohran blushed, "Sorry."

Cologne's eyes narrowed dangerously. "It's a pity you had to be so uncooperative, child. Especially since I went to all this trouble of getting a sample of Jusendo water for you. Since you seem to so bound and determined to sabotage what you agreed to, I'll just take my leave, and return with the water to China." She turned and began hopping on her staff towards the door.

Ranma spoke up. "Hold up, old ghoul. What agreement?"

Cologne turned partway around to look at Ranma. "In exchange for some of the knowledge of her ancestors, Kohran agreed to pursue you romantically. She obviously never intended to honor it... since she took the time to change out of that lovely cheongsam she was wearing, and putting on grease instead of makeup. If you don't mind, I would like to spar with you before I leave. I want to see how you've progressed these last two months."

Ranma smiled. "What makes you think she didn't intend to honor it?"

Cologne blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

"As Kohran said, she has done her homework on me. You know damn well I've got a soft spot for tomboys, not to mention how successful Shampoo and her 'charms' were." Ranma winked at Kohran. "I think she looks cute the way she is now... and she's obviously being herself." Ranma grinned cockily. "Not to mention that I'm so contrary that when I get thrown off a cliff, I fall up. She also peaked my interest when she told me to say no." Seeing the look on Kohran's face, Ranma's expression became a genuine smile. It was equal parts gratitude and peaked interest.

Cologne looked dubiously from Ranma to Cologne. "It could be as you say, and it's nice to see you use that brain of yours for once... very well, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. But I would like to see what, exactly, the knowledge of the Amazons will be used for."

Ranma looked around the room. "I don't think you're the only one."

* * *

Commander Yoneda stared at the new addition to the mecha hanger beneath the Theatre. "When did we get a new Koubu?" 

"This is my test Koubu, Unit 00. I had her brought over from what's left of the Residential Branch once we got this part of the Theatre repaired. She's such a good girl, letting me test my ideas on her before we implement them on the other Koubu." Kohran rubbed her cheek affectionately against the orange Koubu. "Yes she is, yes she is."

Ranma coughed politely. "Um... Kohran?"

"Huh? Oh, right. What I want those Amazon techniques for. As most of you know, right now the number-one problem we have is that the Koubu can't channel all of our spiritual energy. The poor babies just aren't equipped to handle it. The problem is most acute between Iris and her Koubu, and is barely within parameters between my Koubu and me.

"The number two problem is that the Koubu require a type of spiritual energy that is relatively rare, and most often found in women. Ordinary people can't pilot them, and your average martial artist is lucky if they can get them to move. I'm hoping the information Cologne has will allow me to optimize the steam plant of the Koubu, allowing a wider range of users, and giving the pilots access to a greater amount of energy."

Kohran walked over to her worktable, where blueprints and engineering diagrams were spread all over it. She looked like the proud parent of a child as she pointed at one of the diagrams. "With luck, I'll be able to design a new generation of Koubu, one that can not only be piloted by more people, but allow the Hanagumi to use all their abilities. The key is using ki-reactive materials as actuators, rather than the current steam-driven pistons. When I was visiting Grandma three months ago, I read about all these different materials that would react to ki, such as fibers that expanded or contracted depending upon the type of ki. Fibers like that would make ideal artificial muscles.

She turned to the others, beaming. "I'm also hoping that by using elemental water from a source like Jusendo will not only increase the amount of energy released, allowing a much smaller steam plant, but remove the heavy fire aspect to the Koubu's heart, allowing a wider range of spiritual types to bond with them. Combined with the ki-driven musculature and hopefully other ki-reactive materials, the end result will be a Koubu that is smaller, more powerful, better able to channel the pilot's spirit energy, and more agile as well."

Commander Yoneda smiled. "Kohran... that's brilliant." Everyone else nodded.

Li Kohran laughed nervously. "Thanks. I'm a genius, after all." The group took a step back when a chibified doll of Kohran popped up on the girl's right shoulder.

"You're brilliant, Kohran," proclaimed the doll with a letter 'A' on its coveralls.

"You're the best, Kohran," echoed doll 'B' as it appeared on her opposite shoulder. The two laughed along with Kohran, causing the assembled group to sweatdrop.

"Kohran-san has been watching too much Tenchi Muyo. Isn't that right, Jean-Paul?" Iris whispered to her bear.

* * *

Back at his office, Commander Yoneda continued his meeting. "Thank you for showing us what you've been up to, Kohran. Since we seem to have an extra Koubu, we should have Ranma pilot it..." 

Kohran interrupted. "Sorry, Commander, I can't let you do that."

"What?"

"You're forgetting something important. The Koubu have a heart. It's the emotional bond between a Koubu and its pilot that makes it so powerful. This Koubu is bonded to me... and it wouldn't be fair to the Koubu for it to bond to Ranma, just to see him leave in three months. Don't worry though, I think I have a mecha for Ranma to use while he's here. This anti-terrorist organization, Mithril, has become concerned about all the paranormal activity lately, and they've expressed interest in seeing if I can adapt some of the Koubu's systems with modern mecha technology. Give me a week to finish the prototype and integrate it into the system of this mecha I bought, and I'll have a mecha Ranma-san can use."

Maria smiled. "I think I should ask for a raise."

Yoneda, however, was puzzled. "Where did you get the money to buy a mecha? Even an older ArmSlave runs at least a hundred-million yen."

"From Sumire's father."

Sumire blinked. "What?"

"They actually contacted him about this project," Kohran admitted, "And he contacted me about it. I thought it might be fun, so he gave me a bunch of money for the research. I couldn't afford a modern ArmSlave, of course, but I got a bargin on something even better."

"Right," the Commander said as the room sweatdropped. "Which brings me to our last topic for the meeting. The Ministry of the Arts has just approached me, and they have a request for our next play. There is apparently going to be a major world summit here in Kyoto in about three months, and they would like for us to put on a presentation for the visiting dignitaries. Maria, I was hoping you'd work your magic on Ranma, and have him ready in time to participate in the production..."

Maria's response was drowned out by Sumire's outraged shout. "What? You don't expect us to work beside that incompetent, do you Commander?"

"Of course I do. Furthermore, I expect you all, especially you, Sumire, to treat Ranma better than you did Sakura, when she first arrived here."

"Jean-Paul says that Ranma's a boy, and our troupe is a girls' troupe," Iris said.

"Yeah, but Ranma has that curse that turns him into a girl, kiddo." Kanna said, smiling.

Ranma looked dubious. "I remember what happened to the last play I was in. It wasn't pretty."

"Don't worry, Ranma. It'll be fun," Sakura reassured him. "Hard work, but fun. So what play were you in?"

"Romeo and Juliet."

"Ooh, Shakespeare," Kanna said, giving Sumire a superior look. "I'll bet you were the leading man, weren't you?"

"One of them."

"Huh?"

"A couple of the others who wanted the role of Romeo turned up during the play, and we fought over the role." Ranma smirked. "For a few minutes, I played Juliet as well, and somehow we ended the play with Snow White. Thankfully, the judge thought it was a comedy."

A tumbleweed drifted through Commander Yoneda's office as the Hanagumi stared at Ranma. Their attention was recaptured by Yoneda's cough. "Right. Anyways, Ranma won't be the only new face for this play. Several other young ladies will be participating in the play as well...

Sumire's outraged outburst interrupted again. "What? Look, Commander, we have no need for amateurs in _this_ acting troupe," she proclaimed, pointing accusingly in Ranma's general direction.

Ranma sweatdropped. Sumire wasn't pointing at him, but at...

Kanna leaned over to Maria and stage-whispered, "You don't think Sumire's still holding a grudge over Sakura getting the lead in Cinderella, do you?" She smiled as Sumire sweatdropped and adjusted what she was pointing at.

Maria whispered back, "Sumire? Hold a grudge? Never."

"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, several other young ladies will be participating in the play as well, so I expect all of you to welcome them. That goes double for you Sumire. The play is Sleeping Beauty, a musical version based on the Disney film. It's also in English, so those of you who don't speak English, or speak it very well, are going to be spending some time with a tutor. I know Maria is fluent in English, and so is Kohran, but what about everyone else?"

"-I speak English. Doesn't everybody, Jean-Paul?-" Iris asked her bear in English.

"-Everyone intelligent, at least,-" Sumire said with a haughty expression.

"-My Engrish speak no so good. Better at understanding, I am,-" Ranma said.

"Great... as if I don't have enough schoolwork," Sakura said, depressed. The Commander had hired a tutor for her and Iris after they'd won the last Kouma war. When would she ever use algebra, anyways?

Kanna gently slapped Sakura on her shoulder, "Looks like you, me, and Ranma are gonna be study-buddies," she said, beaming at the pair. "Come on, it'll be fun."

Having gone unnoticed at the back of the room, Cologne spoke up again. "Now that that's settled, I'd like to test my former student. Would one of you show us to the dojo?"

* * *

At one end of the large room that served as the theatre's dojo, Cologne looked around at the luxurious surroundings. "Very nice. I've got to wonder about including a wall-sized mirror in a dojo, however." 

"It doubles as a dance studio," Maria explained. "Do try to avoid damaging the place, will you?"

"Very well. Let's keep this purely physical for now, alright Ranma?"

Ranma nodded before he assumed a ready stance at the other end of the room. "Ready when you are, Cologne."

"Very well. Sakura-chan? At your signal?" Cologne asked the dark-haired kendoka as the girl walked forward from the others to take her position at the center of the dojo.

"Well, this is going to be interesting," Sumire said, disinterested. "A fight between an old-woman and the amateur there."

"Sumire, I think I speak for all of us when I say, 'stuff it where the sun don't shine,'" Kanna said, her attention fully on the coming fight. Iris giggled at her use of language.

"Yeah, yeah... Ranma's good. I'll believe it when I..." Sumire blinked when Ranma and Cologne vanished moments after Sakura's hand dropped. Slightly left of center, on Ranma's side of the hall, was a blur of bodies as Ranma and Cologne fought each other. She blinked again when five seconds after the fight began, Ranma went flying, embedding himself upside down in the expensive oak paneling at Cologne's end of the "dojo." The young man dropped head first to the floor, dazed.

"Oops. Sorry about that," Cologne apologized. "I was expecting him to evade that last throw." She watched as Ranma recovered. "Unfortunately, I was expecting this deterioration of your skills, Ranma," Cologne said, shaking her head.

"Wha?" Ranma asked intelligently.

"You've been training hard under Mano Madoka, in order to master your new powers. Correct, Ranma?"

"Yeah..." he said uncertainly.

"Then it's to be expected. You can't maintain your fine edge in martial arts without constant practice, Ranma. Surely you noticed the difference in ki between Yohko and her cousin. Before she gained her powers, she probably had as much ki as Ayoko. In mastering her Devil Hunter's powers, her ki abilities atrophied. She probably has no more ki than any other casual martial artist... she simply makes up for her lack of ki by using her own powers."

Ranma nodded warily. '_Great... I guess she's been watching me all this time.'_

"You have what appears to be a Champion transformation. Quite frankly, it will take you a lot of hard work to reach the point where your own powers exceed those innate to your transformation. Even then, what you gain of your elemental powers won't match what you lose of your ki abilities.

"It's up to you of course, but I think it would be a pity to waste the last fifteen years of your life by continuing to develop your elemental powers. Strength like yours is rare among ki-users, Ranma, because unlike other magical abilities, they need to be developed. You aren't simply born with them. Take a look at these girls. They all abandoned their martial arts training to learn acting and piloting their Koubu about the time when their sensei should've pushed them to the next level. Of course, it turned out to be fortuitous from what Kohran said about the Koubu's ability to handle their pilot's energies, but it's still a pity."

Ranma smirked. "So, what are you sayin', Old Ghoul."

He smiled when she affectionately bopped him on the head with her staff. "Keep your focus on your martial arts. Practice your Champion's powers, of course, but don't bother developing anything beyond your innate abilities. You'll find more uses for your finely honed ki abilities than your own elemental powers. Especially considering how many people you've offended these last few years." Cologne grinned wickedly. "I'll be keeping my eye on you, student. As for you, Kohran," She turned that grin on the purple-haired girl, "Take 'son-in-law' to all you can eat restaurants. It's easier on the wallet." She winked at the pair before hopping out of the hall.

* * *

Commander Yoneda Ikki watched as the young ladies under his care, plus Captain Ohgami, walked out of his office to watch Cologne spar with Ranma. Moments later, he sensed another presence in the room with him. He smiled warmly at the woman who was seated where Ranma had been sitting moments before. "Hello, old friend. Fancy seeing you here." 

The woman smiled warmly back. "It has been a few years, hasn't it, Ikki-kun?"

"About twenty. You haven't aged a bit."

"Flatterer."

"So, what are you up to this time? And how bad is it going to be?"

"I'm hoping to cut off a potential problem, rather than solve an existing one. I'm sure you've noticed that your charges don't play well with others."

The Commander smiled sheepishly. "They are all talented actresses. An ego tends to come with the job. Of course, some of them are worse than others." He sighed. "A lot worse."

"The problem isn't unique to your group, Ikki. I think it has something to do with talent. I'm hoping that with this little experiment of mine, I can sow the seeds of fellowship between some of our local groups with talent. At least so that when the time comes, they'll be fighting the common foe and not each other."

Yoneda looked at his guest worriedly. "How bad is it going to be."

"Bad, but it'll be worse if they don't cooperate with each other. Fortunately, we have years before we need to worry about it. I'm hoping this little experiment will bear fruit. Forming an acting troupe of the Hanagumi was quite ingenious, and not just for developing the type of spiritual power you need. Desperate battles fought against overwhelming odds often form close bonds, but nothing like that is coming soon, so we'll just have to make do."

"Then the Wakiji attacks aren't a prelude for another round of the Kouma war?"

"No, just a few stragglers from the previous one. We have at least five years of relative peace to prepare for the next big one... and it's a threat to the whole world, not just one city."

Yoneda smiled as he pulled out two shot glasses and a bottle of fine whiskey. "Good." Pouring the alcohol, he handed one glass to the woman sitting across from him before toasting her with his. "Here's to forging friendships through the fine arts. May we never have to form them through battle again."

* * *

Tendo Kasumi carefully ladled a bit of the broth from the soup, tasting it to make sure the flavor was right. She tossed in another pinch of salt, stirring the mixture before replacing the lid to allow it to simmer. 

Strong arms wrapped around her, and warm lips kissed the side of her neck. "Smells good," Kamiya Kenji whispered. "And I'm not talking about supper, 'Sumi-chan.."

She leaned backwards into the embrace of her fiancé. "Are our fathers still arguing over which family name we should take, Ken-chan?"

"Hai. Father thinks that because Akane is the heir to the Musabetsu Kakuto Tendo-ryu, you should join my family. Tendo-san believes that since you are the eldest daughter, you should carry on your family name. They're both being quite stubborn about it." Kasumi smiled as his grip on her waist shifted upwards. "Do you have any..."

"You pervert!" Akane's shout interrupted Kenji's question. The man staggered forward, pushing her towards the stove. She arched her back, barely keeping them from falling onto the stove and being scalded by hot soup. She turned around to stare at her fuming sister, who was staring daggers at the stunned young man on the floor.

"Akane!" This was getting old... not to mention dangerous. Kenji had moved in two weeks ago, and had replaced Ranma as Akane's punching bag. She could only imagine what Akane's reaction would be when they took their relationship to the next level.

"He was molesting you, oneechan!" Akane shouted defiantly at her.

"He's my fiancé, Akane. He has every right to 'molest' me."

"He doesn't own you, oneechan! He doesn't have the right to..." Akane's rant was interrupted by a stinging slap.

Kasumi lowered her hand. "Go to your room, Akane. I'm too mad to deal with you right now." She turned her back on youngest sister, knelt, and gathered her fiancé's head into her lap. She ignored the sounds of her sister's sobs as she ran out of the kitchen crying. She easily followed her sister as the girl fled to her room.

"Your sister has quite the left hook. That she does," Kenji muttered, all swirly-eyed.

"I'm so sorry about this, anata," Kasumi said, tears gathering in her eyes. "This is all my fault."

"How is it your fault, 'Sumi-chan?"

"I should've stopped her when she started taking swings at Ranma. Now it's a reflex to lash out at those who anger her."

Kenji sat up, turning to face his fiancée. "I would say that it is your father's fault. He is her father, and her sensei."

"I see Akane has struck again. Some martial artist you're turning out to be, Kamiya." Nabiki said, leaning against the doorway of the kitchen. She smirked when her attention turned to her older sister. "Did you break your hand, sis?"

"It's fine, Nabiki. I understood why Ranma let Akane hit him, but why do you, Ken-chan?"

Kenji finished examining the growing knot on his head. "It's not a matter of 'let,' Kasumi. I don't know why, but every time she blows her lid, I'm paralyzed for a few seconds... which is more than enough time to get clobbered. It reminds me of this technique I've read about: 'The Spell of Frozen Terror.' The swordsman used their ki to immobilize their foes, giving them time to strike first...though it could be overcome if your ki was stronger."

Nabiki continued to smirk. "Hardly seems sporting."

"It was an assassin's technique."

Nabiki laughed, "You mean Akane has stumbled upon an assassin's trick to punish those she sees as perverts?"

"Yes. Fortunately, she can't seem to use it consciously, just when she's angry. She is quite good at it, though."

"Thank goodness for small favors. I got the mail here, oneechan. Most of it is bills and junk mail, but you might want to give this letter to Akane after you talk with her. Just let her stew for a while first."

"Oh? Who's the letter from?"

Nabiki reread the return address. "The Imperial Theatrical Troupe of Kyoto, Flower Group."

* * *

"Suitcase?" 

Mano Yohko zipped up her suitcase with a flourish. "Check."

Her friend, Ogawa Chikako, nodded as she made a mark on her clipboard. "Ranma's things?"

Yohko checked the strap on the dolly loaded with boxes. "Check."

"Sexy lingerie?"

Yohko looked down her blouse. "Check."

"Condoms?"

Yohko opened her purse and looked. "Check."

"Train tickets to Kyoto?"

Yohko grabbed the tickets, her smile widening. "Check."

"Devil-hunter apprentice?"

Kanzai Azusa, watching the whole scene from Yohko's bed, rolled her eyes as Yohko pointed to her and said, "Check."

"Video camera?"

Yohko picked up a leather case and slung the strap over her shoulder. "Check."

Chi sweatdropped. "I was just joking on that one, Yohko-chan." She consulted her checklist. "Looks like you're ready to go."

"Yatta! Kyoto! Here I cum!"

The three walked down the stairs of the Mano family home where the two older generations of Mano women waited. Sayoko was grinning as widely as her daughter, while Madoka looked resigned. "Ready to go, honey?"

Yohko nodded. "Yep. We'll see you in a few weeks, Mom," she said as she gave the older woman a hug.

"I don't suppose I can talk you out of this trip, Yohko?"

"Nope. I've got this little problem, and I want Ranma to be the one to fix it for me." She frowned at her grandmother. "If you had bothered to tell me earlier, maybe this trip wouldn't be necessary."

"All right, dear. I guess you're old enough to make your own decisions. Just be careful, alright? I don't want to be a great-grandmother this early."

"Don't worry." She grabbed her suitcase and the dolly with Ranma's stuff. "Ready to go, Azusa?"

"Ready!"

"Great! Good bye!" Yohko waved as she and Azusa hurried out the door.

"Bye Yohko! Have good sex!"

Madoka pinched the bridge of her nose. Her daughter was the only mother she knew who would send her daughter off to a distant city with a phrase like that.

* * *

Jino Misaki smiled as she opened the front door of her house. "Minako-chan! Keiichi-chan! Rika-chan! You're here!" 

Aino Minako returned the enthusiastic embrace. "Glad to be here, Auntie Misaki." She stepped back as her father embraced his sister, followed by a more reserved greeting for her mother. "Is Grandpa here?"

"He arrived this morning. He's in the family room."

"Right!" Minako vanished.

Aino Rika tried to keep her expression neutral. It wasn't that she didn't care for her in-laws. It was just that she didn't like that they tended to be rather...

"Grandpa!"

"My little Minako-chan! It's been far too long!" There was a brief pause. "I see your bust has developed quite a bit."

"Grandpa! Stop! That tickles."

... perverted.

"Grandfather Aino..."

"Oh, how can you deprive an old man of greeting his beautiful granddaughter, Akira?"

Rika smiled as her long suffering partner entered the room, carrying her five year-old nephew Ichiro. As two relatively normal people who had married into the Aino clan, Jino Akira also hoped that their children would grow up to be a little less like their parents and the rest of the Aino clan. There was hope after all. She'd heard that the son of Nodoka, the middle Aino sibling, was almost stable.

She smiled when Keiichi's arm draped itself over her shoulder, and guided her towards the family room and the "emergency Aino clan meeting." Marrying an Aino did have its advantages, and Keiichi was always quite affectionate, and quite inventive in bed. If only he'd restrain those impulses in public...

* * *

Aino Minako grinned as she sat down at the family table. This was the first year she wasn't banished with her cousin to the living room, instead of being invited to participate in a family meeting like an adult. Her Auntie Misaki was seated beside her Uncle Akira, prepared to take the minutes of the meeting, dressed in a conservative office lady's suit with a pair of wire glasses perched on the end of her nose. 

Her Auntie didn't need glasses, but Minako knew her aunt loved to cosplay. The woman had quite a few costumes in a hidden closet in the basement. She even had a Sailor V. She'd just have to find a discrete way to tell her aunt that contrary to rumor and certain doujinshi, the Sailor uniform did indeed include...

Her Grandfather interrupted her thoughts. "This meeting of the Aino Clan has now come to order. As we all know, we have my wayward grandson to track down. About two months ago, Ranma came to his senses, and cut all ties to that bastard I have the misfortune to call a son-in-law. Nodoka-chan has yet to show similar good sense, and remains married to the man."

Jino Misaki nodded. "I wonder why. Maybe it's because of that rumor I heard about why names of Saotome men include the kanji for 'horse' in their names." She winked at Minako. "If he's really in Kyoto, Minako-chan, maybe you can confirm that rumor."

As a dreamy smile crossed Minako's face, her uncle spoke up. "Misaki!"

"Yes, anata?"

"Remember rule #5?"

Misaki blushed. " 'I will not give perverted ideas to the children.' "

Minako smiled broadly as she blushed as well. Family meetings were fun!

"I don't see what's perverted about that," her father said, a puzzled expression on his face. "I mean, cousin sex is the best kind, right?"

Her mother sighed as another dreamy smile crossed her daughter's face. "Keiichi, dear?"

"Yes, honey?"

"Rule #5."

"Sorry. Minako-chan, please ignore what I said about cousin sex."

Minako's shoulders drooped in disappointment for a second. "Okay! Does that mean I can have my own harem?"

Rika exhaled a long-suffering sigh. "No, honey, you can't have your own harem. Polygamy is illegal in Japan."

"Darn." Rika pretended not to hear when her daughter muttered about how that would change when her friend Usagi ruled the world. She honestly didn't know where Minako got some of these ideas. The rest she knew Minako got from her father, grandfather, and aunts. "I can still go to Kyoto and be in that play my agent landed for me, right Mom?" Minako turned up the cute puppy-dog eyes.

"Yes dear. Now, remember, when you go to Kyoto, try to find Ranma-kun. He shouldn't be nameless because of that worthless father of his. Your auntie and uncle Jino agreed to adopt the boy, since we found out that Ranma-kun has a bad reaction to cats."

"Besides, this way Ranma won't be your brother," Misaki added with another wink. "That would be a little weird."

"Misaki?"

"Yes, Rika-chan?"

"Rule #5."

"Sorry."

* * *

The demon was ancient and powerful. He regarded the country he desired with envious eyes. _'Soon... these puny mortals shall know the terror of Lord...'_ His evil musings were interrupted by a knock on his castle door. 

Oozing down the stairs, past souls that were being tortured by his minions and succubi and incubi practicing their arts upon each other, he answered his own front door. He may be an evil demon of lust and terror, but he liked to think he was a good neighbor. Besides it just might be a certain neighbor of his, so why should his butler have all the fun?

He opened the door, and revealed... her. She was as beautiful as ever. His many eyes wandered their way from her dainty feet up her slender calves, to the slits of her strange robe that showed hints of smooth thigh. The belt showed off her slender waist, while the top of her robe left her shoulders, and a generous amount of bosom, bare. Her long hair was piled high on her head, baring her slender neck. She smiled pleasantly at him as she dangled a glass measuring cup from her manicured index finger.

Not for the first time, he wondered what such a lovely specimen of human female perfection could've done to deserve being placed this deep in Hell... let alone avoid being one of the many tortured souls here. He shook his slimy head. What a waste.

"Hello, Te-chan. Could I borrow a cup of honey? It's the anniversary of my Lord's death, and I thought I'd make his favorite desert."

"Does it involve coating yourself in honey so he can lick it off? And if so, can I have a taste?" Several tentacles escaped from beneath his decaying robes. "My tentacles are always willing."

"Sorry, but no. But it does sound intriguing. I'll have to tell my Lord about your idea." She smiled impishly at him.

The Dark One suddenly became nervous. One of these centuries, he'd learn to keep his big mouths shut. Either that, or he'd let his butler do his job. There was a reason why this woman wasn't a tortured soul down here... she was the beloved of someone _really_ dangerous.

"I'll go get you that honey."

"Thank you. My Lord is usually quite irritable when this day approaches, and I'd hate to have him upset over something so trivial."

The Bane of Maidens became even more nervous. Oh, why oh why did such a glimpse of sexual perfection have to come with so high a price? Maybe if he offered her Lord a gift, he'd leave him alone and allow him his conquests. He looked at the small measuring cup, then at the large pitcher of honey in his pantry, and sighed. Handing the pitcher to one of his best retainers, he said, "Take this and follow me."

He could sense the outraged fury of his retainer, after all, the man was a warrior and not a porter, but the guy respected power, and the Slimy One had power to spare. It was good to remind the help about who was in charge here.

Unfortunately, it wasn't _him_. "Here's your honey, my dear. Please, take this pitcher, since I have more than enough to spare. In addition, may I introduce you to Maul? He's a recent acquisition of mine, and I'm afraid I'm not putting him to good use right now. Perhaps your Lord can make better use of him?"

"Why, thank you Te-chan," the woman purred, "You're always so helpful. I'm sure my Lord will remember your generosity. Maul-san? Would you please follow me?"

The man's burning eyes stared out from the demonic tattoos on his face. "Why?"

"Because I can't carry that heavy pitcher myself. Besides, you look like someone my Lord would appreciate." She said as she walked across the Plains of Skulls. "Come. What have you got to lose?"

Carrying the pitcher of honey, Maul followed the woman he had just been given to. Given how his previous master had cringed at the thought of her Lord's displeasure, maybe he at last found a worthy Master.

Meanwhile, Maul's previous Master, depressed over the loss of yet another retainer, resumed his plans for global domination. Unfortunately, on the world he wanted to dominate lived one Lina Inverse. His dreams of conquest, and his demonic life, ended with one Dragon Slave.

* * *

The paramour stepped gracefully through the door of the Citadel of Maul's new Lord. She was met by several guards and a man who Maul assumed was his Lord's major domo. The man scowled at the gorgeous woman. "Just where have you been?" 

"Oh, just picking up a few things. Could you be a dear and take the honey to the kitchen?"

"I am not your servant!"

"Fine, be that way. Oh, Saoko-chan!"

A succubus appeared, dressed as a French maid. "Yes, my lady?"

"Would you be a dear and take the honey to the kitchen?"

"Of course, my Lady." The female demon gave Maul a wink as she slinked from the antechamber, her tail accenting the sway of her hips. At the doorway, she paused and winked again. "Interesting weapon."

"Maul-san? Would you please follow me?"

The major domo shouted at the woman Maul was following. "Hey, I'm not finished with you yet!"

She didn't even turn around. "Yes you are. Now, you can either stay there, or attend our Lord. I don't care which."

"Useless wench. I don't see why he keeps you around."

"I've noticed. Now hush... you know how our Lord hates it when we argue. So... how did the Wakiji test go?"

"Like you care..." the man trailed off as he saw his Lord and Master staring at them in disapproval. He watched with displeasure as the infuriating woman swayed up and took her customary seat by his side. He could never see what his Lord saw in that walking accessory.

"So... what you have you brought me today, my dear?"

"My Lord, meet Maul. He seems as competent as the other two I managed to pry away from our oh so eager to please neighbor. Maul, may I introduce..."

Her own voice trailed off as the man knelt reverently before her Lord. "No need. I would recognize my Lord anywhere. What is thy bidding, my Master?"

"Just get acquainted with your fellow warriors and the citadel for now. Once I know what you're capable of, we'll talk about your duties."

The tattooed warrior stood and bowed, before leaving the throne room. It was only after Maul had closed the door behind him that his Lord commented, "Hmm... interesting weapon. So... how _did_ the Wakiji test go?"

"As predicted, the Wakiji were annihilated by the Hanagumi. They may only be women, but they are skilled, and powerful within their machines. The Wakiji did manage to destroy one of those silly magical girls, so we may want to keep a few around as backup. I doubt any of these women and their machines are a match for one of your soldiers, my Lord, let alone your new elite warriors."

"Excellent. Send a signal to my man in Kyoto... tell him it's time." The true Lord of this part of Hell leaned forward eagerly. "Tell him that in three months time, Kyoto will be mine... or it will burn."

* * *

Ranma blocked the blow with her crossed forearms, allowing its force to slide her backwards across the dirt circle. Panting, she asked, "So, what do you think?" 

The giant of a man looked down upon his opponent, amazed at the strength of this slip of a girl. "I don't know, Ranma. Your first question is truly out of my depth. I _am_ a monk after all. Even when I had abandoned the Path, I never sought out the pleasures of a woman. My vice was far more destructive. Based upon what I have read in the Sutras, however, I would have to say that as long as you don't let lust control you, you should be fine.'

Having allowed the girl to catch her breath, the giant monk resumed his attack. "As for your second question... I must say you certainly have unique problems. Just remember that your cursed body is just as sacred as your birth body, so respect it, but avoid allowing it to rule you. Learn from it, for it certainly allows you to see Reality in a way that few but the oldest souls do: from both the male and the female points of view." Feeling blows rain down upon his back, he admired the girl's speed.

Ranma had to break off her assault on his spine and kidneys as his massive forearm nearly smashed into her face. Instead of sending her to the ground, the giant monk felt his ankles kicked out from under him. He rolled quickly to his feet. "As for your third question, there are many thoughts on that, but the best advice I have to give you is this: if you kill someone, it represents a failure: failure to find the right path. Killing someone is never the right thing to do... but sometimes it may be necessary. If you want to do what's right, do not follow the path of the warrior. The warrior's path is one ruled by necessity. No matter how good your intentions, your hands will be stained with blood. Sometimes I fear that mine will never come clean, and I didn't even bloody them on a good cause." He eyed the exhausted girl before him. "I think we're done here."

"Hai, Lord Monk." Ranma stripped off her gi top and grabbed one of the buckets of water nearby, emptying the contents over her head. "Ah, that feels good." As she began to stretch, she asked another question. "So, why did Sensei call you 'the Timeless Monk'?"

The Timeless Monk sat down beside her, taking a sip from the ladle in one of the other buckets. "Because I've been here a while. I remember Sakura-chan from when she was an orphan who had been placed here under my care. Hard to believe, isn't it?"

"Not really. I know people who are a lot older than a hundred years old. Most people don't learn how to manipulate their ki until they're a lot older physically than you are."

"If I'm doing this on my own, I must be doing it unconsciously. I figured that Lord Buddha had a task for me that required me to hang around for a while." He turned and looked at the youthful faces peeking out from behind some bushes. "Children, it is far past your bedtime. Go to bed right now."

"But... Lord Monk?" Several of the children whined.

"GO TO BED RIGHT NOW!" The children screamed and ran to their beds as a full-fledged demon-head erupted from the girl sitting beside him. Seeing him laugh, she brushed one of her wet bangs out away from her face. "Honestly, Lord Monk. If you're going to scold them, do it right. You've got to make yourself an ogre if you expect them to take you seriously. It might sound crazy, but you've got a kind face... is something wrong?"

"No... it's just that for a moment, you reminded me of a girl I knew in my youth." He smiled. "I guess its good to know she's well."

Ranma gave him an odd look. "Don't forget, I'm a boy and a confirmed lesbian." This earned another chuckle from the huge monk. As his laughter died down, they both heard the sirens of several police cars. "I wonder what's up?" Seeing the intent stare of the monk, Ranma asked, "Lord Monk? What's wrong?"

"There's something very wrong, and very evil, happening nearby. We had better check it out."

"Right." Ranma put back on her gi top. "We'd better hurry." A fire truck, siren blaring, passed by the temple.

The pair ran after the lights and sirens for about a good distance, which stopped in front of a sleazy looking nightclub. The Monk walked up to one of the police officers. "Officer Yamada?"

The young woman turned around. "Ah, Anji-sama. Is there a problem?"

"That's what I would like to know."

Another police officer emerged from nightclub. "Yamada-san, would you please... Ah, Anji-sama. Just the man we're looking for. I think you'd better see this."

"Thank you. Come along, Ranma."

"Um... Monk Anji? I really don't think you want to expose a young lady to this."

"Don't worry about it, Officer. Ranma's made of stern stuff."

The two followed the policeman into the nightclub. As she took her first good look at what was inside, Ranma stopped in horror. The nightclub had been turned into a charnel house. Dead bodies lay scattered upon the floor and on the furniture. Many of them had been ripped apart. Some still gripped automatic weapons, and lines of bullet holes meandered across the walls... and sometimes the ceiling.

Swallowing against her nausea, Ranma followed Anji and the police officer across the bloody floor. "This is a known Yakuza hideout, Anji-sama," the officer said, "but we've never seen them fight like this. The sheer... savagery of these attacks seems beyond human."

"Don't underestimate the savagery humans are capable of, Officer."

"Yeah. It looks like these people were killed with some kind of polearm. The wounds are too ragged for a katana, and they weren't shot, that's for sure." The policeman looked at Ranma in surprise. "There's no signs of claws or bites either. Besides, demons have an entirely different aura than what I feel here. Is this what you wanted him to see, Officer?"

"No... it's this way."

The police officer led the two of them into the back room, where a diagram had been scorched into the wood. Dominating the diagram was a single kanji: the one for 'truth.'

* * *

Next Chapter Teaser: 

"Hey, -censored- here. I'd just to lodge my complaints about the author's pathetic attempts to be mysterious. My name is perfectly fine. -censored-'s name is also quite good... and you probably recognize her by her description alone. I only hope the author is as verbose during the fight scenes.

"Let's not forget that -censored-'s name probably could've been used without giving away anything. I doubt anyone would remember him anyways..."

"My Lord -censored-, how could you say that? Have I not -censored-? What about all the work I did -censored-, -censored-, and -censored-...

"NOW CUT THAT OUT!"

"Well, anyways... turn in next time for "Dueling Divas," the next chapter of Rurouni Ranma."

* * *

Author's Notes: Yes, Sakura Wars takes place in Tokyo, in an alternate "steampunk" universe set circa 1920. I'm transporting them to contemporary Kyoto (the old capitol), because I needed the story set in Kyoto, because Tokyo would get crowded with all these groups based there, and because their technology isn't quite so out of place in the present. The Koubu are still steam driven, though. 

It's also amazing how my best laid plans fell apart in the face of the enemy... in this case an enemy that showed up completely uninvited. I guess sometimes you really can't see them coming. I guess I just set myself up for a lot of fighting prose... plus a lot bigger cast than I expected. sigh

* * *

Meanwhile, in Intergalactic Space: 

The Entity continued its lonely journey. Intergalactic space was so boring. It was tempted to liven things up, but such efforts would go to waste if there was nobody around to appreciate it. It paused briefly at a rare star cluster, in which intelligent life had arisen on a single system. It deflected an asteroid towards the planet, and watched in amusement at the futile attempts of the lesser beings to divert its path. Rejuvenated by the results of its labor, and the devastation the asteroid caused, it continued on to the galaxy that hosted its destination: a tiny planet called Earth.

* * *

Omake, based on a comment by J. St.C Patrick 

Sub-Commander Ayame paused as she stepped into Commander Yoneda's office. "Commander?" She called out tentatively as she entered the dimly lit office.

As the door behind her closed, a spotlight turned on above the Commander's desk. The Commander stared at her behind the mirror shades he wore, his hands folded before his face. "Good evening, Ayame. Are those the reports?"

Slightly nervous, the Sub-Commander nodded. "Yes sir. Are you alright?"

"Perfectly alright, Ayame. Have I psychologically tortured my son recently?"

"Um, Commander? You don't have a son. You never married."

"Ah... how short-sighted of me. I'll just have to choose someone to fill that role, then."

"Have you been drinking, sir?"

"Just a little. Do you have a suggestion on who I should choose?"

Ayame, deciding to humor her commanding officer, thought for a second. "How about Captain Ohgami? You've always said he's like the son you never had."

"It would never work. Ohgami is far too steady. I think I'll choose Sumire. She's always been a bit unstable emotionally."

"Whatever you say, Sir."

"What of my brilliant plan to destroy the world so I can be reunited with my dead wife?"

"You've never been married, sir, and you don't have the power to destroy the world," she said hesitantly. "Though you could probably blow up Kyoto."

"Of course, you're right. And destroying Kyoto would be pointless if I don't get reunited with my lost love. That'll be all, Ayame. Unless you want to help me dream up a plan to torment Sumire."

Ayame smiled. "I'd be happy to help you with that, Sir."

* * *

More Author's Notes: 

I hope nobody is too disappointed that this chapter's title was bit misleading in the teaser. A couple of people guessed that the next crossover would be Sakura Wars, but alas, the Tenchi cast will not be making an appearance in this arc. Whether or not they will appear is still up in the air.

As for why this has taken so long to be published... blame Tomb Raider: Legend. No wait, pay no attention to me playing games. It was delayed by working on my original fic. Yeah... that's the ticket.

And now... which will hopefully be a new tradition: replying to a few reviews. :)

... : I'm glad someone got the Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yuuki reference. It's an interesting online manga-style comic.

DragonGolem, GaelicDragon2000, Ormik: As you can see, I haven't completely abandoned Yohko

JohnnyG, Shiner, Light02: I gave Setsuna a bit of a break this chapter, since there was too much to set up at the beginning of a new arc. This arc is going to need _some_ comic relief... laughs evilly


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Neither Ranma ½, nor Sakura Wars, nor any other series appearing in this fanfiction belong to me. I'm just borrowing them without permission. Please remember that Sakura Wars takes place in the capitol city of an alternate-history, "Steam Punk" Japan. I've relocated them to modern Kyoto (the old capitol of Japan) for the purposes of this story. Their mecha are still steam powered, however.

- + - + -

A single spotlight was the only thing that lit the stage. A young woman stepped into the spotlight, wearing an outfit that was a cross between a kimono, and the traditional outfit of a kendoist. A pattern of sakura petals decorated the sleeves of her pink keikogi. Coughing politely, Shinguji Sakura announced cheerfully, "The author would like to apologize for how long... how long... um... excuse me."

Reaching into her sleeve, she pulled out a piece of paper. Much less animatedly, she read, "The author would like to apologize for how long this story arc is taking to write due to a certain someone who shall remain nameless that decided to crash this piece of fanfiction the 'Kyoto Arc' is..."

A shorthaired woman wearing a violet kimono, the cut of which revealed a bit of cleavage, stepped into spotlight. "Honestly, Sakura. Can't you even do this right?"

"I'm sorry, Sumire..."

Snatching the paper from Sakura's hands, Kanzaki Sumire glanced at the text on the page. "Allow me." Her expression became one of sincere regret. "The author would like to apologize for how long this story arc is taking to write. Due to a certain someone, who will remain nameless, that decided to crash this piece of fanfiction, the 'Kyoto Arc' is currently undergoing a massive rewrite."

Sumire glanced at the page again. "Unfortunately, the scene for which this chapter was named, a battle-royal, between Sakura, Sumire, Tendo Akane, and Ranma won't be appearing in this fanfiction. In fact, aside from possibly providing some comic relief, Sumire and Akane won't be appearing very much in this chapter... what?"

An unintelligible voice came from offstage.

"What do you mean my scenes were left on the cutting floor? This is an OUTRAGE! You'll be hearing from my agent about this!"

"Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Do you think that is bad? I've only appeared once in this whole fanfic!"

Sumire turned towards the newcomer, who was just walking into the spotlight. "And you are?"

"Kodachi, the Black Rose. Can't you tell by my leotard and gymnastics ribbon?"

Sakura looked at the new woman. "I thought Kuno Kodachi was shorter."

Sumire nodded. "And she has short hair except for a singe sideways ponytail..."

"And she has a much smaller bust..."

"Not to mention she doesn't wear a necklace of small, fake skulls..."

The woman sniffed. "It is an outrage that I, Naga the White Serpent, should not appear in this fic when Lina Inverse gets a cameo!"

Sakura blinked. "Actually, she didn't have a cameo. She was mentioned in passing... as a joke."

"Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! How dare you impersonate the divine Kodachi, the Black Rose!" The real Kuno Kodachi stepped into the spotlight. "You shall be punished for your impudence, you peasant!"

Naga summoned a fireball in her hand. "I'd like to see you try!"

Sumire produced her naginata, "How dare you two try to upstage me, the Shining Star of the Hanagumi!"

Smiling, Sakura bowed towards the audience and said, "I guess we've got dueling divas after all."

- + - + -

Rurouni Ranma

by DarkFyre99

Chapter Seven: Dueling Divas

Lt. Fujita Saori of the Yokohama police department dropped into the alley, senses alert. It wouldn't be prudent to be caught in the act, as it were. If her superiors were forced to acknowledge her "hobby," she was likely to face the rest of her life in jail. While some would call her a vigilante, and others a hero, she held no illusions of what she was: an assassin. The fact that she killed not for money, but for the ideal of the Shinsengumi, "Swift Death to Evil," didn't change what she was. Japanese Yakuza, Chinese Triads, and even American Mafia had fallen to her blade, along with other undesirables, as well as monsters. The Fujita clan had cut the rot from society for generations.

Of course, it wasn't organized crime that had brought her to Kyoto this night. Nor was it monsters or corrupt businessmen or politicians. Tonight, it was a stain upon the name of Shinsengumi. Somebody was slaughtering people in their name, not only Yakuza but innocent bystanders as well, and she couldn't stand by and let it happen.

The police records she had searched through had revealed a pattern to the attacks. Which in turn had led her to this alley behind a Yakuza front. She had to stop them before any other innocents were killed. It was her duty as the last true heir of the Shinsengumi.

It was the soft sound of leather scraping on the pavement that alerted her to the fact that she was no longer alone in the alley. She turned, her narrow eyes scanning the shadows for the killer she sought. A bit of darkness separated from the shadows, resolving itself into the form of a large cloaked and hooded man. She readied her katana, assuming the Gatotsu stance.

Her challenge was answered by a ruby-red glow...

- + - + -

"Wind change... plus point two meters per second, bearing from thirty-seven degrees."

Meiou Setsuna carefully reset the settings on her H&K '25 super-sonic sniper rifle. The high-tech weapon directed a focused a high-energy sonic blast at the target, resulting in severe neurological disruption which resembled a massive heart attack. She re-centered the sights on location of her target. She didn't have anything against Professor Smith in particular, except for the fact that his 'quest' would release a powerful demon that threatened Crystal Tokyo. The American simply didn't know what he was dealing with.

"Drop in barometric pressure, zero point three kilopascals," Meiou Setsuna whispered to her counterpart with the rifle. She had long been looking forward to getting rid of the so-called "archeologist." He was more of a tomb raider than an archeologist. The man was simply too much trouble to keep alive, considering his obsession with magical artifacts. She was sick of cleaning up after him. "Wind, minus point one..."

"What'cha doin'?" The cheerful voice sounding out behind them caused both green-haired women to jump. The pair turned and saw a rather familiar red-head wearing the equally familiar uniform of Sailor Pluto.

"Don't do that!" The Setsuna with the rifle hissed.

Meiou Megumi smiled at two versions of her mother. "So, what _are_ you doin'?"

"We're taking out a threat to Crystal Tokyo," one Setsuna said.

"We're getting rid of a dangerous idiot," the other said at the same time.

The teenager rolled her eyes. "A bit heavy handed, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?" The pair chorused out.

The girl pointed down into the valley at the camp below. "Look."

They watched as a van with the words "Pizza Hut" on the side drove up to the perimeter of the camp. A very familiar brunette stepped out of the side of the van, carrying a large stack of pizzas. Placing them on one of the folding picnic tables, she hastily stepped back as a horde of hungry graduate students descended upon the food, not even questioning why there was a Pizza Hut in Japan, let alone one willing to deliver to the middle of nowhere.

The woman then calmly walked into the tent the two Setsunas had been watching. A minute later, the woman stepped out of the tent. She looked right at them, making a few hand gestures in their direction. Climbing back into the van, she backed out of the camp and drove off.

The one with the spotter's scanner turned to her so-called daughter. "What was that about?"

"She said, 'Mission accomplished, steal second.' " Megumi paused, shaking her head. "We've got to work on a better system. Anyways, no need to kill the guy. He won't be releasing any ancient demon of unimaginable strength..."

"Thank goodness," one Setsuna said with a sigh.

"The guy's a menace," the other Setsuna growled. "He's so obsessed with finding magical artifacts that sooner or later he's going to find another dangerous one."

"...so instead he's going to find what he thinks is the genuine artifact he's looking for and release an ancient demon that's unimaginably annoying, and retire to a life of writing bad American comic books." Megumi finished impishly.

The two green-haired women turned and blinked at each other.

"You see, he mistranslated the text that led him here. My partner just used a combination of shiatsu and herbal shampoos to make him believe that he realized his error at the last moment. Don't worry though. The demon's relatively harmless, and the local devil hunter is perfectly capable of handling it. Quite frankly she also needs the practice."

- + - + -

The fluorescent green clad devil hunter sighed as she watched the laughing beach ball, with spindly arms and legs and tiger-striped shorts, floated away for the tenth time. _'This has got to be the most pathetic demon I've ever seen. __I mean... practical jokes are supposed to be evil?'_

Mano Ayoko hefted her padded mallet. "I bet this is Yohko's fault," she growled to the hovering winged rat beside her.

Tenno Nezumi rolled his eyes towards the heavens. Of all the magical girls he had to be bound to, it had to be her. "Just keep on following that oni, Ayoko, until that pathetic priest has the wards ready..."

- + - + -

"Ah, Maria, my dear. Come in!" Commander Yoneda smiled as the statuesque blonde walked into his office. "Can I offer you a drink?"

The woman shook her head. "It's too early in the morning for me, Commander."

"Ah. So, how is the training of our newest actress going?"

Maria smiled faintly. "You know, Commander, when you first told me that the purpose of us performing in plays at the Imperial was to strengthen our spiritual strength, I was rather skeptical. It's amazing to see the process in reverse."

Taking a sip of sake, Yoneda raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Ranma has made that much progress?"

Maria laughed nervously, "Let's just say he has potential. Apparently his ki attacks have an emotional component to them, and he's adapted the technique he uses to acting. It makes him very much the ham, but that's not necessarily a bad thing in theatre. It's easier to get someone to tone down their performance than to get them to express themselves. Sakura is still coming across as wooden, especially when she's nervous." She paused before adding, "I just wish I could figure out how he's able to pull off Iris' little illusions, even on a small scale.

"Years of intense, and dangerous, training, rather than a lot of raw talent. And what about Ranma's training of our martial artists?"

Maria genuinely smiled. "Ranma's training techniques are definitely... unique. Kanna's enjoying herself immensely, but then you've seen her training methods herself..."

- + - + -

Maria stared up at her friend, who was currently trussed and suspended above the back courtyard. "I really don't think this is a good idea..."

Kanna grinned like a maniac. "Hey, no pain, no gain. Okay, Ranma, swing that boulder!"

- + - + -

"The Captain and Sakura, on the other hand, are being exposed to some rather... unusual combat styles."

- + - + -

Captain Ohgami and Shinguji Sakura stared as Ranma walked into the dojo. The buxom redhead was wearing a red leotard, and was carrying a box of gymnastic equipment. "Um... Ranma," Sakura said tentatively, "I thought we were going to be sparring today..."

"We are. I'll be using martial arts rhythmic gymnastics," Ranma said, selecting a gymnastics ribbon and swirling it to life.

Ohgami looked at his paired bokken as well as Sakura's. "Um... this hardly seems sporting."

"You're right," Ranma agreed with a flick of her wrist. The ribbon sliced through all three wooden practice swords. "You guys really should be using the metal ones." Seeing the expressions on their faces, Ranma added smugly, "And I can do that _without_ adding razor wire to the edge."

- + - + -

"They are enjoying themselves, though. Iris has been getting lessons as well." Maria smiled. "She has a little crush on Ranma. I think she'll have to compete with Sakura, though."

The Commander smiled as well. "Ah, poor Ohgami. Girls can be so fickle at times. And Sumire?"

"She has yet to show up for training. She always has some excuse or another. Today, it's visiting her grandfather. I think the Captain's going to put his foot down pretty soon... What was that?"

- + - + -

"You expect me to do WHAT?" Kanzaki Sumire shrieked at her grandfather. Unnoticed behind her, her father turned his head away in shame.

"You heard me. And there's no need to shout, I'm not deaf."

"YOU expect ME to court that... that... stupid, arrogant, AMATEUR? Me? The shining star of the Hanagumi?" She slapped her hand on her Grandfather's desk. "Are you completely INSANE?"

"Sumire, that's enough." The old man didn't have to raise his voice to silence the angry young woman. "Who are you?"

"Huh?"

"Who are you?"

Looking puzzled, the girl answered, "Kanzaki Sumire."

With a look of disapproval, the old man repeated, "Who are you?"

Straitening, Sumire said, "Kanzaki."

"Who are we?"

"Kanzaki."

"Who are Kanzaki."

"Protectors of the Emperor and his people."

"Whom do we protect them from?"

"The forces that prey upon them from the darkness."

The old man stared at Sumire, until the girl began to squirm. "Never forget that. All the wealth you see around you was earned through service to the Emperor and his people. Your birthright is service, not luxury. You are not some pampered princess, but the heir of Kanzaki Fujin Ryuu Naginatajutsu. That is where your responsibility lies. You've forgotten that."

Sumire's grandfather's expression softened. "As for Ranma... I've kept an eye on the Saotome clan. Most of the great families do. There's too much power, too much potential, in that clan, not to. Tell me, Sumire. If you regularly missed three or four months of school each year, would you be able to keep up with your peers?"

Sumire snorted. "Of course, Grandfather. I'm not an idiot."

"Then you agree that Ranma's at least as smart as you are," Sumire's grandfather said smugly.

"What?"

The old man nodded. "The boy's smart, but his father's attitude towards education has kept him somewhat ignorant. Not to mention his criteria for a 'good school' was one where there were a lot of fights. I've seen his grades from the last school he attended, when he was staying with the Mano clan. Being in a proper educational environment for over two months brought his grades up by twenty percent. The tutors I hired to teach Iris, and now Ranma, report that the boy is aware of his deficiency, and is aggressively correcting it."

The old man suddenly frowned at the girl. "I'm also told that you've been avoiding sparring with Ranma and the others. This _will_ stop. You don't get to spar with one of the best of your generation every day. And you _will_ court the boy. A Saotome like Ranma doesn't come along every generation, so getting him into _our_ clan would be a boon."

Sumire's shoulders drooped. "Yes, Grandfather."

"I don't expect you to succeed, Sumire. But I do expect you to try. Do your best. I _will_ be watching."

- + - + -

Shinguji Sakura and Ohgami Ichiro carefully circled their opponent. Today, he was fighting them both at the same time, a bokken of his own in his hand. Sakura was glad that they'd returned to wooden swords. Metal practice swords were too dangerous in her opinion. Not that the wooden variety were safe... they were both sporting bruises from where Ranma had gotten through their guard.

"Gambatte, Oneechan! Ohgami-niichan! Ranma-niichan!" Iris cheered from the sidelines.

Sakura chose that moment to strike. Ranma deflected her swing with his sword, twisting slightly so that their combined momentum swept him into a circle-kick, which sent her flying. Ohgami had moved in for the attack a few moments after Sakura, from the opposite side of Ranma, but the younger man's move had placed her in Ohgami's path. The girl crashed into him, causing them both to tumble to the ground, much to Iris' amusement.

"Sakura, you're still too reliant on forms. It makes you predictable," Ranma said with a smile as he offered to give her a hand up. "If your enemy is familiar with your style, they can exploit that predictability. And it doesn't take a good martial artist long to get familiar with it. Mix things up. Ichiro... you should watch where you're going." The boy smirked. "You rushed right into that one."

Captain Ohgami laughed ruefully as he stood up. "I'll tag you next time, Ranma."

"Suuuure you will."

The older man assumed an aggressive stance. "Try me."

Ranma glanced at the clock in the dojo/dance studio. "Unfortunately, it's almost time for our English lessons again."

"Excuses, excuses."

Sakura was watching the two men playfully taunt each other when she felt Iris tug on one of the long sleeves of her keikogi. Looking down, she saw that Iris was blushing as she alternated between looked at her feet and looking at Ranma. "Oneechan..."

"Oh, right." Sakura walked over to where Captain Ohgami and Ranma were still taunting each other. "Um, Ranma..."

"Yes, Sakura?"

"Um..." Sakura began to blush. "You see..." The girl began to fidget as she looked down in embarrassment. "Sunday's a rest day, and..."

"Yes?"

Sakura looked up to see he was looking at her, which caused another round of embarrassed squirming. "I was wondering... that is, Iris was wondering... I mean Iris and I were wondering... I mean, if you're not too busy..." A heavy hand patted her right between the shoulder blades, causing her to blurt out, "Would you like to go the fair with Iris and I next Sunday?"

As Sakura's blush deepened, and Iris watched him nervously, Ranma mused, "Hmm... spend the day practicing kata, or spend it in the company of two beautiful girls. What to do, what to do..."

"Say yes, Oniichan!" The young blonde blurted out.

"Sure. Sounds like fun."

Cheering, the two girls shared an enthusiastic hug before Sakura turned around and looked up. "Thank you, Kan... na?" She looked up even higher, staring at the giant of a man that had been standing behind her.

"Lord Anji, what brings you here today?" Ranma asked with a smile.

"I just wanted to let you know that there's been a third attack on a Yakuza hideout. It used the same pattern as the first two. I was also watching you spar. The katana really doesn't match your style at all. You usually use it to defend, and attack with kempo. A kodachi would be more suitable, I believe, since a shorter blade is much faster."

"Really?" Ranma summoned his katana, and concentrated on it. The sword and scabbard slowly grew shorter. "What do you know, it's variable length! Thanks for the advice, Lord Anji."

Iris and Sakura looked from a lightly blushing, shimmering eyed Ranma to the monk Anji and back, puzzled at his odd reaction.

The Timeless Monk frowned at the expression on Ranma's face. "Tsubaki-chan, I wish you wouldn't do that. You're going to confuse the poor boy."

Ranma blinked twice, staring at the taller monk. "Huh?" His expression returned to normal, though slightly confused.

The monk patted the boy on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Ranma. One of your past lives is a little more active than she should be right now. It's coloring your attitude towards me more than it should."

This caused Ranma to blush as he realized how he was acting a few minutes ago. "Oh... What was that?"

- + - + -

Li Kohran gingerly drew some water from a glass flask labeled, "Jusendo water. Do not drink. Do not splash. Do not taunt. Do not use on Sumire... that means you, Kanna!" With an expression of intense concentration, she carefully let a few drops of the enchanted water fall into a larger flask. _'One, two, three…'_

Kirishima Kanna's voice boomed into her bedroom, nearly causing her to squirt the remaining liquid into a beaker. "Hey, Kiddo! How's it going?" The huge woman asked as she stepped into the room.

"Kanna! Don't do that to me!" Kohran screamed, clutching her chest. She then remembered she had some extremely unstable liquid in her hand, and carefully squirted the remaining Jusendo water back into its flask.

"Sorry," the tall martial artist apologized ruefully. "Didn't know you were working. Look, can we talk?"

"Sure, Kanna," Kohran said absently, consulting her notes. "What do you want?" She began swirling the mixture in the flask, watching for the moment when it began reacting with the solution they used in the Koubu.

"Look, Kohran. It's almost been a week. When are you going to ask Ranma out?"

"Huh?" The purple-haired girl's attention remained fixed on the contents of the flask. "Isn't the guy supposed to ask the girl out?"

"Well, normally... but you're the one interested in him, after all." Kanna didn't notice her friend wince. "As his fiancée, it's my responsibility to make sure he finds a nice girl. I'd hate to think you're leading him on." Another wince went unnoticed by Kanna. "If you don't make your move soon, I just might have to give the green light to Sakura. Which would be a shame, especially since you went to all that trouble researching his likes and dislikes..." Yet another wince. "And went and got all dressed up to catch his eye..."

"Argh! Why does everyone think I was trying to catch his attention?" Kohran screamed, freaking out. "I was trying to be the exact opposite of what a guy wants in a girl. How was I supposed to know he had a thing for tomboys?"

"Then it's alright for Sakura to date him?"

"Hey, I think they'll look cute together. I've got way too much work to do to even think of dating." Kohran glanced at Kanna. "Wait a second, I thought she had a thing for Captain Ohgami," Kohran said as she reached for the Jusendo water again. _'Two more drops should do it.'_

"We both know that Ohgami is too professional to get in a relationship with a girl under his command. I also happened to overhear Maria pointing out that fact to Sakura yesterday. Besides, you do know that Ohgami's gay, right?"

"What?" Kohran stared at Kanna in shock.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," the large woman said, laughing. "He's been dating... is that stuff supposed to be doing that?" She pointed towards the bubbling liquid in the flask in Kohran's hand.

"Oops!"

"What do you mean, 'oops?' " Kanna asked worriedly, "And why do you look so happy about it?"

- + - + - + -

Ranma skidded to a stop, staring at the cloud of steam coming from Kohran's room. Right behind him came Sakura, Iris, Captain Ohgami, and Anji. Sakura took one look at the cloud, and called out, "Kohran!" Ranma stopped her from rushing into the cloud.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Sakura."

"Sakura? Ranma? Is that you?" Maria called out from the other side of the thick mist obscuring the hallway.

"We're here too, Maria!" Iris shouted from behind Ranma.

"I'd stay out of the cloud if I were you," Maria said dryly.

A few moments later, the mist began to fade. Stepping from the shattered door came a short, red-haired young man who was swimming in Kanna's gi and tights. He carried a penguin, which was chirping happily. A pair of Kohran's glasses was perched on its beak.

With as much dignity as possible, considering he was holding up his tights from falling down around his ankles, the man walked towards the bathroom. All he said was, "At least Sumire isn't here to see this."

- + - + -

"Sumire. How good of you to join us," Ranma said as the brown-haired girl walked into the dojo/dance studio wearing expensive-looking keikogi and hakama, carrying a wooden practice naginata.

Sumire tried not to blush as Captain Ohgami, Sakura, Kanna, and to her surprise little Iris, turned to look at her. Iris was even wearing a gi top and tights like Kanna's. Gathering her strength, she walked to Ranma and bowed. "I would like to apologize for my behavior this week, and humbly ask to join you in improving my Art."

Sumire was proud of herself when she didn't react to Kanna asking, "Sumire, are you feeling okay?"

Ranma smiled. "Sure, the more the merrier. Since you've been skipping out, you're up first. Kanna, could you help out Iris with her kata?"

"Sure, Ranma. Come on, kiddo. Try not to get distracted by Sumire getting her butt kicked."

Ranma picked up his bokken, and assumed an aggressive stance in front of her. She responded with the traditional counter-stance. Ranma grinned at her. "Okay, Sakura, Ichiro. Pay attention now." He attacked.

The first couple of exchanges went as expected. Ranma attacked and Sumire blocked. Ranma evaded Sumire's riposte, and the haft of her naginata deflected his kick in reply. She responded with a low swipe at Ranma's legs, which Ranma jumped over... and disappeared.

Sumire slowly circled, wondering what Ranma was up to. She ignored Sakura's giggling and Ohgami's attempts to keep a straight face, as she circled, her naginata always in motion to quickly respond to whatever Ranma had planned. She didn't know how the man was evading her, but he'd have to attack sooner or later. A few moments later, Iris stopped her kata and stared, before giggling as well. Kanna was soon laughing outright. That was the last straw. "Alright, what's so funny?"

She felt something tap her on her shoulder. She whirled around, but saw nobody behind her. This set off a fresh round of giggles. Sensing a presence behind her, she slowly turned her head and saw Ranma, perched on the end of her naginata. "How?"

He leapt off the end of her pole-arm with a somersault that nearly brushed the ceiling five meters overhead, and landed soundlessly nearby. She hadn't even felt him push off. "Ki, of course. There comes a point in your training when you can do more than simply amplify your body's strength, such as controlling your body's weight."

"That's impossible."

"Really. Iris is a... telekinetic, isn't she?" He turned to Iris. "That's the right term, right?"

Iris nodded.

"And I've seen her floating in midair that one time."

Sumire rolled her eyes. "That's different. She was born a telekinetic."

"Not really. What she's able to do because she's gifted, I'm able to do, on a smaller scale, because I've been trained to do it. That's how I can do things like control a gymnastic ribbon well enough to tie up Sakura with a flick of my wrist, then toss her across the dojo." Sumire glanced at a blushing Sakura. "The same way I can influence that ribbon, I can influence my body's movement. It's even easier with your own body.

"I know Kanna has weights sewn into her gi top as a part of her training, but I don't think any of you do, correct?"

Sumire sniffed. "Of course I don't. I don't want to become some muscle-bound blockhead like Kanna here."

Kanna snorted. "Be nice, Sumire."

"I can't teach you the level of control I have, but I am going to teach you a little trick I've developed. All of you, except Iris, instinctively use your ki to enhance your strength. What I'm going to do is teach you to do so willfully, and to suppress your strength as well."

Captain Ohgami looked puzzled. "Why would anyone want to do that?"

"For the workout, of course. That way you can train even when doing normal things, without having to carry a hundred kilos of weight on you. You're even training your ki at the same time, since you're using it all the time, as opposed to only in battle. Finally, when you do need to enhance your strength, you get an even better boost than you're used to, since the ki you're using to suppress your strength goes strait into enhancing it instead."

Ranma smirked at Sumire. "Still think I'm an amateur, Sumire?"

- + - + -

Kohran stood in front of the auxillary hanger in the massive basement of the Imperial Theatre. In front of her waited the Hanagumi and the Kazegumi. Accompanying them were representatives of Mithril, a tall elderly gentleman and a short, platinum-haired girl about her own age,who were here to see the outcome of her little project. She smiled brightly as she prepared to unveil her latest masterpiece. "Ladies and Gentlemen. Captain Tesstarosa and Lt. Commander Kalanin, may I present to you... the Theta-Driver."

Pressing a button, the hanger door rolled upward, revealing... nothing. Adjusting her headset, she whispered, "Ranma... that's your cue."

As the assembled crowd watched, slightly confused, Kohran looked into the hanger and said, "Yes, I'm sure, everything works the way it's supposed to...

"Come on out and demonstrate the hardware...

"Please, Ranma?

"Oh, come on. It doesn't look _that_ bad...

"Pretty please? You're ruining my big moment here.

"Thank you, Ranma. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

She turned to face the crowd again. "Ahem. Ladies and Gentlemen... allow me to present to you... the Theta-Driver." She beamed as the mecha Ranma piloted stepped into view.

The young woman from Mithril smiled as she saw the two and a half meter tall machine. "There's a familiar machine. Sousuke will be pleased to see they're still in service, don't you think so, Commander Kalinin?"

The old man nodded. "I'm sure you're right, my Captain."

Maria cocked her head to the side. "That's certainly an... unusual design for a combat mecha."

Sakura smiled. "I think it's cute."

Beside her, Iris was nearly jumping up and down in excitement.

Captain Ohgami whispered to Commander Yoneda, "Do you think that will be any good in battle?"

Vice-commander Ayame answered the young man's question. "I've seen the combat specs. It's a lot more formidable than it looks."

Kanna just stared at Sumire, shaking her head.

The heir to Kanzaki Fujin Ryuu Naginatajutsu was currently flat on her back, laughing her ass off, and pointing at Ranma's mecha. "It's freaking Bonta-kun!"

The mecha that looked like one of the mascots, complete with a green bowl-brimmed hat and vest, of an amusement park turned its head towards Sumire and shook its fist at her. A high-pitched, frustrated sounding "Fumoffu!" came from the machine. This set off another round of laughter from Sumire.

Kohran talked soothingly over her headset, "Now Ranma, calm down."

The anthropomorphic chipmunk waved its hands over its head. "Fumo. Fu-fu-Fumo! Fumoffu! Fu!"

"Now Ranma, there's no need for language like that. Little ears may be listening." Kohran smiled cutely. "Like mine!"

Unable too restrain herself, Iris ran forward and, with a delighted laugh, hugged the oddly shaped combat mecha. "Kawaii!"

Surrendering to the inevitable, Ranma dropped the combat mecha's arms and hugged the girl back. "Fumoffu."

"Now, Ranma. That's a state of the art powered assault armor. Ferro-ceramic body armor under a layer of soft, fire-resistant foam," Kohran looked excited as she extolled the virtues of the machine. "Internal life support tied to a quadruple-core dedicated combat computer. Myomer-based musculature linked to a positive-feedback actuators. Fully articulated gauntlets." Kohran looked upon the machine with shining eyes. "It's perfect for combat in an urban environment..."

"Such as amusement parks and children's birthday parties," Maria whispered to Sakura.

"...and the pilot is able to perform most tasks that an unarmored human can without having to open it up!" Kohran finished. Adding, "The man that designed this thing is a genius."

- + - + -

In a classroom in Tokyo, Sergent Sagura Sousuke sneezed. The extremely serious young sergeant from Mithril sat at attention, waiting for classes to begin.

Moments later, a slightly smouldering Chidori Kaname stormed into the room, slamming the remains of a pair of indoor shoes onto his desk. "Sousuke, do you take some perverse pleasure in booby-trapping my shoe locker?"

"Not at all, Miss Chidori," the young man said, completely calm. "I was merely ensuring that no unauthorized personnel would have access to your personal effects." Sgt. Sagara looked up at the teal-haired teenager. If he was worried about the bulging vein on the girl's forehead, he gave no sign.

Moments later, one of their classmates leaned over to and whispered to Kaname's best friend, "Kyouko, where did Kaname get that mallet?"

Tokiwa Kyouko just shrugged at her friend. "I don't know. Kaname has had it ever since she got back from visiting her cousin in Nerima."

- + - + -

"Okay, Ranma!" Li Kohran shouted. "Show us what that beauty can do!"

Gently disengaging Iris from his mecha, Ranma began a simple kata. "As you can see, like all Bonta-class powered assault armor, the pilot retains his or her full range of motion, while having access to the armor's enhanced strength."

"Fumoffu!"

"Few people are as flexible as you, Ranma."

Maria whispered to Sakura, "Lucky you," causing the girl to blush deeply.

"Fumo! Fu fumo fu!"

Kohran ignored the fuming mecha. "Fortunately, I wasn't able to fix the bug that shuts down the voice-changer. You really shouldn't use such language, Ranma. As I was saying, this mecha is formidable enough. With the Theta-Driver and a skilled martial artist like Ranma, the mecha becomes even more formidable."

"Fumoffu!" The sound of Bonta-kun's punch sounded more a jackhammer than a single punch.

"Fumoffu!" Bonta-kun poked a boulder with one fat finger, causing it to explode.

"Fumoffu!" A sickly-green bolt of energy leapt from Bonta-kun's hands, destroying a distant target.

"That's odd," Sakura whispered to Maria. "Usually Ranma's battle-aura is a bright blue."

"With a Theta-driver, powered assault armor enhances a well-trained martial artists abilities as much as it enhances the abilities of a normal pilot. The primary downside of the Theta drive is it requires materials saturated in magical elemental energy currently controlled by Japan and China. However, I'm sure that other sources can be found elsewhere in the world."

Beaming, Kohran turned back to her audience as the Bonta-class mecha behind her returned to its hanger. "Any questions?"

- + - + -

Shishio Makoto watched as his "inner circle" assembled for the meeting. Yumi and Houji were arguing as usual. Houji had changed since his death. The misogyny that had once been held in check by his brilliant mind now ran rampant. Yumi, on the other hand, had stepped forward, revealing that her beautiful body held an equally devious mind. After over a century of those two butting heads, he was sick and tired of it. Especially since Houji always started it. If only the man wasn't needed as his right-hand man...

Perhaps that was it. Yumi was becoming his right-hand woman, and the man was jealous of her.

Next came Usui. Their feud had followed them into death. With Tenken and Anji failing to appear, that left Usui as his best warrior. Not all of the remaining Juppongatana had followed him into the abyss either. Kamatari and Henya had, but there was no sign of Fuji, Cho, or thankfully Iwanbou. Without Fuji, Saizuchi had been relegated to a support position, often serving as his ambassador to some of his neighbors. He remained one of Ten Swords, however.

To fill out the ranks of the Juppongatana, Shishio had recruited demons. Demons respected strength, and Shishio had proven that despite his death, he remained strong. Unfortunately, most remained in hell with the bulk of his forces. Opening and maintaining a portal between the mortal world and his part of hell required a lot of spiritual energy, so only a few could come though at a time. He'd brought his two strongest, however.

Gharack of the Bloody Hand lived for destruction. Unfortunately, he was too large to even think of being allowed to leave their hidden fortress. The second was Maul. The demon wasn't the most powerful, but he'd brought because his abilities were uniquely suited for eliminating the Hanagumi. And speaking of Maul...

"Maul, I understand you've been going out and... amusing yourself at night. Stealth is our ally right now. It wouldn't do for some demon hunter to catch wind of our activities."

"I am sorry, my master. It will not happen again."

"See that it doesn't. Yumi, how is your project coming along?"

"Very well, Lord Shishio..."

Houji interrupted. "Lord Shishio, why do you permit this _whore_ to consume our precious resources with her little brothel?" The man ignored the venomous glare Yumi was giving him. "We should be bringing in more _men_, not more..."

"That's enough, Houji. Yumi's project brings in a constant supply of energy, _without_ doing something risky like attacking people and draining them. Not to mention money we need here on Earth. Please continue, Yumi."

"Thank you, Lord Shishio. We're ready to begin phase two, once Kyoto's Yakuza are brought to heel. I can't expand operations here without getting their cooperation, and our succubae and incubi need to remain close to the portal at this time." The woman grimaced. "I'm afraid I have to report that F'ga managed to get among the incubi back home again." Yumi rolled her eyes heavenward. "They're all so traumatized that they won't be much use in the near future. Who the hell heard of a gay tentacled sex demon, anyways?"

"They're _all_ traumatized."

"Yes. I brought all the gay and bi incubi with me, since there's not a lot of demand for the heterosexual kind. Just like there's no demand for lesbian succubae." Yumi smirked at Maul. "Little Naughtykins..."

This produced a round of laughter at Yumi's nickname for their former neighbor.

"... may have had a lot of talented demons, but they all have their 'quirks.' Isn't that right, Maul?" Maul pretended to ignore the look she was giving him.

Shishio pinched the bridge of his nose. "Don't tell me, Glemph is up to his usual antics."

Yumi nodded. "He's been circulating his 'Just say no to bestiality' brochures among the succubae and incubi again, urging them not to have sex with humans." She rolled her eyes at the thought of a tentacled sex demon finding human women "yucky." "If he wasn't such a good accountant..."

"The sex lives of deviant sex demons are _really_ fascinating, I'm sure, but can we move onto something important?" Houji sneered.

"We are getting off topic," Shishio admitted. "Thank you, Yumi. I'm sure the Yakuza will be coming around to our point of view soon, so you may begin phase two. Houji, do you have anything to report?"

"Yes I do. My agents report that the Yakuza's resolve is weakening, so I think it's time to consider our next step. I've already compiled a list of names of certain people who might be useful to our cause, and capable of being... persuaded.

"I'd also like to report the death of the Lt. Fujita Saori. It seems that we lured the sole remaining heir of Saitou Hajime to Kyoto a lot sooner than we expected." The man smiled smugly. "Unfortunately, she ran afoul with a demon that proved to be too strong for her."

Shishio Makoto shook his head. "That's unfortunate. I figured if any of the old swordsman spirit remained in this weak century, it would be within the Fujita clan. I would've loved to face the best of this era. Thank you, Houji. Usui, I have a mission for you."

"What is it?"

"I'm informed that the Hanagumi have a day off this Sunday, and Shinguji Sakura and little Iris Chateaubriand traditionally spend the day at the fair. I want you to take Katamari, Maul, and maybe a half-dozen lesser demons, and kill them." Shishio thought a moment. "Better bring a couple of our remaining Wakiji with, just in case another magical girl shows up." Shishio leaned forward, a shark-like grin on his face. "Let's make this Sunday an affair to remember."

- + - + -

Next Chapter Teaser:

"Bonjour! Iris Chateaubriand here. Oneechan and I get a day alone with Ranma-niichan, and some bad, bad men are going to ruin our date! Don't they know that fairs are happy fun places? Um... what are all of you doing here?"

"We'd like to know why our scenes were cut from this chapter!"

"Yeah! When do I finally get make hot, steamy love to Ranma?"

"Minako... you're first cousins. You don't get to make hot steamy love to Ranma. I do!"

"Ranma! You pervert!"

"Akane!"

"Sorry, oneechan. It's a reflex."

"No good can come from this."

"Stay tuned for 'All's fair at the Fair.' The next chaotic chapter of Rurouni Ranma. Au revoir!"

- + - + -

Author's notes:

Well, this chapter is a lot shorter than normal, but I felt this would be a good place end the chapter. Unfortunately, if I had known how much the Kyoto arc would have to be restructured to accommodate Shishio Makoto's appearance, I would've never introduced the other girls coming to the Imperial Theatre of Kyoto in the last chapter, but spread things out a bit.

I would like to thanks the folks at fukufics dot com for their input and C&C, in particular Pale Wolf and J. St.C Patrick. Your help is always appreciated.

Scooter: Maul's identity will be fully revealed in a later chapter. As for the Unit00 reference... Kohran's a fan of Evangelion.

Wonderbee: Unfortunately, I just couldn't get the scene between Akane and Kasumi to work to my satisfaction. It's on the cutting room floor.

CatOnFire: Actually, it was Nabiki reading a Sailor Senshi manga, and Iris making a reference to Tenchi Muyo. Given the fact that the Sailor Senshi exist in this story, and still have anime and manga based upon them in circulation as well, that's not enough absolutely rule out the Tenchi cast in one form or another.

Judah: Sorry that you're not familiar with Sakura Wars franchise. I liked the TV series the best (though I'm falling in love with the manga) and I haven't seen any Ranma crossovers with it, so that's why I included it, even though I had to alter things slightly. This series deserves more exposure IMO. If you've got Netflicks, I recommend adding it to your queue.

This series was always intended to be primarily a Ranma/Sailor Moon crossover (which is why I'm looking to the folks at fukufics dot com for C&C... they're familiar with both series), with Ranma wandering from one series to another for a while. I dislike summaries that include spoilers, so I kept it as brief as possible.

- + - + -

Omake:

Blame this one on my facility's muzak, and the effects of an hour-long bicycle ride home in 90 degree weather...

Meiou Setsuna adjusted the sights of her high-powered rifle. The man in her sights wasn't a threat to Crystal Tokyo. He wasn't a super-villain of great power and malevolence. He wasn't even a chaos nexus. He was simply Too Annoying to Live ™.

She watched him through the scope as he... well, he wasn't quite dancing though the streets of Berlin. Nor was he strolling, or strutting, or even skipping down the streets of the capital of Germany. Instead, he was... _frolicking. _And he wasn't alone. As always, he had somehow attracted a large crowd, primarily made up of young women, who were frolicking him. There were even several people with stereos who were blaring his theme music, all perfectly in sync. The fact that people would carry his theme music with them defied all manner of probability. Yes, Austin Powers simply had to die.

As Setsuna made one final adjustment, she saw something that caused her to jerk her head up and blink several times. Returning her eye to the scope, she zoomed out a bit and confirmed what she thought she saw. Two _very_ familiar Japanese women, the redhead still in her teens, were frolicking on either side of Austin Powers. Her supposed daughter and her older companion were dressed in a fuku of the mythical Junior Technical College that insisted that their students wear school uniforms, so that adult anime producers could claim, with a strait face, that the women depicting having sex were indeed past their majority. After all, nobody under eighteen years of age would ever have sex, that's why comprehensive sex-ed classes are unnecessary for young adults, and why we should prevent them from ever obtaining the...

...Can I help you, Setsuna-san?

"The guy over there wants his crate of soap back."

A delivery man in the uniform of Happy Soap Land's delivery service walks in and picks up his box, before tying it back on the back of his bike and pedaling off furiously.

Setsuna crossed her arms under her breasts, an annoyed look on her face. "Now, can we finish this farce?"

Anyhoo...

Setsuna, through the scope of her rifle, spied the two alternate future Sailor Plutos, wearing identical sailor-style school uniforms (despite the fact that the older one was in her mid twenties), who were frolicking, in perfect sync, on either side of her intended victim, Austin Powers.

- + - + -

Austin Powers was having the time of his life. Here he was, surrounded by beautiful women. Even better, the pair of Asian beauties looked like they did _everything_ together, and his mojo was ready to run wild. Truly, being an International Man of Mystery™ was a good thing.

As the three of them danced and simply enjoyed life, he broached the question. "Say, how about the three of us go up to my hotel room and play a little... hide the salami?"

The brunette blinked briefly. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you're asking."

"You know. Do the deed? Ride the wild rail? Shag?"

The redhead rolled her eyes towards the sky and giggled, "Oh, Daddy. Behave!"

The music died, the frolicking stopped, and Austin Powers, his eyes widened in horror, took a deep breath and...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Meiou Setsuna sat strait up in bed, screaming in horror. As she clutched at her chest, trying to calm her racing heart, she repeated to herself, "I did not have sex with Austin Powers... I did not have sex with Austin Powers..."

Suddenly, she sensed she wasn't alone in bed. Turning slowly, she saw the star attraction of the "Big Book of British Smiles," the Beatles hairdo, and oddly trimmed chest hair. Then came the words she'd dreaded, "You're lucky babe, cause it wasn't a dream. And I see my lovin' is the gift that keeps on givin'. Yeah, baby yeah!"

Setsuna looked at the nemesis of Dr. Evil, and screamed...

- + - + -

Tenou Haruka awoke. Gently unwrapping herself from her bedmate, she listened to the sounds of the house, trying to figure what had woken her up. Sensing the change in her lover, Kaiou Michiru rolled onto her back and drowsily looked up at Haruka. "Something wrong, love?"

"I don't know. I think I heard something."

"There doesn't seem to be anything... was that a Dead Scream?"

Haruka, clad only in panties and a t-shirt, kicked the covers off their bed and leapt to her feet, Michiru already running for the door. Both women had already summoned their henshin sticks as they raced downstairs.

As they approached Haruka's study, Setsuna stormed out, time-key in hand. As she passed the pair, they could hear her muttering something about how someone "is so going to get Addamsed." Glancing from Setsuna to her study, Haruka gathered her courage and peaked into the room.

The motorcycle she was building was fine. So were her electronic keyboard, her library, and her computer. In fact, the only thing that was destroyed was...

"My shrine to Mike Myers-sama!" Haruka said, sorrowfully. Everything was destroyed. Her DVDs, her videotapes, her photobooks, her personally autographed picture of her and Michiru with Mike Myers, her poster of Mike Myers as Austin Powers, everything was destroyed.

Michiru hugged her partner from behind. "You know, if she didn't want to watch our Austin Powers marathon with us, she could've just said no."


	8. Chapter 8

Cyrus stared at the map laid out on the table before him. The assault would be difficult, but the rewards more than made up for the risk. "Once the walls have been battered down, let the catapults make the initial assault to soften up the defenders. Taking New Delhi will break the backbone of India, especially since it's Buddhism's holy city. Hopefully Gandhi will be willing to accept our terms after this. It's getting hard to keep the people content, given how many centuries this war has dragged on."

"Ahem."

Cyrus turned and looked at the girl behind him, taking in her kodachi and her outfit. "That's odd, there isn't another civilization on this continent, and it's a bit too early for Samurai to make an appearance right now..."

One of Cyrus' advisers coughed politely, "Her outfit looks more Chinese than Japanese."

Saotome Ranma glowered at Cyrus. "Do you have any idea how long we've been waiting for you to continue this fic?"

"Um..."

"Four months!"

A second, younger girl appeared "Oui! Iris wants to go on her first date! Isn't that right, Jean-Paul?"

"But... the new patch is out!"

The sound of a katana being drawn caused Cyrus to turn.

Shishio Makoto glared at the leader of Persia menacingly. "You're delaying my conquest of Japan..."

"Eep! I guess global domination can wait for a while..."

"Very wise."

- + - + -

Two months later...

London Times

1780

Supreme Commander Roosevelt Kidnapped! 

Washington, DC

American Empire

The Supreme Commander of the United States, Franklin D. Roosevelt (long may he reign!) was abducted today from his palace in the heart of the American capital by persons unknown. Witnesses to the abduction described the kidnappers as "Sort of looked Chinese, but with one exception, they weren't dressed like them. The sole exception was a short, busty woman with red hair (see "America's most wanted," page 3) who was complaining about some kind of date that was delayed."

As the Supreme Commander was carted away, he was heard to say, "Please! Just one more turn!" Analysts believe this to be some form of code, but are at a loss to explain what, exactly, this is.

The loss of the Supreme Commander, following the declaration of war with the Incan Confederacy, couldn't have come at a worse time…

FDR's abduction continued on page 10 

Rurouni Ranma

by DarkFyre99

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of any series, including but not limited to, Ranma ½, Sakura Wars, Sailor Moon, or Rurouni Kenshin, appearing in this fanfiction do not belong to me. I'm just borrowing them without permission.

Please remember that Sakura Wars takes place in Tokyo of an alternate-history, "Steam Punk" Japan. I've relocated them to modern Kyoto (the old capitol of Japan) for the purposes of this story. Their mecha are still steam powered, however.

Author's Note: Sorry about the delay, but between playing Civilization IV: Warlords, and trying to salvage my original fanfic I've been writing, I'm afraid I let this one sit idle too long.

p.s.: Sorry about taking so long to post the finished version. I got distracted by Civilization 4 – Warlords again.

As always, thanks to the folks at fukufics dot com, especially J. St.C Patrick, for the C&C, and a special thanks to Dumbledork for help with the French. Google Translation can only take you so far.

Again, Thanks for waiting, and now... on with the show!

Chapter Eight: All's Fair at the Fair

Tsukino Usagi yawned, staring blearily at the book on the table before her. She then blushed and glanced at the other four girls seated around the table. "Sorry."

"Mamoru-san keeping you up nights, Usagi-chan?" Minako asked with naughty grin.

The other blonde pouted. "I wish... I mean, of course not!"

The tall brunette picked up on the teasing of their best friend, "So it's what you two are during the day that's got you so tired." Kino Makoto elbowed the odangoed girl playfully. "Eh? Eh?"

"No!" She turned her nose up in the air primly. "I'll have you know that Mamo-chan is a perfect gentleman!"

"Isn't a gentleman one who always makes sure the lady cums first?" Mizuno Ami asked absently. A few seconds later, she looked up from the book she was reading, blinking at the stares she was getting. "What?" A few moments later, and she finally realized what she'd said.

Usagi grinned at the now blushing girl. "Ami-chan no ecchi."

The doorbell broke the frozen tableau. Ami jumped up and rushed out of the room, calling, "I'll get it!"

Rei shook her head. "Quit corrupting our friend, Minako-chan."

"Hey! She's always been like that." The blonde with the big red bow looked about dramatically, and stage-whispered, "It's always the quiet ones you know."

Ami's voice drifted back to the dining room table. "Setsuna-san? What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to Usagi-chan, Ami-chan."

Usagi stared at the tall, green-haired woman as she entered the room. "What's up, Setsuna-san?" the girl asked apprehensively. The Senshi of Time rarely appeared with good news.

"Your Highness, I'm afraid there is a grave threat to Crystal Tokyo..."

Usagi broke into tears. "But Setsuna!" The girl whined, "You said that there weren't any other threats until the Great Ice!"

"Damn! There goes my trip to Kyoto. And I was hoping to win the heart of some handsome actor." Minako pouted.

"Minako-chan, the Imperial Theatre of Kyoto is an all-female acting troupe," Ami said as she returned to the table.

As Makoto consoled the second crying blonde, Rei looked out the window. "Setsuna, what's that?" The miko pointed out the window Ami's apartment.

The sobbing stopped as the girls stared out of the window at the snowy white owl with a bright red envelope held in its beak. It glided through the open window, and deposited the envelope on the table, right in front of Setsuna. Written in elegant Romanji, and penned in gold ink, were the words:

_Meiou Setsuna_

_Dining Room_

_Mizuno-Ke_

_Atsugiri Manshion_

_Azabu-Juuban Ko_

_Minato Ku_

Tokyo, Japan 

"Oh, my! I didn't know you were a witch, Setsuna-san!" Usagi gushed at Setsuna, the crisis forgotten.

Setsuna looked puzzled, "Excuse, me, your Highness?" Most of the others looked equally puzzled.

"Have you ever been to Hogwarts?"

Rei pinched the bridge of her nose. "Usagi, that's a movie."

"Have you ever met Harry Potter?"

"That's a movie!"

"Can I see your wand?"

"That's a MOVIE, you idiot!"

"Ami-chan! Rei's being mean to me again!"

Ami and Minako ignored the antics of their friends, the latter because she was watching what the former was doing. "Why are you playing with dice and muttering in Latin, Ami-chan?" The blonde asked.

The blue-haired girl pointed at the four pairs of black and white cubes, which glowed briefly. "If I remember the books correctly, that's a 'howler.' If you don't open it right away, it'll still open... screaming it's head off. So I took the precaution of putting up some basic wards. I don't want my cover blown."

When the envelope began smoking, the girls backed away from the table. "You'd better open it," Ami said, "It'll be quieter that way."

Her hand shaking, Setsuna reached for the envelope. Before she could pick it up, the envelope jumped from the table, folding itself into a mouth, which screamed, "Meiou Setsuna! HOW DARE YOU! Have you forgotten our oaths?" Setsuna's long dark-green hair whipped back from the wind coming from the screaming envelope.

Usagi, her fingers plugging her ears, asked, "What oath?"

"We DO NOT involve the Princess in our LITTLE SQUABBLES!" The paper orifice turned to Usagi and said, in a quiet, gentle voice, "You really need to eat more, Usagi-chan. If this keeps up, you'll be nothing but skin and bones.

"That goes for all of you. Usagi is the only one who is eating even remotely healthily. You all are channeling a tremendous amount of power, which burns up a lot of calories. If it weren't for the healing magic of your Senshi transformation, you'd all be extremely malnourished. Don't be too concerned about gaining weight... it's perfectly normal, since you need those reserves. The weight you'll gain isn't fat, but something else. Don't worry about not being able to enjoy the water either, since most people naturally compensate... though the few that don't usually swim like a hammer."

The disembodied lips turned towards Setsuna again, and roared, "And why haven't you been taking care of the Princess and the others like you're supposed to? Are you so involved in your little plots that you forget! YOU - ARE - THE - CONTEMPORARY - SENSHI - OF - TIME! It's your DUTY to deal with the present, and let us deal with the future!"

The envelope turned to Ami, and in that same gentle voice, said, "I'm really proud of you, Ami-chan. These wards are really well done. I knew that you and Rei would be the ones to seek out training in magic, rather than wait passively to be taught it by Setsuna."

In another 180-degree change in attitude, the animated piece of paper whirled on Sailor Pluto. "And WHY haven't you been TRAINING these girls! If you had bothered to get OFF YOUR ASS and train them, rather than plotting to create your precious Crystal Tokyo, MAYBE the girls wouldn't have DIED so often!"

Setsuna opened her mouth to protest, but was interrupted by the 'Howler.' "I don't care if they got better, is your so-called utopia really worth putting the PRINCESS and the others through THAT KIND OF HELL? TWICE? You're lucky that Megumi thought of using the Sailor V game so that Usagi would have at least a little bit of tactical training!"

Usagi smirked at Rei. "See... I told you that game was good practice? Didn't I? Didn't I?"

In a normal tone of voice, the envelope added, "You really should spend some time with your daughter."

"Daughter?" The five younger girls shouted in disbelief as the Senshi of Time slapped her forehead.

"She loves you, and misses her mother. Family is important, Setsuna." The envelope turned to Minako. "And speaking of family, you really should leave tomorrow for Kyoto, Minako, rather than wait for Sunday. Your wayward cousin is in Kyoto right now, and he'll be at the Kyoto Fair on Sunday. If you want to catch up with him, you'd better be there as well. And don't worry about her education, Ami-chan. The Imperial Theatre has hired private tutors for the girls young enough to still be in school. Minako-chan isn't going to get any time off from school this summer." Moments later, the envelope fell back onto the table, and burst into flame.

Ignoring the stunned Setsuna, the Inner Senshi turned towards an equally stunned Minako. Blinking, the girl said, "No cute actors... and I gotta go to school? I'm going to have to have a long talk with my agent." The girl then smiled impishly. "At least I got a lead on my cousin!"

- + - + -

Earlier in the day, at the Tendo Dojo, a different kind of meeting had taken place.

"But Kasumi!" The Tendo Soun sobbed, "Why do you have to go to Kyoto with Akane?"

Kasumi sighed as she prepared the various bento that would be taken to school. "Because you insist that my fiancée accompany her to Kyoto," she explained once again. "I'm not going to abandon her during her 'groom' training."

Akane pouted, "And why does that... that pervert have to come with me to Kyoto? I can take care of myself!"

Kamiya Kenji sighed. Three days a woman so far, and Akane was still calling her a 'pervert.' The things she put up with for her fiancée...

Akane's father assumed an all-knowing posture. "Because Kyoto is a dangerous place. You must trust my judgment on this matter."

Nabiki paused on her way out to pick up her bento. "Thanks, Onee-chan. I'm off to school." The second-oldest Tendo girl smirked, "I'll see you ladies there."

This set off a fresh round of sobbing from the youngest Tendo daughter, "But I don't want to go to school!" Tendo Soun wept.

"Now, now, imouto-chan!" Soun winced at Kasumi's tone. "It's a big enough scandal that a daughter of the Tendo clan is pregnant out of wedlock." Another wince. "I won't have a high-school drop-out in this family as well." Soun grimaced this time. "While you're living under my roof, young lady, you _will_ obey my rules. After all, Father isn't allowed home until he repays us for his folly." The former Tendo patriarch began to tear up. "And I want you to remember that you are to do all the housework when we're in Kyoto, and you are not to have your boyfriend over, ever. Do I make myself clear, young lady?" Crying, Soun nodded. "Good, then off to school."

Kasumi handed Soun one of the bento and pushed her out of the kitchen. Shaking her head, Akane picked up the remaining one and unhurriedly followed her 'father.'

Kenji smiled as Kasumi wrapped her arms around her from behind. "Alone at last," Kasumi said with a sigh. "Ready for more 'training?'"

- + - + -

From her place on the balcony of her classroom, Tendo Nabiki took a sip of water as she watched the returned Hentai Horde assemble for the daily assault. She smiled, shaking her head. She knew Kuno and his cronies were idiots, but...

The warcries began as the object of their obsession appeared. "Soun! Go out with me!" "Attack of Love!" "I love you!"

One of her classmates shook her head. "Don't they know she's really a forty-three-year-old man?" She stuck her tongue out in disgust.

Nabiki smirked. "They don't care. All they care about is the rumor that she's 'easy.'"

Another one laughed as Soun was dogpiled by three members of the hockey club. "I can't believe your father is going through with this..."

"I can't believe your sister Kasumi suggested it in the first place."

Nabiki smiled fondly. "There are depths unplumbed in onee-chan. Her take-over of the Tendo family belongs in a textbook. I just about died laughing when she pulled out that package and told him, 'If you want to have Ranma's child, do it yourself.'" Nabiki said, imitating her sister flawlessly. "Remind me not to get on her bad side."

The girls of class 3-C watched the chaos below. "So, how long do you think it's going to take for your father to figure out that there's a reason why sperm banks don't use kitchen refrigerators for storage?" The first girl asked.

"I give it at least two more months," Nabiki said, smirking. "At least Akane finally figured out that there's a rear entrance to the school."

- + - + -

Kagiyama Kiyoko stepped out of the love motel, glancing around to make sure she wasn't seen by anyone from school. _'Yumi-chan is an absolute genius,'_ the succubus mused fondly. The enjo-kosei "industry" was, curiously enough, something that would've never occurred to her. Not only was she in a position to drain away all the sexual energy that had accumulated at the school building, thanks to the public school system, but it also opened up a whole other avenue than the more traditional brothel and streetwalkers. It was a point of pride that Komagata Yumi considered her skilled enough to pull of the whole 'cute girl next door' look.

The fifteen-year-old looking succubus shook her head. Of all the people who have summoned her, Yumi-chan, as the succubus and incubus had dubbed Shishio Makoto's right-hand woman, was the only one who truly understood their worth. They were not fighters. She didn't understand how _anyone_ could mistake a succubus for a powerful engine of death. Sure, her true form had claws, but that only made her slightly more powerful than the average human being. An armed human, especially one trained in combat, probably would come out on top in a straight up fight. Succubae and incubi were seducers and spies, more suited for information gathering and the slow draining of humans of their spiritual energy, rather than warriors. Yumi-chan understood this, and used them to their best advantage.

In two years, Yumi-chan's plan had come closer to opening a stable portal to Hell than any in the last two thousand. The recent war between the Hanagumi and the Black Sanctum Council had been the result of careful manipulation, designed to weaken the spiritual wards that protected the city that had once been the capital of Japan. A little energy expended in the right pace, at the right time, was all that was needed to reawaken the Kouma that slept under Kyoto. The resulting chaos had been the perfect cover to insert Yumi's agents throughout the city.

Only one blemish kept Yumi-chan from being the most brilliant master she'd had, living or undead: her blind devotion to Shishio Makoto. The man may be the motivation behind Yumi's actions, but his obsession with combat put the plan in jeopardy. The coming attack on two of the Hanagumi, no matter how dangerous the two girls were, was in her opinion foolhardy. Why draw attention to themselves unless it was absolutely necessary? Working around the Tsukigumi was hard enough.

"Kiyoko-chan? What were you doing down there?"

The succubus turned. Standing behind her, scandalized looks on their faces, were her two best friends in school. Kiyoko once again regretted Yumi-chan's directions that she was not to "corrupt" or seduce any of the children at school. The two girls were positively scrumptious. But Yumi-chan was correct that such activities might draw the attention of the Moon Division.

Pity that she wouldn't tell Shishio-sama the same thing.

Affecting an innocent expression, Kiyoko explained, "I was taking a shortcut."

Hanamori Megumi shook her head. "You've got to be more careful, Kiyoko-chan. What if some pervert had seen you there? Or the boys from school? You don't want to get a reputation, do you?"

'_Hell yes!' _Kiyoko thought. But then, such a reputation could tempt her to take more energy than was wise, drawing unwelcome attention. Better to be slow and sure. "Alright, Megumi-chan. I'll be more careful in the future."

The three girls continued walking down street. After a few minutes, Yamano Atsuko began looked over her shoulder. "I think someone's following us."

"See Kiyoko? Good thing we're here, or he'd probably try something."

Kiyoko turned and looked at the dark figure that was following them. She felt a chill run down her spine, as their shadow's way of walking triggered some vague memory. Whatever was following them was dangerous, and it wasn't human. Her concern deepened as she realized that the streets were deserted. Concern morphed into panic as the figure behind them increased its pace.

"Girls... run!"

"Wha?"

"Kiyoko-chan?"

The succubus shoved them forward. "RUN!"

Kiyoko briefly entertained the thought of outrunning her two schoolmates. It would be easy enough, but the thought of Yumi-chan's displeasure at such a tactic kept her from doing so. Oddly enough, she realized that it wasn't _just_ Yumi-chan's displeasure that kept her from using her two friends to escape. Kiyoko was shocked to realize that she'd developed real feelings for the pair.

The trio of girls came to a stop at a truck blocking the narrow street. They turned and faced the shadowy figure that had chased them, as the two human girls screamed for help. Kiyoko knew it was useless. She could feel the power emanating from their stalker, muffling their screams.

Moments later, a ruby-red glow filled the street.

- + - + -

Ranma, formerly of the Saotome clan, waited patiently for the two young women to get ready to go to the fair today. He was wearing a dark colored, yukata, with a scarlet dragon climbing up the back and over the right shoulder. He'd never considered acting to be hard work. Between physical conditioning, dance practice, and singing practice, he'd been getting almost as good a workout as martial arts. Add martial arts and tutoring to the mix, and he was definitely ready for a day off.

Of course, the company he'd be spending that day off with would definitely make the day enjoyable. Iris Chateaubriand was a delightful kid. Her natural abilities did make her a bit arrogant, but then she had every right to be. Shinguji Sakura, on the other hand, usually exhibited the quite confidence that Ranma himself was trying to cultivate. Her occasional bouts of uncertainty were simply part of her charm.

"Yen for your thoughts?" Sakura asked as she walked down the grand staircase of the Imperial Theatre. As ever, she was dressed in her cross between a kimono and the hakama/keikogi of a kendoist, the long sleeves of her pink top decorated in sakura petals.

Ranma smiled. "Just wondering what kami I've pleased to have the privilege of escorting you and Iris to the fair today."

"Aren't you Smooth-kun today," Sakura said, blushing.

Ranma shrugged. "I've been ground and polished a bit the last two weeks. Maria's a hard taskmaster."

"Yeah. Oh, I've got something for you!" Sakura fished for something tucked into her obi.

"What?"

"Ta da!" The pony-tailed girl presented a card to Ranma. "It's your license to carry."

Ranma took the card, turning it in his hand. On one side were kanji declaring that he was licensed to carry a sword. Below the kanji were a number of seals: the Imperial Family's, Nihon's state seal, and that of the Imperial Combat Troupe. On the reverse was a picture of him, which changed into her depending upon the viewing angle. Included on the card were his (and her) vital statistics.

"Thanks. Where's Iris?"

"Here I am, Onee-chan! Onii-san!" Rather than her customary frilly dress, she was wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes. The girl's long, blonde hair was hidden underneath a baseball cap. As usual, her teddy bear Jean-Paul was in her arms.

"Bonjour, mademoiselle," Ranma said, bowing to Iris. "Comment allez-Vous?"

Iris blinked in surprised, before saying excitedly, "Très bien. Et Vous-même?"

"Bien. Pourquoi portez-Vous ces vêtements?"

Sakura blinked at the pair chatting in what she assumed was French.

"Les gens me suivent quand ma grande soeur et moi sortent, ainsi je porte un déguisement."

"Je comprends."

"YOU speak French?" Ranma turned towards an incredulous looking Kanzaki Sumire. Behind the girl, Maria Tachibana and Kirishima Kanna were failing to conceal their laughter.

Ranma smirked at Sumire. "Naturellement. Est-ce que ce n'est pas le cas pour chacun?"

Rather than walking off in a huff, Sumire looked at Ranma with an expression that Sakura and Iris really didn't like. "Well... have fun on your little 'date' you three." She turned and walked away with an extra sway to her hips.

"You keep your claws off of him, Sumire!" Sakura shouted after the heir of Kanzaki Heavy Industries, much to the amusement of the two older women.

"Yeah!" Iris added.

Ranma, meanwhile, was pounding his head against one of the pillars in the lobby. Humoring a twelve-year-old girl's crush was one thing. The last thing he wanted was another Nerima-type rivalry between the two of the teen-aged members of the Hanagumi.

That's when Li Kohran walked into the lobby, staring at a clipboard and chewing absently at the end of a pencil. She walked up behind Ranma and, ignoring the looks the other girls were giving her, began taking Ranma's measurements.

"Um... Kohran? What are you doing?" He tried to ignore Iris and Sakura's glare. Something told him that Kohran didn't need to take that many measurements for whatever she was doing. "Hey!" He was fairly certain that wasn't how you measured an inseam.

"Measuring. Change please." She said, jotting down some numbers and handing him a glass of water. The two other girl's expression changed to puzzlement, causing Ranma to shrug as he dumped the glass over his head. Kohran took a second set of measurements of the now-female Ranma, jotting down more figures before she handed Ranma a thermos. The Chinese girl walked out of the lobby, oblivious to the stares she was receiving.

Turning to his companions for the day, Ranma asked, "Well... ready to go?"

- + - + -

After two false starts, one for Sakura to retrieve her sword, and one for Iris to change into a t-shirt that made her look less like a boy, the trio were off to the fair. "Um... Iris?" Sakura asked, "Where did you get that T-Shirt?"

"I borrowed it from Tsubaki-kun."

- + - + -

Meanwhile, the older two members of the Kazegumi were trying to console their sixteen-year-old comrade.

"Waah! I have the figure of a twelve year old!"

"Well," the blonde Yuri said, "She _is_ European. They are a bit bigger and bustier than most Japanese girls are."

Fujii Kasumi shook her head. They weren't having much luck.

- + - + -

After a couple of blocks, Ranma noticed a small, though growing, crowd behind them. He didn't like the mood of the crowd either.

"Don't pay attention to them, Ranma," Sakura said as she walked beside the boy. "They're just Iris' fans. I guess they recognized her."

Iris, on the other side of Ranma, giggled as she tried to find the courage to hold Ranma's hand. "They're not my fans. They're Sakura's fans... and they don't like that she's out with a boy." Seeing Sakura's shocked expression, Iris giggled again. "Maybe Onee-chan should wear a disguise too?"

Ranma sighed. "One of these days I'd like to spend the whole day at a fair male."

Sakura glanced at Ranma, puzzled.

Ranma favored her with a resigned smile. "Instant disguise, just add water," he explained.

Iris giggled. "On three, Onee-chan?" The girl whispered.

"Yes... do you want to carry Iris, Ranma?"

"Sure."

"Good... one... two..." Sakura turned around, and bowed to the crowd. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I regret to inform you, THREE!"

She turned and ran for the nearest alley, Ranma following close behind her as he carried Iris in his arms. The male martial artist tried to ignore the kid laughing and going "Whee!" The pair of martial artists jumped a tall fence, leaving the pursuing crowd behind.

A few minutes later, a now female Ranma was busy adjusting the fit of her yukata. Linking arms with the taller girl on her right and the shorter girl on the left, Ranma smiled and said, "Let's go to the fair!"

- + - + -

The Kyoto Fair was a huge amusement park. There were plenty of rides to go on, shows to watch, games to play, and food to eat. The three girls ran from one thrill ride to another, screaming in mock-terror on several roller coasters and one merry-go-round, much to Iris' amusement and the confusion of some younger children.

Giggling like the schoolgirl she resembled, Ranma leaned towards Iris and whispered, "Do you see anything you like in that booth?" Iris turned to look where Ranma was pointing, and saw a "Guess your weight" game.

"I like that necklace, Onii-chan."

"Then I'll see if I can win it for you, Iris," Ranma said with a wink. Iris watched as Ranma joined the line of people waiting for their turn.

- + - + -

Yamada Ichiro had been running the "Guess your Weight" booth at various fairs around the country for five years now. He had gotten very good at estimating people's weight, so when he saw the red-head standing in line, he decided to score some points with her, allowing her to win some stuffed animal or something. She was with two other girls, so she was probably available, and he was nearing the end of his shift. If he could get on her good side...

The girl passed an ornate pole, allowing him to determine that her height was about 147 centimeters. The light yukata did nothing to hide the girl's stunning figure, so he calculated that the girl weighed about 43-44 kilograms. He then subtracted two kilograms from her weight. She would be flattered that he thought she was so slender, and it would allow her choice of some cheap, stuffed animal.

Ichiro subconsciously subtracted an extra kilogram from his estimate when she began to subtly flirt with him. Declaring to the watching audience that, "the pretty girl couldn't weigh more than 40 kilos," he permitted her to step on the scale. His jaw dropped when the scale passed 40, skipped over 50, and landed firmly at 61 kilograms. Seeing his expression, she casually removed her yukata and dropped it off to the side. Much to his disappointment, and many of the men in the crowd, she had black tights, slippers, and a red tank-top underneath. Much to his great disappointment, and the crowd's amusement, it only dropped her weight by kilo. After getting dressed again, she claimed her prize, an expensive necklace with a crystal teddy bear charm on it.

Any hope of earning points was crushed when the necklace went around the neck of the younger girl in the group, earning the redhead a kiss on the cheek. The taller girl also gave the redhead girl an appreciative kiss as well. Ichiro found out later that the redhead decimated the gaming booths at the fair, winning expensive prizes for her companions.

He wasn't sure why, but he suddenly wondered if that girl had a pig-tailed cousin in Tokyo...

- + - + -

As the three girls enjoyed their day off, they were unaware that unfriendly eyes were watching their every move. "Why don't we just attack and get it over with, Usui?" Honjo Kamatari whined as... he... pouted cutely. He was wearing a very cute, and feminine, yukata. Thanks to an enchantment, his weapon looked just like a necklace with a very odd looking charm. Usui refused to speculate on how the man created the illusion of cleavage.

"We weren't expecting them to have company. We should wait until we are able to assess her threat level."

"It's just Kirishima Kanna. She isn't that much of a threat to any of us."

"It's not Kirishima Kanna," Maul whispered from beneath his hood. Usui wasn't sure why the heavily cloaked demon wasn't attracting any attention, but he wasn't about to look a gift-horse in the mouth.

"How many red headed martial artists do you think there are in Kyoto, who just happen to know the Hanagumi, Maul-chan?"

"She's too short, and her figure isn't muscular enough."

"I've always said the data we had on her was exaggerated. Japanese women don't grow to be two meters tall."

"It's not Kirishima."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Would you two shut up?" Usui glared at the pair, his mismatched eyes glinting like agates. "It doesn't matter who she is, she'll die like the other two. Let's get close. Kamatari, you take the redhead. I'll take Shinguji, and Maul will take little Iris."

"I can't," Maul whispered.

"What?"

"The girl is too young, and if we attack now, innocents might be harmed."

Kamatari rolled his eyes towards the sky. "You're a demon, Maul-chan. You shouldn't care about the girl's age _or_ innocents getting caught in the crossfire."

"Nether the less, I am as I am."

Uonuma Usui asked himself, for the third time today, whether truly joining Shishio was worth his new eyes and a new lease on "life." All he needed was for Iwanbo to show up again, and he'd go back to Hell and throw himself into the burning pit Shishio had pulled him out of. Dealing with "Little Naughtykin's" prized demon and Scythe-chan was more torture than he could bear some times.

"Why on earth would you set our pet demon," Kamatari ignored Maul's growl at being called a 'pet,' "on the youngest anyways? Shinguji has got to be the greatest threat, isn't she?"

Usui's explanation was interrupted by a young girl shouting, "Jean-Paul!"

- + - + -

Sakura and Ranma were sitting on a bench, waiting for Iris to fetch some ice-cream cones. "I'm getting confused," Ranma said. "Does Iris have a crush on me? Or is she playing matchmaker between the two of us?"

Sakura smiled. "A little of both, I believe." The girl waved at Iris in the line for the ice-cream booth.

Ranma turned towards Sakura when a crowd of fairgoers blocked her view. "Why did you tell Iris to choose your flavor?"

"Because I don't like ice-cream."

"Sacrilege."

Sakura stuck out her tongue, grimacing. "It tastes nice enough, but afterwards my tummy always hurts..."

A young girl shouted, "Jean-Paul!"

Sakura blinked. That didn't sound like Iris. Ranma began swearing.

"Give me back Jean-Paul!"

That _did _sound like Iris.

A dark look on her face, Ranma stood up. "Come on. I am so glad I got over that 'don't hit female martial artists' thing. I'm gonna rearrange that klepto's face."

Behind the crowd, the first voice shouted out, "Jean-Paul is Azusa's Jean-Paul, and he wants to go home with Mommy."

Sakura began pushing their way through the watching crowd. "Oh, excuse me. Please, let me through. Pardon me." She wasn't having much luck.

Ranma was much more successful making her way through. She wasn't interested in politeness. She had an annoying airhead to pummel, and it didn't take the onlookers too long to figure out it wasn't a good idea to get in her way.

"GIVE ME BACK JEAN-PAUL!" The force of Iris' cry cracked the sidewalk a good meter around her. It knocked over the onlookers and Sakura, staggered Ranma, and damaged glass windows within at least thirty. Shiratori Azusa, light brown hair a mess, and her overly cute outfit looking almost ready to fall off her body, trembling handed the amazingly unscathed teddy bear back to the blonde French girl.

- + - + -

Usui turned towards the stunned crossdresser. "Any other dumb questions?"

- + - + -

After a light lunch, Ranma saw Sakura's eyes light up. Following her gaze, she saw that there was a Karaoke contest about to start. "Oh, let's play."

Iris rolled her eyes. "Onee-chan, we're professionals."

"We don't have to compete to play, Iris-chan. And Ranma's an amateur..."

Iris nodded, "That's true."

Ranma began to sweatdrop, "Leave me out of this."

The redhead took a step back as the two girls unleashed their dual "cute puppy-dog eyes" attack. "Alright... I'll play."

The two girls cheered.

- + - + -

Ten minutes later, the trio of girls was waiting in line, disks holding their selected songs in their hands. Sakura, an impish grin gracing her face, suddenly said, "Hey, I know what would be fun."

Iris turned to look at the girl behind her, "What would, onee-chan?" Ranma, behind Sakura, began to have a bad feeling about the whole thing.

"Why don't we trade songs? That way, we'd all be singing something we normally wouldn't."

Iris shrugged, "Why not." The French girl looked around Sakura at Ranma. "Onii-chan?"

The bad feeling upgraded to Defcon 2. "Alright. Who sings what?"

Sakura thought for a second, before asking, "Iris? Would you like to sing Ranma's or my song?"

"Yours, onee-chan!"

Sakura handed Iris her disk. "OK, you give Ranma your song, and I'll take Ranma's."

Several disks changed hands, and the three girls looked at labels on the disks.

Ranma sweatdropped when she saw the title. "Don't tell me, Iris, you're a Sailor V fan." An excited looking Iris nodded vigorously.

Sakura looked at the disk in her hand in horror. "This... this is in _English_."

Seeing the less than enthused expression on her companions, Iris looked at her own disk. Seeing the title, she whined, "Onee-chan..."

Sakura didn't notice. "Ranma... why did you chose a song in English?"

Ranma shrugged, "My English is finally good enough to do that song justice." Her gaze returned morosely to the song in her head. "Iris, I don't suppose you'd let me sing the ending theme from this movie, would you?"

Iris affected a hurt look. "But I _like_ that song!"

Sakura still didn't notice. She was still panicking over Ranma's song selection. "Ranma... can't I do a different song?"

Ranma smirked, "Only if Iris lets me do a different one."

Iris looked at Sakura, who was staring at her with cute puppy-dog eyes. She turned to Ranma, who was turning on her own overly cute, optimistic expression. "Will Sakura-onee-chan also choose a different song?"

Sakura's expression turned tragic briefly. "But I _like_ that song!"

Iris wasn't about to change _her_ song. Iris decided to fight fire with fire.

The employee in charge of the Karaoke machine and several male contestants had the privilege of witnessing the first ever Anything Goes Cute Puppy-Dog Eyes contest. It wasn't much of a contest, unfortunately. Iris had the advantage of not only being a child, but in Ranma's case, female. The two older teens didn't have a chance.

Neither did the men, who passed out from an overdose of kawaii.

- + - + -

Iris strode onto the stage, microphone in hand. The music had been loaded, and the lyrics were ready to scroll across the screen near the floor at the edge of the stage. She didn't need the prompter, of course. She was very familiar with Sakura's favorite song. She just considered it to be hugely immodest to be one's biggest fan.

As the opening fanfare began to play, and the audience began cheering when they realized who was performing, and _what_ she'd be performing, Iris prepared to sing a song she'd sworn she'd never perform in public:

Hikisaita yami ga hoe furueru teito ni  
ai no uta takaraka ni odorideru senshi-tachi

- + - + -

Aino Minako was a woman on a mission. Somewhere in the Kyoto Fair was her cousin, Ranma. As a woman on a mission, she had to dress the part. Which explained why she was wearing an outfit from the hero of a pulp detective novel. She skulked through the grounds, looking for a familiar face... or more accurately two familiar faces. She was quite proud of the fact that she had managed to avoid the temptation of the various rides and games around her.

However, the huge volume of cheering, and several cries of "We love you, Iris!" coming from the Karaoke contest attracted her attention. Wondering what on earth could provoke that reaction, she climbed quickly to a walkway that overlooked the amphitheatre where the contest was taking place. There, she saw a young blonde Caucasian girl singing in Japanese.

inochi sae koutetsu ni chikaiau otome  
aku wo kirisutete seigi wo shimesu no da

hashire kousoku no teikoku kagekidan  
unare shougeki no teikoku kagekidan

Turning towards one of the onlookers, Minako asked, "Wow... she's popular. Who is she?"

The young man looked surprised at her ignorance. "That is one of the angels of the Imperial Theatre, young Iris Chateaubriand."

Minako blinked in surprise. Maybe she should introduce herself after the girl finished her song. They'd be working together, after all.

Iris finished her song, bowing to the excited audience. A girl in an odd looking kimono with a pink top and blue bottom replaced young Iris. "Sugoi! Shinguji Sakura's going to be singing too! This is incredible!" The young man leaned dangerously over the railing in an effort to get a closer look.

Minako heard Sakura hesitantly address the excited crowd. "I'm not very fluent in English yet, so I hope you'll forgive me if I don't do this song justice..."

There's a vision in your heart

Only you can achieve

You can climb the highest mountains

If you only believe

'_She's not bad... the accent is very noticeable, but her English is better than Rei's, I think. She doesn't quite have a handle on the difference between "R" and "L" yet.'_ Minako thought critically. _'Not a bad singer, either. It's obvious she's been trained, but I believe she's still rather new to this. Of course, so am I.'_

The teen finished to wild applause. Blushing, the girl bowed, and then addressed the audience. "And now, it's my pleasure to announce the Kyoto debut of a friend of ours. If you're very friendly, we might be able to coax him onto stage later." The crowd chuckled politely. "Everyone, I give you, Ranma!"

Minako straightened up in surprise as a curvy redhead stepped onto stage. Against all odds, she'd found her cousin! After all, what were the odds that two short, buxom redheads named Ranma would just happen to be at the Kyoto Fair on today of all days?

The girl smiled as Ranma pretended to glare at the two actresses waiting at the side of the stage. "Sakura-chan?"

"Yes, Ranma-chan?"

"I want you to remember one thing."

"What's that?"

"Two o-clock, tomorrow."

"Eep!" Ponytail standing impossibly on end, the older girl ducked behind the younger one, pushing the blonde forward. "Iris chose the song!"

A second later, the blonde was behind her friend, pushing the brunette forward, "But it was your idea to swap songs in the first place!"

The crowd obviously thought this was hilarious, and it took a few moments to stop laughing at the antics of the girls on stage. Signaling the guy off stage, Ranma raised the microphone as the music began to play.

kami ga sora ni moeagaru

karada ga honoo no you yo

Minako blinked. It was the battle-theme from the third Sailor V movie. She _loved_ that song. Though Ranma was clearly unhappy with the song she was singing, her cousin was at least doing it justice.

nee watashi-tachi yarukkyanai ne

onna no ko no junjou misete yaru no yo

nani ga nan de mo ganbaranakutcha

mune ni chikau ai no senshi yo

Ignoring the young man who was gushing over what a looker her cousin was, Minako hurried to get to the exit from the stage. She didn't want her cousin to get away.

- + - + -

Bowing to the crowd, Ranma made her way off stage. Seeing the worried looks Iris and Sakura were giving her, she smiled reassuringly. Sure, the song was embarrassingly girly, but it could've been worse. Iris could've selected the opening theme of "Sailor Stars."

"Well, what next? We're close to the Rails of Death."

Iris looked down at her feet, "Onii-chan? You're not upset about the song, are you?"

"Nah... Life's too short to hold a grudge longer than 24 hours."

That earned another "Eep!" from Sakura. Ranma's grin didn't reassure the Kendo-ka much either. It was far too predatory.

Ranma held that grin until she couldn't keep from laughing at Sakura's panicked expression. Iris started laughing as well, which in turn infected Sakura, who began to chuckle ruefully. This lasted until a young blonde girl wearing shades, a trenchcoat, and a battered fedora slid up behind Ranma, covering the redhead's eyes with an impish grin and a "Guess who?"

"Mika?"

The girl grinned. "Nope!"

"Akiko?"

"Nope!"

"Daigo? Akie? Midori? Natsuko?"

"Nope, nope, nope!"

Sakura and Iris glared at Ranma. He's had _that_ many girlfriends? So many that he couldn't even guess who this one was? And the girl seemed _happy_ about it?

The oddly dressed blonde, grinning like a maniac, shouted out, "Wai! My cousin's so manly!" The two Hanagumi found themselves kissing the pavement.

"Minako-chan!" Ranma turned around and gave the taller girl a big hug. Sakura's embarrassment over their public display of affection became irritation when the pair's hug didn't end after a few seconds. Said irritation morphed into outrage when Minako's hands drifted downwards.

- + - + -

"She's your cousin?" Sakura asked, for the third time. The pair nodded. "_First_ cousin, right?" She asked for the second time. They seemed a bit too affectionate for cousins.

Ranma nodded. "Yep. So, what are you doing in Kyoto, Minako-chan?" They'd managed to find a rather isolated part of the park for their talk.

"Why on earth did you have to cut your hair?" Minako said, trying to pull it back into a short ponytail. "That pigtail you had was absolutely adorable."

"It was supposed to be a disguise, but it clearly isn't working, so I'm going to let it grow out again."

"You'd be surprised how Gramps keeps track of us grandkids. He gave me recent photos of both your boy side and your girl side and everything. Anyways, for the next two months, I'll be at the Imperial Theatre..."

"You're one of the actresses that's supposed to be joining us _temporarily?_" Sakura asked. Iris didn't miss the emphasis on the last word.

Minako apparently did. "Yep. My agent arranged it. I came early because I'd heard that Ranma was in Kyoto, so I could give him this!" The blonde reached into a pocked of her trenchcoat, and pulled out a scroll.

Puzzled, Ranma unrolled it and read its contents, Iris and Sakura looking over her shoulder. After a few seconds, Ranma began glancing from Minako and the scroll, clearly confused.

Minako began to look worried, "What's wrong?"

Sakura began reading out loud from the scroll, " 'Kako-chan. Your lips are like honey... come, let me taste of them?' 'Oh, Seiko-chan?' What's that picture supposed to be of, anyway?"

Iris stated, "I don't get it."

Ranma turned the scroll 180 degrees.

Sakura, blushing madly, covered Iris' eyes with a startled, "Oh, my goodness!"

"Eep! Wrong scroll. That's a page from a doujinshi I've been working on." Blushing, Minako hurriedly grabbed the scroll from Ranma's hand, replacing it with another from her trenchcoat.

Ranma read the second scroll. "Aunt and Uncle Jino are willing to adopt me?"

Grinning, Minako nodded.

"Why not your parents?"

"Because of Artemis, my cat."

Jumping slightly, Ranma said, "Ah."

Minako leaned into Ranma. "So, why exactly are you in the company of two rather beautiful, young actresses? And why did it sound like you're involved with the Imperial Theatre?"

"I've been training some of them."

"In what, martial arts?"

"Yes."

Minako turned to the two actresses. "What did you guys need to study martial arts for?"

Sakura smiled, "The Imperial Theatre is also the home of the Imperial Combat Troupe. Our primary mission is to deal with the Kouma, evil spirits that sometimes threaten the city."

"You guys are all warriors?"

"Everyone, don't think of an elephant."

Sakura and Iris stared at Ranma due to her rather unusual non-sequitor. The older blonde blushed for some reason, glancing at Ranma's lap.

"There's three rather dangerous individuals trying to surround us. I don't think they mean us well. Iris, I want you to grab Minako and teleport her back to the Theatre, then get Maria, Kana, and Sumire and teleport back here. Sakura and I will try to lead them to somewhere we can fight without endangering anyone."

Minako hesitated, "But..."

"Yes, onii-chan!"

As covertly as possible, Sakura began to loosen the drawstrings of the bag concealing her sword. The three menacing individuals began to close, weapons mysteriously appearing in their hands. The woman wielded a huge chain scythe. One of the men had produced a large shield resembling a tortoise shell and a short polearm. The last man, who somehow had managed to be inconspicuous despite the heavy cloak and hood he was wearing, produced a weapon that sent a shiver of fear down Ranma's spine. Somehow, she knew that being hit with that thing would not be in her best interests.

"Sakura, I think you'd better concentrate on the girl. That one in the cloak is a demon, and I think the one with the shield is the one who has been slaughtering yakuza. I've got a technique that's good for multiple opponents, and I'm better suited to fight demons than you are."

"Right."

Minako began to gnaw on her lower lip as young Iris began edging close to her. She wasn't sure what, exactly, was happening, but two things were obvious: her cousin and the others were in trouble, and secret identities really sucked at times.

Next chapter teaser:

"Hi, Aino Minako here. I can't believe I'm about to be teleported to safety. Me! Sailor Venus! And three of the Juppongatana are closing in on my family and his friends, and there's a demon on the prowl. THIS SUCKS! How will I save the day from across town? Turn in next time for, 'The Juppongatana Strike!' The next chapter of Rurouni Ranma!"

Author's Notes:

Again, my apologies for not getting back to this fic sooner. I was having too much fun playing CIV: Warlords, trying to fix my original fanfic (this one was originally my writer's block story), and reading other people's fics.


	9. Chapter 8a

Disclaimer: If anyone thinks I own Ranma ½, Sailor Moon, Sakura Wars, Devil Hunter, or Rurouni Kenshin... I've got a bridge to sell you.

As always, thanks to J. St.C. Patrick from fukufics dot com for double checking my grammar and spelling.

Rurouni Ranma,

Chapter 8.5 - Recap, Godanner Style

In the Imperial Theatre of Kyoto, lights suddenly came on, illuminating the empty stage. From either side rushed a man and a woman, hurriedly making final adjustments to their clothing. One was a tall, handsome man in traditional swordsman garb. The other was a young woman with a traditional looking kimono of a most untraditional cut.

"Hello. I am Shishio Makoto," the man said, somewhat menacingly.

"And I am Komagata Yumi," the woman said with a graceful bow.

"No you're not, you're Kanzaki Sumire."

"Well, yes... but you must admit that Komagata-san and I share many unique qualities."

Shishio looked at the girl skeptically. "Leaving aside the fact that if you share these qualities, they're not exactly unique, could you provide some examples?"

Sumire tossed her head arrogantly. "Well, for starters, we are both extremely beautiful women..."

"No. Yumi is a beautiful woman. You are a cute teenager. You've got still got quite a few years of growing up before you qualify as a woman. In addition..."

"Hey! What are you doing, you pervert?"

"I'd say you have some filling out to do as well," Shishio said with a smirk.

Glaring at the man who'd groped her, Sumire continued her list. "Second, Yumi-san and I share similar tastes in kimono."

"True. But I must say that Yumi's is a lot more daring than yours are. Your kimono is held up by its fit and..."

"Will you leave my chest alone?!"

"Double sided tape? Yumi's is held up through sheer willpower."

With an irritated toss of her head, Sumire said, "We both work in the entertainment industry..."

"That's really stretching things a bit, don't you think?"

"Hmph. Maybe we should continue with the recap?"

Shishio nodded. "Sure. The author would like to apologize for the extreme lateness of this update. He would like to say that between car and computer problems, projects at work, a sprained wrist, and other real-life issues, he hasn't been able to do much work on his own fanfiction..."

"But the fact of the matter is she's been overdosing on Harry Potter fanfiction, mostly epics, and especially fics written by Rorschach's Blot and Nonjon. When he hasn't been playing Civilization IV... Evil Genius... Tomb Raider: Anniversary... Dungeon Keeper II (which she finally figured out to work with Windows XP)... and far too many flash games, of course."

"Not to mention all the webcomics he's added to his reading list."

Sumire nodded. "True. On those rare instances she's been writing fanfiction, she'd add only a scene or two... usually on some other fic she's set down a chapter or two on. Combined with a great deal of uncertainty over how he wanted the coming battle to proceed, the complete lack of notes for this story, and how she keeps skipping around chronologically when writing, I'm surprised he's even gotten this far."

Shishio looked at Sumire in confusion. "Why do you keep switching your pronouns like that?"

"Well... the author has never identified his gender, and I don't want to offend her by choosing the wrong one. Since the only gender-neutral pronoun in the English language is 'it,' I wouldn't want offend her that way either. Let's not even get into the absurdity of so called 'politically correct' made up gender-neutral pronouns like 'hir' or 'si.' I mean, they look and sound ridiculous, and the same effect can be done simply by switching between male and female pronouns, and..."

Shishio pointed offstage. "Sumire, I think that guy wants his crate back."

As Sumire stepped down, the much aggrieved delivery guy from Happy Soap Land grumpily walked onto the stage, and retrieved his missing box. Tying it to the back of the bike, he sullenly pedaled away.

Kanzaki Sumire shuddered. "I feel so dirty."

"I guess you weren't stretching things after all," Makoto ignored the glare coming from the young actress. "Shall we continue?"

"Please."

"Where were we? Oh yeah, the recap."

Sumire smiled, "Because so much time has passed since the author has updated this fic, we, the cast and crew of Rurouni Ranma, have decided to do a recap of the salient points of this fic."

Shishio pulled out a remote. "And to make things more interesting, we thought we'd do it in the style of the Godanner trailer." He pointed the remote offstage and pressed a button.

With a startled yelp, Sumire fell forward. Seconds later, various outraged female voices could be heard.

Kanzaki Sumire: "What… in… the… hell?"

Maria Tachibana: "tchyo za galima?"

Kirishima Kanna: "What the hell is this?"

Tendo Akane: "Hah! Ranma can't say I'm flat chested now!"

Tendo Kasumi: "Oh, my!"

Iris Chateaubriand: "Onii-chan! Look! Iris is all grown up!"

Ohgami Ichiro: "Gah!"

Jino (Saotome) Ranma (girl type): "Hot water! Hot water!"

Li Kohran: "Ah! The Koubu! They've been defaced!"

Fujii Kasumi: "Now that's just sick. What kind of freak would give a twelve year old breasts that big?"

Takamura Tsubaki: "Waah! She's still got a better figure than me!"

Fujii Kasumi: "She's a prepubescent. She's not supposed to HAVE a figure!"

Sakakibara Yumi: "This is Japan. By western standards, she's eleven."

Tsubaki: "That makes it even worse!"

Maria: "Technically, she's still ten. It's not her birthday for another two weeks."

Tsubaki: "Waaaaah!"

Fujii Kasumi: "Maria-san. You're not helping."

Kohran: "My poor babies! You didn't deserve this!"

Kamiya Kenji (girl type): "Why did I agree to this? Ow."

Tendo Kasumi: "Because of (unintelligible whisper)."

Kenji: "Oh yeah. That."

Akane: "Pervert."

Commander Yoneda: "Ohgami, my boy, you're far too high strung. Here, have a drink with me, and just try to enjoy the moment."

Sub-Commander Ayame: "Sakura-kun, are you okay?"

Shinguji Sakura: "Wrap's... too... tight... can't... breathe..."

Kohran: "Why on earth would anyone put breasts on the Koubu?"

Kanna: "Why would anyone make sure that they bounced?"

Aino Minako: "I don't see what everyone's complaining about."

Mano Yohko: "You're lucky that the Senshi uniform has all that support around the chest. I'd knock myself out if I jumped around like that."

Ranma (boy type): "Someone's gonna to pay for this! My girl-side is top heavy as it is!"

A slender, well-toned arm reached up and dragged Shishio down by his hakama, off camera. "Change... us... back... now!" Moments later, Sumire stood up, readjusting her kimono. "Don't ever do that again," She growled as Shishio Makoto stood up.

"Ow… right. Shall we try this again?"

"Do you have the right remote this time?"

"Yep."

Shishio pushed another button, which started up the Godanner theme. On the screen behind the pair, the words "Previously on Rurouni Ranma" were displayed. Shisho and Kanzaki moved to either side of the screen as the theatre dimmed.

Sumire: "Because so much time has passed since Rurouni Ranma last updated, we thought this would be a good time to remind everyone of what has happened before."

Shishio (sotto voce): "Not to mention create some notes for the author to use."

Picture of Ranma.

Shishio:"This is Ranma, heir of the Saotome Clan. He had been engaged by his father to one of the daughters of Tendo Soun…"

Picture of the Tendo girls.

Shishio: "Kounji Ukyo…"

Picture of Ukyo

Shishio: "… and who knows how many other young women."

Picture of the silhouettes of several dozen young women.

Sumire: "This was made possible because the Saotome Clan, as a family of martial artists, was as famous for their high intelligence, creativity, ki abilities, and adaptability as they are for their pride, greed, sloth, lust, and gluttony. These undesirable traits are due to a family curse that was placed on Saotome Ichima…

Picture of a man in late 12th Century armor who vaguely resembles Ranma.

Sumire: "…eight hundred years ago, for the crime of accepting a bribe that resulted in the looting of a shrine where he was the captain of the guard. The offended kami cursed the family of the actual thief, one Hibiki Aoga…

Picture of a man, dressed in black, pulling off a mask. The man vaguely resembles Ryouga.

Sumire: "…with envy and wrath."

Shishio: "It is a little known fact that Hibiki had wanted the captain of the guard position, as well as Saotome's wife…"

Picture of a gorgeous woman in ancient clothing.

Shishio: "…and had framed the man. The guard that was actually bribed enjoyed the rice, sake, money, and lifetime pass to a local brothel."

Picture of a man surrounded by a large group of scantily clad women, a bottle of sake in one hand.

Shishio: "After discovering that his mother was accepting money from one of the local lunatics…"

Picture of Kuno Kodachi.

Shishio: "…to be his mistress, Ranma renounced his family name, and went ronin. A Saotome going ronin is considered a prime candidate for marriage by many of the oldest, wealthiest, and most powerful families of Japan."

Pictures of large industrial complexes, mansions, office buildings, temples, shrines, and dojo complexes.

Sumire, frowning: "These include Kanzaki family, of Kanzaki Heavy Industries and the Tenou family…"

Pictures of Kanzaki Sumire and Tenou Haruka as Sailor Uranus

Sumire: "Not to mention the families that Ranma is related to, which include the Kaiou and Aino families, plus several other families that have yet to be identified."

Pictures of Kaiou Michiru as Sailor Neptune and Aino Minako as Sailor Venus

Shishio, smiling lecherously: "After being seduced by Tendo Kasumi before he left…"

Picture of Tendo Kasumi, flashing a 'V' sign, and wearing a sash reading, "Winner of the Fiancée Race."

Shishio: "Ranma stopped by the local fertility clinic to leave a few 'deposits,' one of which went to Cologne in exchange for annulling the marriage between him and Shampoo. The rest was sold at auction for a lot of money."

Picture of many silhouetted pregnant women.

Sumire: "Kasumi herself staged a coup against her own father, overthrowing his status as patriarch of the Tendo clan. It didn't take her long to attract scores of interested young men, eventually settling upon one of the younger scions of the Kamiya family, Kenji. When Tendo Soun and his friend Saotome Genma nearly bankrupt the family acquiring a sample of Ranma's sperm, in order to impregnate one of his daughter's, Kasumi politely told her father, 'If you want to have Ranma's baby, do it yourself,' before kicking him out of the house."

Shishio: "Unfortunately for everyone's state of mind, the man actually took her advice. Kasumi later took pity on her newest sister, and allowed the teen-aged, female Soun to come home... and insisted that she go to Furinkan, where she became the latest target of the Hentai Horde."

Picture of a teenaged female Soun fighting off a horde of hormone crazed boys.

Sumire: "After taking his leave of Tokyo, Ranma teamed up with Mano Yohko and the Chan family..."

Picture of a classic team-up pose with Mano Yohko, Ranma, and Jackie Chan in the front, and Kanzai Azusa, Uncle, Touruu, and Jade Chan in the back.

Sumire: "Together, the group successfully fought off an invasion of youma…"

Clip of Ranma sending a tall, gaunt monster into the sky with a Hiryuu Shouten Ha

Sumire: "Ranma became a non-traditional magical girl…"

Clip of Ranma wielding a katana, dressed in ancient looking armor, and blasting a group of youma with a tidal wave of earth.

Sumire: "…and sealed the portal the youma had used to enter our world."

Shishio, again smiling lecherously: "In the process, Ranma and Yohko got close. Very close, if you know what I mean."

Picture of a silhouette of Yohko and female Ranma in a very intimate position.

Sumire: "Which almost ended badly once they got to Yohko's home and found out that she was one of his fiancées, as well as the fact that Yohko failed to mention the 'no sex with guys' clause of her powers. In time, the two became friends and training partners, with a few benefits on the side."

Picture of towel clad Yohko and male Ranma cuddling in the furo.

Shishio: "Their little idyll ended when Shampoo, furious over what was being said at home, caught up with Ranma. Shampoo and Yohko fought, with Yohko winning easily."

Clip of Shampoo being blasted by an imploding attempt at a Hiryuu Shouten Ha.

Shishio: "The fight was observed by Cologne and a distant cousin of Mousse, who agreed to make an attempt pursue Ranma romantically in exchange for Amazon knowledge that had been lost after her ancestors left the tribe."

Sumire: "Not wanting his problems to interfere with Yohko's activities as a devil hunter, Ranma left in search of his next fiancée, hoping to make amends for what his father had done. He caught up with her in Kyoto, where she was a member of the Imperial Combat Troupe, Flower Division, whose cover was an all female acting troupe at the Imperial Theatre."

Picture six women and one man standing in front of seven steam-powered mecha. Back row: Kirishima Kanna, Maria Tachibana, Ohgami Ichiro (the sole male). Front Row: Kanzaki Sumire, Shinguji Sakura, Li Kohran, Iris Chateabriand.

Sumire: "Ranma quickly found out that her magical girl powers were pretty much useless against the Kouma and their mechanized counterparts, the Wakiji. Ranma also was drafted into help training not just his fiancée, Kirishima Kanna…"

Picture of the huge Kanna towering over male Ranma.

Sumire: "… but the rest of the martial artists as well. Not to mention getting trained to perform in our next production. Time passed quickly…"

Shishio: "You forgot something."

Sumire: "No I didn't."

Shishio: "Sure you did."

Picture of a relationship chart, featuring Ranma, Sakura, Sumire, Kohran, and Iris.

Shishio: "Ranma also quickly found himself the object d'amore of several of the Hanagumi. Sakura and Iris quickly developed crushes, Kohran was being pressured by Cologne in order to secure the Amazon secrets she needed to develop the next generation of steam-powered Koubu, and Sumire was ordered to throw her hat into the ring by her grandfather."

Sumire: "I hardly see where that's important…"

Shishio: "Kohran has already created a prototype of a device she called the Theta Driver, which enhances a martial artist's ki and allows it to be used to enhance an ordinary mecha's abilities. It was installed in a Bonta-class powered armor to demonstrate its capabilities to the anti-terrorist mercenary force Mithril…"

Clip of Bonta-Kun performing such attacks as the Kachu Tenshin Amagurikan, the Bakusai Tenketsu, and a ki attack.

Shishio: "Meanwhile, Sailor Pluto…"

Picture of Meiou Setsuna as Sailor Pluto.

Shishio: "…had sealed the gates of time in preparation of a temporal Nexus, a convergence in time after which time travelers could not change the past. Having spent several millennia setting up the foundations of her Crystal Tokyo, several future versions of herself arrived, anticipating a vacation as they waited to vanish one by one as events within the nexus cemented one particular version of Crystal Tokyo… and laughing at their present self as she coped with those events. Much to all four Plutos' dismay, two other Sailor Plutos appeared…"

Picture of Kamiya (Tendo) Kasumi and the redheaded Meiou Megumi, both dressed as Sailor Pluto.

Shishio: "… suggesting that Crystal Tokyo wasn't as set in stone as they thought. The four Setsunas found themselves competing against the other two in an attempt set the stage for the future, which included keeping Ranma away from the Inner Senshi. Not only was the 'Senshi brawl for Ranma' still a possibility, but it appeared that Tenou Haruka might possibly join in."

Picture of Tenou Haruka with a note saying "Lesbian with bisexual tendencies" pointing at her.

Shishio: "To make matters worse for the Sailors Pluto, Kamiya Kasumi had not only arranged to turn Ranma into a magical girl, but had also made steps to introduce the Hanagumi to the Sailor Senshi by way of Ranma's cousin Aino Minako, as well as the Nerima Wrecking Crew, by way of Kasumi's little sister and Ranma's ex fiancée Akane. Things got even more complex when Tendo Kasumi and her currently female fiancé Kamiya Kenji ended up joining Akane on her trip to Kyoto. And let's not forget Mano Yohko and her quest to lose her virginity by Ranma, and her kohai Kanzai Azusa, as on their way to Kyoto as well."

Map of Japan with three dotted lines converging on Kyoto. Pictures of Mano Yohko, Tendo Akane, Kasumi, and female Kamiya Kenji, and Aino Minako were attached to the lines.

Sumire: "To add to the confusion, (and giving the author many headaches,) having solidified his conquest of a section of Hell, Shishio Makoto, aided by his lover Komagata Yumi, his new Juppangatana, and a horde of sex-demons, had been covertly invading Kyoto with plans to opening a permanent portal to Hell."

Picture of Shishio and the new Juppangatana. Front Row, seated: Shishio Makoto and Komagata Yumi. Second Row: Sadojima Houji, Honjo Kamatari, Uonuma Usui, Saizuchi, Kariwa Henya

Third Row: Maul, Gharak of the Bloody Hand, and two silhouettes with question marks in their centers.

Shishio: "Ranma, meanwhile, had acquired two sensei. The first was Maria, who is teaching him acting, singing, dancing, as well as etiquette. The second was Yuukyuuzan Anji, who was teaching him martial arts, as well as ways of reconciling Buddhism with the way of a warrior. Having joined a temple in Kyoto following his release from prison, Anji has, after nearly a hundred years of service, become known as 'the Timeless Monk.' Part of his duties at the temple is running the orphanage."

Picture of many laughing young children gathered around the smiling, huge, muscle-bound man.

Sumire: "When last we left our hero, he had, in female form, went to an amusement park with Sakura and Iris. Unknown to them, they were being stalked by three members of the Juppongatana. There, she had met up with her cousin Minako. As they were getting reacquainted, Kamatari, Usui, and Maul moved in to the attack."

Picture of the three Juppongatana approaching Ranma, Minako, Sakura, and Iris, weapons in hand.

Shishio: "Which is where the last chapter left off."

Shishio Makoto pointed his remote offstage again, which turned off the music, and brought the lights back up. As the lights came back on, Sumire and Shishio walked back to center stage. With a sigh, Sumire said, "Thank goodness that's over. Now all we have left are a few author's notes."

Shishio Makoto glanced at his copy of the notes. "First things first, the following changes have been retconned into the fic, since the author is too damn lazy to bother changing previous chapters."

"The Jino family now the main family, with the Aino family its cadet branch," Sumire recited. "For some complex legal reason that there is no need to get into, the eldest son of the family married into the Aino family, while the younger daughter retained the Jino name when she married."

Shishio frowned. "You mean because the author didn't think things…"

"I said there's no reason to get into it. In addition, Yohko and Nodoka are related to the Jino family, not the Aino family."

Shishio nodded. "Second, the Hanagumi will no longer be performing a stage version of Disney's Sleeping Beauty. They will instead be performing an English adaptation of the extremely popular Meiji-era western-style musical 'The Tragedy of Makoto and Yumi,' by Honjo Kamatari..." He gave the teenaged girl beside him a glare.

A completely innocent looking Sumire smiled winsomely back at him. "What?"

"You know, I just thought of one quality that Yumi has that you lack."

"What is it?"

A second female voice sounded out from offstage. "My own horde of tentacled sex demons."

Sumire yelped as she was dragged off stage left by several tentacles. Seconds later, high-pitched screams started coming off the left side of the stage.

"No! Oh, God! No!"

Shishio stared at the left side of the stage as the true Komagata Yumi walked on from stage right. "So... are we done with this yet?"

"That doesn't belong there! That doesn't _go_ there!"

Shishio continued to stare at the left side of the stage.

"No! Please don't! Oh, holy Saint Camber, please protect us from frightful evil!"

Yumi snapped her fingers in front of her lover's face. "Lord Shishio?"

"Noooooo!"

"Do you have any fives?"

"Go fish."

Shishio pointed at the left side of the stage. "What the hell is that?"

Yumi glanced in the direction Sumire had been dragged. "Oh. Sumire made sure her contract included a 'no tentacle sex' clause. She was even smart enough to make sure that it included author's notes and omake. So after Glemph dragged her offstage, they started playing cards."

"For the love of God! Please stop! Please Stop!"

Shishio frowned. "Then what the hell's the source of all that screaming?"

"I guess Glemph forgot to close the door."

"Aaaaaaaa!"

"That wasn't what I meant."

Yumi shrugged. "Well... the main reason why this update is so late is because the author has been reading way too much Harry Potter fanfiction lately, right?"

Shishio winced at a particularly shrill scream. "Well, that and Civilization IV..."

"Well, I decided to try aversion therapy to break her of the habit. Right now, she's being forced to sit through a 48 hour marathon of Draco, Snape, and futanari-Umbridge slash, written and directed by our own Scythe-chan."

"The Horror! The Horror!"

Shishio shuddered in agreement with the screaming voice. "So the one doing all the screaming is the author?"

Faint giggling could be heard when the screams became muffled.

"No. Unfortunately, he thought Snape and Draco got off far too lightly in The Deathly Hallows, so he's been enjoying himself far too much for this to be a good punishment."

Honjo Kamatari's voice suddenly shouted from stage left. "Malfoy! Snape! Will you two quit adlibbing and read your lines as written?"

There was a brief, uncomfortable silence, before a voice full of despair said offstage, " 'Please, Professor, may we try it with the _engorgio_ charm this time?' "

"Oh."

Yumi smiled. "And so... on with the show!"

Author's Notes:

Yes, I'm still alive. It's just that my writing style isn't exactly very focused, I've got so many ideas I want to work on, very few of which are anywhere close to being done. Maybe I should work on that… nah.

This is for fun, after all. ;

The next chapter is almost ready, just two more scenes to flesh out. Unfortunately, one of them is a scene where I'm not sure exactly what tone to take. But hopefully, it should be done "soon." And hopefully not "soon" in the biblical sense.

I'm also thinking of releasing some of the numerous incomplete or barely started stories I've been working on. Comments?


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not have the privilege of owning Ranma ½, Sailor Moon, Sakura Wars, Devil Hunter Yohko, Rurouni Kenshin, or any of the other highly recognizable characters you might find in these pages. I'm just playing around with them for my own demented amusement.

As always, I'd like to thank the folks at fukufics dot com for giving this the once over. I assume by your silence that there were no obvious problems this time.

I also don't say this enough, but to everyone who takes the time to leave a review: Thank you. I love reading them, especially the critical ones. You really can't improve if everyone says you're absolutely brilliant all the time. And now, here's the _real_ update...

Rurouni Ranma

by DarkFyre99

Chapter Nine: The Juppongatana Strike!

The large black luxury sedan made its way through the Sunday morning traffic, its driver's expert hand keeping the machine on course. It stopped at the mouth of an alley to unload its passengers. The first to emerge was a large man in a black suit, who glanced up and down the street in search of danger. Next came a shapely leg, followed by an equally shapely body.

Komagata Yumi emerged from the depths of the vehicle, dressed smartly in business casual. As Shishio Makoto's right-hand woman glanced up and down the deserted street, a second large man followed her from the car. Apparently content that she wasn't being watched, the former courtesan strode into the gap between two buildings.

One of her succubae stepped forward to meet her. "My Lady, I really don't think..."

"I've seen death before, Hikaru-chan, much of it gruesome. You found Kiyoko-chan?"

"Yes, my lady. We also found two human girls who go to the school she was assigned to. It isn't pretty."

Yumi's steps came to an abrupt halt, as she took in the carnage in the alley. "How did they die?"

Hikaru grimaced. "The two humans' necks were snapped. Based on the damage, I'd guess Kiyoko did it herself." Seeing the expression on her mistress' face, she added, "Mercy killing. That's probably what kept the two of them from being violated.

"As for Kiyoko... her body remains, so she obviously wasn't killed by a demon hunter. Based on the bruises and... other… things, she was the victim of a tentacled sex demon, and not the good kind. Something ripped her open from the inside. She hasn't been missing long enough for any demonic spawn to mature, so..."

"I get the picture."

"My Lady, it's very rare for this kind of demon to prey on other demons. They tend to prefer easy prey. It's even rarer for this kind of demon to restrain its urges as it seems to be, given the lack of reports about a serial killer and rapist. There are only a few kinds of demon this could be, and any one of them would put the government on high alert. If the humans find out about it, every demon hunter in the country will descend on Kyoto to kill it."

"I'll tell my Lord that we need some teams to hunt down this thing, fast, and that we'd better call off the hit on the Hanagumi at the fair. We don't want to attract unnecessary attention right now. If you will excuse me?"

The succubus called Hikaru watched as her mistress opened up a cellphone and began talking. Soon, Yumi's voice began to rise. "But... I know that, but we really should call off the... My Lord, I really think..." Yumi's end of the conversation attracted the attention of the other two succubae in the alley as well. "Will you please listen... I think this _is_ serious... But... Very well. Goodbye."

The former oiran glared at the phone in her hand, before she smashed it against the wall, her face morphing into something inhuman. A moment later, she regained part of her equilibrium and most of her normal appearance. "That... that..."

"Idiot?" One of the succubae asked.

"Man?" Queried another.

"Testosterone poisoned misanthrope?" Hikaru suggested impishly.

With a smile, Yumi's face fully returned to normal. "Thank you, dears. We've got plans to make, sweethearts. This is going to blow up in our faces, I just know it, so we'll have to step up our information gathering. We need to find out where this demon is, and get the information to the appropriate people... assuming I can't persuade our Lord to do something about it himself."

The three demon girls smiled at each other, before Hikaru asked another question. "My Lady, what about these three?" The girl pointed at the three bodies.

"Cremation for all three."

"So you're not going to..."

"No. Kiyoko clearly felt something for those two, and I prefer to honor that." Yumi offered the girls a truly shark like smile. "Besides... Lord Shishio and I prefer our food fresh."

- + - + -

Maria Tachibana, ace sharpshooter of the Flower Division of the Imperial Combat Troop, answered the door of the Imperial Theatre of Kyoto. It was an infrequent rest day, and as a result the theatre that housed the (not quite so) secret headquarters of the Teigeki was almost deserted. Since she felt that true warriors did not take time off, she remained at the theatre along with a few other homebodies. Since she was at home right now, she figured she might as well do door duty.

Fujii Kasumi smiled at the tall blonde Russian, her hands full with packages. The junior member of the Kazegumi, Takamura Tsubaki, was still looked a bit down from this morning, despite the large number of packages she was carrying. Sakakibara Yumi was probably bringing the car around to the back.

Maria smiled. "Did you have fun, ladies?"

"Hai!"

Tsubaki's reply was a bit more subdued. "Yeah."

Maria shook her head as the teen disappeared into the living quarters of the theatre. Moments later, there was a crash. Apparently the girl had forgotten the newest additions to the theatre.

- + - + -

Sakura tried to ignore Ranma's eyes on her as she unsteadily performed a basic kenjutsu kata while balancing precariously on a long, narrow beam. One attack form left her windmilling her arms in an attempt to remain on the beam. Her efforts were in vain.

As she picked herself up off the mat, she saw Ranma standing over her. He just looked at her for ten seconds before saying, "Alright, back on the beam and let's try this again."

"Yes, Sensei."

As Sakura jumped back on the beam, she heard Sumire drawl, "You really are a klutz, aren't you Shinguji?"

"That's enough of that, you cactus woman!" Kanna said, who had also been paying more attention to Sakura's training than her own practice.

Ranma glared at the both of them, before barking out, "Silence!" He turned back to Sakura, who was once again unsteadily going through her forms. "You know, I think I figured out your problem."

Sakura leaned back to recover her balance again. "What?"

"You're trying to balance with your body, rather than your ki."

With a yelp, Sakura found herself falling again. "How would that help?"

"You don't jump with just your legs, do you?"

"Of course not."

Ranma jumped up on the beam. "It's the same idea," he said, as he did a handstand on the beam. "You brace yourself with your ki, rather than trying to twist your body in order to keep balanced." He shifted from two hands to one. "Just like you push off the ground with your ki as you jump, you push off against several objects, like a wall or the ground." He was now balancing on a single finger, his body perfectly still. "I'll have the Commander Yoneda rig balance beams throughout the theatre, so I don't want to see you walking on the floor except when necessary. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Sensei!" Sakura jumped back on the beam. A second later, she found her flying horizontally off the beam.

"Oh, and Sakura? Remember, steady, gentle, and more than one direction. You're not trying to maneuver in mid-air, after all."

"Hai!"

- + - + -

Maria shook her head as she headed back to the theatre's shooting range. Ranma's training techniques were certainly unique, but she had to admit that they worked wonders. She just hoped Ranma, Sakura, and Iris were having a good time at the fair.

- + - + -

Maul grinned in anticipation as he stalked his prey. The four girls had separated, the younger blonde leading the newer girl away from Usui. Scythe-chan was closing in on Shinguji, which left the petite redhead to him. He swirled his weapon about himself, while extending his aura, expecting the girl to quail in fear as so many had done before.

Instead, the girl grinned at him, a sheathed sword suddenly in her left hand. The demon charged, sending the full might of his demonic aura against the girl. Instead of mutilating the girl, his attack was evaded by a casual backwards leap, the girl's sword still sheathed at her side.

"Woah, I didn't know demons had Star Wars otaku," the girl drawled, smiling cockily. "Darth Maul's weapon was cooler, though."

Maul growled. He had been taking quite a bit of ribbing about the vague resemblance between him and a bit of celluloid fantasy. Like it was _his_ fault, or something. One of these days, he'd like to track down George Lucas and take a piece of his mind... namely everything from the neck up. He swung again.

"You know, I'm pretty sure Darth Maul was taller," the girl quipped as she narrowly avoided his attack. He swung again. "And in better shape too," she added as she bent over backwards, his weapon passing just above her ample chest. "Not to mention a lot more skilled." The girl smiled as she casually stepped out of the way of his next attack.

An instant later, the girl had stepped inside his reach, thrusting her face into his. "You know, I get the feeling you're not even trying."

Then the girl got really insulting…

- + - + -

Honjo Kamatari stalked the pretty kendoist, expertly swirling his enormous chain-scythe about his body. He noted with satisfaction that unlike many who had faced his most unusual weapon, she didn't show much fear. That always made the fight more interesting.

In the first two tentative exchanges, the girl warily withdrew each time he advanced. Not the sort of fearful retreat he'd expect, but more like she was leading him away from her companions. Which was fine with him, because that would give him some time to play with her before he killed her.

Suddenly, the P.A. system came online. "Attention, please. This is a code-black..."

Kamatari blinked, _'What the hell is that about?'_

His musings were cut short when the girl suddenly lunged, the tip of her ki-enhanced katana slipped into one of the links of the chain. Much to his surprise, the blade didn't break. Instead, the weighted end abruptly shifted its course, slamming into the side of his head. With ringing snap, the demon-forged link broke apart, causing the weighted half of his chain to spin away somewhere behind him.

Fortunately for him, he recovered quickly enough to parry her follow up attack. As the two of them broke away to recover, he asked, "Why do you little girls always have to break my toys?"

The girl just smiled grimly.

The next instant, the two combatants were distracted by a massive roar...

- + - + -

Uonuma Usui watched the two blonde girls back away from him, little Iris in front of the taller Japanese girl. The frustration on the older girl's face was almost comical, since she clearly thought their roles should be reversed. Not that it mattered much. He could thrust his spear quite easily through both. He couldn't wait to tell Scythe-chan that he'd killed them both in one blow. His mismatched eyes took a moment to savor the older girl's form. If he was careful, he wouldn't kill the teen outright, and he'd have some fun as she lay dying...

Just as he leapt forward, his spear leading, young Miss Chateaubriand waved and said, "Bye-bye scumbag!" A moment later, both girls vanished in a flash of yellow light. Pure instinct caused him to whirl around and bring his heavy shield up. Moments later, a heavy body landed on his shield, the tip of a sword skidding off its surface and almost cutting his scalp.

Before he had a chance to retaliate, whoever had landed on his shield had jumped off. He turned to face the fool that had attacked him, and he saw Maul's target in a loose stance in front of him. The girl smirked and said, "You know, you look you might be a bit of a challenge."

He'd just known that Maul's reputation was all hot air...

- + - + -

The newly renamed Jino Ranma, formerly of the Saotome clan, leapt from the shield of the man who had been menacing her cousin and Iris. The problem with demons, Ranma knew, was that they not only had no ki, but they could disrupt it. The demon was furious, but he didn't emit any hot ki for the Hiryuu Shouten Ha. The guy with the eye fetish, on the other hand, could provide exactly what she needed. She just hoped that the demon was stupid enough, or mad enough, not to figure out what she was doing.

"You know, you look you might be a bit of a challenge," Ranma said with a smirk. She adopted a stance, daring the freak to attack. Over the guy's shoulder, she saw the Darth Maul wannabe charge forward, his weapon held high above his head. She really hoped the guy would take the bait before the demon got here. She wasn't sure why the demon was so wimpy, but he could still be a problem if he got too close.

It only took two exchanges for Ranma to determine that the man's style was heavily defensive, much like her own. It was not unexpected, given the combination of spear and shield, but Ranma needed the guy to go on the offensive. The red haired girl frowned as she barely deflected the man's thrust. The eye freak was really good. It took all her skill just to ensure that the man and the demon wouldn't be able to double-team her.

One particular block left her face to face with the man with the odd eyes. "Say... did you know your eyes don't match?" The man's eyes narrowed in anger, as the two struggled, each attempting to maneuver the other into Maul's line of attack. With a flourish, Ranma broke away from the fight, giving herself some breathing room.

Ranma crinkled her nose. "Not to mention the mega-sized case of bad breath." The man's lips pulled back in a fierce looking snarl. "You kiss your girlfriend with that mouth?" A second later, it took every ounce of Ranma's control not to react as the face of the man before her changed. His mismatched eyes began to glow a faint red. His mouth grew, becoming impossibly wide. Finally, a long tongue danced between long, shark-like teeth. "Boy, you're getting uglier by the minute."

In the seconds before Usui renewed his attack, Ranma recognized her foe. He was one of the undead... which helped explain why his ki felt so off. Mano Madoka had gone over the various types of undead she might encounter, and she recognized the eye freak as some kind of ghoul: an eater of the dead... or the dying. Unfortunately, that was all the time she had to think. Usui had finally started to go on the offensive. Ranma had her aggressive opponent, but he still wasn't angry enough.

"Michael Jackson's people called... they stopped taking applications for the Thriller video years ago."

Ranma evaded several more attacks by the spearman, frequently taunting both her foes as she maneuvered the demon constantly his partner's way. Unfortunately for Ranma, neither of her opponents was distracted by the P.A. system. "Attention, please..."

But what followed next more than made up for it. Ranma's dodge brought the guy with the eye fetish right into the path of one of the Star Wars otaku's attacks, much to Ranma's amusement. She did notice that his shield managed to absorb the blow. Whatever the shield was, it clearly wasn't made from a large tortoise shell.

"You bitch!" It was the first words her opponent had uttered, and they were followed by a fierce battle aura. Ranma began her dodging spiral, drawing her two opponents towards the center. Fortunately for her, the Darth Maul wannabe wasn't much of a threat. It was all she could do to avoid being skewered.

Finally, Ranma and her two opponents reached the center of the spiral, and with a smirk, she unleashed the full force of the Hiryuu Shoten Ha. The resulting vortex of air sucked up both Usui and Maul, who flew up into the air with a cry of "Amazon Bitch!"

Safely in the eye of the vortex, Ranma smiled as she invoked her transformation. Gripping her blade in both hands, Ranma drove the point into the ground with a cry of "Earthen Wave!" The ground around her rippled outward in all directions, before being drawn into the ki fed tornado. "Hiryuu Shouten Ha revised – Doryuusen"

Ranma smiled. That should take care of the demon, at least.

- + - + -

Aino Minako's day was going downhill really fast. It had started out fantastic. She had found her occasionally female cousin, and he had accepted the offer to join her Aunt's family. She had also met two of the Hanagumi, who had _both _been out with Ranma on a date. Her cousin was so manly!

And then, as had happened far too often in her life, the forces of darkness had decided to ruin her day. She didn't know who they were, but they were clearly out for blood. The presence of a demon didn't reassure her either. Even more galling was the fact that her cousin had ordered her away... her, Sailor Venus! And she couldn't object without blowing her cover! Young Iris was leading her away from the scary man with the even scarier spear and large shield. The fact that the little girl was clearly protecting _her_ didn't do much for her mood. It should be the other way around. She was a pretty soldier of love and justice, after all.

The girl waited until the last possible second to reveal her powers. Even as the man with the odd eyes charged at them, Minako could feel her body fading as Iris teleported them away. Her last sight of the battlefield was one frustrated bad guy, Sakura fighting the other one, and Ranma desperately dodging the demon's blows.

The two of them reappeared back in the park, not too far from where the battle was taking place. Even as she turned a puzzled gaze towards the French girl, Iris Chateaubriand almost perfectly imitated her old Sailor V intro: " 'Champion of Love and Justice, code name Sailor V!' " Then the smaller blonde winked, gave her a 'V' sign, and waited expectantly, practically bouncing in excitement.

Sweat dropping, Minako figured that her cover was blown already, and so summoned her henshin stick. "Venus Crystal Power... Make Up!" An instant later, Sailor Venus was standing before the delighted little girl, posing.

"Oneesan! You help Sakura-neechan and Ranma-niisan! I'll go get help!" With a second flash of 'V,' the younger girl faded from sight.

Sailor Venus leapt to the roof of a nearby building, pausing to get her bearings. Just then, the P.A. system blared out, just over her head, "Attention, please. This is a code-black. Please exit the park in a calm and orderly manner through the nearest exit. This is a code-black." She took a few moments to recover her hearing as she watched the Sunday crowds move not quite calmly and orderly towards the exits, but not yet in a panic. Spotting a landmark, she ran across the roof and began hopping from building to building. She landed on the building overlooking the battleground, just as a small tornado burst into existence.

A few seconds later, the tornado turned black, tossing dirt and rocks high into the sky. She turned to towards the kendoist and the scythe-girl, just as Shinguji Sakura took advantage of the distraction to try to run the older woman through. A few moments later, the tornado died, revealing her changed cousin at the center. The boy-turned-girl wore form fitting armor and a billowing cloak. High above, amid the debris, she saw the battered demon falling. The tortoise shell shield was also plummeting to the earth, but there was no sign of the shield bearer.

Her cousin looked up and saw her standing there, just as Sailor Venus saw something that made her blood run cold. The extremely scary man was emerging from the shield like a tortoise the shield resembled, his spear still in hand. His path was taking him directly towards her oblivious cousin's back.

- + -

"Ranma! Look out!"

Sheer instinct caused Ranma to dive forward at the new girl's shout. It wasn't enough, as something slammed into her shoulder. The blow sent her sliding across the concrete path, sparks flying from her armor as part of her cloak was torn away.

With a wince, Ranma stood. Her left arm was nearly useless, due to the large dent on the back plate of her armor. She didn't feel any blood, so it appeared that her armor had kept her from being skewered. As it was, the blow had likely broken her shoulder blade, and her back muscles were also badly bruised. Not to mention how the damaged armor dug into her.

Even as she picked herself off the ground, her foe was looking at his spear, whose tip was bent. "Amazing. You actually survived. Not only that, you actually blunted this thing." A few moments later, the spear's tip bent back into its normal configuration. "This is going to be a lot of fun."

Ranma sighed in relief when the dent in her armor repaired itself. She sent healing ki into her back, hoping to recover at least some use of her left arm. She wished she had enough control over her elemental powers to allow her transformation's healing magic to multiply her natural healing ability, rather than just adding to it.

Behind the eye freak, Sakura withdrew her sword from the chest of her foe, adopting a ready stance as Ranma had taught her... just as Mano Madoka had in turn taught Ranma herself. A blow that was fatal in a human wasn't necessarily fatal in some of the monsters they fought. Given the fact that the scythe girl hadn't collapsed on the spot, it was pretty clear that like her companions, the girl wasn't human either.

- + - + -

Maul landed heavily from the Amazon's attack. It had been centuries since he had last hunted those female bitches in the mountains of western China. Unfortunately, it seemed that they hadn't died off, taking their damned techniques with them.

Picking himself off the ground, he summoned his weapon. On quiet feet, he approached the redheaded harlot from behind, the girl's attention completely on Usui. He raised his weapon overhead, and, with a forceful swing, delivered a mighty blow toward the top of the girl's head...

- + - + -

Shinguji Sakura warily remained on guard, as the scythe-wielding girl brought a hand up to her clearly not bleeding chest. The girl's head snapped around, glaring angrily at the kendoka before her. "Do you realize how long it took me to find a pair this nice? You will pay for that, Shinguji!"

Sakura managed to deflect the enraged girl's attack. "Why aren't you dead?"

"Foolish girl! It will take more than that to destroy the likes of me! Only the complete destruction of my heart can destroy me!"

- + - + -

Usui winced as he heard Scythe-chan's declaration to the young kendoist. Wonderful. They barely had a slight advantage in information, and the silly man was blabbing the secrets of their destruction.

With a splat, Maul landed behind the spearman. It didn't help his frame of mind any when the demon just lay there, giggling, before muttering the word, "Squish."

'_Just what did I do to deserve allies such as these?'_ Why hadn't he just stayed in Hell, and taken his punishment? Maybe there was still time. Maybe if he was sincerely penitent, he could climb back into his nice lake of fire. He even began planning his letter of apology. _'Dear sir or madam. My name's Usui. I'm sorry. Please forgive me for escaping Hell. I should've never taken Shishio's offer to return to Earth as one of the undead. If you take me back, I promise I'll stay in that lake of fire...'_

The girl patted Usui's shoulder. "There, there. It'll all be better soon."

Usui recovered his wits seconds before the girl's blade would've slid into his unprotected flank. He barely evaded the blow. "You bitch!" He suddenly realized that the despair he'd been feeling hadn't entirely been his own.

The girl had the audacity to smirk. "Damn... I guess that technique needs some work."

"You will pay for that, little girl!"

Behind him, two Wakiji emerged from the ground already torn apart by that ki-fed tornado.

"This time, child, you won't survive. I'll make sure of it."

- + - + -

In the primary mecha hanger of the Imperial Theatre, a young girl appeared in a flash of light. Taking a deep breath, Iris Chateaubriand screamed, at the top of her voice and mind, "Somebody help!!"

The man known as "Master," Li Kohran's primary assistant, and Koubu master technician, appeared from the office. "What is it, Iris-chan?"

"We were attacked at the fair! Some monsters and a demon! Ranma-oniichan sent me to get help!"

"Right. I'll get yours and Tachibana-san's Koubu prepped, then start on the others." In the hanger, the alert siren started up.

The sound of running feet preceded Maria's entrance to the hanger. "What is it, Iris?"

"Demons at the fair, Maria-oneechan!"

"Right. Master, Ranma's mecha doesn't need to be prepped, does it?"

"No. The A.I. takes care of that sort of thing. Just give me a second to boot it up."

"Good. Iris, take it to Ranma. Then come back and get me. I'll be in my room getting some appropriate ammo."

"Hai." At the thumbs up from Master, Iris ran over and hugged the plush mecha. A moment later, both vanished in a flash of light.

"Tachibana-san, you're not taking your Koubu?"

"No. It won't be of much use if we're fighting demons. I've got some blessed bullets in my room. They should be effective."

As the tall, blonde woman ran back up the stairs, Master looked thoughtfully at Maria's dark violet Koubu. "Blessed ammo to fight demons? Hmm..."

- + - + -

Iris appeared behind one of the buildings that surrounded the courtyard where she'd last left the others, Ranma's cute mecha in tow. Running around the building, she stopped briefly to stare at the devastated courtyard, before hiding behind trash can.

At the far end of the square, Sakura still faced off against that girl with the giant scythe. The battered and bloody demon lay closest to Iris' hiding place, giggling and occasionally muttering, "Squish." Between the demon and very scary man, two Wakiji were emerging from the torn up ground. At the center of the square stood Ranma, her left arm dangling useless at her side. Seeing that the boy-turned-girl was in "magical girl" mode, Iris paled. She still remembered Kohran's lecture about how useless her transformation was against Wakiji.

The scary guy laughed as the two Wakiji charged past him. His laughter died when Ranma swung her sword twice. Both spirit creatures collapsed, fluids pouring from tears in their armored sides. "What the hell?"

Despite her pain, Ranma smirked as she resumed her defensive stance. "You know the old saying. 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.' "

"I'm not out of tricks yet, girl."

- + - + -

Ranma resisted the urge to charge. She'd spotted Iris hiding behind a trashcan, and desperately wished the girl would clear the field. The battle with the eye freak was hard enough without having to worry about Iris getting in the way. So she tried to keep the guy talking.

Besides. The longer he talked, the more her shoulder could heal.

"Really?" Ranma drawled. "What do you got?"

The man drove his spear into the ground, and reached into the sash of his costume. He pulled out a handful of small glass globes, and tossed them to the ground on between them. The globes shattered, releasing a black vapor from within them. The gas quickly solidified into a group of small demons. Each was barely over a meter tall, somewhat emaciated, and their hands and feet ended in vicious looking claws. As the man retrieved his spear, he ordered the imps, "Kill Shinguji."

Ranma cursed. Eye Fetish-chan had chosen well. The imps ran on either side of him, and Sakura wasn't equipped to deal with demons. Furthermore, she only had time to deal with one, and it would require an attack she'd rather not use in public.

"Venus Love and Beauty Shock!"

Usui, Ranma, and the imps all turned and stared at the scantily clad girl on the nearby roof as she blew a kiss at the nearest imp. The heart-shaped blast of energy slammed into the demon. It screamed briefly as it disintegrated.

Ranma blinked. _'Minako-chan's one of those Sailor Senshi girls? Why can't my life ever be normal? Because it would be boring, that's why.' _Figuring that Sailor Venus had already opened the door for ridiculous attacks, Ranma decided to use hers as well.

A single red rose darted from her open palm, the stem impaling itself into the chest of a second imp. A snap of her fingers caused vines to grow from the projectile, threatening to entangle the demon's limbs. The creature began to scream as the vines began to siphon off its energy, providing the fuel they needed to continue growing.

Ranma had just enough time to shout, "Sailor Venus, take care of the imps," before her battle with the furious ghoul resumed.

- + - + -

Sakura didn't have time to sigh in relief at the sight of Ranma easily destroying the two Wakiji. She couldn't handle both the scythe wielding girl _and_ the animated armor at the same time. She'd been vaguely aware of the spearman summoning demons, but when Ranma and the new girl took two of them out, she returned her full attention to her foe. Then the ebb and flow of the battle took her out of the courtyard where Ranma and her foe faced off against each other.

'_We're just about equal in skill,'_ Sakura thought. _'But if she's not hurt by being stabbed in the chest, then she's not likely to get tired like I am. I need to find some way of gaining an advantage.' _Sakura's expression grew grim as a desperate plan developed in her mind.

The plan went better than expected. Scythe-chan seemed to be well aware of her reputation as a klutz, so Sakura allowed the woman to guide the battle towards the nearby metal roller coaster. The pair leapt up one of the massive supports to one of the overhead tracks. Once on the single narrow rail of the roller coaster, she turned unsteadily to face the scythe-wielding woman chasing her. She hid a grin of triumph when the girl paused to taunt her.

"It's over, Shinguji. There's nowhere for you to go, and a klutz like you has made things easy for me."

"What makes you think I'm a klutz?"

"I've seen the reports. You could defeat me on the ground, but up here? Where you have to balance on this beam? No, you're mine." Smiling evilly, Kamatari charged forward, only to be surprised as Sakura quite nimbly evaded each attack.

Scythe-chan growled in frustration, "What the hell? I thought you are a klutz?"

Sakura smirked. "You're right, I am the klutz of the Hanagumi. Keep in mind that I'm the most clumsy member of a group of extremely talented martial artists."

Sakura didn't bother mentioning that it was Ranma she had to thank for her newfound agility.

- + - + -

While Shinguji Sakura and Kamatari Honjo renewed their duel high above the ground, Sailor Venus found herself wishing that the others were here. Though her cousin's rose attack had eliminated one of the demons, and her initial attack had destroyed a second, the others continued to evade her attacks. She was currently running through the park, snapping of Crescent Beams at the small, nimble demons.

"Oh, come on pretty girl. Don't be so shy," the demons cackled, lewdly grinning at her. "It's been ages since we got to enjoy a human female as lovely as you."

Minako shuddered as one of the demon's extremely long tongue licked its lips. Much to her horror, the demons had been slowly growing, and several tentacles had grown from their backs. Not to mention that...

Minako swallowed past the lump in her throat. _'I swear if I get out of this, I'll never write another tentacled sex doujinshi as long as I live. The real thing isn't nearly as sexy when you don't get to write the demon's role.'_

- + - + -

'_We're in a stalemate,' _Ranma thought as she once again deflected the ghoul's spear. The two had been savagely attacking each other for a couple of minutes now. Their styles were both defensive, and their skills were too close to make a telling blow without taking heavy damage in return.

Another exchange of attacks resulted in Ranma slamming her back into a wall as she evaded the man-shaped monster before her. She dodged another thrust that punched a hole in the wood and plaster wall behind her. _'No, I'm going to lose. I'll tire, and he won't. I've got change the odds. But how? I've got a new attack that should work, but I need to get past his guard somehow. I need time to think. I need to use the Saotome Final Attack...'_

Breaking off for a second, Ranma pointed off to the right and shouted, "Hey! Is that a demonic duck of some sort?"

Usui smirked. "You are desperate, aren't you little girl..."

An unknown voice in heavily accented Japanese shouted out, "Damn it! Can't I even go on a vacation once in a while?"

Despite himself, Uonuma Usui looked to his right and saw there was a demonic looking duck glaring angrily at the red-haired swordswoman.

"You're lucky you remind me of a cute girl back home, toots." The duck said, before waddling away. "I'll send my bill to the Hanagumi."

The spear wielding undead snapped his head back towards Ranma, who was running away, much to his surprise. Usui smiled evilly. "Finally, I get to have some fun. I love it when they run." He gave chase.

- + - + -

Scythe-chan found himself in a quandary. Shinguji had chosen a battleground that gave her an advantage, for even without the weighted chain, Kamatari's weapon of choice was still extremely unwieldy, and their high and narrow perch ensured that unwieldy equaled dangerous. To add insult to injury, the girl's supposed clumsiness had turned out to exaggerated. Finally, he couldn't break off without leaving himself open to attack by Hanagumi swordswoman. The only thing he had going for him was that she would tire, and he would not.

He did have one trick up his sleeve. He just had to wait for an opening to use it, and unlike Sakura, he could afford to wait. The opening came during one of those undeclared truces that came with conversation. After a particularly savage exchange of attacks, and a few choice lewd insults on his part, Shinguji blurted out, "What kind of woman are you?"

Scythe-chan laughed. "My dear child. I am not a woman." He lifted his skirt, revealing that he wasn't wearing anything underneath. "I am a man." He laughed as the girl's expression of horror changed to one of panic as the girl lost her balance. Still laughing, he took a far less precipitous route down in pursuit of the girl.

- + - + -

Minako was in trouble. She had a small horde of tentacled horrors chasing her. They pursued her through park, narrowly dodging each Crescent Beam she tossed at them. The only good news was that as they got larger, they weren't able to dodge as easily anymore. She had managed to tag several of them, but there were too many to risk a lethal attack.

Then there was the conversation within the horde. Even as they gave chase, they kept up a running commentary about exactly what they were going to do to her once they caught her. It did _not_ sound like fun.

'_Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Tentacled sex demons definitely aren't sexy,' _Sailor Venus thought, _'Not at all. Nope, I'll never write another tentacled sex doujinshi as long as I live.'_

She idly wondered if the others were having as much trouble as she was. Snapping off a pair of Crescent Beams, one of which connected with the closest of the demons, she leapt and bounced off a wooden fence, which sent her down a new path through the park.

"Oneesan, go right."

Sailor Venus managed to avoid stopping and looking around for where the girl from earlier was. There was no way she could be close enough to whisper in her ear, so something else must be happening. Blasting the closest demon with another hastily launched Crescent Beam, she dodged right.

After a block, young Iris' disembodied voice said, _"Now go right again."_

Minako turned right again, launching another barrage of magic as she did so. What she saw in front of her caused her to skid to a halt. Right in middle of the path before her was a statuesque blonde gaijin, pointing a gun right at her. The woman calmly looked at her before saying, "Get down."

With a startled "eep," the blonde Senshi dived towards the ground, moments before the gun went off. Something squealed behind her, followed by the sound of a body hitting the ground. She looked and saw one of the demons with half its head missing. A second later, it began to dissolve. The other demons glanced from their disintegrated comrade, and the tall Russian.

With a quick jump beside the tall woman, Venus prepped a proper Venus Love and Beauty Shock. It didn't take too long for the two blondes to destroy the rest of the demons.

- + - + -

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" Kamatari Honjo called out playfully as he stalked the pilot of the pink Koubu. He couldn't believe the girl's luck. Despite falling off the roller coaster, despite getting hurt, and despite being right behind her, somehow she'd managed to escape.

That damned duck didn't help any either.

Usui would not be happy. What was supposed to be a simple assassination had turned into a farce. Not only had they failed to kill either of the two Hanagumi, but magical girls kept coming out of the woodwork.

'What is this, some kind of magical girl convention? Have fighting females suddenly decided to congregate in Kyoto at the absolute worst time? Come to think of it, Lord Shishio would be even less happy,' Kamatari the Scythe thought, 'especially if I can't kill one wounded swordswoman. Now what?'

Something large stepped out from between two buildings. Scythe-chan blinked at the amusement park mascot that confronted him, somehow wielding a katana despite a lack of obvious hands. The large yellow teddy bear, wearing a bright green bowler hat and vest, and red bow tie, turned towards him, took an aggressive stance, and beckoned him to attack.

Figuring he had to kill _something_, the cross dresser attacked. Much to his surprise, the giant stuffed animal parried his attack. That's when he noticed the enormous battle aura around the bear. The dark red aura was growing, obviously in preparation for a ki attack.

The ki attack never came. Instead, a giant mallet appeared in its hand, which smashed him to the ground, even as his brain desperately told his suddenly non-responsive body to move. Despite the power of the blow, Kamatari Honjo's undead nature ensured that he wouldn't lose consciousness.

This proved to be a curse, when the bear repeatedly stomped on his groin, each stomp accompanied by a scream that sounded like "Fumoffu."

"Fu…"

Scythe-chan began to desperately crawl away from the sadistic teddy. A new power was building up. This new power was concentrated not in the bear's battle aura, but the bear's blade.

"Mo..."

The bear's _sacred_ blade.

"Fu!"

The wave of pinkish-white energy ripped into the abomination of nature that was Honjo Kamatari. The combination of sacred energy and ki seared his flesh, and drained his energy. Despite the assault, the seared corpse still crawled away from the Bonta-class mecha with the Theta-Driver. Doom approached step by step as the amusement park mascot approached what was left of Scythe-chan, its battle aura once again burning around it. Pinning the animated corpse with one oversized foot, the mecha plunged its sacred blade into his back. Moments later, sacred fire erupted from the blade, consuming most of the ghoul's chest.

Inside the mecha, Shinguji Sakura breathed a sigh of relief. "Wow… this thing works even better than I thought." She paused a minute, before saying, "I'll be alright Iris. Just lead me to Ranma now." Protected and augmented by Li Kohran's ingenious prototype, she leapt to the roof of a nearby building, following the telepathic messages sent by a twelve-year-old girl.

- + - + -

Uonuma Usui smiled in anticipation of the kill. He had finally run the girl to ground. She glared defiantly at him, once again in a defensive stance. "Well... it's been a good fight, girl, but its time for you to die. Do yourself a favor and don't struggle, or it _will_ be a messy one."

The red-haired girl just stared at him, daring him to attack.

"Very well."

Just as he began to charge forward, the girl did something weird. She threw her sword at him. Automatically, he blocked the kodachi with his shield, before realizing that she was following right behind her sword. Twisting slightly to bring the tip of his spear into her path, he braced for her attack. It took a moment to realize that she wasn't attacking him.

She was attacking his shield. Which was foolish, since the shield was supposed to be indestructible. Much to his surprise, this turned out to be wrong. The girl's punch slammed into his shield, which shattered. So did the forearm to which the shield was strapped. Finally, the massive force of the punch sent him flying backwards.

Usui quickly regained his feet. "That… that was the _Futae no Kiwami._ Where did you learn the Mastery of Two Layers?"

The girl had paid a price for the destruction of his shield. Though he hadn't managed to skewer her body, his spear had pierced her arm. Unfortunately, it was her left arm, which had been pretty much useless for most of the battle. But her wound didn't matter much, given her unarmed status. Sure, she had destroyed his shield, but she had thrown away her only weapon to do so. His evil grin returned as he prepared to finish this fight once and for all.

Finely honed instincts caused him to duck, as the girl's kodachi passed through where his neck had been previously. He managed not to groan when the girls blade returned to her hand, and she once again assumed a defensive stance. "You know, little girl. I am really beginning to get tired of you."

He assumed a more aggressive stance. "Are there any more tricks you would like to try before I put you out of my misery?"

The girl just stood there. He really had to admire her. She was exhausted and injured. After all her struggles, all she had to show for her efforts against him was the destruction of his shield. Despite the odds against her, she still stood defiant.

"I guess not." He charged forward, his spear again leading his attack. In an act of sheer desperation, she thrust her kodachi forward as a counter. Much to his surprise, it slid right into his chest.

He looked down, where the blade had wedged itself between the fourth and fifth ribs, slightly to the left of his sternum. His gaze moved to the girl's chest, where his spear had stopped a mere centimeter from her armor-clad breast. Finally, he looked at the girl's blade. "But... you had a kodachi, not a oukatana..."

With a smirk, Ranma whispered her new attack. "Vulcan's Fury." Flames licked up the length of her blade, and entered into the undead spearman's chest. The magical fire consumed the contents of Usui's chest, before bursting out the back. The charred remains fell to the ground.

Ranma leaned back against the wall behind her, her sword returning to its customary length. She'd won, but now she couldn't find the energy to check up on the others. She stared at her armored left arm, noting one of the flaws with self-repairing armor. How the hell was she supposed to bandage her arm without transforming back to normal, and losing the benefits that transformation provided?

"_Don't worry, Onii-chan,"_ Iris' voice sounded in Ranma's head. _"Everyone's okay. Sakura-oneechan destroyed the girl with the scythe, and Sailor Venus and Maria-oneechan killed the little demons."_

"Iris?"

_"Hai?"_

"What happened to the Star-Wars otaku?"

The wait for Iris' answer was longer than Ranma was comfortable with. _"We don't know what happened to him. He's gone. Oh, and the Wind Division just arrived with Kanna-oneechan, Kohran-oneechan, Sumire-san, and Ohgami-niichan."_

Ranma looked up just as an enormous blimp, the Shougei-Maru, passed overhead. "Okay. I'll be right there."

- + - + -

"Ranma, are you sure you don't want to change back so I can bandage your arm?" A frustrated Kasumi asked, as she prepped a sling for the red-haired swordswoman.

"Don't worry about it. It's barely bleeding now, and I heal faster transformed. I'll be good in a few hours."

"If your sure..."

"I'm sure."

"Alright. If you aren't, I'll send Iris to nurse you."

"How is she, by the way?"

"She's exhausted. Between all her teleporting, trying to get Maria into position to help Sailor Venus, and healing Sakura, she'll probably sleep for hours."

"How's Sakura?"

"She's fine now. She broke a couple of ribs falling from the roller coaster, but Iris healed her right up."

"Good." Ranma followed the eldest of the Kazegumi back to grounded blimp. She smiled when she saw Kirishima Kanna carrying a sleeping Iris, while Kanzaki Sumire and Shinguji Sakura gave his cousin the third degree.

She arrived just in time to hear Minako say, "Minako? What makes you think I'm Minako?"

Sakura grinned impishly, "Well, first you both look alike."

"How can you tell through my disguise field?"

- + - + -

Sailor Mercury pinched the bridge of her nose, as she pulled her teammate away from the growing crowd. She really wished some of her friends would pay attention at times. "For the last time, Moon, we don't have a disguise field."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

"Then why doesn't anyone recognize us?"

"Because usually the people we save don't know us very well, it's often at night, you know as well as I do that getting drained of your energy, your heart crystal ripped out, or any of the other things youma have done in the past leaves people loopy for a while. Not to mention that people have a natural tendency to ignore the unusual, and it doesn't hurt that we live in the largest city in the world with a homogenous population.

"Plus there is an effect that encourages people to not pay too close attention to our exact features. But that isn't a disguise, and it certainly isn't fool proof. Strong willed individuals can overcome it. Plus, given enough clues, anyone can figure out who we are. Just like Naru-chan did."

- + - + -

Sakura continued, "Then there's the fact that it seems kind of weird for Sailor Venus to be here of all places, when she's a Tokyo local. Especially on the same day that Ranma's cousin arrives from Tokyo." Sakura smiled a greeting at Ranma, before giving her wounded arm a worried look.

Sumire added, "Not to mention it's pretty obvious that you're related, given how the two of you dress alike."

Kanna walked up, still carrying a sleeping Iris. "What are you talking about, cactus woman? They're dressed nothing alike."

Sumire glared at the red-headed giant of a woman. "Are all those muscles squeezing the juice out of your brain, Kanna? I mean, look at them!"

Kanna waved at Sumire to be quiet, before putting Iris in one of the cabins in the blimp. "Shh… and I am looking at them," she said as she closed the door. "They look nothing alike."

Sakura nodded. "Ranma is wearing metal armor," Sakura said with a little gesture.

"While Venus-san here is wearing a white leotard," Kanna said, putting her hand on Venus' shoulder. The large martial artist frowned, then tapped the shoulder of Minako's fuku experimentially. "What the hell?"

Sakura stepped forward. "What is it?" She also tapped experimentially on Venus' outfit. "This is hard!"

Venus smiled. "You have no idea how many people make that mistake. Sailor Mercury said this stuff is some kind of super-strong ceramic. Even the cloth parts of the uniform are very resistant to damage."

Sumire smiled in triumph. "What were you saying, you talking gorilla?"

Kanna frowned at her teammate. "Ceramic and cloth, rather than metal and leather. They're still not the same."

Sumire smirked. "And what about the decorations on their chests?"

"What are you smoking, Sumire? And where can I find some? Sailor Venus has a bow on her chest..."

"…while Ranma has this ornate ivy design that resembles two crescents facing each other, with some kind of gem in the middle." Sakura finished.

"Which Venus has as well. What about those things on their backs?"

"What about them? The blonde's got a sailor collar and a bow at the small of her back..."

"…while Ranma's has a whip at the small of her back, not to mention a full-length cloak."

"And the mini skirts?"

Kanna shook her head. "You're really stretching things, Sumire. Ranma's cousin has a skirt so short that when you combine it with the rest of her outfit, you can't help but think she's flashing her panties..."

Minako yelped when Kanna demonstrated what she was talking about.

"... While Ranma's so-called skirt is knee length, leather with metal studs, and heavy enough that it won't flip up very easily…"

"Hey!" Ranma protested as Kanna lifted the back of her armored skirt.

"…and she's wearing leather breeches under it." Kanna finished, with a triumphant smirk at the short-haired girl. "Very unsexy."

"Do you mind?"

Kanna grinned at her fiancée's reaction. "Not at all, Ranma-chan. If you all will excuse me?" Kanna walked further into the blimp, followed by an irritated looking Sumire.

Ranma looked at his suddenly uncomfortable looking cousin. "So... Minako-chan..."

"Please call me Sailor Venus when I'm transformed, um... what do I call you, Ranma? When you're transformed, that is?"

"Same thing you call me normally."

"Oh..." The uncomfortable silence returned.

"So... Sailor Venus..."

"Yes?" Minako asked uncertainly.

"You write erotic doujinshi about you and your teammates as a hobby?"

- + - + -

Floating high above Kyoto, Ranma watched an area the length of an entire city block move aside to reveal the hanger of the _Shougei-Maru_. Beside her, Aino Minako, no longer transformed into Sailor Venus, whistled in appreciation. "These guys sure are well funded."

"Yeah."

Sakura, who had been standing nearby, explained, "Between government funding, Sumire's family business, and this ancient European group that believes that it's their duty to keep portals from opening in our world, and dealing with them when they do, we have all the money and support we need to keep the Kouma from plaguing our world again."

Minako grinned impishly. "So, Ranma... I take it you're a fan of my work?"

"Nah... Akane's sister Nabiki is. She liked to slip her doujinshi into places that when found would embarrass me. Of course, now that I think about it, she might've been trying to give me ideas..."

Minako's grin turned a trifle naughty. "Did they give you any ideas?"

Sakura blushed. She'd never met a girl her age who was as… earthy… as Ranma's cousin. She couldn't picture herself talking to a boy about _that_.

Ranma returned her grin. "No. That honor was Kasumi's."

Sakura's jaw dropped. "WHAT?"

Ranma blinked for a second, before realizing how that sounded. "Tendo Kasumi, Akane and Nabiki's older sister, not Fujii Kasumi. Though they do seem rather similar..."

Sakura placed her hand over her heart in relief. "Oh. That's good, I guess."

Minako's impish grin returned. "So, Ranma. How many fiancées do you have? Are you starting your own harem?"

"I have no clue how many girls pops engaged to me... and I'm not starting my own harem. I don't really think it's fair to have my attention split like that."

Minako nodded. "That's true. Let's face it... a harem would be wasted on a man. A guy can only please one girl at a time. Two if he's really skilled. A girl, on the other hand, has no problem pleasing at least three guys simultaneously."

On the other side of the room, Maria and Kanna laughed at the two furiously blushing teens, when they had finally processed the blonde girl's comment.

- + - + -

Minako grumbled as she made herself at home in her new room for the next six weeks. She couldn't believe that on her first day here, she'd been assigned _homework._ It was so unfair, especially after a fight for her life. She deserved some time off, after that mess. She just had to make sure Ami-chan didn't find out about Captain Ohgami's policy of writing up an after-battle report. She was so glad that the Sailor Senshi were a lot more informal about that kind of thing.

She paled as a horrifying idea suddenly came to her. Maybe if they _had_ been a lot more formal about that kind of thing, they wouldn't have died. Twice. Sure, Usagi returned them to life, but she _still_ had occasional nightmares about D-point and Galaxia. Dying was definitely not fun.

- + - + -

"What's wrong, Ami-chan?" Kino Makoto asked as she waited in line for the movie with her studious friend.

Ami frowned at the cell phone in her hand. "I just got a weird call from Minako-chan. I couldn't quite make what she was saying, but it sounded like she was apologizing for not doing her homework and getting us all killed."

"That's sounds more like Usagi than Minako."

"Hai. If I didn't know better, I'd think she was making fun of me."

- + - + -

Kageyama Ichiro headed up the Kougumi, the Night Watch Division, who had the unglamorous role of cleaning up after the battles of the Hanagumi, ideally before the next morning. Given the tremendous spiritual powers that were released during these battles, not to mention how toxic some of the body fluids and corpses of monsters could be, it was their responsibility to decontaminate the area and make it safe for ordinary people. As well as help clean up the physical damage. And that new girl/guy/whatever, Ranma, certainly could do a lot of damage. And unlike the Hanagumi, she apparently didn't need Spirit Armor to do it.

Well, it certainly wasn't as glamerous as the Hanagumi's role in the Imperial Combat Troupe, nor as mysterious as the Tsukigumi's role, or as technical as the Kazegumi's role, but what they did was important. It was messy, dull, hard, and sometimes dangerous, but he took pride in his work. In fact, only two things prevented taking complete joy in his work.

"I'm tellin' ya. These girls just spend their days pretending to be actors, never doing a lick of real work."

"Hai."

"Then they do all this damage, then walk away from havin' to clean it up. Like they're too good to clean up after themselves."

"Hai."

Paakaa and Bureto. They came to work, bitched about it endlessly, and generally lowered the morale of everyone around them. If they weren't so good at what they did, he would've fired them long ago. "Knock it off you two. The day that your work actively tries to kill you, torture you, or do unthinkable things to your body and mind, is the day that you get to genuinely complain about how unfair your job is. Until then, take one the K7a kits, you're assigned to cleaning up sector A-5. I saved that one just for you two."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," The larger of the pair grumbled as he grabbed the handle of one of the equipment kits. "It's probably the worst one too, right Bureto?"

"Hai," the small, wiry man agreed.

"You two are the best we've got for this kind of thing," Kageyama said. Not to mention it was out of earshot from the rest of the Kuroigumi, so for once the rest of them would get some peace and quiet. "Now get going, you two."

"One of these days, we're going to quit this shit job, and then what are you going to do? Right, Bureto?"

"Hai."

"Enjoy my job a lot more," Ichiro said with a smile.

Bureto smiled back, muttering, "Hai," before following his larger partner.

The pair followed the directions on the map they'd been given, before arriving at a charred corpse. "Shoot, what the fuck did that? Must've been that new girl, Ranma."

"Hai."

Paakaa opened a drawer, and grabbed a body bag. "I mean, sure she's a looker, and has got a nice rack, but I wouldn't want to date a girl who could do this kind of thing. Unless she puts out on a first date, right?"

"Iie."

"Huh? Why not?"

"She's really a guy. He's got some kind of girl-curse."

"Oh. I sure didn't need to know that. Well, hurry up and put up those wards. We'll bag 'em and tag 'em, then scrub down the pavement. Shit. That looks like human blood. Do you think that stuff's hers?"

"Hai."

"Damn... I hate it when the girls get hurt."

"Hai."

Paakaa dropped the body bag by the corpse, and then went back for two protective kits. He tossed one kit to Bureto, and grabbed the gloves from the other. This crispy critter shouldn't need the full kit. "Okay, I'll grab the head, you grab the feet."

"Hai."

"On three. One... two... three!" Abruptly, he dropped the corpse, as pain erupted from his abdomen.

"You okay, Paakaa?"

"No, I must've gave myself a hernia or somethin'." The big man groaned, as he pressed his hands to his gut. Instead of his shirt, he felt something warm and slippery. "I... blood?"

His attention shifted from his bloody hand to a startled gurgle. In shock, he could only watch as the corpse stood and grabbed Bureto by the throat. It stared at the struggling man for a second, before snapping his neck. The sharp crack caused him to reach for the walkie talkie clipped to his belt.

He never reached it. The corpse moved quicker than he thought possible, hefting the large man up with one hand. The eyeless corpse stared up at him for a moment, before lifting him up further.

Then it began to feed. Its iron grip on his throat ensured that any screams that he might've made were never heard.

Uonuma Usui finished feasting on the two unfortunate workers, having taken the time to remove a few things he needed, like the smaller man's clothing. It didn't quite fit, but it was better than being naked, especially since his body wasn't fully repaired yet. He smiled to himself. _'Fortunately, bitch, I'm not stupid enough to keep my heart in my chest.'_ He had also finally gotten himself a matching pair of eyes.

On the way out of the park, he paused at a restroom to make sure he could pass through night-time Kyoto without attracting too much attention.

And stared at his reflection's mismatched eyes.

- + - + -

Lieutenant Ohgami Ichiro walked into the briefing room. He'd skipped supper to go over the after-action reports of Sakura, Maria, Minako, and Ranma. After briefly consulting with Commander Yoneda and Vice-Commander Ayame, and talking with a still sleepy Iris, he went over the afternoon's battle second by second, what went wrong, and what went right. After he had finished, Sakura timidly said, "I'm sorry I forgot Arataka is a sacred blade..."

Commander Yoneda interrupted her. "It wasn't your fault, Sakura-kun. If we had been doing our jobs, we would have realized that the Kouma aren't the only supernatural threat you may have to face. Such specialization was necessary during the Kouma War, but it was naive to assume that nothing would move in afterwards, let alone be something vulnerable to our tactics. I'll make some calls and see if I can get you some additional training. With luck, maybe I can get some additional information as well."

"Thank you, Commander," Ohgami said. "Does anyone else have any comments or concerns?"

Kohran raised her hand. "Hai! Ranma-han?"

"Yes, Kohran-san?"

"How small can you make that sword of yours?"

"I don't know, let's see." Ranma summoned his sword, and willed it to shrink. When it reached the length of a short tanto, he sensed that it wouldn't get any shorter. "That's about as short as it goes, but I'm not sure what good it would be. I'm not a very good knife fighter."

"True. But that is a lot easier to carry around, isn't it?"

"Thanks! Kohran-san, you are a genius!"

"You better believe it, Ranma-han!" The girl laughed, as two small Kohran dolls popped up on her shoulders, cheering, "Kohran, you're the best!"

"Anyone else?"

Sakura sighed, thinking about her sword in her room. She really needed to learn this 'hidden-weapon' style Ranma and Kohran had mentioned. It would be really nice to easily carry her katana around all the time.

- + - + -

Sakakibara Yumi answered the front door of the theatre. Standing there were two young women. The older of the two was a slender beauty with an unusual hairstyle. The younger of the two was a cute girl a little older than Iris. Behind them was a dolly with several suitcases strapped to it. "May I help you?"

"Yes. I'm Mano Yohko, and this is Kanzai Azusa. We're here to bring the rest of Ranma's things."

"Oh, that's nice of you. You could've just mailed it. I'll let Ranma know you're here."

She pulled out a walkie talkie from one of her jacket's pockets. "Kasumi-san? Could you let Ranma-san know that there's a Mano Yohko here? Oh, that's good." She put the small piece of technology away, and smiled at the two girls. "They've just finished a meeting, so they'll probably be here shortly."

"Alright. We can wait here."

While Azusa chose to sit on one of the benches that lined the lobby of the Imperial Theatre, Yohko found herself unable to sit down. Finally, near a set of stairs going up, they saw a small crowd of females exit from a set of double doors, with two men in their midst. One was a handsome man in a Navy uniform. The other, much to Yohko's delight, was...

"Ranma!" The young man in question found himself the recipient of an enthusiastic kiss from Yohko.

Ranma gently disengaged himself from Yohko. "Nice to see you, too, Yohko. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to bring your stuff, as well as getting your help on a little problem I have..." Mano Yohko finally became aware of the crowd around her. The taller two women were watching the other girls around them with thinly-veiled amusement. A long haired blonde was also watching, but her amusement was plain for all to see.

The short haired girl in a kimono had turned away with an expression of carefully crafted indifference, and was climbing the stairs. "Well, I'm going to bed. Good night, everyone."

The only one to answer was the Chinese girl in the Cheongsam, who was also watching them intently. "Good night, Sumire."

And then there were the two shortest girls, and they were both glaring at her. "Ranma," the black-haired girl said coldly, "Why don't you introduce us to your friend?"

"Yes, why don't you?" The youngest girl said, a blonde westerner a little younger than Azusa, with an expression identical to her older friend.

Ranma sweatdropped. "Of course. Everyone, I would like you to meet Mano Yohko, one of the girls my pops engaged me to. Yohko, I would like you to meet Shinguji Sakura, Iris Chateaubriand, Li Kohran, my cousin Aino Minako, Maria Tachibana, another one my fiancées, Kirishima Kanna, Ohgami Ichiro, and that is Kanzaki Sumire," Ranma finished, pointing up the stairs. "So what kind of problem do you have, Yohko?"

Yohko exhaled in disgust. "It turns out that my grandmother left out some important facts when she explained things about my Devil Hunter's transformation."

"Such as?"

"Such as the fact that it isn't the sex that takes away my transformation, that just changes my outfit. What actually takes away my transformation is giving birth to my first born daughter."

"That's good to know. So, what's the problem?" Ranma didn't notice the amused looks he was getting from Maria and Kanna, nor the exasperated one from his cousin. He did notice that the temperature in the room had dropped several degrees around Sakura and Iris.

"The problem is that I'm still a virgin, and there's no good reason to be!" Yohko grabbed Ranma's hand and began dragging him up the stairs. "And I figure if anyone's going to take care of that problem, I want it to be you!"

"What?" Ranma wasn't the only one to ask that question.

"You know, make me a woman? Pop my cherry? Throw out the first pitch? Sever the flower?"

After a quick glance at Sakura, Ranma tried to put his foot down. "Wait a second, Yohko!"

"Make the beast with two backs? Make the wind and the rain?"

"Yohko!"

"Dammit, Ranma! I'm getting laid tonight, and I'm not taking no for an answer!"

A cold voice interrupted her. "Wouldn't that be rape?"

Stunned, Yohko turned to look at the statuesque blonde staring at her from the bottom of the stairs. "What?"

She wasn't the only one staring, but they were all looking at the tall blonde. Kanna, however, was the first to find her voice. "Maria?"

"I'm sorry, Ranma, I just realized I'm being a hypocrite," Maria said, drawing her gun. "After all, if some _man _had showed up out of nowhere, and starting dragging one of the girls up the stairs, despite _her _protests, I would've done this long before now." Yohko found herself staring down the barrel of the gun. She noticed that the bullet in the chamber had been blessed. With an ominous click, Maria cocked the hammer of the six-shooter. "Now, are you going to let him go, or do I make you?"

Even as Yohko complied, Ranma moved in front of her. "Isn't that a bit excessive, Maria-san?"

Maria lowered her gun. "Not at all. Like I said, I think it's too little, and far too late. Now, Mano-kun, would you like to explain yourself?"

"I..."

"Maria, I think that's enough."

"What gives you the right to just barge in here and demand sex?"

"Maria!"

In a quiet voice, Yohko said, "Do you know what the average life expectancy for a new devil hunter is?"

Maria glared up at the hoop-haired girl. "What does that have to..."

"It's eight months." Yohko's voice began to rise. "Do you know many of us get raped by demons in our first six months?"

"I..."

"Seventy percent. That goes up to ninety percent by the end of the year, if we live that long. Let's not even get into the tentacled ones. I mean, they're so common that a couple of families assume it _will_ happen, and have make it a part of their _martial arts style._"

"I…"

"I've been a devil hunter for almost fifteen months, and _I'm still a virgin._ And now I found out that my grandmother has been _lying_ to me all this time, and I could've given it to my _friend,_ rather than wait around for some _monster _to take it from me.

"You know, my first time was almost with a friend, who had been possessed by a demon at the time. It seduced me, and just to make sure I didn't have second thoughts, it dominated me mentally. I wouldn't have been able to enjoy it even if it hadn't been stopped before it went too far." Yohko began shouting at Maria. "So you'll have _excuse _me if I don't quite match up with _your_ ideals of womanhood. I don't have the time to be shy and demure if I want to beat the odds!" With that, she ran out the front doors.

Maria blinked. "She doesn't expect us to..."

With a scathing look Maria, Ranma ran after her. "Yohko, wait!"

Kanna was also glaring at Maria. "Way to go, Maria."

"Alright, I'd expect some guy to fall for a line like that, but no woman would..."

Sakura ran out the of the theatre, crying, "I need to go apologize to her!"

"Maria..."

"Ok, Kanna, I'll go apologize too. The rest of you better stay here."

With that, Maria hurried after the teens.

- + - + -

"Officer Yamada?"

The police woman turned from the body in the alleyway to the huge Buddhist monk. "Anji-sama. Thank you for coming. This is not pretty."

"The victims of demons seldom are."

"Are you sure that what did this are demons?"

"This alley positively reeks of them. What do you have?"

"The victim is one Lt. Fujita Saori of the Yokohama police. From the state of the corpse, it looks like she's been dead no more than two weeks, but since she's the victim of demonic attack, it's hard to tell…"

"You're thinking youma, who drain life energy, which when fatal results in considerable dessication. Demons drain spiritual energy, which can leave someone alive but soulless, or they kill them physically after they're finished with them. How did she die?"

The woman swallowed against her nausea. "It looks like the actual cause of death was that she was ripped open from the inside. It's obvious that she was sexually assaulted…"

The huge monk looked grim. "I think I get the picture. May I see the body?"

"Sure." She nodded to one of her junior officers to uncover the corpse.

He examined the body for a few minutes. "Was a sword found nearby?"

"How did you know about that?"

"When I heard the name Fujita, I had a feeling about who she was. The sword confirmed it. She's the descendant of Saitou Hajime, leader of the 3rd squad of the Shinsengumi. She had the reputation as one of the strongest swordsmen in Japan... oh no."

"What?"

"She was killed two week ago, right?"

The police woman nodded.

"And there have been no reports of a serial rapist and killer during that time? Except for whoever's been slaughtering yakuza, I mean. One who's been targeting women exclusively?"

"No..."

"Get on the phone, and alert the Hanagumi, immediately. Tell them that I'm on my way there. Whatever they do, they mustn't go out at night. If I'm right about what did this, then we are in a whole mess of trouble…"

- + - + -

"Yohko?" Ranma peered around the alley. He could sense someone was in there, and he doubted there were many Devil Hunters in Kyoto.

"Yeah?"

He walked deeper into the alley. As his eyes adjusted, he could see the slender feminine figure partially hidden behind a dumpster. "You okay?"

The girl looked up at him. "I'll be fine. I don't know what I was thinking, coming here. Of course you would be dating someone already." She resumed her examination of her shoes. "Damn my luck."

"I'm sorry about the scene back there. You didn't deserve that."

"I'm sorry too. I really should've called ahead. Probably should've explained what's been bothering me all this time too." She offered him a rueful smile. "So, are we still friends?"

"Ain't I the one that's supposed to be the one to worry about that?" Ranma smiled at her as well. "Of course we are."

"Good. So you're dating that Sakura girl, huh?"

A quiet voice answered her question. "No, he's not."

"Sakura?"

The kendoka joined them in the alley. "We'd have to have had a real date to be dating, right?" She offered the pair a bright smile. "So be a gentleman, Ranma, and help the lady out."

"You sure, Sakura?"

"I'm sure."

"Alright. Good night, Sakura." Ranma started to walk past Sakura, then realized that the Imperial Theatre might not be the best place to stay tonight. "This way, Yohko," he said, jumping up to a nearby roof. "I thought I saw a hotel in this direction."

After a quick hug and a whispered, "Thank you," Yohko joined Ranma on the roof. Sakura smiled and waved when the pair paused to glance back. It didn't take the pair long to disappear after that.

Sakura managed to maintain her cheerful façade, until someone muttered behind her. "Pathetic."

"Maria?"

"And I'm not sure who's more pathetic. Her for using a line like, 'Please make love to me before some icky monster takes my precious flower,' him for not resisting, or you for not putting up a fight."

"Do you have to be so cynical all the time, Maria?"

"It's called being a realist. And you can't stand there and tell me that you're not disappointed that he's with her right now."

"I'm not."

"Then why are you crying?"

Sakura slowly reached up and touched her cheek. "I am?"

"And the stupid thing is you'll probably spend the rest of his time here giving him the cold shoulder, to punish him for doing as you asked in the first place."

"What am I going to do?"

"What you're going to do is go home, wash up, get some sleep, and then you have a decision to make."

"Decision?"

"About whether you want him as a friend, or whether or not you want a guy that is that easily manipulated through his chin-chin."

"But she had a really good reason for wanting..."

"Please, all that was is a rather original version of, 'I don't want to die a virgin.' We've been fighting monsters for over a year. They want to kill us, not rape us. Tentacled rape demons are the product of a perverted imagination. They don't exist in real life."

A soft footfall drew their attention to the alley mouth behind them. Turning, they saw a tall, cloaked figure silhouetted by the dim lights of the street beyond. Over two meters tall, the creature's three black eyes stared at them, and its demonic aura left them cold. Even as Maria reached her gun, the demon opened its "cloak," which separated into two huge, bat like wings.

Beside her, Sakura came to the horrifying realization that she'd left her weapon at home. As the monster opened its wings, numerous long tentacles unwrapped themselves from its skeletal frame. As the creature's middle eye began to emit a ruby-red glow, Maria felt her mind begin to shut down. Her last thought was one word, in her native Russian.

"Shit."

- + - + -

Next episode teaser:

ominous sounding click

Author: Maria?

Maria: You are not going to leave this as a cliffhanger.

Author: Maria, put down the gun...

Maria: I don't want this hanging over my head until the next chapter, which at the rate you've been writing lately won't come out for another...

Author: I'm sorry, but this is the logical place to break off. If I continue, the pacing of the story requires me to wait until after the Tendo girls arrive in Kyoto, and this chapter is late enough as it is.

Maria: Why not break off earlier?

The author points off stage, where Akane is fingering a giant mallet, and Kasumi is waiting patiently. Somehow, Kasumi's neutral expression was much more menacing than Akane's.

Maria: Oh.

Author: Now, would you please let Tendo Kasumi read the next chapter teaser?

Maria: Very well.

Kasumi: Don't worry, Maria-san. I've read the outline, and one of you manages to escape.

Maria: That doesn't reassure me.

Kasumi: Anyway, next time, on Rurouni Ranma, the Tendo girls _finally_ arrive at Kyoto, and we'll get to learn who plays what in, "The Tradegy of Makoto and Yumi." Here's a hint: Maria won't be playing the male lead.

Maria, muttering in Russian: Oh my god, why did you have to tell me that?

Kasumi: We get to see what the Sailors Pluto have been up to, we get to meet Kanna's boyfriend, and Nabiki gets a little summer job! So tune in next time, for "A Domestic Goddess in Kyoto." The next tragic episode of Rurouni Ranma.

Maria, one the phone: Look, just wake him up. I need to know if he added a "No tentacle sex" clause to my contract for this fic... well, given the current rate of updates, I wouldn't classify it as "urgent," exactly, but...

- + - + -

Somewhere in interstellar space:

The Entity arrived at the designated coordinates. Despite Its impatience, It waited for the Others to appear. One by One, each Entity arrived. When all Four had gathered, they could finally begin.

The First nameless horror said, "The Plan has been disrupted."

The Second shapeless abomination agreed. "Indeed, the Balance has been upset."

The Third indescribable monstrosity growled out, "Our returns have been reduced."

The Second said, "This is unacceptable, the Balance must be restored."

"The world must be Cleansed," the Fourth unspeakable malignancy mused.

The First said, "As we will it, so shall it be."

The rest, echoed, "So shall it be."

As One, the Four resumed their journey towards a planet called Earth.

- + - + -

Omake

One of the disadvantages of adding Shishio and Company to this arc of the story is that the cast of major characters grew a bit larger than I wanted to deal with. As such, a few characters that I had originally planned to help fight off a previously generic demonic invasion, and be a part of the play in the B-plot, won't be appearing after all. Here are their introduction scenes:

- + - + -

Iris walked onto the stage, wondering once again at her onee-chan's taste in anime. Granted it was extremely popular, but the opening theme was positively atrocious. And now she'd have to perform it.

As the blonde French girl began to sing "Catch You, Catch Me," out in the audience, a mortified shorthaired woman in her twenties held her head in her hand, and complained to her best friend, "Tomoyo-chan, did you _have_ to turn my childhood into an anime?"

The longhaired woman beside her turned her ever-present digital camcorder towards her. "But Sakura-chan! You're so cute!"

"You could've at least changed our names..."

- + - + -

I couldn't resist adding these three, after someone commented on the similarities between Ranma's magical-girl outfit and a certain character from an H-Game that's been turned into a rather good mainstream anime, which is fun to watch, especially when you're trying to figure out where _those_ scenes would've been in the original game.

- + - + -

"This is a waste of our time," the conservatively dressed shorthaired blonde grumbled. "We should be looking for the Grail, not visiting some amusement park."

The black-haired young woman beside her sighed. "Saber, if we had even a single lead on the Grail, we would. But there hasn't been a peep since the abrupt end of the Grail Wars over two years ago."

"I know that Rin, but..."

The brown haired young man following the two women added, "Besides, we _have_ been looking for the Grail, but it doesn't hurt to take a break now and then. And I've heard great things about the Kyoto fair, so since we're in the area anyway..." He was interrupted by the P.A. overhead. "What's a code black?"

Off to the right, a tornado emerged from behind some of the attractions. Moments later, the distinctive sound of a magical attack reached their ears. The young man grinned at the two ladies accompanying him. "Well, it looks like the Grail Wars have moved here."

The younger of the two women shook her head. "Shirou, you won. This is probably completely unrelated to the Grail Wars. There are a lot more magic users in the world than Masters and Servants. We should..." Tousaka Rin trailed off as Saber and Emiya Shirou traded stares. It didn't take long for Saber to lose their silent argument. "... probably play the hero and go see if there's anything we can do to help." She said with an unenthusiastic sigh.

- + - + -

Thankfully, during the re-edit of the Kyoto arc, I noticed I had gotten the timeline of Rurouni Ranma confused with another Ranma/Sailor Moon crossover I've been working on. Since Saber and company are no longer a part of this arc, that mistake was sent to the cutting room floor.


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not have the privilege of owning Ranma ½, Sailor Moon, Sakura Wars, Devil Hunter Yohko, Rurouni Kenshin, or any of the other highly recognizable characters you might find in these pages. I'm just playing around with them for my own demented amusement.

I doubt you've forgotten, but Sakura Wars normally takes place in a "steam punk" version of 1920's Tokyo, not modern day Kyoto. I've transplanted them from their normal setting for purposes of this story. Their mecha remain steam powered, though. ^_^

- + - + -

(grrr... this site keeps eating my formatting... one last attempt before giving up. Sorry about this folks.)

Yeah! It's done! It's done! I was beginning to think I'd never finish this chapter before November, so that I'll be able to finish the second half of Spoiled Brats during NaNoWriMo.

As always, I'd like to thanks the folks at fukufics dot com, and especially J. St. C Patrick, for giving it the once over before posting.

I'd like to thank all those distractions that delayed this chapter of Rurouni Ranma:

My niece and nephew, for being so darn cute and hyperactive.  
Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, for being so much fun to watch, and inspiring me so close to...  
National Novel Writers Month, and my second _published _fanfic Spoiled Brats.  
The History Channel, for being so interesting and reminding me that I have yet to complete...  
Rome: Total War. You'd think I'd know by now that after a month or so I'll lose interest, thanks to a single turn taking two hours, three if there's a battle.  
Civilization IV. I love that game!  
My attention span, for having way too many hobbies.  
The Halflife 2 Orange Box – because Portal is so much fun, and it has the cutest little death machines!  
Netflix – So many anime series, so little time!  
TVTropes – for being so fascinating.  
All the other fanfiction stories I've started, but never gotten very far on, because another story idea inevitably appears. I really should post what I've got one of these days...  
My Nth attempt to teach myself Japanese, including katakana, hiragana, and kanji.  
My attention span, for having way too many hobbies.  
My local public library, for having so many books!  
Discussion boards in general, because the only thing more fun than debating topics of importance is debating topics that are not important, like how magic works in El Goonish Shive.  
My new computer... what on earth am I going to use a terabyte of hard drive space for?  
Windows Vista... Microsoft, why did you have to abandon backwards compatibility?  
Open Office... because my older copy of Microsoft Office no longer works well with Windows Vista.  
Did I mention my attention span?

- + - + -

On the main stage of the Imperial Theatre stood a short haired woman, brilliantly light by a single floodlight. Rather than facing the audience, her attention was on the stack of bills she was counting.

"Nabiki-san?" The author asked uncertainly.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, the cast is sick and tired of you using these things as your own personal soap-box, so they're demanding equal time. They asked me to handle the details."

"O-kay…"

Nabiki smiled impishly. "Wonderful! Here's the first couple of people who want a chance to speak out before this chapter starts."

Another spotlight illuminated the stage, revealing two beings. The first was a richly dressed middle-aged man, his hair in a style that resembled the tail of a peacock. The second was a tentacled monster, who was carrying a sign that said, "Darkfyre99 unfairly stereotypes tentacled beings," and was wearing some buttons, including "TBADL" (Tentacled Beings Anti-Deformation League) and, "Just say 'NO' to Human Females." The author refuses to speculate on how it was wearing said buttons, since it didn't have any clothing.

"They aren't even a part of the cast!"

Nabiki, smiling impishly: "I don't care, as long as I get paid. Besides, Glemph is a part of the cast."

"But I only mentioned him as nod to Ghastly's Ghastly Comic!"

"Just let them have their say. I have two more scheduled to speak."

"Alright… let's just get this over with."

The tentacled monster said, "Hello. I am Glemph, and I am a tentacled being."

"Greetings," the man said, with a vaguely eastern-European accent. "I am Ambassador Londo Mollari, of the Centauri Republic, and I am also a tentacled being."

"We are here to protest the gross stereotyping of tentacled beings in this story. The idea that we are all sex maniacs, interested only in ravishing human women is incredibly insulting. The females of our own species are far more attractive."

"That's right. Only sexual deviants, like a certain Narn ambassador that will remain nameless, are interested in interspecies sex. And even though the Earthers do share a certain degree of superficial similarity with the Centauri, no true Centauri would be interested in sex with them. After all, Earthers just have one. While we Centauri..." Londo pounded his chest ina masculine manner. "We have SIX."

"That's correct, Ambassador, only sexual deviants are interested in sex outside their species."

Unnoticed by Glemph, a long-haired woman walked seductively into the spotlight, taking Ambassador Mollari's arm.

Londo looked at the woman, a bit distracted. "Yes. No matter how attractive Earthers may appear, how similar they seem to be to us Centauri, especially their women, with their hair… that lovely, full head of hair that has never seen a razor in its life… um… where was I? Oh yeah… still, we must remember that Earthers have one, while we have…"

The woman whispered in Londo's ear.

"Really? You actually do that kind of thing? But… still… as I said… we Centauri have six."

The woman smiled as a second woman took his other arm. "Did I mention I brought a friend?"

Londo turned to Glemph, and said, "I'll be in my quarters. Come along, ladies, one must do what one must to improve interstellar relations."

The eyes of Glemph's eyestalks opened wide as the creature's jaw hit the floor. "HEY!!!"

A tall, emaciated, bat-winged tentacled monster poked its three-eyed head into the spotlight. In its tentacles was a happily struggling woman.

"Are you almost done?" The woman asked. "I've got a hot date planned for tonight, which can't happen until he's finished his scene."

Glemph stared furiously after the Centauri Ambassador. "Yeah, sure…"

One of Glemph's eye-stalks swiveled in the woman's direction. "Kiki!"

Glemph stormed off stage, crying, "Why do I even bother?"

The author sighed. "Nabiki, who's next?"

"That would be Maria Tachibana."

Maria stepped into the spotlight. "I would like to address allegations that I, somehow, picked up the idiot ball. While it is indeed true that I said something incredibly stupid, I resent the implication that I was somehow asleep at the briefing. The much simpler explanation was that the author couldn't resist leaving in a terribly cliched joke that was left over from the original version of this story arc, which did not include a horde of tentacled sex demons at the battle at the park. Because if the author had been a little more on the ball, she would've never had very lecherous miniature tentacled sex demons chasing after Sailor Venus…"

Aino Minako poked her head into the spotlight. "Sorry, that's my fault. I didn't think what they were saying was that important."

Ohgami Ichiro poked his head into the spotlight from the opposite direction. "And I probably should've followed up with both her and Ranma. After all, they've never been in the military before. Sorry about that, Maria."

Maria stormed off stage, swearing in Russian. "You're both idiots."

Minako asked, "So… did you add the 'no tentacle sex' clause to my contract?"

"And to my girlfriend's?"

"Yes," the author said.

"Thanks!"

Nabiki walked back into the spotlight. "I wonder if he's aware that one the other tentacled sex demon from Ghastly's Ghastly Comic is gay, so males don't necessarily have immunity? Oh, well. And last, and certainly least, is Honjo Kamatari."

Scythe-chan waddled on stage, holding an icepack to his groin. "As someone who did his own stunts, I respectfully request that some people read more carefully in the future. Especially since Shinguji-san was a little overenthusiastic in delivering the groin stomp in question."

Sakura stepped into the spotlight, glaring at the crossdresser. "Well... you shouldn't have FLASHED me!"

"Didn't you read the script?"

"…"

"…"

"I was kind of in a hurry that day," Sakura admitted, blushing.

The author sighed in relief. "And now… on with the show."

- + - + -

Chapter 10 – A Domestic Goddess in Kyoto

Instinct often gets a bad rap. Because it takes place below the level of consciousness, it has been blamed for any number of human evils. Some modern philosophers think it should be stamped out completely.

But in a life or death situation, it can be a godsend. Warriors spend their lives training their instincts, so that when it comes time to use their skills, their minds can focus upon their goal, as opposed to their actions. Maria Tachibana was one such warrior. Her early days as a revolutionary in Soviet Russia had forged the instincts that had kept her alive when her cell had been compromised, and her brief career in the Russian Mafia of New York City had honed them to a fine edge.

When Sub-Commander Ayame had recruited her, she had had to learn a new set of instincts. Piloting the Spirit Armor, while close to _wearing_ actual armor, could've easily resulted in a blunting of her instincts outside the steam-powered mecha. It was something she had seen happening to Kanna, Sumire, Ohgami, and Sakura. She, however, refused to have any weakness outside of the Koubu. Which was why she spent what little free time she had practicing her skills outside of the steam-powered mecha as well.

Thus, even as the ruby-red glow from the demon before them drained the conscious will of Maria and Sakura, Maria's body reacted. Maria's mind had analyzed the threat, and had given her body its marching orders before it had taken a vacation. Her body aimed and fired, sending a single blessed round right into the monster's third, glowing eye. And then, not having any orders to the contrary, and one definite threat not even five meters away, it proceeded to fire round after round at the monstrosity, even as it collapsed writhing behind a dumpster.

Maria's first thought was that she hadn't remembered pulling the trigger, despite the fact that the hammer of her pistol had fallen on another empty chamber. Her second was that Sakura was unarmed. Her third was that the younger girl was completely oblivious of the danger she was in. No thought was spared to the fact that her hands, with several well-practiced motions, had opened her pistol, emptied the spent shells, pulled out an auto-loader from a hidden pocket, slipped in six new rounds, and closed the pistol shut again.

"Sakura!"

"Wha?"

"Sakura!"

The young swordswoman finally woke up. "Maria? Wha… what is that thing?"

"Doesn't matter. Run!"

"But…"

"Run! I'll cover you."

Used to following the orders of the older woman, Sakura didn't continue to argue. "Right!"

Sakura turned and ran away from the demon, deeper into the alley, and unfortunately farther from help. Maria kept her gun trained on the dumpster, not believing in the slightest that that thing was dead. Thus it came as no surprise when, with an angry hiss, it leapt out from cover, spreading its wings despite the narrowness of the alley. She managed to put several more rounds into the monstrosity as it passed overhead, in pursuit of the fleeing kendoka. Her last shot failed to connect as is it dodged out of sight down the side alley Sakura had fled into.

Maria pursued, her hands once again automatically reloading her weapon. _'It's a tentacled rape demon. Of COURSE it would go after the virgin first.' _She just hoped she could reach the girl in time.

Seconds after turning the corner herself, Maria cursed. The demon was waiting for her…

- + - + -

Back at the Imperial Theatre, a few members of the Flower Division of the Imperial Combat Troupe, all three members of the Wind Division, plus two guests, waited for quartet that had run out into the night. They were all startled when a siren began blowing in the lobby.

Fujii Kasumi hurried to the nearest phone, and dialed the command center. "What is it, Vice-Commander? Oh, I see... but Sakura-kun, Maria-san, Ranma-kun, and Mano-san are outside right now. Oh dear."

Kanna, staring at the front doors of the theatre, asked, "What is it, Kasumi-san?"

"The police called. There's apparently some kind of demon out there that specifically targets female martial artists. The Timeless Monk said that we really shouldn't be out at night."

The youngest member of the Hanagumi, Iris Chateaubriand, grabbed Kirishima Kanna's hand. "But Sakura-neechan, Maria-neesan, and Ranma-niichan are out there!"

"Anji-sama is one his way here right now. I'm sure they'll be alright for a little while."

The young girl didn't look relieved. "Are you sure they'll... AAH! Maria!" Screaming, the girl grabbed her head. An instant later, she collapsed.

Kanna was the first to find her voice. "Well... that seems ominous."

Kanzaki Sumire appeared at the top of the stairs to the residential wing, wearing a nightgown. "What's going on?"

Kasumi tried to explain the situation to the girl, but before she could, the front door slammed open, as a pale Sakura ran past up the stairs. The only words that they could make out was, "Katana... demon... Maria... help..."

Sumire ran back to her room to grab her naginata.

- + - + -

Mano Yohko and Jino (formally Saotome) Ranma, on the roof across from the hotel where they had planned to spend the night, were just about to jump back down to street level, when Yohko looked over her shoulder.

Ranma looked back as well. "What is it?"

"I don't know. I thought I heard..." Yohko summoned her devil hunter's ring, and stared at the glowing gems that made up its eyes. "Demon."

Ranma's weapon appeared in his hand, quickly growing to its customary length. "Kuso... we just came from there. Let's go!"

"Right."

As the pair ran across the rooftops, they both invoked their transformations. For Ranma, he went girl with one step, the magical armor encasing her on her second step. Yohko, on the other hand, cursed as her transformation not only destroyed her "sexy lose my virginity to Ranma outfit," but threw off her stride. So she had an excellent view of Ranma leaping off the roof, slicing off the tentacles that were molesting the tall blonde gaijin below.

Then it was her turn to leap into battle. Her arc was shallower than Ranma's, allowing her to leap off the opposite wall of the alley. With luck, the demon's attention was entirely on Ranma, which would allow her to blindside the monster.

It didn't matter. Even as she made her second jump, Ranma hurled a rose, of all things, at the tentacled beast. When the flower struck, many vines emerged, trying to pin the beast. With a snap of armored girl's fingers, the vines began draining away its demonic energy.

A single swing of her Soul Sword caused the struggling abomination to collapse. Yohko turned to see Ranma wrap the Russian woman in her cloak. "Maria-sempai?" Ranma asked, "Are you okay?"

The blonde Russian nodded. "I'll live, Ranma. I'm just glad you two came along when you did." She turned, and nodded at Yohko as well. "I'd also like to apologize..."

Yohko waved off her apology. "No need. I wasn't thinking when I came here..."

Ranma stared at the fallen demon. "Yohko? That thing's still alive."

Yohko turned to look at the monster feebly struggling in the grip of Ranma's vines. "I know. I can't kill that thing until I know what gender it is."

Maria, the cloak tight about her, joined the pair and drawled, "Why? It's obviously male."

Yohko paled at the thought. "Don't even joke about something like that, Maria-san."

"What?"

"The males of this kind of demon aren't normally predators. They're too timid to be anything more than opportunists. A predatory male means that there's a nesting female around here somewhere, and that would be very, very bad."

Ranma looked at her. "How bad?"

Yohko grabbed the pommel stone of her Soul Sword, twisting it slightly to release the long, thin knife hidden in the sword's hilt. "Nuke the site from orbit bad. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to demonstrate the less glamorous side of devil hunting." She looked at the creature, nearly unmoving beneath the vines. "A rose, Ranma?"

The red-haired girl shrugged. "It worked, didn't it? Besides, it feels less silly with repetition. Um... aren't you going to kill it first?"

Yohko began to cut into the beast. "I can't. If I kill it, it'll just dissolve, and I need to find out its sex first. The last thing we need is a repeat of 1871."

"Oh." Ranma turned away, trying to suppress her feelings of sympathy for the creature being vivisected before its death. She looked at Maria instead, who had a grim look of satisfaction on her face as she watched Yohko work.

A few minutes later, Yohko stood up, shaking off the ichor on her hands. "Thank goodness, there's an egg sack. That means it's female." Behind her, the monster was dissolving into dust.

Maria shook her head. "I still don't understand how something like that could be female."

Yohko grimaced. "Most demons are born of strong emotions or desires, usually negative ones. I try not to think about what kind of emotions or desires could generate something like _that_. My grandmother's theory is that..."

She didn't finish her sentence, as Sakura led Kanna and Sumire, plus her apprentice Azusa and a blonde she didn't know, into the alley. The black haired girl stared at the scene before her, before collapsing against the alley wall, breathing heavily. "Maria-san? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Sakura-kun. Thankfully, they rescued me before it got too far."

Yohko smiled. "You're also lucky you were packing blessed bullets. The regular kind wouldn't have been of much use at all."

"I figured it would be prudent, after the attack at the park this afternoon."

A deep male voice startled them all. "There was another demon attack today?"

Ranma gazed adoringly at the giant of a man behind them, oblivious to the incredulous look from Yohko. "Anji-sama!"

"Tsubaki-chan, you're doing it again."

Ranma blinked, before pounding her head against the nearest wall. "Dammit. How long is this gonna keep up?"

Yohko turned from the chagrined redhead to the giant man beside her. "What's going on?"

"I knew Ranma's previous incarnation when she was alive, and she had feelings for me. Every so often, Tsubaki's personality asserts itself when Ranma and I are talking."

Off to the side, Kanna grinned impishly. "You should see it happen when Ranma's a guy. They both really get creeped out."

The Timeless Monk turned to the devil hunter before him. "I thought I heard you say that thing was a female?"

"Hai."

"Good. I remember reading about the Chicago incident when I was younger. This city has seen so much blood already, and the souls that were slain stopping the last demon invasion here are troublesome enough. Another incident like that would only add to their power. Now, let's get you ladies back to the Theatre. I really need to talk to Commander Yoneda. One demon is one too many. Several demons are a sign that something is seriously wrong in Kyoto."

- + - + -

Their return to the Imperial Theatre of Kyoto was a chaotic one. Many of the Hanagumi and Kazegumi crowded Maria, who simply wanted to replace her tunic, in their efforts to make sure she was all right. Minako and Azusa were trying to explain things to Iris, much to the younger girl's confusion. Ranma wanted in on the conversation between Commander Yoneda and the Timeless Monk. Kanna was teasing Sumire about giving Kyoto a free show. Yohko simply wanted to get laid.

Finally, Commander Yoneda had enough. "Alright, ladies? Will you let Maria go to her room so she can get changed? As for the rest of you, go get some sleep. It's late, and it's been a very busy day. Once Lord Anji and I pool our resources about this new threat, we'll be holding a briefing."

"And Ranma? I may not know much about it," Anji said with a smile, "But I'm fairly certain you shouldn't leave a lady waiting."

Maria, on the second floor balcony, stared town at the huge monk. "That's a pretty odd thing for a monk to say."

The priest shrugged. "My temple is a haven for those who once followed the warrior's way. Among our nuns are several former devil hunters, so I'm well aware of the hazards of that profession. If you ever need someone to talk too..." Anji trailed off, until Maria nodded as she continued on to her room. The giant man's smile returned when the hoop-haired brunette glomped onto the shorter redhead's right arm. "Good night, you two."

Sakura stared at the pair climbing the staircase. She then looked at Iris. Suddenly, she blurted out, "Hey! Do you know what would be fun? A slumber party!"

Iris bounced on her toes excitedly. "Really, Sakura-neechan? Iris has never been to a slumber party before!"

Kohran adjusted her glasses as she looked at her friend. "A slumber party, Sakura-han?"

"Hai. We can have it at the residential branch. The repairs are almost finished, after all."

"Why not here?"

"That's actually a good idea," Maria said as she returned, buttoning a new tunic. "Though a few of us should remain here in case of an alert."

"I will," Kanna volunteered, with a wide grin.

"I'll stay as well," Sumire said haughtily. "After all, I have a perfectly good bed right here. Sleeping on tatami is not my idea of fun."

"Maria-neechan? You're coming too, aren't you?" Iris asked the tall blonde.

"I've never been to one either, so it may be fun."

"Minako-san? Azusa-chan?" Both girls nodded their acceptance. Kasumi, Tsubaki, and Yuri also accepted the girl's offer.

Ranma and Yohko continued up the stairs. "Good night everybody!"

"Good night! See you tomorrow!"

"You're planning on eavesdropping, aren't you, you pervert?" Maria whispered to Kanna as she passed by.

"Can't blame a girl for being curious," Kanna whispered back, still grinning.

- + - + -

Early the next morning, Kanna descended the stairs, a big grin on her face, and cheerfully singing, "Konya wa Hurricane."

"You're in a good mood," Maria drawled as she emerged from the sub-basement.

"Yep. Ranma's going to make some lucky woman _very_ happy. And I wasn't expecting to see _you_ until after breakfast. By the way, nice hair."

Maria smiled as she fingered the multiple short ponytails she wore. "Iris-chan wanted to do my hair. Anyways, Sakura-kun went to the train station to meet the last of our guest actresses. Given the situation, Captain Ohgami didn't want anything to happen to her. I was going to go with her, but Minako-san volunteered instead. Since I was up, I caught the train here with the Kohran-san, who's anxious to do more work on her new Koubu design."

Li Kohran ran up the stairs, her twin pigtails steaming behind her. "Aaah! I forgot about the experiment in my room!"

She passed Ranma and Yohko on the stairs. Ranma nodded to the two older women. "Good morning, Kanna-san, Maria-san. Nice hair."

"Good morning. Iris-chan was playing with it last night."

The hoop haired girl looked over her shoulder. "Should we be worried?"

Maria nodded. "Definitely. It usually takes Kohran-san two hours to seriously warp the laws of nature. This has been brewing for what? Ten?"

There was a muffled explosion upstairs. "Don't worry! It was supposed to do that!"

With a chime, the elevator to the lower levels opened up, disgorging Commander Yoneda, Captain Ohgami, and the Timeless Monk. "It's lively this morning," Ohgami said with a yawn, a mug of steaming coffee in his hand. Yoneda quietly talked with Anji as they walked through some of the early morning crew as they arrived.

"Were you three up all night?"

Ohgami took a sip of his coffee. "Pretty much. I had the responsibility of calling most of the devil hunter clans, to advise them of what's been happening in Kyoto. Most of them weren't pleased to be awakened in the middle of the night, but agreed that the situation warranted it." Ohgami choked on his coffee when he took a closer look at Maria. "Excuse me. Anyways… we need to find the source of the problem before they'll send help. I understand they've been busier than usual for some reason." Ohgami yawned again, before looking at Ranma and Yohko. "I figured you two would sleep in this morning."

Yohko shrugged impishly. "We would've, but Grandmother was quite emphatic that I was to come straight home afterward, so I need to catch the early express home. My cousin's solo right now, and she doesn't have a lot of experience yet."

"Is it too much to ask for a little peace and quiet this morning?" Sumire asked grumpily at the top of the Grand Staircase. The girl's hair was a mess, she had bags under her bloodshot eyes, and she glowered at the radiantly happy couple below.

Kanna smiled up at the short-haired girl. "Woah… cactus woman. You're looking pricklier than ever this morning."

"You would too if you were kept up for two and a half hours by those two sex maniacs!"

Every single man in the foyer, and most of the women, cried out, "TWO AND A HALF HOURS?" And then, as one, each man bowed deeply to Ranma, who bowed back, puzzled.

A brave voice asked, "So Ranma, what's your secret?"

"Um? Martial arts, a Nyaniichuan curse, and a girl willing to show how it all works?"

"Did everyone get that?"

Smiling radiantly, Yohko led Ranma out the front door. "If you'll excuse us… I have a train to catch."

- + - + -

Tendo Akane was in a foul mood. This wasn't unusual for the girl, especially during the last four months. Between Saffron, the failed wedding, Ranma's change in behavior, Ranma _abandoning _her, _Kasumi _acting weird, Kasumi getting engaged to that perverted _boy_, (she refused to acknowledge that he was seven years older than she was, despite his looks) her father becoming her _sister_, and supposedly pregnant with Ranma's child, Akane felt she had every right to be out of sorts. She had been looking forward to getting away from it all, and indulging in her second greatest love, acting.

The fact that the Emperor's personal theatre, the Imperial Theatre of Kyoto, had asked _her_, out of thousands of aspiring actresses around the country, to help with some special cultural thing during the summer was a source of great pride to her. At least _someone_ recognized genius when they saw it. But no… her _father_ felt she couldn't take care of herself, and asked that perverted _boy_ to come along to _protect_ her. And then, to make it worse, Kasumi decided to accompany them. The pair were driving her crazy, always touching and hugging and kissing… and they were both _girls_ right now. That perverted _boy_ was turning her sister into a pervert as well.

The train ride was a prime example. Rather than taking an express that would've gotten them there in two hours, Kasumi had chosen to take a slow moving passenger train that took the "scenic route," and included a sleeper car, because it was more _romantic_. She had been forced to endure not only sleeping in the same cabin as them, but watching them share the same _bed_. Which apparently involved much giggling. Sure, she could've gotten her _own _cabin, the train wasn't crowded, but _someone _had to protect her sister's virtue.

And then there was the conversation before they left the station. Akane had asked a perfectly reasonable question about _why_ Kamiya Kenji felt he/she/whatever could carry around a poorly concealed katana, despite it being outlawed. He claimed that a lot of people carried concealed swords, and had the nerve to imply that she wasn't paying attention when she refused to believe him. Which led to the conversation this morning.

"I see three," Kasumi said.

"Really? Who?" The red haired woman asked.

"The lady with the long bag."

"That could be kendo equipment, oneechan," Akane said irritably.

Kasumi shook her head. "No. The weight of the bag is wrong for a bokken or a shinai. The second is that blond man over there."

"You're right. That's definitely a cane sword."

Akane snorted. "Yeah, right."

"That American with the trench coat."

"Yes, he's definitely packing steel under there. And I think he's English, perhaps from Scotland, not American…"

'_They're doing this to drive me crazy. I know it.' _Akane thought fiercely. "Wouldn't it be a little more obvious?"

Kenji looked at her with wide eyes. "Don't you know a master of hidden weapons style?"

Akane glowered at the usurper, her aura building up around her. "What are you saying?"

"Oh my, Akane! Look." Kasumi pointed at nearby pillar.

"What?"

Akane looked at the poster on the pillar. Prominently displayed on the poster were pictures of Ryouga-kun and her P-chan, neither of which she'd seen in months. The poster said, "Warning: notorious peeping tom, molester, and panty thief. Has the ability to become a miniature pet pig, which he uses to molest innocent young women. If seen, please contact..."

Akane stared furiously at the poster. "Why... that... PERVERT! How dare Grandfather Happosai frame Ryouga and poor P-chan like that!"

Kasumi looked down worriedly at her fallen fiance, "Anata, are you alright?"

Kenji looked up incredulously at his fiancee's sister. "Please tell me you're joking!"

"About what?"

"Oh, look, Kenji. She makes four." Kasumi interrupted, pointing.

Akane looked at the girl Kasumi was pointing at, and saw that the attractive black-haired girl was indeed carrying a sword. Openly. Said katana was tucked into the obi of her unusual looking pink and purple hakama/kimono hybrid. The pony-tailed girl was also carrying a sign that said, "Tendo." Standing beside the girl was a very attractive and athletic blonde girl about Akane's age.

Akane felt a sweat drop forming. _'What kind of theatre sends a swordswoman to pick people up?'_

- + - + -

Komagata Yumi frowned at the nervous succubus as the girl reported what she had learned early that morning. Her plan, and years of careful and cautious work, was in jeopardy. The assassination attempt on Shinguji and Chateaubriand had not only failed spectacularly, but had cost them two Wakiji, half a dozen lesser demons, and most importantly Scythe-chan. Usui-san had disappeared, but had apparently managed to elude capture. Maul-chan had turned out to be useless for some reason. And most important of all, the amusement park fiasco had cost them the element of surprise.

And now the humans knew about the other demon as well, if what one of her girls had learned from the police was true. There were also not one, but _two_ magical girls running around Kyoto right now. And it was only a matter of time before devil hunters started to appear as well.

"Thank you, Sakaki-chan. Kaori-chan? Get the word out, quickly but discretely, that the Lysistrata protocol will need to go into effect soon. I want a watch kept on the Imperial Theatre at all times. Get the girls in the harem ready to move back to the brothel. We simply can't afford to shut the place down until the danger has passed. And we need to identify that red-haired girl as soon as possible…"

"Here you go, ma'am," Kaori-chan, her secretary, said, handing Yumi a folder. "This is a dossier on the redhead. It did cost us 50,000 yen, but the girl promised the information was accurate, though it is about three months out of date. Apparently, the magical girl thing is fairly recent, but the _boy,_" she added, grinning impishly, "is considered one of the best _unarmed_ martial artist for his age."

"I see," Yumi said, glancing at the first page of the report. "At least that explains Maul-chan's failure."

She passed the former oiren a second folder. "This is the dossier on the blonde. The information is very sketchy, but what do you expect from the Internet? She's one of _nine_ magical girls that operate out of southern Tokyo."

A third folder joined the other two. "And here's the information on the Bonta-kun mascot that attacked. I think you'll find that one kind of interesting."

"Well done, Kaori-chan. Give my thanks to the team."

The succubus Hikaru, Yumi's second in command, ran into her office, out of breath. "Yumi-sama! You need to go to the harem immediately!"

"Can it wait? I have a meeting with Shishio-dono soon."

"I know my lady, but you need to go there right now. It's… it's a disaster!"

"Dammit! Hikaru-chan, I'll need you to sit in on the meeting for me. Kaori-chan, fill her in on what she needs to know. Tell Shishio-dono that I'll be there as soon as I've sorted out the harem."

"Hai, Yumi-sama!"

The pair of succubus watched as the formerly living woman hurried off. "Is it really that bad, Hikaru-chan?" Kaori asked.

"Hai. The plan was perfect, but now everything's starting to fall apart, and Shishio and his men are at the center of it all."

"Maybe Yumi-chan can salvage it."

"I hope so, Kaori-chan. If anyone can, she can." Hikaru took a second look down the now deserted corridor. "But if it goes to pieces, try to remember that Yumi is mine. I earned her, and there's a fine brain in that sexy body of hers. I don't want to lose her to the Master."

"Hai, Hikaru-dono."

"Now… tell me what I need to know for this meeting with 'our lord.'"

"Of course. The first thing you need to know…"

- + - + -

Yohko was trying to enjoy her walk to the station with Ranma. She was on the arm of a handsome boy, she had gotten laid last night, she couldn't wait to get home to give her best friend all the sweaty details, but something was nagging her. Some tiny detail that she'd forgotten, and it was taking all the enjoyment out of her glorious morning.

Then she glanced at her youma ring. The eyes were glowing faintly. She whispered, "Ranma?"

Feeling the girl tense up, Ranma began scanning the street. "What is it?"

"There's a demon nearby."

"And it would help me a lot if you ignored it and kept walking. I'm trying to follow the succubus," an equally quiet voice said right behind them. "Sorry. Captain Kayama Yuichi of the Tsukigumi, the intelligence arm of the Imperial Combat Group. We've got this one covered. You two go have fun."

"Thanks, Captain." Ranma smiled as he steered Yohko towards the train station. They'd have time for breakfast before her train left.

Yohko sighed in relief. So _that's_ what was bugging her.

- + - + -

Meanwhile, back at the residential branch of the Imperial Theatre, two tired pre-teens slept soundly. Iris Chateaubriand and Kanzai Azusa had stayed up far too late having fun last night, and the older girls had decided to let them sleep in.

- + - + -

"Which one's Li Kohran again, Ranma?" Yohko asked as they entered the station.

"The purple haired girl with the glasses. She's a distant relative of Mousse."

"So you're not going to keep on seeing Shinguji-san?"

Ranma shrugged. "That's up to her. She's a nice girl, and a good swordswoman, but she seems to be the passive-aggressive type. I just don't feel like putting up with that kind of crap anymore, especially if we haven't really been dating. If Sakura-san decides I need to 'suffer' for last night, I'll give Kohran-san a chance to fulfill her end of her deal with Cologne. And speaking of Sakura-san, there she is with Minako-chan."

"Yeah, and it looks like they've met the new actress. Let's go see!" Yohko took two steps down the stairs before she stopped. "Hold on, my cell's buzzing." She flipped the phone. "Hello? Oh, hi grandma! No, I haven't left the city yet…"

Ranma walked ahead of the distracted devil hunter, and moved towards the group of women. "Sakura-san! Minako-chan! Good Morning!"

Shinguji Sakura looked at him over her shoulder, before turning away in a huff.

Minako rolled her eyes at the black haired swordswoman. "Good Morning, Ranma!"

"Ranma?"

"Akane?"

"I got it, grandma, but I gotta go. Bye." Yohko caught up with the stunned Ranma, and then looked at the black haired girl who was staring at Ranma in shock. With the girl were two young women, a brunette and a redhead.

The brunette placed a hand on her cheek and whispered, "Oh my."

Yohko's gazed moved from the two stunned teens, to Sakura's dark look, and then to Minako's impish grin, before locking on to the older brunette. The hoop haired girl walked up to the woman and asked, "You wouldn't be Tendo Kasumi, would you?"

The taller girl smiled pleasantly. "Why yes, I am."

Yohko pulled the woman into an enthusiastic embrace. "Thank you! Thank you for showing Ranma the tongue thing!"

"Um... it was my pleasure?"

Yohko chuckled lecherously as she playfully elbowed the older woman. "Yeah, I bet."

As a confused Akane turned to her sister, Minako asked, "What's the tongue thing?"

"You see, it's where the guy takes his tongue, and…"

Tendo Akane, glowing faintly, growled out, "What the hell is going on here? Who is she?"

Ranma laughed sheepishly. "Oh, sorry. Ladies, allow me to introduce Mano Yohko-chan. Yohko-chan, this is Tendo Kasumi-san, Tendo Akane, and some woman I've never met before."

Yohko bowed. "It's nice to meet you all. Oh, Ranma, I've got good news. Yoneda-san called grandma, and she agreed that since I'm already on site, I could stay! Isn't that great?"

"Wonderful," Sakura ground out.

"This is Kamiya Kenji-chan, my fiance," Tendo Kasumi introduced the redhead proudly.

"Let me guess," Ranma said, "Instant Nyanniichuan?"

"Yes, and I understand that this idea is all your fault," Kenji said, trying, and failing, to glare angrily at the black-haired boy. The mischievous grin on her face ruined the effect. "Also, don't expect _me_ to thank you for receiving 'Sumi-chan's virginity."

"Yeah… that would be a bit awkward," Ranma agreed, scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck.

"Of course, it is a horrible double standard," Kenji added, ignoring the furious black-haired girl nearby.

"Yes, we should be ashamed of ourselves for thinking in such a sexist manner," Ranma said, nodding.

Akane finally found her voice. "Ranma…"

"Yeah, Akane?" Ranma asked the glowing girl, unconcerned.

"You monster! How dare you ra…"

"Akane-chan, if you finish that sentence, I swear I will tan your pert little bottom right here," Kasumi declared, narrowing her eyes at her younger sister.

"Oneechan!"

"I'm serious!"

"But that's perverted!"

"That's not perverted," Aino Minako said thoughtfully. "Now, if she said she'd lift your skirt before spanking you, _that_ would be perverted."

"That's not perverted," Yohko protested. "Now, if she were to pull down her panties before spanking her, _that_ would be perverted," Yohko said with a smile. She loved this game.

"That's not perverted. Now, if I were to spank her bare bottom while wearing a leather bustier, _that_ would perverted."

Akane stared at her older sister in shock.

"Oh, my," Kasumi said. "This is fun!"

- + - + -

Shishio Makoto frowned when a familiar succubus took Yumi's seat. "Hikaru-san, where's Yumi?"

"She's dealing with a situation in the harem, Shishio-dono," the dark haired demon said, glaring at the newly regenerated Usui.

Shishio turned to look at the object of the sex demon's ire. "Usui, what did you do?"

"It would be best, Shishio-dono," Hikaru said respectfully, still glaring at the spearman, "If you waited for Komagata-dono to access the damage. May we begin the meeting?"

"Very well. Usui? Maul? Would you like to explain that fiasco yesterday?"

Usui grimaced. "My lord, it seems rumors of Maul's prowess were greatly exaggerated. It didn't help that there was not one, but _two_ magical girls accompanying our targets, one of whom was a formidable martial artist, on top of her magical abilities..."

"That wasn't my fault," Maul growled. "Never before has a woman been completely unaffected by my power."

"Right... that explains why the girl was able to lead you by your nose..."

"That's enough!" Shishio said, breaking off the argument. "Do we even know who these two new girls are?"

"Yes, my Lord," Sadojima Houji said. "The blonde we've tentatively identified as Sailor Venus, a member of a team of five magical girls from Tokyo. The redhead we've tentatively identified as a descendant of Shinomori Aoshi, based upon her fighting style, which consists of the use of a kodachi for defense and kempo for attack. She is also knowledgeable about the Mastery of Two Layers, so she might also be a descendant of that tag-a-long..."

"My Lord," Hikaru interrupted, "The mystery redhead is named Ranma, formerly of the Saotome clan. _He_ is widely considered one of the top ten martial artists of his generation, and has a reputation for inventiveness that allows him to take on opponents much more powerful than he is. He turns into a girl thanks to a Nyaniichuan curse, which he gained on a training trip to China two years ago." Hikaru handed Shishio a folder, smiling sweetly at Houji. "Here's a dossier on the boy, including his favorite special techniques and known weaknesses. It is three months out of date, which is why there's no information about any abilities as a magical girl, or the Mastery of Two Layers, but other than that it is fairly complete. Of particular note is Ranma's severe phobia of cats..."

"That's perfect then," Houji interrupted. "All we need to get is a handful of cats, and the boy is neutralized..."

"May I continue?" The succubus said, though her smile was more predatory. "The source of Ranma's phobia is that he was trained in the Neko-ken, a particularly powerful martial art developed two thousand years ago. It was developed in response to a rather vicious necromancer. Training a subject, usually a young child, requires tossing the trainee into a pit of starving cats repeatedly. This causes the child to be possessed by a benevolent lesser kami, which takes over when the Neko-ken fighter is exposed to cats. Under most conditions, a Neko-ken fighter is rather harmless unless someone threatens him or a loved one. Even then, the response is normally non-fatal, and usually not even harmful, unless the assailant is a _complete_ idiot. However, against demons and the undead..." Hikaru shuddered in horror. "The results are not pretty."

"Right... we'll keep the boy away from cats, then," Shishio said, frowning. "You said _formerly_ of the Saotome clan? Did he renounce his name, or was he kicked out?"

"He left of his own free will, my Lord. He finally got fed up with the dishonorable behavior of his father."

"Then he won't be amiable to bribery then." Shishio said, rubbing his chin. "Is there anything else?"

"Hai, my lord," Hikaru said cheerfully, ignoring the glare from Houji. She handed Shishio a second folder. "This is what we've got on Sailor Venus. At last count, the Sailor Senshi numbered at least nine, plus one male known as Tuxedo Kamen. Finally, Yumi-sama expects to put the Lysistrata protocol into effect soon. She figures it's only a matter of time before devil hunters descend upon Kyoto, so we're getting ready to pull everyone out as quickly as possible when the first one arrives..."

"Feh... cowards," Usui snorted in disgust.

The succubus once again glared at the formerly blind spearman "We are not warriors, you idiot. We seduce humans for their sexual energy, and we gather information. That is what we were created for. It doesn't do anyone any good if we get hunted down and killed in the streets, especially since we won't be able to get more energy until the humans are convinced that there's no more demons here." The woman smiled sweetly at Usui. "Would you care to volunteer to be the mastermind behind the attack, and killed in very messy way? After all, they already know you and Maul managed to escape..."

"That's enough, Hikaru-san." Shishio snapped. He took a deep breath, then asked again, "How bad is the situation in the harem?"

"Well, my Lord..."

"You savage!" Yumi screamed, storming into the room. "You stupid, ignorant beast!" Shishio grabbed her before the furious woman could throw herself at Usui. "If I can find it, I'm going to carve out your heart and make a nice pate out of it!"

Still keeping his lady from doing something rather stupid, Shishio glared at the smirking spearman "What – did – you – do?"

Usui's smirk disappeared. "I... ah..."

Yumi stopped struggling. "That pea-brained idiot decided to have a little snack, and some fun, in the harem!"

Shishio Makoto released the former oiran. "You what?"

"I... ah..."

"Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Look, Shishio-san... there's plenty of other women to replace the one I killed. And it's not like I damaged the others. You can still have your fun..."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Huh?"

"Why on earth would I want with another woman, when I have one like Yumi?" Shishio growled. "Those women weren't removed from the cattle because I wanted them for myself!"

"Then why?"

"Does the term 'generator' ring a bell," Yumi said with deceptive sweetness. "Those women went into prostitution because they enjoyed sex, loved the money, and were attractive enough to make a lot of it. My best incubi kept them in an illusion of a prostitutes dream: a safe environment, rich and interesting clients, the right to refuse a client, and a whole lot of money. They were pulling enough energy to keep the Gate opened all by themselves, allowing us to gather energy at our leisure, and reducing the risk that a devil hunter might notice our activities. Do you have any idea how hard it was, giving them the illusion of freedom? How careful we had to be when they went out on the town? We even took pains to keep them synced up my best succubi at the brothel, to ensure that should we have to pull my boys and girls, they could take their place without anyone, including the girls, noticing, giving us an income and access to some very low-risk energy."

Yumi's voice hardened. "Now thanks to you, brutal reality has intruded upon the careful fantasy we'd built around them. My incubi think it will be weeks before the trauma wears off, even after erasing their memories of the attack. They won't know _why _they don't feel safe anymore, but they _won't _feel safe. We'll also have to replace the girl you killed with a succubus to maintain the illusion, at least until we can find a replacement, and create a believable scenario for our double to leave. It'll be months before we get as much energy from them as we used to, and in the meantime we'll have to tap into our reserves to keep our portal to Hell from shrinking due to lack of energy, and we won't be able to get reinforcements! If it goes too long, we'll have to send raiding parties into Kyoto while _every devil hunter in Japan are hunting demons and undead in the city!_"

"It was Houji that gave me the idea!" Usui said hastily, pointing at the undead businessman.

With a sigh, Shishio Makoto turned to his former second in command. "Houji, is this true?"

Seeing Makoto pick up a sword, Houji bowed his head. "Yes, my Lord. I did not know what those girls were for. I thought it was just Yumi being an overemotional woman..."

Yumi's hand stopped Shishio from drawing his word. "Lord Shishio, Houji is still useful. We'll need his contacts among the Yakuza even more. Maybe if they make some abductions, especially of the homeless or criminals in other cities besides Kyoto, we might be able to get enough energy to at least keep the Gate from closing." Yumi tapped her chin. "I'll have Glemph double check the numbers. All our demons are tied to the Gate right now, in order to conserve energy, but if they can bring people here, and spread out their predations around the country..."

"Um, my Lord?" Sadojima Houji asked tentatively.

"What now?"

"I regret to inform you that the Yakuza are once again resisting our control..."

"Probably because the Old Man is a huge Hanagumi fan," Hikaru said. "He never misses a performance. Can you believe that one of the girls offered to cosplay as Shinguji Sakura, his favorite, and he actually got mad?"

Houji pinched his nose. "Why didn't you tell me that?" He waved off her answer. "Never mind. I think I can guess. A Yakuza boss from Tokyo also seems to be taking an interest in Kyoto. An enforcer who only goes by the name 'Bonta-kun' was seen in Kyoto recently... what is so funny?"

Hikaru offered her last folder to Shishio. "Here's all the information we have on 'Bonta-kun.' It's actually a type powered armor, that must've been designed by someone with a very odd worldview. It looks exactly like a mascot you'd see at an amusement park or children's birthday parties."

Despite his recent disgrace, Houji glared at his rival's second in command. "Where the hell are you getting all this information?"

- + - + -

In another part of Shishio's hidden base, a succubus sat happily typing away at a computer keyboard.

_Now logging on alt, fan, theatre, jp, takarazuka  
__Channel: **HANAGUMI  
**__*Yuki has joined the chat*  
__Yuki: Hi everyone!  
__Sakura_Fan: Ah, the fair Yuki has graced us with her presence! Welcome back!  
Shinji: WB!  
__2Good4U: Welcome!  
__30C_M: A/S/L  
__Yuki: Hey, I heard there's yet another new actress at the Imperial! Anyone else heard anything?  
__Sakura_Fan: You mean the blonde?  
__2Good4U: Why are they gathering so many actresses?  
__Shinji: Kool! Another blonde?! She hot?  
__30C_M: A/S/L  
__Yuki: Yeah, that would be her. I heard there's some kind of big meeting here this summer, and the Hanagumi are putting on a special play.  
__Sakura_Fan: I think her name is Aino Minako, from Tokyo. Just a sec...  
__**message from 30C_M: A/S/L?  
**__Yuki: And yes, Shinji. I heard she's quite hot.  
__*Lady_Cop has joined the chat*  
__2Good4U: Baka Shinji  
__Lady_Cop: hi evry1 u rly shld chng ur nik 2 asuka 2g4u thn wed hv a cmplt set  
__30C_M: A/S/L  
__**message from 30C_M: RU A GIRL?  
**__2Good4U:For the sake of legibility, LC, do you have to do that?  
__Yuki rolls eyes  
__Yuki: Hi LC!  
__Shinji: WB LC!  
__**message from 30C_M: RU HOT?  
**__Sakura_Fan: Yes! Her name is Aino Minako. Her facebook page is  
__Lady_Cop: sry bt im tmbtypng rt nw  
__Sakura_Fan: Stupid chat client, never allowing me to write a URL... www dot face_book dot jp slash Aino_Minako_Chan  
__2Good4U: That's no excuse! Besides, you do it ALL THE TIME!  
__Sakura_Fan: Why don't you two get a room? You argue like a pair to 10 yen whores.  
__2Good4U: And you would know that how?  
__Yuki LOLs  
__*ReiH has joined the chat*  
__ReiH: Hi Everyone! How are you all doing?  
__Shinji: Hi Rei!  
__Yuki: Rei! *glomp*  
__30C_M: A/S/L  
__**message from 30C_M: WHAT R UR MEASUREMENTS?  
**__Shinji nose bleeds  
__Lady_Cop: hi rei  
__Sakura_Fan: Hi Rei. Did you know there's another new actress? Her name's Aino Minako.  
__2Good4U: Welcome!  
__ReiH: *rolls eyes* I know. She was absolutely crushed when she found out the Hanagumi was a Takarazuka troupe. When she got the letter, she had this whole fantasy summer romance set up with a handsome actor. It was hilarious! I didn't get to be the one to tell her though. *pouts*  
__Sakura_Fan: YOU KNOW HER?  
__Yuki: Oh! Give me all the juicy details!  
__**message from 30C_M: DU U WANT TO CYBER?  
**__Shinji: That is so kool!  
__Yuki: / t 30C_M; Little boy, you wouldn't know what to do with a woman if one was delivered in shibari to your bed! I doubt you've touched a breast since your mother weaned you. You certainly wouldn't know what to do with a woman like me. You'll never know the marvelous things I can do with my tongue, because I have a feeling that you're handle is overstating things by a factor of ten! Why don't you run along now, and play with your PVC figurines, and let the adults talk.  
__Lady_Cop: roflmao  
__ReiH blushes  
__Shinji nose bleeds  
__2Good4U: LOL! You go girl!  
__Sakura_Fan: I have got to show that one to a friend of mine. She'd love it!  
__*30C_M has left the chat*_

_- + - + -_

Shishio Makoto sighed, wishing he could rewind the past and take back the attempted assassination at the park yesterday. "Alright, Houji. If we can't rely on the Yakuza, perhaps we can use someone else. Weren't you courting some terrorist organization?"

"Yes, Lord Shishio. I doubt they're stable enough to be of any use to us..."

"We don't need them following our orders. We just need them to be well equipped, and to tell us when _they_ plan to make their big move, so we can take advantage of the chaos. Do you think you can do that?"

"Of course, Lord Shishio! I won't fail you again!"

- + - + -

An oddly assorted group of women walked along the streets of Kyoto, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. Everywhere they went, young men (and some women) walked into mailboxes and lamp poles, stumbled over obstacles on the ground, or suffered the wrath of jealous girlfriends. The fact that all seven women were attractive wasn't what caused this distraction, though the blonde and older of the two brunettes in the front, and the younger of two redheads in the back, were gorgeous enough to stop traffic on their own, let alone in a group. It wasn't the fact that of the pair of black haired girls in the middle, the one with longer hair was a famous actress in the city, whose presence was normally guaranteed to draw a crowd. No, it wasn't the girls themselves that was causing a distraction.

It was the conversation of the trio in front that was leaving a swath of bloody noses in their wake.

"… rubber hose, a pair of cotton balls, a mouse, a headlight, and a blender, _that_ would be perverted." The younger brunette declared.

Ranma, having gone girl in order to control the effects of trying to figure out how Cheeze Whiz could possibly be used like _that_, gently nudged Akane back on course, since she was still in shock after some of Kasumi's additions to her "punishment." Kenji did the same for Sakura, who was a little light headed thanks to the luminous blush.

"That's not perverted," the older brunette mused. "Now if you…"

Sakura snapped out of her daze when she saw what street they were on. "Thank goodness, we're here!"

Ranma was surprised to see that a crowd was already at the front of the theatre, gathered around a pair of vans, with "NIT-MC" crudely spray painted on their sides. One of the vans was pulling a trailer with a rather unusual motorcycle on the back. Kanna, her arm around the waist of a dark skinned young man who was almost as tall and muscular as the Timeless Monk, waved at the approaching group. Unlike the monk Anji, that man was not, and never had been, a warrior. "Hey! Ranma-kun! Over here! I want you to meet my boyfriend!"

Ranma made his way over to the couple, who had separated from the general chaos around the vans. The rest of his group followed.

"Jino Ranma, I'd like to you meet Tamiya Toraichi. Den-chan, this is my former fiance Jino Ranma."

The muscular man bent over to look at Ranma. "Um... Kanna-chan, this is a girl."

"It's a long story," Ranma and Kanna said simultaneously. "Kirishima Kanna," Ranma continued, "I'd like you to meet your new actress Tendo Akane, her elder sister Kasumi, and Kasumi's fiance Kamiya Kenji." Ranma paused. "And their story is quite long, as well."

A second couple split off from the general chaos around the vans. "I still can't believe you actually have a girlfriend, sempai," a short man with glasses said with a grin. "Looks like you win, Belldandy."

"Hai, Keiichi," the foreign looking woman said with a gentle smile. "And I look forward to collecting my winnings."

Ranma blinked at the woman. He'd met a kami before, but the woman before him made the one at the lake look like a candle beside a forest fire. _'Kami-sama! What is she?'_

Li Kohran's shout interrupted what he wanted to say. "Ranma-han!" Kohran ran out of the Imperial Theatre, holding over her head what looked like a severely over-engineered thermos. "I've got something for you!"

Kanna waved at the girl. "Hey! Kohran-chan! Come meet the new actress!"

The purple haired Chinese girl ran up, pausing only to bow. "Hi! I'm Li Kohran! Pleased t' meetcha!" She turned to Ranma. "Ranma-han, I think you'll really like this."

She started to hand the thermos to Ranma, but a young black-haired girl grabbed it first. "Oh, wow! An flask of endless water! I haven't seen one of these in ages!"

_'Another Kami?' _Ranma thought. _'Only a lot less powerful than Belldandy. They look related...'_

"Skuld! Mind your manners." Belldandy said, scolding the girl. "Now, give that back and apologize."

Skuld, fiddling with one of the parts of the flask, didn't notice she was being scolded. "How on earth did you balance the elemental energies with so few runes? And how do you get the lid off?"

Kohran, tentatively trying to retrieve the container from the girl, nervously said, "Hey! Be careful with that! I didn't quite get..."

A fountain of steaming water gushed from the lid Skuld had successfully removed, knocking the slightly built girl down. The flask, propelled by the column of water coming from it, went spinning across the sidewalk in front of the Imperial Theatre, drenching several people in the process.

"... the pressure right, so whatever you do, don't remove the lid," Kohran finished with a sigh. "Make sure you use the valve on the side." After few seconds, the thermos stopped imitating a fire house. "It can only produce about thirty gallons of hot water a week, so use it sparingly." Kohran removed her glasses, trying to dry them on her drenched Chinese dress. "Sorry about that, Ranma-han."

A completely dry Ranma handed out a few handkerchiefs to the drenched girls. "That wasn't your fault, Kohran-san." Ranma put an arm around the girl's shoulder, kicking up the empty flask as they passed. "And this is really going to help me. You doing anything Saturday? I'd like to thank you properly..."

"We'll be busy that Saturday, Ranma-han, but the Sunday after next is a rest day..."

Yohko smiled as she watched her friend lead the Chinese girl off, until she saw Sakura's shoulders fell. "You okay?" The bedraggled girl shook her head. "Look, I'm sorry..."

"No, it's my fault..."

"I'd say it's all three of your faults," Maria said coldly, joining the group. "But mostly his."

"Hey! That's not fair!" Yohko protested. "They weren't even dating..."

Yohko trailed off at the Russian woman's look. "Sakura-chan," Maria asked tentatively, "Do you want me to..."

Sakura shook her head.

"Okay. Let's get you out of those wet things, then get you a gallon of chocolate ice cream..."

"Can you make it cake?"

"Cake then."

Yohko turned when she heard Tendo Kasumi ask, "Akane?"

The short haired girl was staring after Ranma, tears in her eyes. "He's... he's moved on already?"

Yohko sighed. _'Well, for such a great night. This morning really sucks.'_ "Come on, Akane-chan, right? Let's go see if there's enough cake to go round." _'Well, at least nothing else can go wrong.'_

She turned to lead the her fellow ex-fiancee into the theatre, only to find an angry Kanzai Azusa glaring at her. "Did you forget something, Yohko-sempai?"

- + - + -

Across the street, the usual crowd of Hanagumi fans watched as the group in front Imperial Theatre began to break up. Eventually, the two vans pulled away from the curb, and disappeared into morning traffic. One young man in the crowd casually walked away, his face almost unnaturally calm. When he got far enough away, he took out a cell phone. "Hello? Hikaru-dono? It's Daisuke. I've got bad news. Yeah, there's two devil hunters at the Theatre already, but that's not the bad news. I just saw two true kami. Yes, I'm sure. No, I'm positive they didn't sense me, and I don't think they're here specifically for us. It appears someone in the group they're traveling in has a connection to the Hanagumi. Right, I'm going to the designated extraction point right now."

- + - + -

Kayama Yuichi, head of the Tsukigumi, cursed as the demon he had been carefully tailing suddenly stopped. The monster in the form of a seemingly ordinary high school girl, who had already had one "compensated date" with a local businessman, took a cell phone from her purse and held it to her ear. After a few seconds, the girl put away her phone and, with a feigned casualness that even Kayama found difficult to penetrate, changed course. After ten minutes, he followed the girl into an alleyway, where she vanished. He carefully made a note of the location, intending to have one of the Dream Division's spiritualists take a look later.

- + - + -

Kohran was stripping off her ruined Chinese dress, when she felt something cold and hard poke her in the small of her back. "Yaaaaah!" The pigtailed girl turned around, not at all surprised to see Elder Cologne perched on her staff behind her. "Do you have to do that?"

"And miss the looks on your faces? Don't be silly, child." The wizened old woman cackled. "I see you've decided to use the help-mate gambit. Most clever."

After unbraiding her twin pigtails, the Chinese girl stepped under her steam-powered blow-dryer. "I don't know what you're talking about." She began to brush her hair under the jets of hot air. "I had to make a prototype elemental water generator, to make sure I understand the underlying theory, anyways, so I figured..."

"Of course, child. You're not pursuing Ranma in any way. I suppose these," the Matriarch of the Jokusetsu held up what looked to be an ordinary male undershirt, "Are an effort to 'understand the underlying theory' as well?" A very faint burst of ki altered the shape of the undershirt, so that it looked more like a sports bra.

"Of course. Artificial musculature requires different fibers of different lengths to all work in concert, both flexing and relaxing in concert. Making a better undershirt for Ranma-kun tests all the underlying principles involved.

"I see." The ancient Amazon winked as she pogoed towards the door to the girl's room. "I suppose this means that scroll on your desk, which you found among the scrolls and books I gave you, is of absolutely no use to you at all." Before leaving, she added. "You'll be interested to know that you'll be doing the First Reading after lunch, where you'll all be formally introduced to each other. This should be interesting."

Curious, Kohran carefully unrolled the scroll...

- + - + -

Yoneda Ikki wearily sat in the chair of his empty office. The ex-general felt older than his sixty-three years as he poured two glasses of sake. "This is why I was so glad the power necessary to pilot a Koubu is so rare in men. It's only been two weeks, and we already have more drama and hurt feelings than we've had all year, and given the egos involved, that's really saying something. And we've got another ten to go. Did you expect this to happen, Tendo Kasumi?" He turned his chair to look at the woman who had materialized in her customary chair. "Or is it Kamiya Kasumi?"

The seemingly ageless woman smiled back as she accepted a glass from the Hanagumi's commander. "It's Kamiya Kasumi. I'm impressed, Ikki. I figured that after thirty years, you would've never figured out who I was. After all, I wasn't born when we first met."

Yoneda raised a glass to his old friend. "It's not too hard to figure out, especially when your younger self walks through the front door of the Theatre."

Kamiya Kasumi nearly choked on the sake she was drinking. "What? I'm here? What the hell am I doing here?"

"You didn't know?"

"Of course not! We're trying to alter the time stream to something a little less... apocalyptic." Kasumi frowned. "This is not good. If my timeline has altered _this_ much, I shouldn't be here anymore. I should've vanished, and been replaced by a counterpart. That isn't a good sign. It means that the events that led to me being here are still likely to happen, even compensating for paradox..."

"So I take it that attacks by normal demons, tentacled rape demons, and the undead weren't a part of your plan?"

The alternate Sailor Pluto paled. "Please tell me that was a rhetorical question!" Seeing the older man shake his head, Kasumi sighed. "Damn, and Akane's here too. Neither of us are ready for something like that." She paused. "Is Kenji here too?"

"Yes, _she_ is here."

The Kamiya matriarch laughed merrily. "She actually went through with it? Good for her... wait... you said tentacled rape demons. Oh, gods..."

Commander Yoneda nodded. "Maria was attacked last night." He held up his hand. "Thankfully, Ranma and Yohko rescued her before too much happened, but I know her well enough to know that she was unsettled by it, despite her stoic demeanor. I'm hoping that she'll take up the Timeless Monk's offer."

"Ikki... Akane, Ranma, myself, and my fiance are all here. Is my other sister Nabiki here as well?"

"No."

"That's a relief. I wonder what she's doing. If I remember correctly, in my time line, she had a little summer job the year before college."

- + - + -

Tendo Nabiki sat behind the large desk beneath the emblem of Tendo Enterprises, Incorporated. It had been so obvious. She knew by listening in to conversations at school that some of the girls really wished that their boyfriends could spend some time as a girl, for various reasons ranging from wanting them to see what it was like to live as a girl, to very kinky sex. She also knew some girls who wished they could change into boys temporarily, for similar reasons. It wouldn't surprise her that there were boys who felt the same way. And then there were people like Konatsu, who would probably be happier being the opposite sex full time. And all along, there was Jusenkyou Instant Spring products, who could fulfill those wishes, _and didn't have a clue what a goldmine they were sitting on._

All it took was a few phone calls to tie up the supply of instant Nanniichuan and Nyanniichuan, as well as the waterproof soap, making sure the terms were _very_ generous. A little experimentation to determine how diluted the instant spring water could be and remain effective, greatly expanded the supply. Print some brochures, spread some word of mouth over the Internet, and TEI was born. In the two months since they had opened for business, the company had already made a net profit of over a million yen, and orders were pouring in so quickly that they had had to expand the staff. With a little luck, and a lot of money, perhaps Herb could be persuaded to sell them locking and unlocking water as well.

In fact, things were going so great, only one think killed Nabiki's joy over the entire thing.

The shift manager stormed into the office. "Tendo-kun! I don't care if you _are_ Tendo-dono's little sister. You're not allowed to be in here! Now get back to work packing boxes!"

Her older sister had thought of it first.

"I'm supposed to be the financial genius of the family!"

- + - + -

Commander Yoneda stood at the front of the room, looking at the unexpectedly large group of actresses and martial artists before him. "Well… before we begin assigning roles and begin our first reading, I'd like to formally welcome Jino Ranma, Aino Minako, Tendo Akane, Tendo Kasumi, Kamiya Kenji, Mano Yohko, and Kanzai Azusa to the Imperial Theatre. With such a large pool of talent to gathered here, I decided to move Fujii Kasumi, Sakakibara Yuri, and Takamura Tsubaki from their customary jobs offstage. Ladies, the play the Imperial Theatre will be doing is an English language adaptation of the 'Tragedy of Makoto and Yumi.'"

The Commander paused as the expected excitement broke out. The musical was very popular, and was well known even to those who didn't normally go to the theatre.

"With the addition of the Kazegumi, we will be able to not only do the main arc of the play, but an abbreviated version of the Aoi-ya arc, for some comic relief. For those of you who don't speak English well, we have a tutor available for coaching. In addition, since the international conference for which we'll be performing the play is six weeks away, and the play will run four weeks, and because summer break is two months long, we'll be providing additional tutoring for Jino-san, Aino-san, Mano-san, Tendo Akane-san, Kanzai-san, and Chateaubriand-san.

"And because I'm sure you're all anxious to know who's playing what role, I thought I'd be nice and tell you right now…"

He was interrupted by Akane. "What? No audition?"

"I'm sorry, Tendo-san," Commander Yoneda, said. "But given how combat-heavy the play is, we thought it best to assign roles due to your abilities as a martial artist, not acting ability."

Ignoring the girl's grumbling about having to play another boy role, he looked around at the expectant faces. "As always, we begin with the male leads. Playing the heroic freedom fighter Shishio Makoto will be Shinguji Sakura."

Sakura's startled, "ME?" and Sumire's outraged, "WHAT?" drowned out Kenji's confused, "Huh?"

"Yes, Sakura-kun. You. Most of the roles in this play are male, after all. And it's about time for you to play a male lead, after so many female roles last year. Now, if I may continue?

"Playing the gentle but heroic Seta Soujirou will be Kanzai Azusa."

Azusa blinked. She'd been expecting to get a bit part, not a major role. She did wonder why Kamiya-san was looking so confused, though.

"Playing the noble warrior-monk Yuukyuzan Anji will be Kirishima Kanna..."

Ranma joined Kenji in the ranks of the confused. He'd recognized the names, especially Anji-sama's, and the Commander's descriptions didn't match at all what Anji-sama had described as his period of insanity.

"The valiant Uonuma Usui will be played by Fujii Kasumi, and the wise Sadojima Houji will be played by Li Kohran."

Kohran pumped her fist in excitement. She was one of the few actresses that hadn't settled into exclusively male or female roles, and she'd been hoping to play her favorite character in the play.

"And now the villains of the play. Playing the murderous Himura Kenshin will be Kamiya Kenji…"

"NOW WAIT A SECOND!"

Yoneda Ikki looked at the eldest redhead at the table. "Is there a problem Kamiya-san?"

"Where the hell are you getting all this from?"

The rest of the people, with two notable exceptions, looked at the swordsman turned swordswoman in confusion. Akane, outraged at the interruption by her future brother in law, growled, "Don't you have any culture at all, Kamiya? It's not like this isn't some unknown play."

"I've heard of it, but never read it…"

Maria explained, "It's a story about a noble band of freedom fighters, who were slaughtered by the murderous thugs sent by the Tokugawa Shogunate."

"But…" Kamiya Kenji trailed off, embarrassed. "But I thought the victors got to write history," she whispered.

"I have to admit I'm a bit confused as well," Ranma confessed, ignoring Akane's muttered rude comment. "I mean, the names you mentioned sound _exactly_ like those of a band of murderous thugs that Anji-sama was a part of, before he came to his senses. Anji-sama described Shishio as a homicidal megalomaniac who slaughtered hundreds of innocent people, tried to murder thousands more, and personally ordered the assassination of Okubo-sama, who could've led the country into a period of peace and prosperity..."

Maria sweat-dropped "Um… Ranma… these are _fictional_ characters we're talking about…"

"Anji-sama _lived_ through the Meiji restoration. He's over 150 years old. And I recognized those names from a time of his life that he considers particularly shameful. They weren't good people. _He_ wasn't a good person during that time, until someone pointed out what he had become."

"I'm afraid Ranma's right," Tendo Kasumi said. "I've read great-great-great-grandfather Tendo's journal. About the only thing the play got right were the names."

Kenji looked at her fiancee "How did your ancestor know who was involved?"

Kasumi looked back at her. "My ancestor was Tendo Soujirou. He was born Seta Soujirou, and used the name Tenken when he was Shishio's best assassin. He changed his name after realizing that the philosophy of his mentor, Shishio Makoto, was wrong. He founded Tendo Kenjutsu Ryuu, the core of which was that it was a martial artist's duty to protect the weak. Great-grandfather Ichiro changed our school to pure Kendo, and Father transformed our school to the weapon using branch of Musabetsu Kakutou Ryuu."

Commander Yoneda looked at the older Tendo in horror. "You mean… this play was simply some playwright's spin to ensure an evil man was remembered favorably by history?"

"I'm afraid so."

Commander Yoneda look at the list in his hands. "And it's too late to change things. Costumes are already under production, and our chief writer has been working hard at making the last minute changes to the script…"

- + - + -

Deep beneath the Imperial Theatre sat a man chained to a desk, writing feverishly. Behind him stood Sub-commander Ayame, tapping a riding crop against her thigh. "Are you almost done with the script yet? We'll need it in a few minutes."

- + - + -

Commander Yoneda shook his head. "Well, I suppose we could add the real story to the beginning of the program. Anyways, if some of you will excuse the descriptions, I can continue with the casting. Playing the role of… er… Sagara Sanosuke is Maria Tachibana. Mano Yohko shall perform the role of Hajime Saito. And the turncoat Shinomori Aoshi will be played by Jino Ranma." Yoneda paused. "He was a turncoat, wasn't he?"

Kenji, Tendo Kasumi, and Ranma all nodded tentatively.

"Next up will be the Aoi-ya players. Kamiya Kaoru will be played by Tendo Kasumi… was she a relative of yours, Kamiya-san?"

"Hai. Himura Kenshin and Kamiya Kaoru were my great-great-great-grandparents."

"Huh. Small world. Anyways, playing the role of Makimachi Misao will be Takamura Tsubaki. Iris Chateaubriand will play the role of Myoujin Yahiko. Aino Minako will be performing the role of Sawagejou Chou. Kariwa Henya will be played by Sakakibara Yuri, and the role of Honjo Kamatari will be performed by Kanzaki Sumire, which means Tendo Akane will be our Komagata Yumi."

Sumire angrily stood, shouting, "WHAT?"

"You heard me, Sumire. Now sit down."

"Commander Yoneda?" The voice of Kayama Yuichi, captain of the Moon Division, whispered from the receiver Yoneda kept in his ear. "The Timeless Monk is back, and he's figured out who our two undead were. And there's other news as well. You are _not_ going to like this..."

Akane, meanwhile, was in a daze. "I get to play one of the most beautiful women in theatre?"

Her euphoria was shattered when Ranma whispered to her sister, "Wasn't Komagata Yumi a prostitute?"

- + - + -

"I have never seen anything so brutal in my entire life," Maria declared. "And I was with the mob for a year."

"I don't think the human body was meant to bend that way," Kohran murmured.

"Now that's just not right," Yohko observed, worriedly.

"What are you guys watching?" Ranma asked, as he walked into theatre's main recreation room.

"American wrestling," Minako answered, looking over her shoulder at her cousin.

"And yes, we know it's fake," Maria said.

"It's just an excuse to watch muscular, half-naked men grapple in a vaguely homo-erotic manner." Minako quipped. The other three women threw popcorn at the blonde girl.

"O… kay," Ranma said uncertainly, backing out of the room.

"The women of wrestling are up next," Kohran said. "Popcorn?" she asked, as Ranma leapt over the back of the sofa to land between Kohran and Minako.

- + - + -

"Sorry for the delay, Ladies and Gentlemen." Yoneda said as he returned to the room, Kayama, Fujieda Ayame, Lord Anji, and Cologne accompanying him. "Given the circumstances, we decided not to do 'The Tragedy of Makoto and Yumi.'"

"So what play are we doing?" Kanna asked.

"We still haven't decided yet, so if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. However, we still need to brief everyone about what we've discovered about yesterday's attacks. We wanted to wait until after the first reading, but this can't wait any longer."

"Those of you new to the theatre may be unaware of this, but the Imperial Theatre isn't just a Takarazuka troupe. We're also a military unit, directly under the Emperor himself, that defends this city against supernatural forces of evil, especially the spirit beasts. Jino Ranma, Tendo Akane, and Aino Minako were all chosen not only for their acting abilities, but their own supernatural powers, and their connections to others with similar ability. And yes, Aino-san, we're aware of your friends' abilities."

"Um... should I ask them to come here?"

"You haven't seen the news today, have you?"

"No, why?"

- + - + -

"Ew! I think I got some in my mouth that time!"

"Then keep your big mouth closed, odango-atama!"

"Mars! You promised you wouldn't call me that anymore!"

"Then stop acting like one!"

Sailor Jupiter looked over her friend's shoulder at the miniature computer in the girl's hand. "I wish those two would just sleep together and get it over with," she whispered to Sailor Mercury.

The blue-haired girl stifled a giggle. "I don't think Moon swings that way," she whispered back. "I think we've found another slime monster!" She called out to the two girls sticking their tongues out at each other.

"Oh, come on! We've killed ten already today! Why can't the self-defense force take care of these things? It's not like these things are dangerous to people. I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I got slime all over me!"

"Because only magic can hurt them, remember?"

"And all it would take is one of these things to eat through the foundation of a skyscraper, and a lot of people _would_ be hurt," Sailor Mercury gently reminded her oldest friend.

"I wonder if the Outers are having better luck?"

- + - + -

"Run!"

"Dammit, Pluto! I thought those things were supposed to be small and harmless!" Sailor Uranus said as she ran at the front, carrying Sailor Saturn over her shoulder.

"I thought so too!"

"Then what the hell do you call that?"

"It may not be small, but I don't think it's actually dangerous, Anata," Sailor Neptune said, bringing up the rear. "I think it's just overly affectionate."

"Affectionate my ass! The only one I want touching me there is you! That thing's way too similar to monsters from certain doujinshi!"

"You mean those weird doujinshi you keep in your sock drawer?"

Uranus and Neptune shared a look.

"Saturn-chan... you're not supposed to know about those."

- + - + -

"At any rate, with the talent we have here right now, we should be fine. With the help of the Timeless Monk, and Cologne-san, we've managed to identify the trio that attacked you at the fair yesterday."

"You have?"

"Yes, and I'm sure you will all recognize the first two names. Ranma-san, the spearman you faced yesterday was Uonuma Usui. Sakura-san, your opponent was Honjo Kamatari."

As the assembled women muttered and groaned in disbelief, Anji shook his head. "I must've been half asleep last night. I should've recognized them instantly."

"That's not why we're doing the play?" Maria asked.

"Not entirely," Yoneda admitted. "After what I had learned before, I was considering doing another play anyways. Knowing that two people from the play had returned as ghouls, and perhaps Shishio Makoto and the rest of his 'Ten Swords' as well, made up my mind for me."

Ranma raised his hand. "What about the demon?"

"Ah, yes... the demon," Cologne said thoughtfully. "A most dangerous creature, which has the power to paralyze women with but a glance. That one's who has been a thorn in the side of the Amazons for generations, named after the fearsome weapon he wields."

Ranma blinked. "He's called 'Giant Wooden Mallet'? That's a bit of a mouthful, don't you think?"

"No, my boy," Cologne said. "His weapon is called a maul, and from that he takes his name. A most terrifying demon, born of the pain of young men who had been falsely assaulted by overly aggressive, perversion obsessed tomboys."

- + - + -

Jindai High-school:

"Excuse me!" Chidori Kaname said, rubbing her nose.

Mikihara Rin looked at her fellow student council member in concern. "Oh, my! You're not getting a cold on the first day of summer vacation, are you Chidori-san?"

"I hope not. It's bad enough that I have to lose part of my summer planning the festival again this year. Having a cold on top keeping a leash on Sousuke would be too much."

- + - + -

Higarushi Shrine:

"Kagomi-chan, I hope you didn't pick up something the past."

"I'm fine Mom," Higarushi Kagomi said as she took off her shoes. "Just a little dust from the Well."

- + - + -

Hinata Hotsprings:

Urashima Keitaro had just opened the front door when a mysterious gust of wind coming out the door sent him flying.

- + - + -

Tomobiki:

Miyake Shinobu nervously glanced at the people watching her in anticipation.

"Hey, don't look at me! Ataru always deserved it!"

As one, the crowd blinked and went back to what they were doing.

- + - + -

"Um... why is everyone looking at me like that?" Akane asked uncertainly.

The silence was broken by a soft voice saying, "Oh, so it's all Akane's fault."

"RANMA!" Akane growled, standing up.

"Hey! I didn't say anything!" As Akane's attention went elsewhere, Ranma leaned over to his cousin Minako, and whispered, "I didn't say that out loud, did I?" The girl shook her head.

"KENJI!"

"I didn't say anything either."

Akane glared around the room, until a blushing face caught her eye.

"My own sister?"

"Sorry Akane, it just slipped out."

Yoneda's polite cough calmed the girl down. "If we may continue?"

"Sorry."

"Unfortunately, Maul managed to escape and is still at large. In addition, it seems Usui wasn't slain during your fight Ranma. His body is missing, and we think we found the bodies of the two men assigned to clean up the body."

"You think?"

"What little remains we could find look like wild animals ate them, and their heads are still missing..."

"Ew..."

"And to make matters worse, we think we have a major succubus and incubus infestation in Kyoto."

Yohko started. "Are you sure?"

"Several had been spotted around town already, but the Tsukigumi report that every single one they were following suddenly vanished. At the same time. It's been mostly streetwalkers so far, but we think have reason to believe they were in the schools as well."

"What?"

"Teen pregnancy rates dropped by 90% three years ago."

Yohko gaped in surprise. "But that makes no sense! They always _inflame_ sexual desire. If they're in the schools, teen pregnancy rates should skyrocket... unless they're being managed. By someone who's very familiar with human sexuality... like a first class prostitute or madam like..."

"Komagata Yumi," Anji said. "And she was never far from Shishio Makoto."

"Loyal?"

"She died happy because Shishio stabbed her through the heart to wound an opponent in a duel," Kamiya Kenji said in disgust. "She was actually happy she could 'be of help.'"

Commander Yoneda looked around the table. "It looks like this is who we'll be facing. If any of you girls want to go back home, you're free to do so. This wasn't what you came here for."

"I'm staying," Minako said.

"So am I," Ranma confirmed.

Akane added, "I'm a martial artist too!"

Kasumi and Kenji shared a look. "We're not going anywhere," they said together. "Though I'm not sure what I can do to help," Kasumi added.

"Thank you all. Now, we still need to decide on a play to put on."

"There's one play I always wanted to do," Maria volunteered.

"What is it?"

- + - + -

Early the next morning, three rather unusual figures joined the group of fans waiting outside the Imperial Theatre.

"Hey, Boss? Why do we always have to come here first thing in the morning?" One very large man in a cheap suit asked, an evil looking scar running down the side of his face.

"Because they always starting putting up the main poster first thing in the morning," The smaller man in a very expensive suit said, smiling in anticipation. "And today may be the day we see what the angels of the Imperial Theatre are playing next! I can't wait to see their new electronic billboard in action!"

"Ain't that a lady from the Theatre?" The other thug asked.

"Yeah, today must be the day!"

Grinning like a four year old, the mob boss waited along with everyone else for the new billboard to come to life.

A few second later, a giant picture of Kanzaki Sumire graced the billboard, dressed like a street punk from the 1950's in jeans and a leather jacket. Across the electronic poster were the words:

**Kanzaki Sumire**

is

**Orin Scrivello, DDS!**

(also staring Shinguji Sakura and Tendo Akane)

As one, the crowd turned to each other and asked, "Who?"

The head of Kyoto's Yakuza asked the other question everyone was thinking, "The play's about dentistry?"

- + - + -

With a sigh, Fuuji Kasumi pressed the button on her walkie talkie. "Manager Yoneda?"

"Yes, Fuuji-san?"

"I'm afraid Sumire-san managed to hack into the computer for the billboard."

"What? Already? How'd she get a poster made that fast? Our graphic artists worked through the night for the one we did. Well... give me a minute..."

- + - + -

The crowd grew restless when the billboard turned off. Nether the less, they waited patiently for the correct poster to go up.

After all, most of the remembered the fiasco with the poster for _Cinderella_ last year.

A few minutes later, their patience was rewarded.

Unlike the static poster before, this one was animated.

The first thing on the screen, on the left side, was a rather ugly looking plant, in a broken clay flowerpot. Then a picture of Shinguji Sakura wearing taped glasses and ill fitting male clothing, her arms around an unfamiliar short-haired girl, appeared on the right.

Following a flash of lightning, the following words appeared in the open space in between:

Shinguji Sakura and Tendo Akane

starring in

**Little Shop of Horrors**

After a minute, the words began to scroll up.

also starring

Jino Ranma as Crystal

Aino Minako as Ronette

Tendo Kasumi as Chiffon

featuring the talents of:

Mano Yohko

Kamiya Kenji

Fuuji Kasumi

Sakakibara Yumi

Kanzai Azusa

Kirishima Kanna

Maria Tachibana

Iris Chateaubriand

Li Kohran

with special appearances by:

Maria Tachibana as Mr. Mushnik

Kanzaki Sumire as Orin Scrivello, DDS

special effects by:

Li Kohran

Iris Chateaubriand

and starring the voice of

Kirishima Kanna as Audrey II

- + - + -

Next Chapter Preview:

"Hey there, Chidori Kaname..."

"And Sagara Sousuke..."

"... here, to give you the lowdown of the next chapter!"

"That's right. Next time on Rurouni Ranma, the forces of..."

"No, Sousuke! No! No! No! I'm not going to let you get away with some weird military thing again! My cousin has never been in a play that hasn't degenerated into some martial arts competition. I'm not going to let you turn her play into some kind of surreal war zone!"

"But, Chidori..."

"Give me that! Ahem. 'Next time on Rurouni Ranma, it's opening night, and the forces of radical extremism attack the Imperial Theatre?' Dammit Sousuke! Why can't anything ever be normal around you?"

"Chi-do-ri! You-re cho-king-me!"

"Sorry!"

"Anyways, stay tuned for 'Attack of the Elves!' The next surreal chapter of Rurouni Ranma!"

"Wait a second... 'Elves?'"

- + - + -

Epilogue:

One week later, on the highway to Tokyo...

"Man, that was one great race," the man driving the van said.

"Wasn't it marvelous, Keiichi?" The woman in the front seat sighed. "I loved Kyoto! The temples were so beautiful, and the city was so peaceful and quiet. We have to go back there some day!"

"Definitely. I don't know about you, Belldandy, but I half expected something weird, or dangerous, to happen. It was such a relief to have a normal trip for a change.'

"Why'd you have to ground me, oneesama?" The girl in the back of the van whined, much to the exasperation of the other three passengers. "I wanted to see Kyoto too. I didn't even get to see the race!"

- + - + -

Author's Notes: Yes, the brief appearance of the cast of Aa Megami-sama was completely gratuitous. The cast of the Kyoto Arc has ballooned enough as it is. So my thanks to Skuld for "volunteering" to test one of Kohran's inventions, rather than Ranma. Yes, setting up Tamiya as Kanna's mysterious "tech-head" boyfriend from Tokyo was a bit of a reach to set up a joke, but I couldn't resist the temptation.

In addition, I really wish it had occurred to me to do Little Shop of Horrors when I wrote the first, non-Shishio, draft of the Kyoto arc. I'd intended Akane to grow up a little during this arc of Rurouni Ranma, and having her portraying a victim of domestic abuse should be the kick in the butt needed to do it.

And now, it's time to prepare for National Writer's Month, and the next (and hopefully last) installment of Spoiled Brats. After a year, I'm already a little fuzzy about some of the details of Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, so I'm going to have to watch it again... ^_^


End file.
